Lockdown and Emotions

Hello dear friends,  

This is a “strange” time we’re in.  Being in Isolation I find daylight hours seem slow and tedious, whereas as the afternoon unfolds, I find my day is rushing by. When I speak to some of my neighbours by phone or Messenger , they say the same thing!  Just what is going on, I ask?

This morning I opened the curtains to find the sky grey with heavy clouds.   Two hours later the sky is blue, and the sun is shining.   For those readers overseas, we’re in the second month of Autumn (my friends in the USA call it “Fall”).  While the weather here is cooling considerably, one thing I am missing is being able to walk around nearby streets and to see the ever-changing gardens.  I miss seeing the leaves of the deciduous trees turning into their beautiful colours. 

The Lockdown and Emotions

A number of my friends are telling me they’ve been going through all sorts of emotional ups and downs.  The worry associated with “not knowing” (what this virus is, where it came from, how long we will need to fight it, will it “die” of its own accord, or hide away?), together with not being able to see our families or to join in small groups with our girl-friends, yet trying to cope with the feelings of having no control on almost any part of our daily life, is taking its toll.  

Yet, as another friend from New Zealand wrote in her blog today, “This crisis WILL pass.  We WILL be back to normal, whatever our normal was or will be.   Life may be on hold for many but it still has the potential to be full of dreams and plans.”   She then included a most beautiful Youtube video of her land which has incredible uplifting words.   Visit her blog at:  thelockdowndiary.blogspot.com

Asking for Help

This is a time when our friends - whether close-by or further afield, need us, as we need them.   Too often we hold back and not ask for help, whether it be physical or merely just to “listen” to us when we feel out-of-sorts or “down in the dumps”.   We hold back because we don’t want to worry them, or take up their time.  Yet, I‘ve often found that when I do let my “pride” down a notch or two and actually ask a friend to “listen”, then they are ready, willing and able to put their life on hold, just to hold my hand (figuratively) and walk me through my times of anxiety or stress.    I like to think that I respond in like manner when they call on me. 

This is where, even though the “social-distancing” and “isolation” is restricting us in so many ways, we have opportunities to reach out and seek a friendly word of encouragement through means of emails, telephone calls and face-time.   We don’t need to remain silent, to keep things to ourselves, to wonder how other people are coping.   For when we are aware that we may feel disadvantaged because we can’t meet up with our girl-friends for coffee or get together in groups for lunch, then we become aware that they in turn most likely feel the same way.  

Loving each other

I heard the Joni Mitchell song the other night, “I’ve looked at love from both sides now.” While this is a regretful-love-song, it is more to the point a song about the two sides of love.   We can easily say we love our family, friends and neighbours, but to actually prove that in words, deeds, and caring, we rise above just being someone who says things but never does things,  In so doing, we can then become even more the person we’ve always hoped we would become.

But love doesn’t only have two sides. It is multi faceted. Love is just a four letter word, and yet it is incredibly difficult to define.  There are so many layers.  So many meanings.  So many translations.  Yet love is what makes the world go round.  It’s not being powerful, or being multi-rich, it’s being aware of another person’s needs whether they be physical or emotional and being ready to respond to those needs in whatever way we can. 

We also need to “thank” each other for countless things.   Teena the other morning reminded me about this when she told me she makes a point of saying “thank you” to all the people stocking the shelves in the supermarket where she shops. When you think about it, there are thousands of people who are still working in order for this country to continue moving forward.  To most of us they are the people in the background and we seldom give them a thought.   Why not make a short list of people you can think of, to whom you can say “thank you”.  For doing what they do, whether they are on the frontline (in their selfless examples) or in the background.     

Keep safe , everyone.   God bless you all, without exceptions.

Fondest regards

🌹 🌹 🌹

ENJOYING A LAUGH

As you all know I don't always write about "plus-size" issues, whether they be gripes or commendations.

Sometimes we become far too serious for our own good.  For don't we often hear and in fact even say to others ourselves, that laughter is the best medicine.   I realise this post is a little off-key from anything "plus-size, and I know I am sometimes considered a little "weird" in my sense of humour, but here goes.

I thought today I'd include a terrific Youtube of Pam Ayres, telling the story of Dad's Hand-knitted Swimming Costume.  Pam Ayres' humour is infectious and I hope you enjoy this video and that it will bring a smile or two, certainly a few giggles and even a loud laugh.  

For we need to laugh more often.

FEELINGS ABOUT YOUR SELF-WORTH!

Most of us in this team read a lot.   Our preferred choices of books range from the sublime to the ridiculous and most things in between.

However, the gaining of self esteem and confidence remains high on the list of books that we all enjoy.

At the present time I'm reading a novel written by Johanna Verweerd - "The Winter Garden".   This is a story of painful memories and the realisation that life is passing by.  Ika designs beautiful gardens and one day a letter arrives from her sister, "you'll have to come soon .... Mother won't last much longer."   To think this story dwells on sadness is wrong.  This delightful book takes the reader from the present to the past and back to the present in a beautiful flowing manner, allowing us to be with Ika as she confronts past issues and learns about herself and her own strengths.

I quote the following paragraph from the book:

"Ika would love to have been cheerful, but she didn't know how to go about it.  

Cheerfulness had to begin inside.  The same with laughter.  

Like being afraid, which also started inside a person.  ...........  

So how could she become cheerful?  

Bart said that being afraid evoked the threat of danger.  

Would thinking more about happiness, then, 

help her to experience what it was like to be cheerful?"

I guess there's something to be said for "thinking about happiness" because as many psychologists would agree, "thinking" happy or sad, will tultimately make a person BE happy or sad if they put their mind to it.

A thought for the New Year.

THINGS THAT WILL DO YOU GOOD ....

AND MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD .......

You may find you need to TRIM RELATIONSHIPS.   If you find you are surrounded with negative people who cannot ee the value of your friendship or who treat you as a door-met, let go and move on.

If you don't want to lose the relationship entirely, at least limit the amount of time you spend with that person.

Don't let your garden become entangled with weeds,
 let your self-esteem bloom.

IF YOU BECOME ANGRY

When and if  you become angry

at how you now feel about life

angry at how you look;

angry about regrets;

angry at the things which you feel you are missing out on;

angry at bad decisions made;

angry about past experiences;

angry at certain people;

 and you don’t confront that anger and deal with it

then you successfully stifle

your own maturity and development.

If you want to stay in the mire of uncertainly and insecurity, do nothing

 - but take the responsibility for doing nothing

Others cannot be continually blamed for how you see yourself and your life if you are not open to taking charge and channeling your talents and energy into positive and right-thinking ideas and goals.  Don’t put others in a position where they have to feel guilty about your situation - just acept every person for who and what they are - preferably seeing the good points and appreciating those good points.    And how about recognising YOUR own good points?

And if others don’t fit into your perspective of decent and worthwhile people, then look elsewhere for your friendship.  This also applies to families, - quite often a family member can be a hindrance fo one’s own self-esteem and self-confidence.  Treat them with the respect they deserve - no more, no less, but don’t waste time on them.

Time is far too short to conentrate on negative people and negative situations.  Rise above the depressions and cloudy outlooks of life, and learn to look at yourself and see youself as a valuable person, and you’ll not only be a better person but certainly a happier one.  You don’t have to be popular, but at least it can be said of you that you know yourself, and accept yourself, and maybe before long you may find yourself considered by friends and foes alike as being a person who is straight forward and still nice to know.

.....© Rosemary P-B

BEWARE AN ELECTRONIC SHOCK!

It's amazing just what you can read in the daily newspaper, in my case the Melbourne Sun-Herald, especially when you're relaxing with a cup of coffee at your favourite Coffee Shop, after a morning's shopping.

(Please note that the bra pictured is NOT the so-called prototype "smart bra").

The headline did it for me:   

SMART BRA MAY STOP WOMEN OVEREATING

(I'll quote the article ver batim - with acknowledgement to who ever wrote it, although there was no indication as to who that might have been or which news agency it came through.)

"MICROSOFT researchers (who else????) have designed a smart bra that monitors a woman's mood in an attempt to prevent "emotional overeating".

The bra contains several removable sensors that monitor heart rate, breathing, skin activity and movement.

In theory, the bra could determine when a wearer is stressed and likely to look to food for relief, Microsoft researchers claim.

It would feed the data to a smartphone app via bluetooth and provide interventions such as breathing exercises to help the wearer beat their urge.

The researchers said the bra predicted emotions "significantly better than chance" after testing it on four women for four days.  They compared the physiological data to the women's self-reported emotions.

"Based on these results, we conclude building a wearable, physiological system is feasible," the researchers wrote.

But they said a real-world smart bra would need to be made more comfortable and have better battery life.

Analysts view wearables as the next frontier in technology.  Already there are wristbands that monitor well-being."

I don't know about you but technology seems to be going into areas that not even Captain Kirk (or even Mrs Kirk) envisioned.

How would you launder a bra that has a battery in it, in the first place?   Would the next step be possibly reducing the size of this "bra" to such an extent that it was not even necessary but where a chip could be implanted into a woman instead?    What if it got crossed wires and read a woman's mood incorrectly?  (Just like a lot of men!)

Anyway, women know their emotions.   They can read their bodies a lot easier than Microsoft researchers imagine.   Our bodies react in certain ways to protect us, to shield us and to allow us to confront, cope and then manage our situations.  

A "smart bra" - could this be going too far?  Are we becoming a nation of people who MUST have gimmicks for every use and occasion?  (Even uses that are preposterous?)

Pain - and - hurt

The first step in not hurting others

 is to stop hurting yourself.

Don't put life on hold, or wait until ........

We human beings are simply amazing.   Think about it - even if we are hindered by constraints, we can become the person we were meant to be, simply by believing and doing what we can to make that possible.   We can go anywhere we want - even if it is sitting in an armchair watching a travel documentary.   We can be a friend to someone we have yet to meet as well as caring and giving to those we have the privilege of knowing and calling our "friends".   We can receive love, and we can give love.  Unconditionally.

So it saddens me somewhat when I hear women say to me, "I don't know how to be happy."  Are they really speaking about happiness which is, after all, very difficult to describe and may only be fleeting, or do they mean a feeling of complete confidence in themselves and their lives (whatever circumstances they may find themselves in) which is often translated as "joy"?  I ask because I speak from personal experience in that I have known times and moments of happiness, which is not a state of permanence, whereas inner joy is.

Now, both you and I know there many things that occur in our lives that can burden us; that can inhibit us; that can hold us back; and that can limit our feelings of adequacy and worth.   Those of us who have managed to work through some (or even all) of those feelings know what it's like.   And the best advice we can give to those who are still endeavouring to "discover" themselves?  

1. To live in the NOW, and 
2.  LOVE yourself (in order that you may be able to love others, unconditionally), and
3.  LAUGH as often as you can, and as often as you like.   (Isn't there an old saying, that "laughter is the best medicine"?)
4.  Surround yourself with beautiful things (and beautiful people - and we're ALL beautiful, you know) as well as lovely music.

Give yourself constant healthy and happy self-talk.   Read "positive" publications that reinforce your feelings of self-worth.  As often as possible.   Discard thoughts of not being good enough;  "you're not worth it";  "you'll never succeed";  "you're a waste of space" and similar comments made to us by ourselves and people who should be encouragers but who gain some delight in putting us down all the time.   Seriously think about those people and whether you shouldn't perhaps have less to do with them - even if they are family members - because no matter how much you adapt to meet their expectations and demands, you'll never meet their unrealistic ideals. And why should you bother?   Much better to set your own personal goals, and as you reach each of those goals, to set your sights higher and wider - for your own personal achievement and satisfaction, not for theirs.

Don't have regrets - all of us have disappointments, but there's no need to dwell on them.   They are a part of life, and life is to be lived to the fullest.   Life, love and laughter is what it's all about.  Here and now!

 “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. 

We have only today. Let us begin.” 

― Mother Teresa

“When you arise in the morning 

think of what a privilege it is

 to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love ...” 

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

What's your Opinion?

I heard on the television morning news a few days ago, that there's a suggestion from Professor David Penington for teachers to add the weight of a child to their report cards in an effort to combat obesity.  Parents, psychologists, and a whole spate of other interested parties are jumping up and down in anger at possible consequences.

Read the link hereunder and see what you think.   Is "naming and shaming" a child going to successfully combat obesity?   Will it even, in the worse scenerio, pit parent against child, each blaming the other because of the child's size?  Will it set in place a dislike even hatred against teachers and education per se?   Will it put teachers at a disadvantage whereby as many have already said "we're there to teach the children, not to put them down because of their weight"?  Will it set in place more opportunities for bullying?  There are countless ramifications when you think about it.

In fact, let us know here at RoseMary's NoteBook© what you think, because this whole subject of categorising children into "fat" or "thin" is bound to reflect on any child's self-esteem and feelings of worth.   Believe me, I'm one of those people who as a child was subjected to this kind of pressure and I know the personal effect on me.  I'm fortunate in that I've been able to work my way through those feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness based on what I was told regarding my size.  Many people can't handle the humiliation and never get over it.   And speaking with hundreds of women over the years, I can speak knowingly of tragic circumstances resulting from inappropriate behaviours, attitudes, comments and actions by those who supposedly were out there to "help the child lose weight" which then became "we'll help you lose weight" (as an adult),  but who did nothing more than erode that person's perception of self.

As many parents have said, bring back sports and physical education into the curriculum;  encourage children of all sizes to be treated with respect and tolerance by each other and to each other; and encourage kids to get outside and play games - preferably with the parents participation.   We all know that parents have time constraints, but having and bringing up kids is an all-round responsibility - we've been there and done that and at times it was difficult, but the effort was worthwhile.  What we've got to do is the right thing by our kids (and grandkids) while at the same time expecting "society" (the media, the health industry, educators etc) to do likewise.

I look forward to your feed-back.

http://theconversation.edu.au/adding-kids-weight-to-report-cards-will-do-more-harm-than-good-for-preventing-obesity-11211

Mother's Day 2012

RoseMary's NoteBook©

Mother's Day 2012

Mother's Day is here and we would like to wish all Mothers a very happy day as we celebrate the specialness of womanhood and motherhood.

Even if you are not a Mother yourself, it is still a day when we can all say a great big "thank you" to our Mums for being the amazing woman she is and will always be!

Let's not also forget our daughters who are mothers themselves.  Let us share their joy, and reflect on both our pride in them and their achievements.

At this time too, we would like to acknowledge those readers whose Mothers are no longer with us and to let you know we are thinking of you at this time, too.

I know how close I was to my own Mother; Mother's Day can be both a day touched with sadness yet a very sweet occasion as I recall all she did for me, based on unconditional love.   She was a most beautiful person who gave me the inspiration to see myself as a very special person - not based on looks or size and shape, but on natural and genuine characteristics of the feminine essence.

And to Mums who may have lost children - our loving thoughts go out to you as well.  Celebrate this day in your own special way for you need to be reassured that you are loved - even by your friends at RoseMary's NoteBook. 

So to Mums, Grand-Mums, Great-Grandmums; Step Mums; foster Mums; special Aunties and women who are regarded as "sort-of-Mums"; and Mum's to be; we say - Happy Mother's Day.   May you be surrounded with and by love, physically, emotionally and spiritually, on this special day.

Fondest wishes

Rosemary

We love beautiful clothes .... and we love ......

This blog usually highlights beautiful clothes for the plus size woman - it's our small way of "inspiring women of size to look beyond their shape and size and to realise their full potential©".

You and I, and other women, also have other needs in order to feel acceptable and lovely, and self-esteem in a high need.

Over in the States at the moment there is a campaign by the name of Strong 4Life which promotes a healthy life style for kids.   However .......

One of the ads that I've been sent shows a little girl who is, yes, plump.   But she is not obese.

The photo shows a little girl who isn't overly happy.  And I suspect it's not her size that makes her unhappy, it's the inappropriate attitude shown towards her by people all around her.  I speak from experience; and I have photos taken during my childhood where I had the same facial expression.  I was not only unhappy but I was desperately so.  This sort of recent campaign does absolutely nothing to a vulnerable little girl who looks at the picture and then tells herself she has to diet in order to become acceptable.  Most of us who are plus size have all been subjected to teasing and bullying not only during our childhood but adulthood too and we travelled the heart-wrenching diet journey that did nothing for our self-esteem or our weight.  Telling a person they're fat as though it's the most horrible thing in the world will never affect a healthy feeling of self-worth or a healthy body and mind.  

Attitudes and behaviour like this by others constitutes:

(a) abuse (visual, verbal and emotional),
(b) bullying and discrimination
(c) a lack of kindness and
(d) a lack of respect.

We all deserve respect, and children definitely need it.  How can a little girl have a healthy self-esteem if it is inferred in advertisements such as this, that she is "unacceptable".   Our kids need our encouragement and simple guidelines to follow in their lifestyle and to gain a healthy personal self-respect.

I've written about Marilyn Wann many times in my newsletters, and I've discovered that she is collecting photographs of girls (and boys) and women (and men) who all promote the "I Stand for ....." ideal.   And I'd like to include one of her posters here (copyright to Marilyn Wann, of course).    I love this photo - it shows someone who is cheeky, who is confident and someone who knows she is worthwhile and she intends the world to know it too!

The title of this blog is "we love beautiful clothes ......, and we love........."

What we are saying is:

"we love beautiful clothes ...... 

and we love beautiful people ....... 

no matter what age, size or shape"©

(Some of my followers may think this is a step away from my NoteBook© guidelines, but I feel strongly that this particular campaign, which I have no doubt will spread to other countries including Australia,  should be confronted full-on.  We also need professional to stand up on our behalf - those people who deal with us and treat us and who appreciate us for who we are.  People who accept clients of all ages and all sizes and shapes.  Those nutritionists, psychologists and those in the medical and health industries who deal with us and treat us and who accept that we're not all meant to be a size zero.  Those professionals who in fact promote the theory that plus size people can be healthy.)

Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is almost here. For those who do, or will, receive little tokens of love, then congratulations.  May you be pampered and spoiled and really loved.  However, many women miss out on Valentine’s Day wishes or celebrations. I would like to reassure every woman that she is beautiful and her presence in this world deserves to be celebrated - at any time and all the time.

(a) If no one sends you a Valentine’s card or gift: 

(a) buy (or even pick) yourself a small bunch of flowers and put it in a

prominent place so that when you look at it, it is a reminder you are special

(b) indulge in a special luncheon or High Tea somewhere you don’t normally go – this can be most enjoyable even if you are alone. However, if you know of someone who lives nearby who doesn’t have family , invite them to spend time with you at this luncheon or High Tea

(c) invest in a bottle of your favourite perfume, or a luscious chocolate cake

(d) pack a small suitcase and book into a nice little Bed & Breakfast in the hills; or even an overnight stay in one of the leading city hotels. Spoil yourself

(e) pack a small picnic lunch and go to a favourite park (or even a new park you’ve found, or picnic spot. Once again invite someone you know who may be lonely too

(d) write about your feelings in a small essay for publication in RoseMary’s NoteBook© (the actual newsletter that is, which is quite separate from the blog) - use a pen-name to protect your privacy, but let your feelings out. We can all share with you.

One of the things that most of us have to learn is to love ourselves, just as we are, right now. It’s not quite as easy as it sounds, but it’s very worthwhile. When we can love ourselves, then we find we appreciate ourselves for who and what we are. Building upon our own confidence in this way, will open the doors of opportunity to allow other people to see our value – even someone who will in time call us their friend or even in time their beloved. It’s not so impossible.

There are so many videos around that give the plus-size hints and ideas to put into practice within their own  style preferences and to build upon garments already in our wardrobe.

All it takes is a little bit of thought, and an open mind.

This video from Jessica London is really good, even though short.  I love the coat with it's waterfall fronts and the dress with flares that flatter any plus-size figure.    I hope you enjoy it and get some great ideas.

As Women We Need To .......

In fact as plus-size women we definitely need to .....

LAUGH AT OURSELVES, OCCASIONALLY

There have been, and probably will be, lots of books written about women who feel insecure about themselves.  Their looks, their inadaquacies, their lack of sophistication (truly though we use that word indiscriminately - just look it up in the dictionary/thesaurus to see what I mean); their failure at their work and their big-time failure at finding someome who loves them - just as they are!  NOT when they lose 40 kg; not when they have botox treatments;  not when they have liposuction;  not when they diet themselves to death.  Just as they are - right now in real time.

So I bought this little book at a White Elephant sale for 5 cents.   I have to admit that I bought it only because the author's name seemed familiar - and then I realised that she often is part of the "Grumpy Old Women" group in the BBC series - Arabella Weir.   She has an infectious sense of humour.  I decided 5 cents was OK, because after reading it I could just give it in to an Op Shop for on-selling.  *  Let me say here and now, this book remains on my book shelves - it's worth it's weight in gold - literally!  And it's one of those books that I consistently go back to - to have a laugh, and to learn how to like myself all over again.

And boy does Arabella Weir have it spot-on when it comes to describing how we often feel about ourselves - as full-blown losers!  Losers in all respects, except weight (but then we're risen about that - we've come to the wonderful conclusion that we're OK as we are - what a liberating feeling.)

This book, "Does My Bum Look Big in This?" is hilarious.  It's tear jerking hilarious because it's so US!  It's so heart-breakingly glaringly truthful and it's a book that I felt personally, didn't focus on my insecurity - it actually lifted my feelings of self worth.  Because I see life as it is - there are so many misconceptions - even by ourselves about ourselves.    The words she uses come from my heart and your heart and this woman has touched the very spirit of our femininity (albeit plus size femininity).

Read this passage and see if you agree.  Don't be surprised if I quote a few passages from this book over time because I know they'll do me a lot of good, and I hope they will you too.  So here goes:

"Went to the sales, gave up after two shops.  Everywhere I went I knew the assistants were thinking, "Oh, please, why are you bothering to spend your money on clothes; tents from Millets would be more suitable".


"Six Ryvitas, half a teaspoon of no-fat, no-flavour cottage cheese and two wrinkled tangerines since Saturday and several gallons of that Chinese macrobiotic tea.  It tastes a lot like lavatory cleaner with old coins soaked in it - must be really good for you.  Feel great.  


Same day, 2.a.m.   I'm now lying in bed, can't face my usual midde-of-the-night weigh in, I just know I've put on at least half a pound.  The bus conductor's going to notice and give me a pitying look, sort of saying, Well, hello, Miss Piggy, how do you expect to get a seat on the bus with that fat arse?"  It's one of those pay-as-you-enter buses but all the same he's definitely going to be thinking that as he looks at me in his rear-view mirror.


Decided to weigh myself after all - and thanks a lot - weighed another pound.  Went back to bed.  No point going to work if everyone is going to laugh at me."


Now tell me truly, have you ever felt like that?  I know I have and there is a way out of this trap of body hatred.  It's well worth pursuing and it all starts with you and me.  Healthy self-talk is a great first step.

LOVE without ATTACHMENT!

A lot of my friends (and even casual acquaintances) tell me that even though they surround themselves with lots of "positive" messages about self-acceptance, and plenty of healthy self-talk, there are times when they feel "out of place" and not quite sure of themselves, especially when it concerns relationships.

This is a favourite piece I have repeated and reproduced over many years through my newsletters and small booklets. I hope you will find it encouraging in your personal life.

LOVE without ATTACHMENT!

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love does not mean leaning,
and company does not mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts
and presents are not promises

And you begin to accept rejection
with your head up and your eyes clear
with the grace of an adult,
not the heartache of a child

And you learn to build you life on NOW
because tomorrow is too uncertain

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much

Plant your own garden and decorate your soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

After a while you learn that you really have infinite worth.

...... Author unknown

Devonshire Tea

A firm favourite for many decades, the delicious Devonshire tea continues to shine as an example of simple homely pleasures.

This blog is one that includes all sorts of trivia - but all with a focus on the enjoyment of life for the plus-size woman.

And where does Devonshire Tea come into this?  Quite simply - plus size women should have the privilege of enjoying their leisure time to the same degree as their thinner sisters, without being ostracised about being "too fat" and therefore by innuendo shouldn't be eating food of this nature.

I'm firmly of the opinion that we should ALL enjoy these sorts of pleasures without having to justify our choices or decisions to anyone.

I know of women who have been stared at;  who have been told they "shouldn't eat that!", and laughed at and ridiculed, all because they had the temerity to sit down to morning/afternoon tea.  What right does anyone have to inflict such discrimination on another person?

So I say - get out there and enjoy life.  Learn to love yourself for who you are and what you are and indulge in these little niceties to remind yourself that you are a unique and beautiful person.  No one has the right to treat you with any less respect than you deserve.

WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH!

When things get tough and you really feel that the world is against you

that you’ve been “hard done” by:

that everyone is thinking of themselves and not of you:

when finances get tight;

when health problems arise;

when emotions are taut;

when there is disharmony in the home;

when the kids are sick;

when the kids are naughty;

when the kids are late;

when the kids leave home; 

when the weather is cold and rainy all the time

 (and you can’t get the clothes dry);

or when the weather is so hot that all you want to do

 is to find a nice cool spot and hide away from all the responsibilities you have;

when the next door neighbours are giving you a tense time

-  (perhaps a barking dog that never stops or complaints about your new fence)

when your best friend argues with you over some unimportant matter;

when the car won’t start;

when the last light globe has been used and another pops;

when the bus is late;

when the roof leaks;

when dinner spoils; 

when the washing machine gives up;

when the tradesman doesn’t arrive on time 

(and doesn’t have the courtesy to let you know in advance);

when your Mother or Father decides to do their own thing and separate

 - upsetting your whole life and life-style in even small ways; 

when just about anything that will go wrong does go wrong.

DON’T DESPAIR

Every woman has been in similar circumstances at some stage of her life;  and especially a Mother.  When you think that you’re in a pickle, try and remember how your Mum handled the situation - whether by laughter or tackling the problem responsibily and within reason and then getting on with her life.   


Don’t think for one minute that the problems of the world are your own private predicaments - life is far too fickle to concentrate on you alone.  Don’t turn against those who care for you and love you (and have proved beyond doubt in previous times and problems that they can be counted upon to stand by you).  Look at them and turn to then for understanding and encouragement - they’ll surprise you by always giving it one way or another without any strings.

For it is in confronting many of these issues realistically and rationally, then we find we have the inner strengths to handle them - to deal with them, and to actually resolve them.  The more we do this, the more experience we gain in building up self-confidence to be able to make decisions for our's (and others) benefit.   We will then be able to act independently or dependently with the assistance of others, adding to each person’s confidence and allowing our friendships whether family, friends or neighbours, to be enhanced.   There's nothing quite like having experienced some of these problems and getting over them;  you feel more secure in your own judgements and instincts, and can more easily offer undestanding and compassion to others who are travelling a similar path.

What is self esteem?

It’s many things. Here are some of them.

Self esteem is learning to like yourself (as you are!). Self esteem is learning to see yourself as a friend would see you, as a person worthy of respect. Self esteem is learning that it is not being selfish if you want things - perhaps you’d like to go to university; you’d like to have a top flight career; and you’d like to dress well.

Self esteem is learning that people from all sorts of walks of life should treat you with respect and courtesy. Self esteem is learning that your health and fitness should be seen as being of the same worth as a more petite and younger person. Self esteem is learning that your opinions should be respected. Self esteem is learning that your intelligence should never be questioned. Self esteem is learning that how you dress is your choice and that you shouldn’t be expected to accept derision or contempt. Self esteem is learning that you have a special place in this universe, and no one has the right to take this away from you.

Self esteem is learning that you have rights. Rights that may include being able to choose for yourself those things that will make you happy. Choosing for yourself those things that you don’t agree with. Choosing for yourself your own circle of friends. Choosing for yourself what you may eat and what you may choose not to eat.

Self esteem is learning that no one has the right to push you into doing things that you don’t want to do. Self esteem is learning that you can do what you want if you really want to. Self esteem is learning that you can wish for anything you want and then go out and make your wishes come true.

Self esteem is learning that you have a right to be loved. By others and by yourself. Self esteem is learning that no one has a right to belittle you, to put you down or to walk over you.

Self esteem is learning that you have the right to pursue a career, and that promotions are part and parcel of that career,

Self esteem is learning that you have the right to look for a partner and the right to be loved and respected by that person.

........© 2011 Autumn Parry

Life-Style Changes

Life-style changes occur in regular cycles for many people.  Of course there are those who have "found their spot in paradise" whether it is on an island in the Pacific or off the coast of Tasmania; or a small weatherboaed cottage in a country town, or even a small flat which they call their own in a suburb of any mighty city, and they don't have need to take stock and think seriously and hard about moving saround.

But for others the "call of the wild" or "freedom" is a constant reminder that they feel out of place, and fulfilled where they are at that precise moment in time.  Because they don't have the opportunity to change things - or do they?

With the advent of the unstoppable and ever expanding communication technologies which are becoming available for most of us (and for many "can't-do-without-ables") women everywhere are becoming more aware of their need to be satisfied with where they are (geographically as well as emotionally) and where they want to go.  How they are going to get there is yet another question which demands answers.

For those women fortunate enough to have their own homes, and/or businesses, and not to be under the threat of "eviction" either from their home or their marriage (partnership) and who have financial savings which can see them even through the foreseeable future, then the world's their oyster, in every possible way.

On the other hand, those women who have suffered emotionally and in some cases physically through bad relationships - whether it be marriage or even by bad parents or friends, need  extra incentives to first of all establish what they want for themselves and then what they want from life.  How they strive to attain it depends on the support of family and friends and sometimes ohly from the support each of us can build up from within ourselves.

Those without financial savings to call upon are quite often faced with quandries that appear too difficult to contemplate let alone to overcome.

However .......

It is so important for each of us to learn to value our own worth.   Our personal integrity demands it.  If we really want something with all our heart and mind, then we should go out and do what we can to assure that goal being reached.  And if it isn't?  Well, you know full well that you have done the very best.  Some might say that you didn't try hard enough or that you didn't really want it in the first place - how do they know?   They haven't a clue - don't waste time listening to them - your self-esteem can't allow THEIR opinions to take over your own goals and ambitions.

You've got to be satisfied with what you do and how you go about improving life for yourself.  Don't be satisfied with less than the best you can achieve.  And don't be put off by the fact that maybe you don't succeed at first try. Nothing that you really want is so easy as to be minimal or attainable without much effort.  Otherwise no-one would bother about setting goals and dreaming dreams of betterment.

We all have limitations.  We all have different needs and wants.  We all have different levels of those needs.  And we all come from different socio-economic-environments.

But don't let any of these things deter you 

in your quest to conquer doubts and to realise your dreams

And why shouldn't we all have dreams?  They're the building blocks of confidence,

Set yourselves some simple little "wants" and go out and prove to yourself that you can achieve them.  It's up to you.

'

Happy New Year!

The build up to New Year's Eve (and the associated parties and get-togethers for families and friends) is really evident now!  Here in Australia it's literally New Year's Eve Day, and many small parties are already beginning!  Families are meeting up with each other for a quick snack at local cafes and restaurants while others are preparing the BBQ in the back garden for later in the day.

We were "promised' temperatures up around the 40 degrees, although while it's humid outdoors, there could also be the possibility of thunder storms later. 

So not let's waste time.   Here's our wish to everyone - Happy New Year!   May all your dreams come true, may your goals be achieved, and may you have a happy, safe, contented and happy New Year to follow.   These wishes are expressed to all, but especially to those many thousands of people in Queensland who have been evacuated from their homes as a consequence of devastating floodwaters which have swallowed whole towns in their wake.  We're thinking of you, most of us are doing our little bit to send you assistance, through finance, food and necessary daily needs;  we know it's not enough, but you are our brothers and sisters and we care about you.  Hang in there;  keep hope alive, and don't give in.   The New Year is around the corner, and this could bring you all new opportunities of positiveness and optimism.