Procrastination doesn't pay

For someone who believes they are "organised", I think I fell through the floor.  I've just been able to find my blog, and have determined to be a little more regular in posts.

Of course during the time since I last posted on the NoteBook©, I've been battling with a few growing older issues including health, but then many of my readers have found themselves in similar boats, so at least we can laugh togetther, and share notes.

The other thing that happened is that I had a great deal of trouble with my ISP, who startsd billing excessive charges, with no real understanding of my loyalty years.  Some 25 years to be exact.  So I did what any sensible woman does, and I told them to keep their service and I'd go elsewhere.

You know, it's times like this when you realise that putting things off doesn't pay and quite honestly is stupid.   Just because were growing older doesn't mean to say that we've lost the ability to think things through and to make concsious decisions that are favourable and worthwhile.

So that's what's been happening in a nutshell since my previous post.   A tiny nutshell I'll admit, but nevertheless gives an explanation of what I've been up to.

I see on the news last evening that our friend Ita Buttrose has been chosen to be the next Chair of the ABC (Australian Broadcasting Corporatio).    This lady has proved many times of her tenacity, determination, discipline and her ability to take on extraordinary projects.   I persoally wish her well. recall back in the very days of this NoteBook© that Ita interviewed me on her radio programme on 2GB in Sydney.  She encouraged me, she inspired me and continues to do so.

Regards to everyone.

GROWING OLDER, with style

I'm a great observer of places and people.  Particularly women.   When it comes to seeing someone who takes your eye and is an example of a person who is comfortable with who and what she is, then this shows in their dress as well as demeanour.

Take Jill for example.  A woman in her 70s and very proud of it.  I have only known her for about 3 years, yet She astounds me with her dress sense and style every time I see her.

For more examples of "growing older" women who are living exciting and adventurous lives, visit our sister-blog,  "the SILVER GENERATION©".   

FASHION and WARDROBE STYLISTS

I can’t keep up with the expressions, Baby Boomers, Gen X, and Gen Y.  To be quite honest I haven’t found anyone who could explain what they mean.  Young people know, because they fit into one or another of the categories.  I’ve given up trying to understand.

But there’s one thing I do understand, and I hope many adult women will take on the title of being a member of the “silver years”.   What I have learned, and what I hear woman of a certain age say every day, is that “fashion” (read:  clothing in the stores, be that major stores or chain stores), is geared for the young, the very young.   Even, unfortunately, many of the brand names that have their own boutique stores.

In this comment I don’t include the following here in Australia:  Big Time Clothing (up to size 50); Sybil’s (up to size 32), Fella Hamilton; Motto; Maggie T. that all display a knowledge of the older woman’s needs in the fact that the majority of their garments fall within the term “classic”.   I still wish however that all these companies who only go to size 20 and yet claim to be "plus size" would consider increasing their clothing range to include size 24 and 26 at least.   

However I digress.  Let me get back to the subject of the “silver style” (elegance and sophistication for the “silver” generation).   For too long the growing older woman has been given the choice of dressing in the mode of young women whose life is fast-paced and quite casual.  The trend towards tops and tee shirts worn over tights is all very well, and certainly satisfies the needs of the young.  Tights go very well too for growing older women who have good legs, flat tummies and taut and trim upper arms and figures and there are many women who have this advantage. 

But we don’t all fit into that category.   Even though our figures have changed in shape and size over the years, doesn’t mean that given sensible, smartly designed and cut stylish clothing that we won’t come up looking fantastic.  This is where classic and style comes into the picture.  For we deserve to look fantastic!

For those of us who are enjoying the “silver” years, there’s a growing interest within our fashion and wardrobe stylists, to cater to our needs as an ongoing focus.   This has taken time, but the Myer buying team have recently noticed “silver shoppers” are being attracted to the designer brands. 

Stylist Jo Blankfield (Melbourne) writes in an article in the Sun Herald this past week:  “silver shoppers had been scared of looking like mutton dressed up as lamb but were starting to rethink their assumptions that there was nothing available for them in fashion outlets where younger women shop.”

That’s all very well especially for growing older women who have slim and trim figures.  Tight, poured-into leather pants really don’t however look good on a woman with curves who usually takes a size 24-26 and not only proudly boasts her curves but also her wrinkles.  She requires a special kind of styling - garments that flatter her figure by fluid lines, are not tight, or too short, or a cheap looking fabric/colour mix.

So “silver women” everywhere, share your views on what you consider to be a classic, stylish wardrobe for your everyday needs, be they as a retired woman or as a career woman.  Share photos of your favourite garments and tell us where you bought them.

THIS WORKING LIFE - putting yourself first!

Whatever your age, if you are contemplating returning to work or starting up your own business, then you must face the thought of putting yourself first!  Quite often this brings unrealistic burdens.

A leading Australian careers adviser recently said, "because it's necessary for women to return to the workforce today, there comes a time when the family must sacrifice, but you have to remember that there is a long future at stake for the woman, and it is one that will not always include her children".

Children grow up and move away to follow their own dreams and aspirations.

As a result of financial circumstances or a breakdown in a relationship, you may find you HAVE to work, by either getting a job or creating a job in order to keep the wolf from the door.  Sometimes this happens at a time when you may have planned to be "taking things easy" after having fulfilled 30-40 years in the workplace, whether as an employee or as a homemaker/mother.  Now suddenly it's up to you to start all over again.

If you're in a relationship it certainly is NOT selfish or unrealistic of you to expect that the family, even if it is your partner, to work in with you, to take an interest in what you are doing, and to meet you half-way in everyday chores around the home and garden.  That sounds a little too easy for in far too many cases it is an impossible ask.

If this is the case and you find yourself in this predicament, then it comes back to you.  You have to decide on what is right for you.  If your partner or other family members are indifferent to your needs and requests, and they complain, bicker and make life unbearable for you, then YOU need to take stock of your personal needs and make some long-lasting decisions.  It won't be easy, but you already know that.  Stick with your goals and pursue them.  Don't let your aspirations and dreams take a back seat - you deserve better.

If you are a young woman, you may find being "easy in mind" when working or carrying on your own businsss means getting good homehelp which costs money.  Dining out will become a more common event.  Buying preprepared meals wilL ensure there's always something in the frig and freezer whereby you'll not be expected to come home from work and then spend hours preparing and cooking the family meal.   Or maybe you'll have to depend on your mother, grandmother or other family members to step in and assist.  In today's society however, you will often find your own mother has had her own mid-life crisis as well.  This means instead of taking things easy she now has to seek work too.  Once again a Catch 22, with no relief in sight!

If you are determined to start up your own business, and there's no reason why you shouldn't, even if you are 50, 60, 70, then you might get feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty as to how you should look, how you should dress and how you should promote yourself.  You might be faced with any number of "negative" feelings but you're already further advanced in your thinking, so go forward with confidence.

If there's one thing an older woman has, it's courage.  So when you're faced with how you should promote yourself, you only need to look at yourself as you are, your abilities, talents, skills and capabilities.  You should dress according to your particular preference.  You don't have to conform with what other people say, because your're an individual and individuals don't copy each other.  In today's world there is no such thing as being out of fashion because you have the right to make fashion work for you, not against you.  As far as age and size and looks are concerned, these are only as relevant to your business enterprise as you allow them to be.

The best way to dress is the way you feel happiest.  We should all feel free to be in fashion or out of it, to dress to conform or to show lack of conformity;  to attract attention or play safe;  to be exciting or sensible.  We should also feel free to switch from one to another.  The only requirement is that neatness and tidiness should always be paramount.

How older women see themselves

Women don't necssarily always want to LOOK young.  They just want to look as attractive as they can for their age. Growing older is recognising and coming to terms and even accepting certain limitations on one's power to attract.  It is a passage in time.  For some women "growing older" begins at thirty, for others 40, 50, 60, and even 90.  Clearly it is in the mind more than anywhere else.

Always remember as Barbara Taylor Bradford is quoted as saying:  "Life is not a rehearsal, it's the real thing".

Copyright © 1991-2015 R Parry-Brock, Victoria, Australia

I MAY BE A "SENIOR" BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN A THING IN THE SCHEME OF THINGS!

It's a funny thing and I can't quite work it out.   I've been writing this and other blogs for more than five years (my NoteBook© of course has been going for 24 years now), and when I check the stats of how many followers I have on this particular blog, there are so few that I wonder why and more importantly what is going on?   Some of my colleagues and friends have literally thousands and of course their FaceBook friends number in the millions!!!!!

Is it that the content of my blog isn't interesting?  Is it that because there are thousands of fascinating blogs out there to read in any one day that one (mine) doesn't rate a mention?

Is it old-fashioned?  Boring?   

Well, I mentioned this to a group of colleagues the other day.  I was met with a great deal of laughter,  Even within that group each and everyone of them said they had the NoteBook© top of their lists of feeds.  I then asked some of my website friends and people who work with numbers and stats every day and they tell me there's nothing to worry about - there are LOTS of people following me!   So that intrigues me!  

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that "statistics" in this modern world aren't quite what they appear to be and most definitely are not what they are supposed to be.  They certainly are not what they used to be and I speak advisedly on this matter because I used to deal with "stats" every day in my work.

With that said I've decided to do what I do best.  Dig my heels in and continue in my own stubborn way. 

Even Rett Butler from Gone with the Wind  was quoted as saying, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" as he went merrily on his way. 

I could also add the words, "I don't give a damn what people think" and go on my merry way too.  Which means I shall continue writing my blog and having fun doing so, all the while not worrying about how many "followers" I have (according to the Stats - whoever counts these!)

PS.  Many of my other friends around the world who write blogs have told me the same thing - they don't even know whether ANYbody is reading or following them.   A couple even stopped writing altogether and then received numerous emails asking why had they stopped!

I say, forget the numbers - and that's a good title for another post dealing with size, don't you think?

'til next time

It's about time!

Sketch © RoseMary's NoteBook 1991-2014

This is a small post on the subject of "discrimination".    It is imperative that the media (especially women's magazines be it hard-copy or online) come to grips with the fact that their readership is not made up entirely of  20 year olds with slim figures.  Women of all sizes and ages read their publications and it's about time that more portrayals of older people dressing as "they" see and feel like it, are included in each and every edition.

When these magazines, which they claim for all women, deign to present special little supplements for the older or the plus size woman, they treat it as though they're doing us a service and we should be eternally grateful for it.  Unfortunately they're carrying on the form of disctrimination that defies reason.

When will the media see women in all their differing shapes, sizes and ages as women per se.   There's no need to imply that anything other than a young, extremely thin woman is not acceptable as being typical and representative of women you see in any home or shopping mall.

Let's get real.   As an advocate for size acceptance for more than 40 years, I can't believe it's taking so long for "society" to demand total acceptance of all our differences, which after all, make us the same.

We need to celebrate womanhood for what it is and what it stands for.   As far as the media is concerned we've made no real inroads for decades.   Celebrate our natural shapes and sizes, and that includes thin and curvaceous.

Does "aging" mean we must become invisible?

I've been reading a lot lately about mature-aged women feeling "invisible" as the grow older.  Now for a plus-size woman to say this causes a great deal of confusion and conversation!  Dare I say it, it also causes some amusement - even amongst plus-sizers!

An older woman is not expected to dress in the young trendy fashions - if she does she is subjected to a certain degree of ridicule; and yet on the other hand there's not much out there in the marketplace that allows for elegance and style for the growing older woman.

Growing older women (and I'm speaking for the 45 onwards woman) want to be smart in their dress, but unfortunately many of the well-known labels seem to have gone the way of the albatross and either converted to "young" fashion or else closed their doors.

Women in their mid 40s and older don't want to necessarily become part of the "beige" population - they want colour and flair.

It's always encouraging to see women such as Helen Mirren and Dame Quentin Bryce who always make headlines with their fashion-sense.  There's a good reason I have no doubt.  That is they have their clothes "made" for them.   I don't think they just happen to duck into the nearest so-called boutique at their local shopping centre to find something that says "style".

Copyright: http://www.mydaily.co.uk

Dressmakers are hard to find - especially those who will take on projects that include the plus-size woman.   If you know of a local dressmaker then write and let us know so that we can share that information with readers.  We will even draw up a Directory, divided into States - cities, suburbs, rural and country areas.  

HOW CAN YOU STAY HAPPY AND HEALTHY .......

While at the same time you're growing older .....

As we well know, most women very early form a habit of putting everyone else first. When she becomes a mother this is a "natural" habit that very soon becomes a life-style. It stays with her. A consequence of this, though, is that as we grow older, we're often unaware of what activities we can enter into, which will boost our mood, our attitude and immunity. But there are a few things, that even the so-called experts agree on, that will help us through this.

Here are one or two suggestions.

TALK. Bottling up worries or sadness is deeply unhealthy and guaranteed to suppress immunity. If you feel sad, chat with a friend and don't be afraid to cry. Tears are a good way of releasing repressed emotions and stress. If you feel you need more than that, ask your GP to refer you to a professional counsellor.

LISTEN TO MUSIC. Countless studies show that laughter is hugely beneficial to health - and sharing laughter is better still. So rent a funny DVD, get some friends around and let your humour take over. If you're not really into some of the "modern" humour, why not even drag out of the kid's cartoons/Walt Disney films? Just be a kid again - even if you have grey hair and wrinkles.

EAT and DRINK. In moderation - of course! But then why do we always put limitations on what we should do, especially to relax and recharge our batteries. Seriously though, don't let the fact that just because you might be alone, that you needn't go to the bother of laying the table properly for a meal. Put a small vase of flowers of a specimen rose beside your plate setting, and enjoy a nice wine (even non-alcoholic). Too often we can feel guilty about enjoying ourselves, which is not the way it should be. Tell yourself, I deserve to be pampered and if this means pampering yourself, then so be it. You'll soon believe it.

PRAY. Even those with "no-faith" understand the importance of having a special little place in their home such as a small side table with family photos, flowers, a candle, anything that represents beauty and love, will bring a warm sense of well-being. Those with faith, know the importance and the countless benefits they receive from actually praying or talking with God.

THINK POSITIVE. Hard to at times, but work at it. Never go to sleep fretting over a problem. It achieves nothing. A better idea before going to bed is to concentrate on all the happy (even tiny) events of the day for a few minutes. Avoid negative thoughts at all costs.

Stay away from people who constantly bombard us with doom and gloom. Never lose hope. Remember, miracles do happen, every day, to ordinary every-day people, like you and me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!   MAY YOUR DAY BE FILLED WITH LOVE AND MANY NICE SURPRISES.

DEFYING SOCIETY'S VIEW ON AGING

This is a great video of feisty women of a "certain age" - whatever that age is!

Because whether they (society) want to believe it or not, we have an innate knowledge of what we want and how we want to dress.

Watch this and you'll come away feeling more confident.  Put into practice what these women say about themselves, and you'll feel much happier about yourself and you'll also become healthier.

AGING OUTRAGEOUSLY! - Keeping Focus!

Let's start off with the obvious. A woman goes through many phases as she grows from childhood through to a teenager, an adult and then an older woman. These changes influence & impact upon her life at all those particular points in time and travel with her into the future, sometimes bringing with them emotional reminders, both good and bad. These she either confronts & deals with or carries as baggage.

But for the majority of us all the "seasons" of womanhood are exciting, filled with promise and challenges plus a few pitfalls which we manage to struggle through and rise above when it's difficult but which we mainly sail happily through.

Then one day the face in the mirror that looks back at us, is unrecognisable. Experience, joys, hardship, worry, anxiety, the ups and downs of surviving in a world that may present hurdles and difficulties, show in our face and in our body. Gravity wears away at our looks and figures, and for some reason our mind undergoes a similar change. Not always for the better I might add. Yet it forms the opinion that the person in the mirror no longer deserves to be pampered or bothered about. Even as far as saying that the person no longer deserves respect.

With that decision, many subtle and not so subtle changes become habit. We take less care of our complexions, our hair, our hands and feet. We take less trouble in choosing clothing. Anything that fits (whether it suits us or not) will do! Many women even give up on their favourite past-times or leisure pursuits, including hobbies, and "retire". When I think about it, and I decided not to think about it too often a long time ago, "retire" is such a negative word! It's really not worth my attention, because by definition it means, to sit in a corner and rusticate! Isn't it better to "rest" (rather than "rust") when we need to, and to bustle around doing things when we choose to? As so often happens when a woman "retires" she loses her sense of being important, if not to others, then quite often to herself. Silly, isn't it?

And what happens is that women too often no longer see themselves as intelligent, articulate women deserving of having their opinions heard and respected. We also forget, far TOO often, that we are still sensual beings.

Is it wrong for us to "want" to wear makeup, to dress nicely, do things we want to do, go where we want to go, travel, undertake courses at TAFE or university, even?

Why not buy a new car, leave a failed and/or broken relationship, especially if that relationship has become violent and uncaring? Even, dare I say it, to take a lover?

Don't get me wrong - I have strong principles and ethics that direct my personal standards, but life is short, and it needs to be treated with the utmost respect, humility and affection.

Affection for life? Of course. It's a wonderful and unique thing - life. You can't make it, you can't copy it, you can't replace it. It's a gift to you and I believe, passionately, that because it is a gift, it should be treated with gentleness and total and unconditional love and respect.

To be continued .....

DRESSING FOR THE 'GROWING OLDER' WOMAN

I often get asked about Dressing for the Over 50s (60s, 70s and 80s).   Because you see it doesn't matter what age we are as far as years are concerned, we still want to look good and feel good in what we choose to wear.

And when it comes to choosing, a lot of us become fearful because we don't want to be seen as "mutton dressed up as lamb".     It's a natural fear as we grow older, but there are hints and strategies that we can put into place so that we know that we have done all we can to make ourselves look good.   And that is always the first step to feeling good.

Here's an interesting video.

http://video.about.com/fashion/Don-ts-for-Fashion-Over-50.htm

HAS "CASUAL" TAKEN OVER OUR LIVES?

I like to think I’m “modern” in my thinking and approach to life in today’s society.   As far as “fashion” or clothing is concerned, I convince myself that I have a fully rounded and balanced viewpoint.  Personally I enjoy being and dressing casually as the mood takes me; there are times though when I like to dress a little “smarter” than casual.  Even if my clothes are not expensive or seen to fall inside the perception of being 21st century, I do still “feel” good when I dress up.  To keep within my strict budget also gives me a challenge which I enjoy meeting time after time.

With a major move from a large home to much smaller accommodation, my circumstances have changed over the past week or so.  Being a woman growing older (and I suppose a man faces similar options) this means learning to adapt and to put into place new ways of handling those changes.  The important part of dealing with changes of any kind that face us, is in maintaining and retaining dignity and control (as much as possible) within constraints both self-imposed and imposed by others.

Walking down the street or through some of the major shopping malls, it is quite obvious to an observer than there are now two categories of women’s code of dress.  Three if you count the window displays of our clothing stores - yet no matter how hard I look I never see anyone dressed in those clothes from the store windows.  Do women buy them and then hide them in their wardrobes, only to be bought out to be admired by themselves and friends, or do they actually wear them?  When and where do they wear them?

So to get back to the two codes of dress, as far as I see them today.   First there is the casual casual, which unfortunately could be described as frumpy and so uninteresting as to make the person almost seem invisible.  Then there’s the person who seems to have a wardrobe of jeans and tee shirts and she never veers away from that code.  I wonder how women in this category deal with the thought of being invited to a mayoral ball or a Melbourne Cup Lunch!   They probably panic.

And women of substance, or women of a certain age, what do they do?  Let me say here that I can’t understand those descriptions, although I admit I use them.  The English language had an incredible resource of descriptive power, but when it comes to women of size and growing older, for some reason it’s much easier for society to say “obese or fat” or “she’s old so why does she bother?”  Why have we taken on these definitions?  Because we’ve been forced to in many instances.  But times they are a’changing, girls.

We “bother” because there’s an inbuilt pride in our nature and we don’t want to be categorised as being the same as everybody else.  We’re women, we’re feminine and we care - we honestly care - about how we dress, how we look and how we feel about ourselves.  We’ve gone through all the stages of being unsure of ourselves, feeling guilty about our size; frustrated at having to explain to all and sundry that we’re just different to the size 6 girl on the catwalk (besides, we’ve got a lot more knowledge and experience to back up our feelings of confidence). and we want to be allowed to be ourselves and to express ourselves the way we know best.

We do know best, you know.  That comes of always learning, always searching for ways of building upon our self esteem, through education and personal knowledge.  Most women “of a certain age” can’t be persuaded that they’ve got to change; that they’ve got to get “with it”, that they have to admit to being old-fashioned in their ideas.  Younger women have every right to express their views on how they dress and how they live their lives, yet the older woman has to justify her opinions about self and life-style.  Why?

My question in the title of this post is “Has “casual” taken over our lives?‘   And I’m beginning to think that it’s about time that the growing older woman in today’s society should stand up and be counted.  She has every right to be recognised and accepted and in fact applauded when she steps outside of the jeans and tee shirts syndrome and embraces her own femininity the way she wants.  Yet if that includes wearing jeans and tee shirts, then so be it.  But, and this is a big but, if she wishes to dress livelier, bolder, sassier and jazzier than jeans and tee shirts, let her.  Compliment her, see her for being proud of who and what she is.  Younger women will see that growing older holds exciting challenges in store for them, in that they will (hopefully) be more fair minded and open to the fact that women are able to enjoy their lives by making conscious decisions based on their own personal preferences through all stages of their maturity.  We don’t have to follow trends that we are told we should follow at EVERY stage of our adult lives; we know best.

As I have quoted so often over the years, 

“you are your own best asset - promote yourself,

 and NEVER, EVER compare yourself to someone else.  

You are unique.”

Growing old and deserving to be treated with respect

It's difficult at times to convince yourself that what is happening around you, is actually for the best. You might get slapped down and trodden on, by people who you think really care about you, and you tend to blame yourself.

And sometimes the blame is deserved, but quite often not. It seems to me that there is a growing lack of courtesy and respect shown towards older people these days. Is it my imagination? Has it always been so? 

I don't think so. And I base this statement on what I have seen happen around me, not only within my own family, and extended family, but many others, over the years. In our family parents and grandparents all shared in the dignity of being considered important and worthy of respect, in both thought as well as speech by all members of the family, and even more especially by neighbours and the society in which they moved.

Today people up to and around 40 and 50 years of age, tend to "look down" on older folk, as though within their wrinkles and greying hair and slower painful steps, they've managed to lose all their intelligence! They also take the attitude that older people don't have "feelings" anymore and can't be hurt or offended by inappropriate attitudes or behaviour.  Sometimes their exasperation is extreme.

In different cultures around the world, older members within families and society were, and in many cases still are, seen to be the "wise ones". They are sought out to advise, and to give encouragement, to the younger members of family, based on their experience and knowledge of the world. Even if that knowledge only revolves around their home-life, and nearby neighborhood or community. 

Sadly there are a lot of people today who are never thought about by their families. They are left, isolated, and forgotten. Others are more fortunate enough in having the security of a home and financial backing. Today one seldom sees or hears of older parents or relations living within the warmth of the family circle. 

The speed and extent of the building of "retirement villages" has even surprised the developers/investors. Many loving and gracious elderly parents (even both sets of parents - that is parents and parents-in-law) who remain mobile and independent (i.e. not expecting to take precedence over other family members, are content to be part of the family when it is convenient for all to mingle and get together. It keeps them young! 

Yes, "retirement villages" are a viable and sensible option for thousands of "retirees" - if they prefer to be totally independent, and can afford to be, that is. So many men and women find themselves at the time their lives when they should be enjoying themselves, no fault of their own, to be almost penniless. Not every one can call upon the proceeds of "Superannuation" to provide financial security in purchasing a home unit within a "village" and being able to carry-on in a life-style that they have chosen or prefer.

Yet as people in the western world have become more affluent during past decades, the threat of a "recession" brings with it all sorts of stresses about where to live and how to afford to live, even very simply. And this applies more specifically to those who, as said earlier, have no financial security upon which to draw upon.

And this brings me back to what I said at first. being ignored, slapped down and trodden on. Because I don't like seeing older people treated with a total disregard for their feelings. I don't like seeing them ridiculed, and bullied, and spoken to as though they are naughty children. They deserve the right to be able to stand with head held high, and to be given the respect that their age and wisdom and experience demands.

And because this is a long "post", I can't but help add my observations of many younger women (in their teens and 20s etc) who display the old-fashioned courtesies and respect that older people so earnestly desire.   Is it perhaps that those in their 40s and 50s are so busy with life that they can't or don't want to spend time with their elders and that the younger people have seen the void and actually taken steps to fill that void?   I'd like to think so. 

Growing older - does it mean falling off the perch?

There are days when getting up out of bed is a breeze!   You throw off the bed covers, and spritely stand up, ready to face the day.   You quickly shower (it doesn't take as much time when you feel bright like this than other days when everything is grey!); you get dressed, do your hair and apply your makeup, and begin the day's activities.  You're filled with the joy of standing upright, not being reminded of the arthritic aches and pains.  You're alert and eager to be and do things.  You may have planned the entire day or else of a mind to allow everything to just happen spontaneously.

Then there are those grey days I spoke about.  It's not only the skies that are grey, but the feeling that you're not really inclined to stagger out of bed.  You're not too keen to bother with the shower at such an early hour;  choosing what you're going to wear is a bit of a hassle (why not just toss on what you wore yesterday?).  As for doing your hair and putting on some makeup - well, why bother?

We all experience these types of days.   For some of us, it's easier to complain about the "grey days" and accept the good days without a thought as to our own personal attitudes.  

Because if doesn't matter if you're growing older, or only a teenager, there are always going to be "grey" days and good days.   It's all a matter of fact.   It's what we do with the variances that is important.

I know a person or two who complain about everything.  Honestly.  They complain about the fact that the kettle doesn't boil water the same from one day to the next (how they figure this out I really don't know!).  They complain about the television programmes not being to their liking (they're too darned lazy to turn the TV off!);  they complain about their neighbours ("their kids make so much noise" - well!  let's face it, the world would be worse off if the children never said anything or giggled or laughed or sang or played); the bread doesn't taste the same as it used to;  they don't like Mrs so and so who lives over the road;  they whinge about the grass growing in the backyard;  the traffic congestion morning and night puta them in a bad mood that lasts the entire day; they need a hair trim but can't fit it in with all their other busy-ness;  the teenagers are hassling them about this, that and the other; and the dog needs a bath.  In other words they're very unhappy, and sadly embittered people.

Then there are those people who start the day off singing.  I'd like to be seen and known as one of these people.   Because even though it might not have any influence on those around us, it most certainly influences how well I see myself and my world.   And there's no reason to suspect that falling off a perch is something a growing older person HAS to worry about!   Hanging on to that perch is not only adventurous and brave, it's downright exciting.

Young women today versus young women of yesterday

Continued:

And in the journey, women themselves have overlooked the sacrifices that women in earlier decades have made.  When talking with young women in their 20s and 30s, it comes as a great surprise to them to learn that thirty years ago:

(a) women who were employed by the Public Service had their employment terminated when they married (the official policy of the day). Even in private enterprise, asking for a "raise" in their wages was unheard of.  There was no such thing as Work-Choices, or collective bargaining.  Superannuation was an unknown word.  "Unfair dismissal"?  If your employer didn't think you did your job well, you were fired.  That was that.  Equal pay?  Whoever thought that would ever be discussed.  ***

(b) single women who had babies did not receive social welfare payments - there was no such thing.  Other than  "child endowment" which amounted to a few shillings (equal to one dollar) bringing up a baby (or babies) was seen to be the sole duty of a mother.   If the woman was not married or if the father refused to marry her, most times she had to rely on her mother or other relations to help in bringing up the child/children.    In many cases, (far too many), the other option for single women was that they were persuaded to give their baby up for adoption, or as rumoured at the time, and now spoken about openly, they had their babies removed at birth, never to see them again.   Many excuses were made at the time, including that the baby had died at birth (many times far from the truth).  There was very little that a young unmarried girl could do to find out the truth.

(c)  there were no creches or daycare centres available; there were no kindergartens as such.  Occasionally a woman in the same suburb would open her home to looking after three or four children, for a whole day, part of a day, or before or after school, for a fee. One had to trust their baby or child sometimes to a complete stranger, hoping that that baby was being looked after.  Supervision was left entirely in the hands of the person looking after the children, and there were no audits by government bodies or legislation to cover the safety and health aspect.

(d)  women were NOT "invited" (patronising word isn't it?) to join superannuation funds.  It was unheard of, and if a woman had the audacity to request her inclusion, once they had been more readily accepted in the workplace,  she would have been laughed at.  She was always treated as secondary to a male employee - even if she did exactly the same job.

(d)  women were NOT permitted to take out bank loans.  In fact as far as banking and financial aspects of a woman's life, she had to have a "male" sponsor or guarantor willing to stand for her.  Sometimes it meant even asking a stranger to act as guarantor, which gave them a "hold" over the woman until she repaid the loan.

(e)  women did not own their own homes therefore - based on (d) above.  Women did not own their own motor vehicles.  Very seldom indeed did women own property (unless they inherited it from parents).

(f)  women were considered to be chattels of their husband.  They had very few rights - in the home, or the workplace.  Certainly in the court of law - should there be a divorce.

(g)  most employment opportunities were in factories - processing, manufacturing, the car industry, backyard sewing rooms etc;  shop assistants - mostly shops such as grocers, greengrocers, fish and chip shops.  Girls with higher ambitions aimed for "higher" grade retail positions such as a salesgirl in Myer or David Jones;  or as a theatre girl selling programmes;  or as a hair dresser, etc.  Many girls initiated their own career - such as millinery and/or dressmaking.   The more skilled they were, the more successful they became.

(h)  it was very seldom that a woman initiated a divorce.  To do so was to place herself in an extremely vulnerable position and public scrutiny. She was usually seen as being the guilty one regardless of the reason for the divorce. She would have to prove her need to rely on social welfare (if she had never had a job or if she lost it as a result of the divorce) - which was a pittance, and she underwent repeated investigations into her private life as it related to her "behaviour" and her private income.  That private income was usually zero.  She could very easily fall through the gaps of social interest and concern, and become destitute.

To be continued ...

*** Equal pay - even though women were awarded "equal pay for work of equal value" in 1968, it still remains unattainable for many women, regardless of their career position.  

Young women today versus young women of yesterday

Most teenagers/young women of today appear to have an over abundance of confidence. They will take up all sorts of pursuits and set what seem to a lot of us impossible goals, (particularly those of us who are "growing older").   In fact sometimes it seems as though younger women race towards their goals without much thought as to what they will do should they fall flat on their faces. It's not unusual to hear young women say that they never give failure a thought. Their attitude at times seems to be over-confident. The majority of us however encourage them.

That's not to say that women at all times have not set themselves goals that are achievable as well as those which required their persistence and dedication in achieving, even when it meant sacrificing a lot of things. For instance, many women have forsaken marriage and/or starting a family for years, in order to attain a "career". That career may bring with it great rewards - financial and psychological. 

Women have made incredible strides in becoming more independent over the past thirty years,  or more.  Of course there have always been women who have been pioneers and liberated and have overcome great obstacles to be educated and acknowledged as top of their profession - i.e. doctors, bankers, scientists, lawyers, corporate managers, politicians. But too often reaching these heights has "cost" them in more ways than one.

In the pursuit of "equality" in the workplace, women have had to prove themselves not only as good as but better than,  in too many ways. Unfortunately when this has occurred the weight of public opinion has been against them for wanting to prove their superiority! Too often from other women.


To be continued ......

Standing up for ourselves! Whatever age we are.

Everyone tells us what we should be doing and what we should not be doing.  They even go so far as to tell us how we should be doing and should not be doing, as well as when we should be doing and not doing.  Quite frankly it seems some people want me to become their puppet and to do as I'm told, when I'm told and how I'm told as though I were a small child and not able to think for myself.

Even as a child I had the cheek to sometimes question what adults were telling me to do, especially if I didn't feel comfortable in doing it, and more especially if it didn't feel right. If they explained the reasons and I could sense their concern for my safety or my wellbeing, then I'd fit in with what they said.

When we're adults we feel much more in control. And so it goes - the decades pass and suddenly, we're staring "growing older" in the face. And what happens? Yep, you've guessed it - people start telling us what to do, when to do it and how to do it.

This is the time when we have to stand up for ourselves. To state what we want, and how we intend to achieve it, and when we want to do it. 

I took my adult children aside last week, sat them down and told them exactly how their demands and insistance on how I behave and live my life, make me feel superfluous. You should have seen their faces and listened to their excuses. 

It seems they hadn't even thought about how I feel about things. What they saw was the fact that yes, I'm growing older, and they felt threatened by the fact they'd have to become more responsible for and to me. I've been independent for many decades, but there's always the possibility and probability that I'll have to call on them for more assistance as time goes by. But should that really impact upon my importance not only to them but to me too?

And should that mean I have to lose my ability to decide what to do, how to do it and when to do it? Definitely not!

.....© 2011 Morgana

"S" Plates

What is this nonsense?

In the press recently, an article raised the suggestion that older drivers should be issued with an "S" plate that should be affixed to their car windscreens. This "S" plate would then alert other drivers that the driver of the car in question is a "senior" citizen.

Whoa a bit. We've got "P" plates for those who have just been issued a license, and then there's a Disability Permit for those who are less mobile but who are still proficient drivers (of ANY age!).

But why single out the seniors? Why not an "R" plate for Road-ragers; a "D" plate for disqualified drivers (and this is not a contradiction because far too many disqualified drivers get back into the drivers seat and commit all sorts of road breaches of law); a "B" plate for bad-tempered males (no, I'm not gender biased!); a "Sm" for smokers; a "MP" for mobile phone users (which is illegal but an awful lot of people especially young women do it); and one that my girlfriend suggested "DM" for distracted Mums.

Why are seniors considered to be a nuisance - and as a lot of the media has been pressing in recent times, a "burden" on society? It seems someone has to take the blame for what is going on in society, so let's throw it at the seniors!

This is not good enough!

How can you stay happy and healthy .....

While at the same time you're growing older .....

As we well know, most women very early form a habit of putting everyone else first. When she becomes a mother this is a "natural" habit that very soon becomes a life-style. It stays with her. A consequence of this, though, is that as we grow older, we're often unaware of what activities we can enter into, which will boost our mood, our attitude and immunity. But there are a few things, that even the so-called experts agree on, that will help us through this.

Here are one or two suggestions.

TALK. Bottling up worries or sadness is deeply unhealthy and guaranteed to suppress immunity. If you feel sad, chat with a friend and don't be afraid to cry. Tears are a good way of releasing repressed emotions and stress. If you feel you need more than that, ask your GP to refer you to a professional counsellor.

LISTEN TO MUSIC and/or WATCH SOME FUNNY MODERN/OLD TIME (including ROMANTIC) MOVIES. Countless studies show that both music and laughter are hugely beneficial to health.  Sharing them is better still.   Get out some of your old favourite records, invite a friend around for afternoon tea and set the mood with music playing in the background while you chat.  Funny movies?  Rent a funny DVD, get some friends around and let your humour take over. If you're not really into some of the "modern" humour, why not even drag out of the kid's cartoons/Walt Disney films? Just be a kid again - even if you have grey hair and wrinkles.    Then there are the old favourite movies - Casablanca (Lauren Bacall and Humphtry Bogart); Arabian Nights and Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves (Maria Montez); Captain Blood and Robin Hood (Errol Flynn); the Maltese Falcon (again Humphrey Bogart); The Wicked Lady (Margaret Lockwood, Patricia Roc and James Mason); Phantom of the Opera (Claude Rains);  and let them transport you back to your childhood and youth.   Make sure you have some tissues handy in case a tear or two mists up your eyes.  The main thing is to enjoy yourself and recapture some of the finer memories in your heart.

EAT and DRINK.   In moderation - of course! But then why do we always put limitations on what we should do, especially to relax and recharge our batteries. Seriously though, don't let the fact that just because you might be alone, that you needn't go to the bother of laying the table properly for a meal. Put a small vase of flowers of a specimen rose beside your plate setting, and enjoy a nice wine (even non-alcoholic). Too often we can feel guilty about enjoying ourselves, which is not the way it should be. Tell yourself, I deserve to be pampered and if this means going "all out" as though you were entertaining friends,  then so be it. You'll find it a rewarding experience.

PRAY. Even those with "no-faith" understand the importance of having a special little place in their home such as a small side table with family photos, flowers, a candle, anything that represents beauty and love, that will bring a warm sense of well-being. Those with faith, know the importance and the countless benefits they receive from actually praying or talking with God.

THINK POSITIVE. Hard to at times, but work at it. Never go to sleep fretting over a problem. It achieves nothing. A better idea before going to bed is to concentrate on all the happy (even tiny) events of the day for a few minutes. Avoid negative thoughts at all costs.

Stay away from people who constantly bombard us with doom and gloom. 

Never lose hope. 

Remember, miracles do happen, every day, to ordinary every-day people, like you and me.

(The above photo - Margaret Lockwood and James Mason in "The Wicked Lady")

The "growing older" plus-size woman's wardrobe

Much discussion has been going on within a number of women's groups that I enjoy being a part of.   These groups include women from all walks of life - both career as well as younger women, mothers and even grandmothers.    It doesn't take long before most conversations come around to "what to wear".

While we'd all like to shop at some of the better boutiques, it's not always possible. And the same goes for many thousands of women, whether they be working in lower paid jobs; not working at all; stay-at-home Mums and/or growing-older women.

"Spending budgets" seem to shrink over the years for many women. And this is borne out by the clothing you see in your own local community worn by ladies of greying years. It's not that they're no longer adventurous when it comes to choosing clothing, it's just that for some reason they feel less confident in choosing things that won't make them look like "mutton dressed up as lamb."  I ask you - pretty little dresses for pre-teens and teens just don't look right on a matron!  And yet there are always exceptions.

Because if you look around the traps, at your local shopping mall, at your discount chain stores (such as K Mart, Target etc) and even some of the spicy little "younger" focussed fashion stores springing up, you're sure to find something that will look good on you, regardless of your age. Very often the cost is affordable and if you choose wisely, that garment may well fit in with your life-style for many seasons, not just the one.  It's all in the way you wear that garment and your confidence in doing so.

What seems to happen though is that the clothes in the wardrobe "will do"; and quite often they will, but many times with a little bit of courage, the older woman can look twice as spectacular by extending her horizon beyond thinking that "I'm old, therefore I might as well wear old women's clothes".

And I question the idea of OLD women's clothes. There is no such thing. Just as there is no such thing as a 22 year old's dress, or a 42 year old's dress. Let's leave the number out of the equation and look at the clothing as women's clothing, nothing else.   (Just as we should be able to leave the size out of the equation, but we'll talk about that again at some later time - it's always a subject that needs talking about!)

When we can look at things in the right perspective, a whole new world opens up. Instead of just wearing well-loved and well-worn track suits when going shopping or even meeting up with the "girls", try a little flair. Wear your favourite pants or jeans but dress them up with something really lovely such as the shirt shown above. Tie a white or blue silk or chiffon scarf around your neck, choose a favourite matching tote bag and off you go. Enjoy your "growing older" years by enhancing your knowledge of what you will look good in and feel good in wearing. Age has nothing to do with enjoying life, just as being plus size is irrelevant.

(The above blue shirt is from North Style.com Have a look at their website).