Size and Colour DO matter!

"Were you ever told you shouldn't wear such and such a colour, because "well quite frankly dear, you're too fat!"

Or have you been told that because you're a size 20 then why do you expect to be able to buy a choice of clothes that fit you?

These comments have been made to me, and about me, too often.

I used to feel miserable because I couldn't buy anything to fit, and as for expecting to get anything sexy or colourful, well forget it, sister.

Over the years too I've managed to read some excellent books by women from around the world on how to increase self esteem, and many of them even gave examples of how I could dress to make the most of myself. For others, there's no doubt these books would have achieved what they set out to do. But for some reason they didn't work for me.

My cousin in South Australia sent me an old copy of an Australian newsletter dealing with plus-size self esteem issues. This newsletter presented news and advice on how to increase knowledge about yourself and knowledge of where to buy larger size clothes here in Australia. There's a lot available overseas, but we can't all afford to buy from overseas. And there's a lot of confusion about the safety/security of buying from places like eBay.

For some reason I kept that small newsletter. I put it away in my small bedside table drawer, and forgot about it.

Until. My partner walked out on me. I was plus-size when we met, and I hadn't gained weight all the time we were together. But suddenly I was thrown into turmoil and had to clean out the flat we had shared for more than 8 years. I had to face the fact he no longer saw me as someone he'd like to spend his life with. 

Added to that of course I started along the route of self pity and self hate - if I wasn't so fat he wouldn't have left me - if I wasn't so fat he would still love me - if I wasn't so fat ..... Maybe if I lost the weight he'd come back. He won't, whatever I do. And quite honestly I don't want him to cme back, now!

I cleaned up the flat. I packed my cases and with a few small items of furniture I moved into a flat I could call my own. And one evening while feeling really sorry for myself, I rummaged through the bedside table looking for perhaps a block of chocolate that maybe I'd hidden there, and I pulled out that old newsletter.

I couldn't believe it. It was opened at a small article written by the editor to some of her friends who had all, without exception, experienced the same thing as I had. Their husbands/partners had recently walked out.

And this small article went on to say we should never, ever, tell ourselves that it was because we were fat that this had happened; because these relationships would probably have broken down even if we were slender like Elle McPherson or Jennifer Hawkins (not too sure if we even have leading Australian models anymore!)

If it was because we were fat, then why didn't the same thing occur with men? Women don't usually leave their husbands because they get fat, or get thin. The reason is usually much deeper than that.

You know, I needed to re-read that article. I needed to be told that I was me, and that I was important, if not to somebody else at the time, then definitely to me.

So I took the next step. I looked at my size and decided I WOULD wear colours that I wanted to.   If those particular colours didn't suit me, my own reflection in the mirror would soon tell me.   I would search for clothes to make me feel good about myself. If I couldn't buy them anywhere, I'd sew them for myself

I decided I would turn the world around, so that MY size and colour WILL MATTER. What have I learned from all this? I've learned that I matter - to myself.

And as a footnote I'd like to say I've come to realise I am just like thousands of other women. The fact that I'm bigger than "ideal" has nothing to do with me, as a person."

© Autumn Parry - Big Issues

Background

 © 1994 Rosemary Parry-Brock Davidson

the uniquely original Australian self-esteem initiative for the curvaceous woman –

 in fact all women, regardless of age, shape and size

OUR MOTTO?   “womanhood should be celebrated – in style – no matter what age, shape or size”©

RoseMary’s NoteBook© began its life in Australia more than thirty-three years ago in response to pleas from professional women in the workplace for a newsletter with a positive message. At that time there were no newsletters other than in-house publications, and of course the internet and emails were a thing of the future! So the NoteBook© as it is fondly known grew out of a need to bring women together through the pages of a newsletter that was outside of the national magazines, but through which they could feel a part of, as it grew and developed over the years.

As many of my administration colleagues throughout Australia were women size 16 plus!, they in turn asked that issues that impacted upon their lives should be confronted in the newsletter. Thus a focus began to appear where women of size were able to communicate their concerns dealing with especially discrimination. They shared their copies of the newsletter with their friends and families. Quite often their copy became dog-eared as it was shared around the workplace and even sent overseas.

It seemed natural that the newsletter should take on the role of acting as an advocate for larger women, in an era where there was no other publication of its kind in Australia that provided positive self-esteem initiatives. RoseMary’s NoteBook© continues to provide this incentive to this day.

However with its aim to “inspire women of all ages to look beyond their shape and size, and to realise their full potential” (c) it then took on new elements, as women of all ages, shapes and sizes from all walks of life discovered that the “notebook” related to them and their daily lives. What started out as a small one page newsletter grew to sometimes 100 pages which meant it could no longer fit into the post-boxes of our readers. Because RoseMary’s NoteBook© has always been a personal project without sponsorship of any sort, the costs involved in ensuring its continuation meant that it became unfeasible and unmanageable to remain as a paper-based publication.

Modern times call for modern thinking. After surveying readers, it became apparent they would prefer eNewsletters sent as pdfs through emails. Having adapted to that concept early in 2005 we found this remained the most favoured and popular method of distribution. However it became obvious that the NoteBook had to have an on-line presence. The reaction of many readers was surprising in that they didn’t want to go on-line to read their newsletter each month. They preferred their copy via email, but not online. Other women embraced the idea without hesitation.

I therefore decided to expand the potential of RoseMary’s NoteBook© by creating its own blog. This allows me to run two parts of the concept in parallel – one on-line as the blog which is completely different to the second option newsletter sent by email format which continues to this day.

SUMMARY

In a world besotted with “perfection”, there remain today hundreds of thousands of women who feel they don’t meet the “ideal” set by the media (particularly "social media"), the fashion industry and society itself in many instances. The team at RoseMary's NoteBook© believe in our small way, we can make a difference to the lives of many women who lack self-confidence. Testimonials from women around the world verify to the fact that our small publications over the past thirty odd years have improved their self-confidence and impacted positively upon their lives.

The original concept, aims and objectives of inspiring women to look beyond their shape and size, in order to realise their full potential, remains exactly the same today as it was when we first started this journey. Our eNewsletters (and other publications) present “positive” messages in a negative world.

This newsletter forms part of the concept of RoseMary’s NoteBook©, including newsletters & other booklets & publications dealing with motivational short courses for women of all ages & all shapes and sizes.

RoseMary’s NoteBook© continues to break down antiquated attitudes about size & inspires women to look at themselves as healthy sensual women rather than that of being merely “plus- size” or “too thin”.

During the past 20 years or more, and with the advance in technology whereby information is more easily accessible and shareable, many hundreds (if not thousands) of women of like mind have created their own websites, blogs and forums.

Everyone associated with RoseMary’s NoteBook© (women who participate in a variety of ways) has great empathy and a capacity for understanding issues that impact upon women’s lives in today’s world. 

With strong Christian ethics and principles, we believe all women deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and courtesy In fact we go so far as to say that “womanhood should be celebrated – in style – no matter what age, shape or size”©.

UPDATE:   Due to increased fascination with the core elements of RoseMary's NoteBook© in recent times, I decided to update the Background of my publications, so that new readers can grasp the ideas behind the concept.

Postscript:    "Perfection" in the human form is not really attainable - 

for one person's idea of perfection is not necessarily that of others.

  

We all aim to be respected, appreciated, complimented,

held in high regard, and treated with kindness. 

A person's looks, size, weight, shape 

should never be the subject of: 

impolite/rude/insulting/contempuous/

discourteous /insulting/abusive humour

 or behaviour on the part of others.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

NOT a problem to be solved!

I've just discovered this on FaceBook (but was unable to "share" for some reason) so full acknowledgement is given to the author/artist whoever it may be.

The important thing is that this is the type of "poster" we should see more often.   I wonder sometimes why we don't see many children's books about "chubby" boys and girls, in a positive way.

In fact why why don't we see a lot more curvaceous "female" heroines (or larger "male" heroes) in novels.  Can you think of any?  Write and share your finds.

TAKING RISKS!

I sometimes wish I were a "wordsmith" - someone who could say in a few beautiful words what my heart would like to say and describe.  (I just know someone will write and tell me the word should be "was" and not "were"!)

Reading a wonderful new book the other day, "Out of the Woods but not Over the Hill" by Gervase Phinn, I came across this paragraph:

"Life is full of risks.  If you laugh, you risk being thought silly;  if you weep, you risk appearing mawkish;  if you ask a question, you risk sounding foolish; if you show your feelings, you risk revealing your true self; if you try, you risk failure; if you tell  someone you love them, you risk not being loved back.  But the risk is worth taking, because the person who risks nothing has a pretty tedious life."

This almost says it all.   Reading it makes you realise that you're not the only one who has taken these risks - in fact some readers will have taken them all!

Being human brings with it a level of uncertainty in all manner of situations and circumstances.   Not taking risks seems to me to be rather unwise, for that person never really lives.  Especially having taken the risk and come through the other side a stronger and better person.

*  If you want a book that will delight you, will bring memories of your childhood, and will make you laugh until you roll around the floor, then you must read the books by Gervase Phinn.   Enquire from my friend Meryll at Rainy Day Books and she'll put you in the right direction.   www.rainydaybooksofthebasin.blogspot.com

HOW TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF

I am astounded at the number of requests I receive to repeat this particular feature.  It makes so much sense in today's world where, unfortunately it seems that womens' fight for equality remains as intense as when I first published this article.   

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO:

1. Say "no" without feeling guilty

2. Have and express feeling and opinions 

3. Be listened to and taken seriously

4.  Work things out for yourself

5.  Set your own priorities

6.  Change your mind or be illogicial (in the eyes of others)

7.  Make mistakes and take responsibility for them

8.  Not offer excuses for your behaviour (unless you want to)

9.  Get what you pay for

10.  Choose NOT to be assertive

You have the right to be the ultimate judge of your behaviour, thoughts and feelings and to take resplonsibility for them

Sometimes being assertive is not worth the hassle involved, but these occasons are rare.

William Shakespeare said:  This above all - to thine own self be true and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man”   And I might I add the words "or woman".   

HAPPINESS

I recently read a small paragraph in our daily newspaper, entitled "Sweet Smell of Happiness".  Here it is:

"Happy people give off a distinct odour 

that passes their good mood on to others, a study suggests.

Researchers previously found that negative states, 

such as fear or anger, could be conveyed by "chemosignalling".

Now Scientists at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, have found it works with happiness, too."

I MAY BE A "SENIOR" BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN A THING IN THE SCHEME OF THINGS!

It's a funny thing and I can't quite work it out.   I've been writing this and other blogs for more than five years (my NoteBook© of course has been going for 24 years now), and when I check the stats of how many followers I have on this particular blog, there are so few that I wonder why and more importantly what is going on?   Some of my colleagues and friends have literally thousands and of course their FaceBook friends number in the millions!!!!!

Is it that the content of my blog isn't interesting?  Is it that because there are thousands of fascinating blogs out there to read in any one day that one (mine) doesn't rate a mention?

Is it old-fashioned?  Boring?   

Well, I mentioned this to a group of colleagues the other day.  I was met with a great deal of laughter,  Even within that group each and everyone of them said they had the NoteBook© top of their lists of feeds.  I then asked some of my website friends and people who work with numbers and stats every day and they tell me there's nothing to worry about - there are LOTS of people following me!   So that intrigues me!  

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that "statistics" in this modern world aren't quite what they appear to be and most definitely are not what they are supposed to be.  They certainly are not what they used to be and I speak advisedly on this matter because I used to deal with "stats" every day in my work.

With that said I've decided to do what I do best.  Dig my heels in and continue in my own stubborn way. 

Even Rett Butler from Gone with the Wind  was quoted as saying, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" as he went merrily on his way. 

I could also add the words, "I don't give a damn what people think" and go on my merry way too.  Which means I shall continue writing my blog and having fun doing so, all the while not worrying about how many "followers" I have (according to the Stats - whoever counts these!)

PS.  Many of my other friends around the world who write blogs have told me the same thing - they don't even know whether ANYbody is reading or following them.   A couple even stopped writing altogether and then received numerous emails asking why had they stopped!

I say, forget the numbers - and that's a good title for another post dealing with size, don't you think?

'til next time

THINGS THAT WILL DO YOU GOOD ....

AND MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD .......

You may find you need to TRIM RELATIONSHIPS.   If you find you are surrounded with negative people who cannot ee the value of your friendship or who treat you as a door-met, let go and move on.

If you don't want to lose the relationship entirely, at least limit the amount of time you spend with that person.

Don't let your garden become entangled with weeds,
 let your self-esteem bloom.

A LITTLE BEHIND ......?

Hello girl-friends

Seems ages since I put up a post, and I've been gently reminded by many readers that they are suffering "withdrawal" symptoms from not having a regular post to read.   Forgive me everyone, for while I have been very busy, posting should have been the one item highest on my list to-do's and it hasn't been.

Here we are approaching the month of December when thoughts are winging ahead to the preparations for Christmas time.   In the US most of the wonderful larger size suppliers are tempting us with their new season's offerings as well as special sales.

See the Yasmine Dress from Igigi

One thing that sometimes worries or bothers me is that many of the Australian suppliers let their clients as well as themselves down by not ensuring their clothes are modelled on women who understand what modelling is all about.   The second thing is that many of the clothes are not photographed on women of size.  How can a size 10 woman dressed in a size 20 dress look like a woman of size 20 in the same dress?   It comes back to perspectives and it's about time that Australian suppliers looked and seriously thought about their presentations.   I guess the third most obvious thing is that many Australian suppliers don't even use good photographers!

So while I'm in the "whinging" mood, let's think about styles.   I don't mean "style" as in elegance, I mean styles as in shapes and cuts of garments.   I'm not interested in buying something that my grand-daughter wears.  Short tunic tops in absolutely terrible fabrics that are obviously made enmasse overseas. Sleeveless as well!  Yoiks - has anybody recently looked at my upper arms?  Let's get real!  My figure doesn't like wearing something like that.  Yet I still want to look "good", I want to look interesting and I want to feel like a woman!

Let's look at Sybils for instance.  This supplier from Queensland has appeared on this page many times over many years (they were originally called Carousel).   Their models are "real-size" models for the garments they are modelling.  Some of our other suppliers should take note for the simple reason that plus size women (and I do wish I could find a more flattering name for us) no longer are content to see stick models flashing clothes that we want to wear.

So I could go on debating this issue endlessly.  Those of you who have followed my newsletters for more than 23 years now know that I've been on this subject until it bores the pants off me (let alone them)!  But I insist that women of size need to be taken seriously in their needs for flattering clothing.  And I shall go on insisting.

Before I go, here's a Thought for the Day:

"Friendship is so beautiful it can only be touched with your heart."

'til next time  

WHAT IS SELF ESTEEM?

It’s many things.  Here are some of them.  (Based on a generously endowed curvaceous woman's experience!)

Self-esteem is learning:

* to like yourself, as you are! 

* to see yourself as a friend would see you, as a person worthy of respect

*  that it is not being selfish if you want things - perhaps you’d like to go to university;  you’d like to have a top flight career;  and you’d like to dress well

* that people from all sorts of walks of life should treat you with respect and courtesy

* that your health and fitness should be seen as being of the same worth as any other person, especially younger and slimmer

* that your health and fitness is YOUR business

* that your opinions should be respected   

* that your intelligence should not be questioned

* that how you dress is your choice (and your business) and  you shouldn’t be expected to accept derision or contempt

* that you have rights.   Rights that may include being able to choose for yourself those things that will make you happy.  Choosing for yourself those things that you agree o disagree with.   Choosing for yourself your own circle of friends.  Choosing for yourself what you may eat and what you may choose not to eat.   

* that no one has the right to push you into doing things that you don’t want to do, such as dieting, or undergoing surgical manipulations, including cosmetic

*  that you can do what you want if you really want to

*  that you can wish for anything you want and then go out and make your wishes come true

* that you have a right to be loved.   By others and by yourself

* that no one has a right to belittle you, to put you down or to walk over you

*  that you have the right to pursue a career, and that promotions are part and parcel of that career

* that you have the right to look for a partner and the right to be loved and respected by that person.

* that you should never be used, or abused (in an form, including verbally, physically, emotionally or any other sort)

* that you are a unique and a one-off person with your own personality and individuality

* that your opinions are valuable assets and are yours alone

*  that you have a special place in this universe, and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.  

NOBODY EVER SAID IT WAS EASY - but then if something is worthwhile it’s worth fighting for ...

self-esteem

if you want it, you have to work at it!

Today in the 21st Century, women are targetted with never-ending pressures to follow the dictates of many sections of society to meet a certain criteria.   That criteria has been set by people who are not perfect, so the probability that we can attain the standard demanded of us, is impossible.   

That doesn’t stop them from pestering us, nor does it stop us, for that matter, from turning ourselves inside out (both physically as well as emotionally) in an effort to become more acceptable to these people.   

For the plus-size women, as a result of unabated intolerance, whether it be based on our size, shape, weight or age, we begin to believe the negative insinuations voiced and displayed through magazines and television as well as by other people.

It doesn’t take too long before we are agreeing with them, maybe not so much verbally, but certainly from an internal guilt attitude.   If we had self-esteem to start with, then it quickly begins to erode, as year after year we are buffeted with unhealthy discriminatory attitudes.   We lose the fight to overcome this sort of treatment until such time as the perpetrators of this intolerance believe they’ve won the battle.

As a person of size, some time ago I personally decided to take a stand against this intolerance, and surprised everyone, including myself!   

My story runs parallel with thousands of others, in that being a taller and larger child I was subjected to rudeness and humiliation from a tender age by one of my parents.  The other loved me unconditionally!

Many women who are plus-size confide that their childhood was one of utter confusion.   If some members of their family showed affection towards them, then those who wouldn’t tolerate them being chubby or even taller than others at a similar age, showed hostility and disdain.  Growing up in such an atmosphere will make anyone confused!   This confusion may go on for years, and may sadly continue without a solution.

So what can we do about it?   I think it’s more a matter of “what do we want to do about it?”

If we are serious about wanting to change the situation, then it’s up to us, first and foremost to make an Action Plan.

Nobody else is going to fix the problem - if we’re honest, everybody else has got their own problems.   And anyway, isn’t  it a lot more fulfilling to know that we have resolved a lot of inconsistencies by doing something for ourselves?

I’m a great believer in making “lists”.  I’ve done it since childhood, and I still do it today.   If I want something or wish for something then I get out my pen and a writing pad, and write down the pros and cons of how I aim to achieve that plan or dream.

It’s all very well having the plan inside your head - it’s when you actually express your desire in writing and see it in black and white before your eyes, that suddenly a whole lot of things fall into place.

And that makes the journey VERY interesting!  

Don’t make the mistake however of believing that it’s going to be easy.  Oh, no.  Nothing worthwhile in this life comes easy.  If it did, then we would never have to struggle or strive and we’d never really gain what we’re after.  We wouldn’t grow as a person, because we’d get used to sitting back and having everything nice come to us.    What a lazy time of it we would have!

So let’s look at Self Esteem and some of the things it means.   Believe me, it means a lot, and my list only covers some!

Add your own, and if you’re brave why not let us know some of your additions to the list!  

THE FUN of BEING PLUMP

More than 50 odd years ago, an artist by the name of Duane Bryers in America, created a cheeky redhead.  He named her Hilda (to many these days an old-fashioned word that would describe a staid, matronly, even bitter thin-lipped woman).  However the more you see of these pictures of Hilda, the more the name Hilda seems to fit her.

(I don't know what Duana Bryers named this partcular picture, but I thought "Satisfaction" neatly says it all!)

But it’s not the name Hilda that is so pertinent to my post today.  It’s her figure - her shape - her roundness - her plumpness.   More than that it is her cheekiness, her fun and carefree attitude.   She takes life as it is, and laughs her way through it.

You know I’ve been around a fair while, and I had never heard of Duana Bryers and I’d certainly never heard of Hilda. Perhaps it is because she is part of American history and unless we had the privilege of purchasing calendars from the States in years gone by, there was no reason why we should have known Hilda.  But I found her yesterday and I believe she dispays ALL the attributes that a plus-size “pin-up” girl needs.   

For one major question stands out to me: 

where during the past 50 years did our self-acceptance, 

our sense of fun at life and living,

our carefree sense of being completely at ease with our own self, 

disappear to?    

Did life become far too serious, far too responsible, far too hard and difficult, that we forgot how to be HAPPY?   

Let’s enjoy the simple pleasures of life.   Being plump and having plenty of curves is something to admire and something to celebrate.   Remember too that age has nothing to do with self-acceptance - you can never be too young or too old.

REFERENCES TO SIZE IN FICTION

My reading "likes" cover a whole range of genres.   Some of my friends think the list is somewhat weird, but tell me, what or who is weird?

I digress.   Wanting just a bit of light reading the other evening, I picked up "The Walled Flower" by Lorraine Bartlett.   I wasn't expecting to see anything about size, but came across this interesting little paragraph:

It starts:  Bastion nodded toward the hostess standing before them.  "Let's go sit down."

A waiflike being -  with no womanly attributes like breasts or a derriere - led them to a linen-clad table set with sparkling crystal, silver and candlelight.  Upon opening the menu, Katie realised the hostess probably couldn't afford to eat here.  Maybe that's what accounted for her lack of body weight.  Katie put the thought out of her mind as the older, more ample waitress appeared to recite the restaurant's specials and take their drink order.

Copyright:  Beryl Cook from her "Girls Night Out".

Just a few little words, but I couldn't help myself saying YES .......... and punching the air.   Someone has had the audacity to write about how things are, not as fiction writers usually beat around the bush.  They say nothing or else they say something disparagingly.   I like the thought of being served by an "older, more ample waitress".  I feel much more comfortable and at home in a restaurant where the staff are different ages, sizes and shapes.

IF YOU BECOME ANGRY

When and if  you become angry

at how you now feel about life

angry at how you look;

angry about regrets;

angry at the things which you feel you are missing out on;

angry at bad decisions made;

angry about past experiences;

angry at certain people;

 and you don’t confront that anger and deal with it

then you successfully stifle

your own maturity and development.

If you want to stay in the mire of uncertainly and insecurity, do nothing

 - but take the responsibility for doing nothing

Others cannot be continually blamed for how you see yourself and your life if you are not open to taking charge and channeling your talents and energy into positive and right-thinking ideas and goals.  Don’t put others in a position where they have to feel guilty about your situation - just acept every person for who and what they are - preferably seeing the good points and appreciating those good points.    And how about recognising YOUR own good points?

And if others don’t fit into your perspective of decent and worthwhile people, then look elsewhere for your friendship.  This also applies to families, - quite often a family member can be a hindrance fo one’s own self-esteem and self-confidence.  Treat them with the respect they deserve - no more, no less, but don’t waste time on them.

Time is far too short to conentrate on negative people and negative situations.  Rise above the depressions and cloudy outlooks of life, and learn to look at yourself and see youself as a valuable person, and you’ll not only be a better person but certainly a happier one.  You don’t have to be popular, but at least it can be said of you that you know yourself, and accept yourself, and maybe before long you may find yourself considered by friends and foes alike as being a person who is straight forward and still nice to know.

.....© Rosemary P-B

Jackets need extra length!

So many manufacturers (thus suppliers and retailers) seem to think that the plus-size (or more curvaceous) woman only needs something to shrug on, and she'll be happy.

Not so.   When it comes to the length of jackets, it is frustratingly evident that plus-size garment manufacturers don't even understand what shape of body they are supposed to be focusing on.

Most, if not all, plus-size women need a jacket that will cover the bottom and hip.  In other words jackets should be finger tip length.   Not, as so frequently seen, just below the waist.

Oh yes, we do have waists ND let's face it, when the line of the jacket takes the eye further down the leg and we have matched the jacket with a slim pair of pants, then there is a stylish appeal about the appearance.

See if you agree.  Here's a couple of Maggie T's offerings.   Notice the lengths - just right!

(PS - I would still like to see a "real" plus-size model in Maggie T's catalogue/website, but as with many suppliers, most Australian businesses don't "see" that a plus-size is MORE than a size 18-20, let alone girls who are no more than size 10-14 who are their models.  But we can continue to hope!  I do wonder sometimes though HOW Maggie T actally views the situation herself, personally).