Size and Colour DO matter!

"Were you ever told you shouldn't wear such and such a colour, because "well quite frankly dear, you're too fat!"

Or have you been told that because you're a size 20 then why do you expect to be able to buy a choice of clothes that fit you?

These comments have been made to me, and about me, too often.

I used to feel miserable because I couldn't buy anything to fit, and as for expecting to get anything sexy or colourful, well forget it, sister.

Over the years too I've managed to read some excellent books by women from around the world on how to increase self esteem, and many of them even gave examples of how I could dress to make the most of myself. For others, there's no doubt these books would have achieved what they set out to do. But for some reason they didn't work for me.

My cousin in South Australia sent me an old copy of an Australian newsletter dealing with plus-size self esteem issues. This newsletter presented news and advice on how to increase knowledge about yourself and knowledge of where to buy larger size clothes here in Australia. There's a lot available overseas, but we can't all afford to buy from overseas. And there's a lot of confusion about the safety/security of buying from places like eBay.

For some reason I kept that small newsletter. I put it away in my small bedside table drawer, and forgot about it.

Until. My partner walked out on me. I was plus-size when we met, and I hadn't gained weight all the time we were together. But suddenly I was thrown into turmoil and had to clean out the flat we had shared for more than 8 years. I had to face the fact he no longer saw me as someone he'd like to spend his life with. 

Added to that of course I started along the route of self pity and self hate - if I wasn't so fat he wouldn't have left me - if I wasn't so fat he would still love me - if I wasn't so fat ..... Maybe if I lost the weight he'd come back. He won't, whatever I do. And quite honestly I don't want him to cme back, now!

I cleaned up the flat. I packed my cases and with a few small items of furniture I moved into a flat I could call my own. And one evening while feeling really sorry for myself, I rummaged through the bedside table looking for perhaps a block of chocolate that maybe I'd hidden there, and I pulled out that old newsletter.

I couldn't believe it. It was opened at a small article written by the editor to some of her friends who had all, without exception, experienced the same thing as I had. Their husbands/partners had recently walked out.

And this small article went on to say we should never, ever, tell ourselves that it was because we were fat that this had happened; because these relationships would probably have broken down even if we were slender like Elle McPherson or Jennifer Hawkins (not too sure if we even have leading Australian models anymore!)

If it was because we were fat, then why didn't the same thing occur with men? Women don't usually leave their husbands because they get fat, or get thin. The reason is usually much deeper than that.

You know, I needed to re-read that article. I needed to be told that I was me, and that I was important, if not to somebody else at the time, then definitely to me.

So I took the next step. I looked at my size and decided I WOULD wear colours that I wanted to.   If those particular colours didn't suit me, my own reflection in the mirror would soon tell me.   I would search for clothes to make me feel good about myself. If I couldn't buy them anywhere, I'd sew them for myself

I decided I would turn the world around, so that MY size and colour WILL MATTER. What have I learned from all this? I've learned that I matter - to myself.

And as a footnote I'd like to say I've come to realise I am just like thousands of other women. The fact that I'm bigger than "ideal" has nothing to do with me, as a person."

© Autumn Parry - Big Issues