Monday, November 26, 2012

HAS "CASUAL" TAKEN OVER OUR LIVES?


I like to think I’m “modern” in my thinking and approach to life in today’s society.   As far as “fashion” or clothing is concerned, I convince myself that I have a fully rounded and balanced viewpoint.  Personally I enjoy being and dressing casually as the mood takes me; there are times though when I like to dress a little “smarter” than casual.  Even if my clothes are not expensive or seen to fall inside the perception of being 21st century, I do still “feel” good when I dress up.  To keep within my strict budget also gives me a challenge which I enjoy meeting time after time.

With a major move from a large home to much smaller accommodation, my circumstances have changed over the past week or so.  Being a woman growing older (and I suppose a man faces similar options) this means learning to adapt and to put into place new ways of handling those changes.  The important part of dealing with changes of any kind that face us, is in maintaining and retaining dignity and control (as much as possible) within constraints both self-imposed and imposed by others.

Walking down the street or through some of the major shopping malls, it is quite obvious to an observer than there are now two categories of women’s code of dress.  Three if you count the window displays of our clothing stores - yet no matter how hard I look I never see anyone dressed in those clothes from the store windows.  Do women buy them and then hide them in their wardrobes, only to be bought out to be admired by themselves and friends, or do they actually wear them?  When and where do they wear them?

So to get back to the two codes of dress, as far as I see them today.   First there is the casual casual, which unfortunately could be described as frumpy and so uninteresting as to make the person almost seem invisible.  Then there’s the person who seems to have a wardrobe of jeans and tee shirts and she never veers away from that code.  I wonder how women in this category deal with the thought of being invited to a mayoral ball or a Melbourne Cup Lunch!   They probably panic.

And women of substance, or women of a certain age, what do they do?  Let me say here that I can’t understand those descriptions, although I admit I use them.  The English language had an incredible resource of descriptive power, but when it comes to women of size and growing older, for some reason it’s much easier for society to say “obese or fat” or “she’s old so why does she bother?”  Why have we taken on these definitions?  Because we’ve been forced to in many instances.  But times they are a’changing, girls.

We “bother” because there’s an inbuilt pride in our nature and we don’t want to be categorised as being the same as everybody else.  We’re women, we’re feminine and we care - we honestly care - about how we dress, how we look and how we feel about ourselves.  We’ve gone through all the stages of being unsure of ourselves, feeling guilty about our size; frustrated at having to explain to all and sundry that we’re just different to the size 6 girl on the catwalk (besides, we’ve got a lot more knowledge and experience to back up our feelings of confidence). and we want to be allowed to be ourselves and to express ourselves the way we know best.

We do know best, you know.  That comes of always learning, always searching for ways of building upon our self esteem, through education and personal knowledge.  Most women “of a certain age” can’t be persuaded that they’ve got to change; that they’ve got to get “with it”, that they have to admit to being old-fashioned in their ideas.  Younger women have every right to express their views on how they dress and how they live their lives, yet the older woman has to justify her opinions about self and life-style.  Why?

My question in the title of this post is “Has “casual” taken over our lives?‘   And I’m beginning to think that it’s about time that the growing older woman in today’s society should stand up and be counted.  She has every right to be recognised and accepted and in fact applauded when she steps outside of the jeans and tee shirts syndrome and embraces her own femininity the way she wants.  Yet if that includes wearing jeans and tee shirts, then so be it.  But, and this is a big but, if she wishes to dress livelier, bolder, sassier and jazzier than jeans and tee shirts, let her.  Compliment her, see her for being proud of who and what she is.  Younger women will see that growing older holds exciting challenges in store for them, in that they will (hopefully) be more fair minded and open to the fact that women are able to enjoy their lives by making conscious decisions based on their own personal preferences through all stages of their maturity.  We don’t have to follow trends that we are told we should follow at EVERY stage of our adult lives; we know best.

As I have quoted so often over the years, 

“you are your own best asset - promote yourself,
 and NEVER, EVER compare yourself to someone else.  
You are unique.”

Friday, November 2, 2012

Discovering your individuality


Have you actually looked for it?  
Have you ever wondered why it is that curvaceous women tend to attempt to hide themselves in dull, almost boring clothes.  Is it that they think they’ll become invisible to such an extent that other people won’t look at them, point the finger, and even tell them to their face, you’re “fat”? 

This is not something in my imagination, because I can admit freely now, that there were many times in the past when I did precisely that; I hid myself in clothes that were so unflattering as to be ugly.   And why was that?  To hide - from the world and to hide from other people. 

I’ll say this.  When a person is ridiculed or ostracised by another person - male or female - for being fat or “out of control”, it doesn’t take long to lose whatever self esteem you may have ever had.  When you hear these things being said about you to others and even to your face, as a child, then it isn’t strange that you have no self esteem at all!   As you grow up and become an adult you cringe when you have to go out and about and mix with people - even shopping.  You’d do anything to hide in the house and not have to face other people who you just KNOW will say something hurtful and condemning.  And that’s exactly what you will do.  I know.  I even wrote about this in my little book, “Rose in Bloom - the years between!”,  based on some of my personal experiences merged with a montage of stories from other women I have had the privilege of speaking with, knowing, and then loving as personal and dear friends over the years.

It took many years of searching, sometimes fearing what I might actually find within myself, to come to terms with who I am and what I am.  But one day, I remember it so well, I set out for business and was driving to work, when out of the blue came a little voice in my head that told me I could go crazy if I kept trying to change myself just to fit in with what other people said I should be and look like.  By that time of course I had almost turned myself inside out.  But it was a defining and enlightening moment, for I realised right there and then that whatever anyone else said about me, I was mature and intelligent enough to make my own decisions.   From that moment that’s just what I did.  And my life has been so much richer and exciting for it.

It was about this time too, that I changed life-tactics.  I studied and read as much as I could on good dress sense - utilising style, colours and experimentation.  I asked my friend Susan to show me how to colour code my clothing.  I sought advice on makeup and hair styles.  In fact I set about to enhance what I am, rather than to foolishly try to follow the path, which is a trap to change what I am.

I’ve gained insights into how other women feel about themselves during the years between too.  For I’ve had the opportunity of speaking with hundreds of women, and one thing is clear to me.

Everyone, 
at some time 
or another has
low self-esteem.

It doesn’t matter whether you are slim, 
whether you are fat, 
whether you are coloured
 or whether you are white.

Given that I found my voice to speak and share with other women my own personal journey, it was a natural progression for me to talk with them about discovering their “inner spirit of individuality”.

Because it’s not necessary or essential (in fact it is not recommended at all) for us to all look alike.  It’s not necessary or essential for us to wear the same clothes, or do our hair the same way, or have the same interests.As I’ve said so many times, yes, we are different to each other, but we are of the same essence.   We all seek, or long,  to be accepted, we seek to be liked and we seek to be loved.  We seek to “belong”.  We also seek to be able to freely express our personal individuality without condemnation or judgement by or from others.  We seek to be allowed to be us.   And if we achieve these things, then we are  equipped to offer our encouragement to or sisters, whatever shape, size or colour they may be, so that they, in turn, may achieve their personal yearnings and discover their “inner spiritual individuality”.