Friday, November 2, 2012

Discovering your individuality

Have you actually looked for it?  
Have you ever wondered why it is that curvaceous women tend to attempt to hide themselves in dull, almost boring clothes.  Is it that they think they’ll become invisible to such an extent that other people won’t look at them, point the finger, and even tell them to their face, you’re “fat”? 

This is not something in my imagination, because I can admit freely now, that there were many times in the past when I did precisely that; I hid myself in clothes that were so unflattering as to be ugly.   And why was that?  To hide - from the world and to hide from other people. 

I’ll say this.  When a person is ridiculed or ostracised by another person - male or female - for being fat or “out of control”, it doesn’t take long to lose whatever self esteem you may have ever had.  When you hear these things being said about you to others and even to your face, as a child, then it isn’t strange that you have no self esteem at all!   As you grow up and become an adult you cringe when you have to go out and about and mix with people - even shopping.  You’d do anything to hide in the house and not have to face other people who you just KNOW will say something hurtful and condemning.  And that’s exactly what you will do.  I know.  I even wrote about this in my little book, “Rose in Bloom - the years between!”,  based on some of my personal experiences merged with a montage of stories from other women I have had the privilege of speaking with, knowing, and then loving as personal and dear friends over the years.

It took many years of searching, sometimes fearing what I might actually find within myself, to come to terms with who I am and what I am.  But one day, I remember it so well, I set out for business and was driving to work, when out of the blue came a little voice in my head that told me I could go crazy if I kept trying to change myself just to fit in with what other people said I should be and look like.  By that time of course I had almost turned myself inside out.  But it was a defining and enlightening moment, for I realised right there and then that whatever anyone else said about me, I was mature and intelligent enough to make my own decisions.   From that moment that’s just what I did.  And my life has been so much richer and exciting for it.

It was about this time too, that I changed life-tactics.  I studied and read as much as I could on good dress sense - utilising style, colours and experimentation.  I asked my friend Susan to show me how to colour code my clothing.  I sought advice on makeup and hair styles.  In fact I set about to enhance what I am, rather than to foolishly try to follow the path, which is a trap to change what I am.

I’ve gained insights into how other women feel about themselves during the years between too.  For I’ve had the opportunity of speaking with hundreds of women, and one thing is clear to me.

at some time 
or another has
low self-esteem.

It doesn’t matter whether you are slim, 
whether you are fat, 
whether you are coloured
 or whether you are white.

Given that I found my voice to speak and share with other women my own personal journey, it was a natural progression for me to talk with them about discovering their “inner spirit of individuality”.

Because it’s not necessary or essential (in fact it is not recommended at all) for us to all look alike.  It’s not necessary or essential for us to wear the same clothes, or do our hair the same way, or have the same interests.As I’ve said so many times, yes, we are different to each other, but we are of the same essence.   We all seek, or long,  to be accepted, we seek to be liked and we seek to be loved.  We seek to “belong”.  We also seek to be able to freely express our personal individuality without condemnation or judgement by or from others.  We seek to be allowed to be us.   And if we achieve these things, then we are  equipped to offer our encouragement to or sisters, whatever shape, size or colour they may be, so that they, in turn, may achieve their personal yearnings and discover their “inner spiritual individuality”.  

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