Size and Colour Do Matter!

  Our friend Valerie F of Launceston Tasmania wrote to us:

"Living, as I do, in the smallest State of Australia, I've grown up being told that we're the little bit added to the mainland. Well let me tell you, most of us Taswegians consider that's a fallacy - we're the Mainland, and the rest of Australia just happens to be north of us on the world map!

But getting back to size and colour. Were you ever told you shouldn't wear such and such a colour, because "well quite frankly dear, you're too fat!"     Or have you been told that because you're a size 20 (or more)  then why do you expect to be able to buy a choice of clothes to fit you?   These comments have been made to me, and about me, too often.

I used to feel miserable because I couldn't buy anything to fit, and as for expecting to get anything sexy or colourful, well forget it, sister.

Over the years too I've managed to read some excellent books by women from around the world on how to increase self esteem, and many of them even gave examples of how I could dress to make the most of myself. For others, there's no doubt these books would have achieved what they set out to do. But for some reason they didn't work for me.

My cousin in South Australia sent me an old copy of RoseMary's NoteBook newsletter (it used to be sent out by ordinary mail and was quite a thick magazine) dealing with plus-size self esteem issues. For some reason I kept that newsletter. I put it away in my small bedside table drawer, and forgot about it.

Until. My partner walked out on me. I was plus-size when we met, and I hadn't gained weight all the time we were together. But suddenly I was thrown into turmoil and had to clean out the flat we had shared for more than 8 years. I had to face the fact that he no longer saw me as someone he'd like to spend his life with. Added to that of course I started along the route of self pity and self hate - if I wasn't so fat he wouldn't have left me - if I wasn't so fat he would still love me - if I wasn't so fat ..... Maybe if I lost the weight he'd come back. He won't, whatever I do. And quite honestly I don't him to.

I cleaned up the flat. I packed my cases and with a few small items of furniture I moved into a flat I could call my own. And one evening while feeling really sorry for myself, I rummaged through the bedside table hoping to find a block of chocolate that maybe I'd hidden there, and I pulled out that old newsletter.

I couldn't believe it. It was opened at a small article written by the editor to some of her friends and readers who had all, without exception, experienced the same thing as I had. Their husbands/partners had recently walked out.

And this small article went on to say that we should never, ever, tell ourselves that it was because we were fat that this had happened; because these relationships would probably have broken down even if we were slender like Elle McPherson or Jennifer Hawkins.   There were many issues at work and size is usually the one that is brought out and aimed at the plus size person.  Which is grossly unfair, when you look at it. 

If breakdown of relationships was always because we were fat, then why didn't the same thing occur with men? Women don't usually leave their husbands because they get fat, or get thin. The reason is usually much deeper than that.

You know, I needed to read that article. I needed to be told that I was me, and that I was important, if not to somebody else at the time, then definitely to me.

So I took the next step. I looked at my size and decided that I WOULD wear colours that I wanted to. I would search for clothes that make me feel good about myself. If I couldn't buy them anywhere, I'd sew them for myself

I decided I would turn the world around, so that MY size and colour WILL MATTER. What have I learned from all this? I've learned that I matter - to myself.

And as a footnote I'd like to say I've come to realise that I am just like thousands of other women. The fact that I'm bigger than "ideal" has nothing to do with me, as a person."