FRIENDSHIP

 We go through life 

thinking we are the only one 

who feels a certain way about things, 

and then suddenly someone comes along 

who feels exactly the same way.   

It's the start of a beautiful friendship.

....© David Baird  "a Thousand Paths to friendship"

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My friends:   You may wonder at the length of time between posts, and this is quite simple. I've been working on a few other projects, and time simply passed me by.   And of course I've become "older" just as RoseMary's NoteBook© has done  - well, she IS 33 years old this year! And "she" (RoseMary's NoteBook© that is) has decided to reinvent herself once again. 

There's no doubt that the world is undergoing a lot of change:  from past experience, as individals, we are expected to change as well.   

Is there a place for RoseMary's Notebook© in 2024?  I'm an optimist and I believe that women - whatever age, size or shape© - often need the encouragement of other women who understand the issues of discrimination (yes, even today), bullying (our young women can verify this problem); domestic abuse (which still reigns supreme in many homes around the world) and loneliness (especially in older years). 

Motivation and encouragement are essential for a healthy attitude.   It's not that we are expected to be "jolly" all the time; smiling and laghing all the time;  optimistic all the time.  

So this little blog will continue to highlight encouraging and supportive ideas combined with fun/serious issues; adding to the enjoyment of a woman's life.   Based, I might say, on simple, effective, no-nonsense opinions/suggestions some of which may be considered old-fashioned but have been successful in the past.  

So I'll put my 'thinking cap' on, and will ponder just exactly what the next "post" will be about.  Keep safe and well.

'til then ...

Background

 © 1994 Rosemary Parry-Brock Davidson

the uniquely original Australian self-esteem initiative for the curvaceous woman –

 in fact all women, regardless of age, shape and size

OUR MOTTO?   “womanhood should be celebrated – in style – no matter what age, shape or size”©

RoseMary’s NoteBook© began its life in Australia more than thirty-three years ago in response to pleas from professional women in the workplace for a newsletter with a positive message. At that time there were no newsletters other than in-house publications, and of course the internet and emails were a thing of the future! So the NoteBook© as it is fondly known grew out of a need to bring women together through the pages of a newsletter that was outside of the national magazines, but through which they could feel a part of, as it grew and developed over the years.

As many of my administration colleagues throughout Australia were women size 16 plus!, they in turn asked that issues that impacted upon their lives should be confronted in the newsletter. Thus a focus began to appear where women of size were able to communicate their concerns dealing with especially discrimination. They shared their copies of the newsletter with their friends and families. Quite often their copy became dog-eared as it was shared around the workplace and even sent overseas.

It seemed natural that the newsletter should take on the role of acting as an advocate for larger women, in an era where there was no other publication of its kind in Australia that provided positive self-esteem initiatives. RoseMary’s NoteBook© continues to provide this incentive to this day.

However with its aim to “inspire women of all ages to look beyond their shape and size, and to realise their full potential” (c) it then took on new elements, as women of all ages, shapes and sizes from all walks of life discovered that the “notebook” related to them and their daily lives. What started out as a small one page newsletter grew to sometimes 100 pages which meant it could no longer fit into the post-boxes of our readers. Because RoseMary’s NoteBook© has always been a personal project without sponsorship of any sort, the costs involved in ensuring its continuation meant that it became unfeasible and unmanageable to remain as a paper-based publication.

Modern times call for modern thinking. After surveying readers, it became apparent they would prefer eNewsletters sent as pdfs through emails. Having adapted to that concept early in 2005 we found this remained the most favoured and popular method of distribution. However it became obvious that the NoteBook had to have an on-line presence. The reaction of many readers was surprising in that they didn’t want to go on-line to read their newsletter each month. They preferred their copy via email, but not online. Other women embraced the idea without hesitation.

I therefore decided to expand the potential of RoseMary’s NoteBook© by creating its own blog. This allows me to run two parts of the concept in parallel – one on-line as the blog which is completely different to the second option newsletter sent by email format which continues to this day.

SUMMARY

In a world besotted with “perfection”, there remain today hundreds of thousands of women who feel they don’t meet the “ideal” set by the media (particularly "social media"), the fashion industry and society itself in many instances. The team at RoseMary's NoteBook© believe in our small way, we can make a difference to the lives of many women who lack self-confidence. Testimonials from women around the world verify to the fact that our small publications over the past thirty odd years have improved their self-confidence and impacted positively upon their lives.

The original concept, aims and objectives of inspiring women to look beyond their shape and size, in order to realise their full potential, remains exactly the same today as it was when we first started this journey. Our eNewsletters (and other publications) present “positive” messages in a negative world.

This newsletter forms part of the concept of RoseMary’s NoteBook©, including newsletters & other booklets & publications dealing with motivational short courses for women of all ages & all shapes and sizes.

RoseMary’s NoteBook© continues to break down antiquated attitudes about size & inspires women to look at themselves as healthy sensual women rather than that of being merely “plus- size” or “too thin”.

During the past 20 years or more, and with the advance in technology whereby information is more easily accessible and shareable, many hundreds (if not thousands) of women of like mind have created their own websites, blogs and forums.

Everyone associated with RoseMary’s NoteBook© (women who participate in a variety of ways) has great empathy and a capacity for understanding issues that impact upon women’s lives in today’s world. 

With strong Christian ethics and principles, we believe all women deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and courtesy In fact we go so far as to say that “womanhood should be celebrated – in style – no matter what age, shape or size”©.

UPDATE:   Due to increased fascination with the core elements of RoseMary's NoteBook© in recent times, I decided to update the Background of my publications, so that new readers can grasp the ideas behind the concept.

Postscript:    "Perfection" in the human form is not really attainable - 

for one person's idea of perfection is not necessarily that of others.

  

We all aim to be respected, appreciated, complimented,

held in high regard, and treated with kindness. 

A person's looks, size, weight, shape 

should never be the subject of: 

impolite/rude/insulting/contempuous/

discourteous /insulting/abusive humour

 or behaviour on the part of others.

AGING OUTRAGEOUSLY! - Keeping Focus!

Let's start off with the obvious. A woman goes through many phases as she grows from childhood through to a teenager, an adult and then an older woman. These changes influence & impact upon her life at all those particular points in time and travel with her into the future, sometimes bringing with them emotional reminders, both good and bad. These she either confronts & deals with or carries as baggage.

But for the majority of us all the "seasons" of womanhood are exciting, filled with promise and challenges plus a few pitfalls which we manage to struggle through and rise above when it's difficult but which we mainly sail happily through.

Then one day the face in the mirror that looks back at us, is unrecognisable. Experience, joys, hardship, worry, anxiety, the ups and downs of surviving in a world that may present hurdles and difficulties, show in our face and in our body. Gravity wears away at our looks and figures, and for some reason our mind undergoes a similar change. Not always for the better I might add. Yet it forms the opinion that the person in the mirror no longer deserves to be pampered or bothered about. Even as far as saying that the person no longer deserves respect.

With that decision, many subtle and not so subtle changes become habit. We take less care of our complexions, our hair, our hands and feet. We take less trouble in choosing clothing. Anything that fits (whether it suits us or not) will do! Many women even give up on their favourite past-times or leisure pursuits, including hobbies, and "retire". When I think about it, and I decided not to think about it too often a long time ago, "retire" is such a negative word! It's really not worth my attention, because by definition it means, to sit in a corner and rusticate! Isn't it better to "rest" (rather than "rust") when we need to, and to bustle around doing things when we choose to? As so often happens when a woman "retires" she loses her sense of being important, if not to others, then quite often to herself. Silly, isn't it?

And what happens is that women too often no longer see themselves as intelligent, articulate women deserving of having their opinions heard and respected. We also forget, far TOO often, that we are still sensual beings.

Is it wrong for us to "want" to wear makeup, to dress nicely, do things we want to do, go where we want to go, travel, undertake courses at TAFE or university, even?

Why not buy a new car, leave a failed and/or broken relationship, especially if that relationship has become violent and uncaring? Even, dare I say it, to take a lover?

Don't get me wrong - I have strong principles and ethics that direct my personal standards, but life is short, and it needs to be treated with the utmost respect, humility and affection.

Affection for life? Of course. It's a wonderful and unique thing - life. You can't make it, you can't copy it, you can't replace it. It's a gift to you and I believe, passionately, that because it is a gift, it should be treated with gentleness and total and unconditional love and respect.

To be continued .....

HONESTLY!

Having to do a spot of shopping, a couple of us stopped and enjoyed a cup of tea (Earl Grey of course!) at a nice little coffee/tea shop in one of the arcades that are sprinkled around our small town.

We do this regularly - it not only keeps us up to date with all our gossip, but it also enables us to share a gripe or two, while at the same time indulging in a chosen special cake to accompany our tea. We're all big girls, so there's never any problem of one or two of them attacking any of the others for spoiling ourselves with a cream cake occasionally.

Why was this particular morning any different? I stood at the counter casually deciding which cake to choose, when a very small, smartly dressed woman came and stood beside me. I turned and smiled. She glowered at me and said, "you shouldn't even be thinking of eating anything like that - you're so fat. You should be using your willpower" 

So I did what any well-mannered, well-balanced plus-size lady would do. I looked down at my ample bust, leaned over and looked at my tummy, and turned back to her and said "Yes, you're right, I believe I AM fat. But I'm not rude to people I don't know. And might I say I certainly don't need any will power. Perhaps occasionally a little bit of "won't-power" could come in handy but not today. Which cake do you think I should choose? Ah yes, that beautiful fresh cream French slice. Don't you agree". She glared at me as though I had just flown in from Mars, mumbled and trotted off to a far table.

The rest of my group were seated by this time, waiting for their morning tea to arrive. The girls behind the counter were trying to hide their laughs and were in quite a twitter. After the snobby lady had left, the proprietor came across to me and said, "you know, that woman upsets so many of our customers with her rudeness and we've never been game to say anything. Thanks for saying what we've often thought and felt. You've made our day."
And yes, we all enjoyed our morning tea - VERY MUCH INDEED!!!

"Fashion. Fashion?"

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!

I've been around for a while - get the joke?  ("a-round"?)   But seriously in recent times I'm not sure what the word "fashion" means any more.

According to the various dictionaries the word itself can cover a whole array of different meanings, from "habits", to a signature, to how something is done or happens.   As far as women's national and international magazines are concerned, then fashion more or less depicts the latest and most admired style in clothes and cosmetics.

Remember  (oh, what memories!) Bambi Shmith (nee Patricia Harewood), Diane Masters, Janice Wakely, June Dally-Watkins, Jeanette Elphick (who changed her name when she went to Hollywood to Victoria Shaw)?  Perhaps I haven't kept up with the times.  Because those models were VERY different to today's models - in many ways,  *  (and I'll talk more about this in a later post).   But in a nutshell fashion to me equals "style" - not only in the garments that are modelled, but the models themselves.

The mannequins of the 1950s and 1960s modelled garments which accentuated the female form; they gave a sensual motion of femininity in their walk and posture and created an ongoing illusion of fantasy/reality for the simple reason that copies of the garments they wore were soon to be seen in our corner "emporiums" and affordable to all - even if it meant layby-ing said garments for six months or more.   Many of us actually went to "deportment classes" - remember the Mannequin's Academy in Melbourne?, where we were taught to speak correctly; walk and sit correctly; and to be as lady-like as we could be.  Some of us weren't too sure whether "girls from the western suburbs" (read - the wrong side of the Yarra River!) could ever be called "ladies" but we sure had fun mixing with those girls from Toorak and South Yarra who went to the classes with us.  I guess we "hoped" that the lady-like characteristics would rub off on us.   I'd like to think so.  

But I'm digressing, as I am wont to do occasionally.    Maggie Alderson, a leading Fashion Stylist, who writes for a leading women's magazine and also has her own blog Style Notes, was asked during a recent interview "are you offended at what you see today as being fashion, compared with that of 20 years ago?"  With any hesitation she answered no.   In her opinion, fashion is really the style a woman feels comfortable with, and if she wishes to follow the seasonal trends then that is her prerogative.  If she remains constant in her choice of clothing, then that is her right as well.  Fashion in Maggie's view, as indeed mine, is that it is constantly growing and finding new ways of expressing itself, as indeed do you and I.

I've been of the opinion for a long time that when a woman finds her own style - whether it be conservative, sophisticated, goth, feminine, romantic, classic, vintage, serious or casual, then it's wise to stay with that style.  Although, with that said, and I do contradict myself at times, it's nice sometimes to "break out" and do something really startling which surprises everyone, including you!

And combined with style, when a woman discovers the colours that suit her, then a whole new world opens.   Take Sheila Scotter for instance - that lovely lady only ever wore black and white (and tones of the same).  She always looked stunning.

This is where sometimes "fashion" or the stores through which we buy our fashion, let us down.   Stores would be wise to occasionally take note of what their customers tell them.   Many women prefer certain colours, in fact if they wear the "wrong" colour to suit them, then everybody knows it.  Including the wearer.   How often have you bought yourself something that looked good in the store, looked good on the clothes hanger, looked good when you stood in front of the store mirror, only to find when you got it home that it made you look - bulky, ungainly, frumpy, showed up your imperfections including making your skin look sallow or too red?   Another frustration is when you simply want something like pants in black, and the colour of the season is brown or navy.   Infuriating!

But if you feel terrible in a garment that you thought looked nice in the store and it isn't, then it's not you at fault.  It's not the fault of the garment either, it's just that the garment in question doesn't suit YOU, whereas on someone else it will look terrific.  Too often though that store, and all those around, don't stock that style in a colour that suits you.

But learn to look at your body, at whatever age, size or shape, as a beautiful thing on which you should enhance its every asset.   Finding your "style" or choice of dressing and your colours will instil in you a feeling of specialness.  For whatever may have been said about you in the past, you must always remember, that you are unique.  And that you should never be compared with any other person.   That means that we must never compare ourselves to each other either, for each of us brings a different perspective to the essence of womanhood.

Nothing to wear to the office?

Well, many of us have said this over the years.  And quite honestly it was difficult to find clothing that spoke of  "professional woman" - up until recently that is.   No matter what we chose to wear, there were always comments that we dressed too frilly or feminine or else tried to emulate the male attire.   Such as suits - jackets and pants, and plain shirts, even wearing a tie to smarten things up a bit.  But even though we got a fair bit of flak, we persevered.

For the professional woman of the early 21st Century though, there are garments aplenty.  And these garments make a definite statement.  "I am a professional woman, working in the area of ........., and I dress according to my personal choices and I look and feel good."   More importantly, today's woman KNOWS what she likes, and she follows her instincts that she's learned will always tell her the right thing, especially when it comes to personal style.

Take for example, this beautiful dress from Igigi, http://www.igigi.com  Quite a sensational look.

Gorgeous models at Mercedes Benz Fashion Show in Sydney

What an absolutely astonishing group of models - and notice one thing - they SMILE!   How wonderful!

Let's get away from this pouting, stomping attitude from extremely thin models we've been seeing on the runways for too long, and get back to the natural look of women showing off clothes and enjoying themselves!

There's a lot of discussion .....

I read about an interesting exercise the other day,  that was conducted by a researcher into women's shapes and sizes.  Four women, chosen because they are all size 14, were asked to pose for a photographer.

When the photograph was published, women everywhere wrote in and complained that the women were NOT size 14, but were all different sizes.  This set about a heated discussion.

It transpired that all the women ARE size 14.  Because of their height, their width, the different proportions of their bodies, and the bone structure, they all look different.

And this brings us to the subject of our perceptions of size, when we read and look at photographs of women in magazines.   We look at the person without having the advantage of seeing other women all the same size in the same photograph.   We attempt to base our perception on what we think we see, rather than what we are actually seeing.  

This is why we advocate clothing for curvaceous women should be modelled by curvaceous women!   Not to have a bigger or taller woman on the catwalk (runway) with models who are size 0 up to 6.   The reason for our argument is this.   Regular fashion shows have models of a similar size - therefore the eye goes to appreciate the garment.  If you place one curvaceous woman on that runway at the same time, the eye naturally goes to her curves, and then the garment, rather than the garment immediately.  The woman with curves is immediately "seen" as being plus-size.   Yet putting models of size 18, 20 and 22 on the same runway, and the audience can appreciate that the garments are for the bigger sizes.

As for dressing models smaller than size 14 in garments that are manufactured for women in the size 14 to 30, and then pinning and adapting that garment to the small size of the model, gives no indication of what the garment will look like on the woman who it has been created for.   This puts the purchaser at a disadvantage for so many times the garment will never look the same on her as it does on the small model that she has seen in the catalogue or the website.

That brings to mind the fact that looking at a women and "assuming" that she is very plus-size or very skinny is dependent upon many things.  This is why we should never "assume" that someone is so different as to become unacceptable.  Being acceptable to ourselves and to each other, HAS to be a fundamental right and privilege.

Do you think this lovely model is "plus size"?

Australia has a gift of beautiful women.  Women in the spotlight (as in our artists and actresses, women who are in the news etc) as well as women in our own families and communities.

Beautiful Australian models have graced our magazines and catwalks for decades.  Think Maggie Tabberer, Jeanette Elphick, Judith Anne Ford, Bambi Shmith, June Dally Watkins.   Our models had, and still have, beautiful figures; they walked and talked with great style;  their manners and etiquette were important facets of their "public persona".

According to facts and figures, most models of the 1950s and 1960s (before the advent of Twiggy), were somewhat heavier than today's thin waif-like creature.

So it was with great surprise that I read the following article relative to Robyn Lawley, who has been described as the "first plus size model to feature in Vogue Australia".   Robyn is a beautiful woman;  she has a beautiful figure, but can she honestly be categorised as "plus-size"?  Really?   Truly?

Acceptance of the plus-size women is taking time, and we've been advocates and champions of plus-size women for quite a few decades now.  But it's a little saddening, and frustrating, to see journalists and reporters describing a woman who is described as being size 14 (and as Robyn lives in New York, is that a US size 14 or an Australian size 14?**), as "plus-size".

How can the truly "plus-size" woman hope to be accepted in a society that sees size 14 as being plus-size?  No wonder more women than ever today, are attempting all manner of methods to try to emulate their "thin" sisters.  The fashion industry and the media continue to denigrate larger women, and by the same token, infer than smaller women are "bigger" than their size represents.  How can anyone find their place in a society that dispenses displeasure and prejudice against women who don't quite "meet" the standards set by the fashion and media industries?

See what you think.

Photograph from www.news.com.au via the Internet.

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/fashion/plus-size-model-robyn-lawley-the-first-plus-size-model-to-feature-in-vogue-australia/story-e6frfn7i-1226107470974

** A lot of women don't realise that a US size 14 is NOT the same size as an Australian size 14!

DISCIPLINE!

From Morgana de Courcy:

Why does it seem so hard to become disciplined when you become an online writer? I've been creating and writing newsletters and in-house magazines for the past 40 odd years (yes - I certainly don't look my age, do I?), yet coming to grips with writing a regular blog seems to present me with obstacles.

So today I decided. Drat it - I'll pretend I know what I'm doing, and if I fall flat on my face, well so be it! There's only one thing to do if that happens, and that's to stagger back up on my feet, stand tall and try again.

Big Issues have been at the forefront of news for a long time but are increasingly rearing their heads in many insidious ways. Over the airways, the television, the printed newspapers and the internet. Most if not all, the references are that to be acceptable in today's society, you have to be slim, trim, and beautiful. That's a nice wish, but real life isn't so clearcut.

Whether that beauty is allowed to be natural is another matter, because the inference is that you will never be beautiful enough and if you want to be noticed and treated as "one of us", then you'll have to have WLS, stomach banding, botox, liposuction and the works. Noone tells us the risks involved in all these procedures - and there are some horrific stories around.

But I decided a long while ago that I would turn a deaf ear to people who tell me I "MUST" do this or that, and "MUST NOT' do other things. Who gives them the right to tell me what to do and how to live my life? Especially as I believe, as a mature aged woman, I have insights into life and its experiences that give me the right to choose for myself. That's why I agreed (if a little hesitantly at first) to speak to women's groups. When accepting speaking engagements with women's health and safety organisations, teenage school children as well as groups catering to the elderly being encouraged to stay in their own homes as long as possible, I've been humbled by the fact that they've taught me much more than I've been able to tell them.

Low self-esteem is as rife as it has ever been. And that is very sad taking into account the fact that countless motivators, facilitators and counsellors have set up their own businesses, and many are sponsored with government as well as corporate funding, and yet as just as many people as ever present as having no confidence.

You can't force people to be confident. That builds up a defence mechanism that prevents them from growing independent, and from you gaining their trust and allowing you to offer strategies to help them. What I'm not talking about are not fancy and outlandish strategies - I'm talking about simple, small steps in a journey of discovery.

It comes down to choice. And we should all enjoy fredom of choice, not matter what aspect it relates to in our life. Choice made on sound principles; choice that becomes a matter of judgement based on analysing the pros and cons of situations, and of people. If we make a bad choice, then we are intelligent enough to realise we have to accept responsibility for its outcome. We can't blame anyone else.

Discipline comes into the picture. It always does. Whether it's how much time you spend cleaning the house; attending lectures; at your desk; with your family and friends; picking up after the kids; doing what you want and what you have to do, it all comes down to disciplining yourself. The result is always rewarding, no matter what area of your life we're talking about.

I don't agree that to be acceptable we have to be slim, trim, svelte and "beautiful". Digital enhancements are everywhere - we need to be real people in a real world. If we were all the same - looked the same, were the same size and shape, the same colour, the same age, how boring the world would be!

It's up to us. We are, after all, our own best asset! With a bit of discipline and a desire to be allowed to be who we are and what we are, we can show the world (and us for that matter) that weknow and we have made our choice!

Attitudes!

For more than 21 years RoseMary's NoteBook© the newsletter, was sent to women all around the world; not only throughout Europe, the USA, Ne Zealand,  the Pacific Islands and Scandanavia to mention a few.

During all those years, and indeed even today through this blog (as well as the Australian edition of RoseMary's NoteBook© which is ongoing), we (that is the columnists as well as readers) have repeatedly encouraged women to see themselves as intelligent, articulate, healthy women first and foremost.  The fact that many of us wear this attitude in a body that may be larger than some but smaller than others, is offset by the building up of a healthy and happy self-esteem.   That's not to say that we suggest larger women ignore the taunts and jokes that abound within conversations, bad joke entertainment avenues, discrimination within the community and indeed within families and circles of friends.  We know this sort of thing is present everyday - we'd be foolish to suggest otherwise.   **

It's more a matter of rising above the discrimination, and setting our sights on something bigger and greater than trying to meet other people's unrealistic expectations, or should I say demands, relative to how one looks and that takes into account size, shape and aging.  For whether we believe it or even understand it, the majority of us have the ability and instincts to know what is best for us (when it comes to food, when it comes to how we dress, and when it comes to how we behave).  We don't have to be "told" by others; we have the knowledge already in our own beautiful minds and brains.   We just have to work on that knowledge.  In our case here it's part of our basic integrity and ethics code - to share what we know, and to encourage those who tread the path of seeking self-discovery and in time self-esteem and acceptance.  We will not enter into discussions of criticism or becoming judgemental in our dealings with women, of any age, size and shape.

For a "movement" (size acceptance and self-acceptance) that has been going and gaining momentum for more than 25 years, it comes as no small surprise (and a big disappointment) to realise that women today are as insecure, guilt ridden, self-loathing and hating their bodies and their minds to some extent, as we were 25 years ago.   I hope I'm not being biased here, but in my dealings with women's groups, health groups, motivational seminars and conferences, I find that today's women have become so "angry" that their minds are taken up with such hostility and aggressiveness against society and almost everyone in it, that they lose their own dignity.

And the quickest way to lose their dignity is the way they speak and talk.  I've been in conversation with so many women who look and act with a certain amount of intelligence but when they open their mouths I shudder.   The English language is a beautiful language and yet it can be dragged through the mud so easily by today's women (of all ages, mind you) who resort to what used to commonly be called "gutter language".    It doesn't matter what the subject matter is, this is where a lot of conversation plummets to.   People say that we here are prejudiced, but I ask you - honestly.   If words offend during a conversation or discussion, then it is natural for anyone to "turn off" both the subject matter and the person speaking.

You see, time can be wasted in listening to people who are obviously not interested in attitudes. Their attitude to their listeners is arrogance, and in fact they show no respect towards themselves.

Is this a "modern" phenomana?    I can't really say without research, but this I do know personally.   I have never come across or been subjected to torrents of words that describe nothing but language which I wouldn't condone or accept from my children or grandchildren (in my presence) let alone my friends, as I have done during the past 5 years.   What does that say?   To me, sadly it says that those of us who made inroads into building up healthy and happy confidence in women, as well as presenting courses and books (including newsletters) over all this time we find we are now being treated with disdain and indifference by many of those we have attempted to help.  We're told we should "get over it" and not only accept this type of language, but to actually use it so that "women understand what you're talking about!"   If women can't understand plain English, then I wonder what's going on.

I hope I'm wrong and that things will change.

**  We'd hasten to include here those lovely readers who are petite - tiny, small, short, who experience similar discriminations as the larger woman.  Their discomfort and pain is just as intense, and it behoves us to recognise that there are many women of all sizes and ages who are treated unfairly and badly by people who really don't care a darn about their feelings.   Respect seems to be an old-fashoned word that no-one wants to use, let alone to understand the meaning of.

Different shades and tones

Winter time seems to equate with being dull!   I'm not only talking about the weather here, because you'll have noticed, I'm sure, that most of the clothing in the store windows as well as the majority of Australian websites providing especially plus-size fashion, are terribly dull,  boring and nothing looks different to anything else on offer!

Many of the Australian suppliers have realised the market for the younger plus-size woman which has been a long time coming, but now that it's arrived, it is very welcome.  This takes into account the woman in her 20s right through the adult years.  In fact many mature and older women take advantage of this clothing as well.  It's affordable, it's wearable, and it has a slightly "modern" touch to it.

But if you look at things realistically, you'll see that many of the styles particularly tee shirts and longer tops, even though one might have an uneven hem slanting in one direction while another goes the opposite direction, there's still a sameness about everything.

And where are the colours?    Why do suppliers expect us all to wear - black, dark grey, denim blue, with white tops broken by black vests and the like, without wanting the shouting of colour - all the time?   Oh yes, some of the suppliers include a red cardigan or red tee in their range, but why can't we have other colours?  Many of us have to liven and lighten our darker clothing with bright, sassy scarves or handknits to lift our winter-look.

Then I found this small local supplier - Wrapt Ya!   http://www.wraptya.com.au/    It's all a matter of "looking" around to see what is available outside of the usual/expected providers - and to be pleasantly surprised at what you find.    Often Wrapt Ya! will take a colour and then expand upon it by using different tonings and shades of that colour to build up an outfit of interest.

Winter has arrived!

Well, officially it's Winter here.  Many of my friends over in the States are experiencing all the joys and discomforts of summer and it's accompanying heat, rashes, "how to keep cool", and all the other things associated with summer!

For the first three days of winter, we've had the most beautiful sunny days - bright blue skies, just a semblance of a gentle breeze catching the tops of the trees.  Yes, the days are getting shorter, and once the sun goes down, the chill rises, and rises quickly.   We've also been told by the so-called weather experts to expect sleet, rain, and even snow either at the weekend or early next week.  Brrr.    That means rummaging through the wardrobe to find that extra bulky cardigan in anticipation.

My friend asked me to go with her to a small presentation of the latest "Postie Fashions" selection the other night.    It has been some years since I saw the range, but once again I was impressed with what I saw.  Importantly I was "taken" by the fact that their garments are "made in Australia".   Sizes go from 6 through to 28 and if you are in the market for a couple of nice new garments, then why not visit their website at  http://www.postie.com.au/index.html

Is fashion going a little crazy?

We all know that what goes around comes around.  Take for instance the elastic waist-cincher of the 1960s - the young women of today are wearing this belt, thinking, naturally, that they "discovered" it!   Mind you, if we go further back into fashion history there's no doubt this same small accessory would most likely have been a part of every woman's wardrobe decades if not centuries earlier!  So we didn't "discover" it either!

But have you seen some of the modern shoes that women are tottering around on?  Honestly one small slip and they'd break every bone in their ankle, but "it's fashion" and what young woman likes to be told that she should "consider wearing much smaller heels or in fact going into flats for everyday wear"?   No one I know.

But when a woman has to be led, quite literally, by the hand of her partner, so that she may stay upright while walking, this gets a bit strange - especially after an evening of nightclubbing, dining and the occasional drink.   I saw one young woman being led this way, only to trip over a small paving step at he entrance of the hotel where I was staying.  Both of them crashed to the floor and the woman had to be taken to hospital having injured both feet.   I wonder just how she got on.  She certainly didn't enjoy the evening out, which apparently was a friend's engagement party!

So I thought you'd be amused, or even seriously confused, at seeing a couple of photos I've just received of the "latest" shoes from Asia.   I can't imagine them being here in Australia, but who knows?  Someone will get the bright idea that there's a market, and women will just as easily fall into the trap of believing that they'll look a million dollars and be ahead in the fashion stakes if they "indulge" or invest in this modern footwear.

Acceptance!

finding acceptance within ourselves

- it’s easier than you think

      

It’s not uncommon for us to sometimes wonder why we feel “alone” in our fluctuating feelings of “acceptance” and “non-acceptance”. It’s a part of life and no one is immune from it.  

It’s also not uncommon for women, plus-size women, to feel as though we’ll never amount to very much, unless we lose weight or even undergo cosmetic surgery to "look good".  There’s an unsaid statement, by society including the media and the fashion industry, that  we HAVE to toe their line otherwise we’ll always be on the sidelines, overlooked and walked upon.   Of course even if we do lose weight to meet their demands, quite often we find we’re still standing on the outskirts of “accedptability” because we have at one time been “fat”, or maybe after losing weight, we’ve managed to put on a bit again!   We can never satisfy these people, and for many, me included, we have no inclination to continue trying to do the impossible.

It’s always worth while taking the time to think about and look at other women who have overcome obstacles and come out winners.   Maybe the circumstances are different under under which these women have fought to become recognised as business women;  or intelligent women within society - medicine, writing, art, the theatre, television, tradeswomen, holding senior positions within corporations or defense forces, police/fire/and ambulance heads of departments if not the “top” person; in politics, science, education, and countless other professions, but they all have one thing in common.  They are women; equipped with all manner of intelligence, experience, expertise and know-how. They’ve seen their own potential, they’ve set their own goals, and they’’ve gone ahead to achieve those goals.

Then there are those women who describe themselves as being “JUST” a housewife, or mother, or daughter, who because of today’s society not recognising or appreciating women in whatever role they play or choose, not necessarily head-line or newsworthy names,  are seen as not being successes.   Let me tell you, they are as much a success as any woman who climbs the corporate ladder and leads a reputable company to million dollar profits, or dare I say it, becomes Prime Minister!

So it is with the plus-size woman.  Many are not hindered in their setting of goals;  just as many are the recipients of rude and down-putting attitudes and behaviour of others in the community, sometimes even friends and yes, family.

We have the power to stand up for ourselves (without becoming militant);  we have the skills to prove our worth in whatever endeavour we set out to do;  we can climb mountains, we can swim the English Channel if we want to.   We can be worthy and valuable human beings.   We can inspire and mentor others;  we can aspire to new heights for our own personal development.  Nothing is impossible.  Again let me say, nothing is impossible - if you want it with a passion.   

And that’s what is missing out in a lot of people’s lives.  Passion.  And I’m not only talking about passion such as love and sex.  I’m talking about wanting something so much that you will stretch yourself and your mind to achieve it.   You’ll go the extra mile, for yourself.

And the result (even if you’re not the winner of the race, or the one who receives the Woman of the Year Award) will be a feeling of “yes, I’ve done my best and I feel good about that”.

So finding acceptance WITHIN ourselves is surely enough motivation for us to strive, ever forward, in whatever we do, wherever we are at any point in time.

What it comes down to is being content with who andwhat we are.  And being kind to ourselves.  Don’t pile guilt upon guilt onto our own shoulders, just because other people tell us we’re not perfect.  Are they?   Seriously, are they?

We can’t be categorised as being one thing or another, because we’re unique.   Let me say that again - we are uniquely formed and we are uniquely different to each other.  If we pursue the unrealistic dream of becoming a clone of someone else, then we’ve lost the plot.  They can’t become us, and we shouldn’t waste time in trying to become them.  You are you, and I am me.  Surely that’s enough to be proud of.

Telemarketing ploys! and SUMMER FASHION PLUS SIZE

If you're like me, you probably get these annoying phone calls quite regularly.   They take up time, especially when you're waiting for an important call from someone else, but more importantly for someone who lives alone you feel somewhat "threatened".   The fact that there's no one at the other end of the phone makes you imagine all sorts of things.

Michelle, the daughter of one of our group, told her Mum that this was the best way to deal with these calls.   Whether it works can only be gauged by the fact of whether these calls become less and less, but it could be worth trying.

It seems that this is a telemarketing technique where a machine (read: computer?)  makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.

This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a 'real-life' sales person to call back and get someone at home.

What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialled the call, and it kicks your number out of their system.

SUMMER FASHION PLUS SIZE
Just discovered this youtube and while "summer fashion" may differ a little each year, this is quite an interesting video.  Well designed clothes quite often can be "in" whatever the year!

Are we being over-critical?

A group of us were talking this morning over our Saturday morning coffee get-together.  The subject, of course, came around to the Royal Wedding yesterday.   Then Jane mentioned our Prime Minister, Julia Gillard and her outfit worn for the wedding.

Ms Gillard has been visiting world dignatories over the past week or so.  She was a guest at the Royal Wedding and had a one-on-one audience with the Queen afterwards.   Well, she is Prime Minister after all.

Last week Gai Waterhouse (and other women who are respected as high fashion exponents) commented on the fact that maybe our Julia needs a little bit of help in the choice of her fashion apparel.  They also mentioned her hair style, (she does have a live-in hairdresser to call upon!), but that doesn’t fail her as much as her dress sense according to many women. 

But has it occurred to you, as it most definitely has to us, that Julia’s dressmaker seems to have only one pattern (perhaps Butterick had a special deal on that particular pattern last year?) which she uses to make all Julia’s jackets?   Surely the position of Prime Minister would include a few experts in the art of dressmanship, colour co-ordination as well as styles and designs to suit her shape and figure?   The creamy, silver jacket chosen for her outfit of the day for the Royal Wedding was by Perth designer Aurelio Costarella, but was it really so different in styling to her normal every-day jackets? 

Have a look at a few pics taken from the internet (copyright remains the owners' property in all cases) and see if you agree.  

We all know that women in the public eye find themselves at the mercy of journalists and reporters and it must be difficult to please everyone all the time.  But "position" also dictates that fashion sense if not evident at first, can be learned and put into action.   "Make-overs" occur every day of the week, and they can be the difference between mediocre and stunning!    So are we being too critical?

Friendship!

Many women from all around Australia and overseas are part of the RoseMary's NoteBook© mailing list.   They're all very special women, and over the years we have come to know each other, and in many cases to share each other's problems and lives.   It's amazing how having a friend, even the other side of the world, can brighten and lift us up should we be feeling down at heart or worried about life issues and matters.  One thing that I have always guaranteed and plays a big part in my Code of Ethics which I set back in 1991 is confidentiality.   I am proud of the fact that I have never digressed from those aims and objectives.   Women trust me, and I hold that trust very high.

With the arrival of the storms that hit Australia in the early hours and days of January, which have continued unabated and increasingly fierce with the arrival of Cyclone Yasi, many of my friends have been effected by these incredible occurrences.   Not only in Queensland but in most of the other States as well, as the torrential rains and floodwaters continue to cover vast expanses of this, the "driest continent".   The tail of Cyclone Yasi is expected to bring even heavier torrential rains into Victoria, where an "inland sea" continues to cover many parts of the North West.  Those rains are also expected to concentrate on the North East as well.

The personal and financial bills of these floods and now the cyclone are almost beyond comprehension.   Thousands upon thousands of families have been effected and in a sad majority of cases, relationships are already being torn apart.  Children are traumatised.   Homes and farms that haven't been washed away are still under water and could be for another two months - how does one deal with that?

At times like this we are at a loss to know what to do.  Those who can, volunteer to help out through agencies and by individual assistance.   Those who can, give financially.   Those who are limited in their ability to do much at all, do what women have always done, sat and prayed about their friends.

And this morning a darling friend of mine from Louisina, USA, wrote to ask how I am faring.   Now that's a sign of friendship.   Writing a loving message from the other side of the world to say that she's thinking of me.  

And that is the sort of thing that friends do.   Not only care about each other, but tell each other that they're important.   And my dear friend has done just that.  She's reminded me that a few words can make a difference to how we feel - about circumstances, about ourselves and about our lives.  

What is self esteem?

It’s many things. Here are some of them.

Self esteem is learning to like yourself (as you are!). Self esteem is learning to see yourself as a friend would see you, as a person worthy of respect. Self esteem is learning that it is not being selfish if you want things - perhaps you’d like to go to university; you’d like to have a top flight career; and you’d like to dress well.

Self esteem is learning that people from all sorts of walks of life should treat you with respect and courtesy. Self esteem is learning that your health and fitness should be seen as being of the same worth as a more petite and younger person. Self esteem is learning that your opinions should be respected. Self esteem is learning that your intelligence should never be questioned. Self esteem is learning that how you dress is your choice and that you shouldn’t be expected to accept derision or contempt. Self esteem is learning that you have a special place in this universe, and no one has the right to take this away from you.

Self esteem is learning that you have rights. Rights that may include being able to choose for yourself those things that will make you happy. Choosing for yourself those things that you don’t agree with. Choosing for yourself your own circle of friends. Choosing for yourself what you may eat and what you may choose not to eat.

Self esteem is learning that no one has the right to push you into doing things that you don’t want to do. Self esteem is learning that you can do what you want if you really want to. Self esteem is learning that you can wish for anything you want and then go out and make your wishes come true.

Self esteem is learning that you have a right to be loved. By others and by yourself. Self esteem is learning that no one has a right to belittle you, to put you down or to walk over you.

Self esteem is learning that you have the right to pursue a career, and that promotions are part and parcel of that career,

Self esteem is learning that you have the right to look for a partner and the right to be loved and respected by that person.

........© 2011 Autumn Parry

Can anyone tell me why?

Most of our group are intelligent, thinking women. We may be a little on the weird side occasionally, but on the whole we consider we're well balanced. 

A couple of us have been around for a "while" and a couple of us have yet to taste the spoils of success (whatever one may define as success); each of us feels fulfilled and contented at this point in time. But we all smile - a lot, every day. At each other, at what we do, and at times we even laugh at ourselves.

We got to talking over morning coffee yesterday about the angry, hostile, arrogant, smouldering, pouty looks of today's young models. In the newspapers and the women's magazines. They stomp and stamp, they march (even frog-march), they treat the catwalk as their anger-management counsellor. If they could, they look as though they would throw themselves on the floor and give us two minute tantrums just like a 2 year old! And for what reason?

(Copyright: Lolyeish.com)

Does glowering at the audience make their garments more attractive? Does it make them more attractive? And if so, to whom?

What's wrong with a smile? Is there something inherently "bad" about showing the world, from the catwalk and the pages of magazines, that they love what they're doing, that they love what they're wearing, that they want YOU to love what they're wearing?

Because this anger and hostility and arrogance shows itself reflected in the faces of too many young (and older for that matter) women who walk down our streets, who shop in our malls, and who pass us as we walk by. It seems as though it is considered to be normal.

But in our dealings with women a number of them have actually said they won't even say hello or greet people who glare with such distaste - it's almost as though they are at war with the world, with other women and indeed themselves.  

And if you think that models have "always" looked sullen, then look at some of our models of yesteryear - OK perhaps inthe magazines they hadn't thrown their heads back and laughed out loud, but they certainly allowed their inner beauty to show.  Their professionalism extended to displaying a fascination in the beautiful garments they wore and seemed proud of their profession.   In candid photos, even on the catwalks, they were known to smile and occasionally flirt with the audience.   That in itself, drew the audience into the whole picture and fashion shows for the every-day woman allowed her to imagine how she would look in similar garments.   Because of the variety of paper pattern providers, many of those garments were then translated into affordable garments for every woman.

Any opinions?

 © 2011 Morgana de Courcy