PUT A LITTLE ZING INTO YOUR STEP!

When it comes to being flambouyant, there’s nothing quite like a full-circle skirt.  Especially a long full-circle skirt. 

There’s something quite sensual about the skirt flowing freely around your legs and with Springtime not too far off, why not look into adding this type of garment to your wardrobe.

For those of us who are “growing older”, it can quite often become a matter of “I’m too old for something like that”.   Well more to the point what’s growing older got to do with wearing something that makes you feel good?   

So get out there and let your hair down, as the old saying goes, and even if you only wear it indoors, make it your goal to start looking at yourself as a unique, one-off individual.   Age, size, colour have nothing to do with being a woman and enjoying life as a woman should do.   

Our younger women are experimenting with all sorts of variations and trends all the time.  Don’t put off doing something really nice for yourself.

It’s your time you know,  Right now,   Let’s know what you’ve added to your wardrobe recently and what you intend to add in the short term.

'til next time

Rosemary

AGING NEEDN'T BE DAUNTING!

Hidden within all sorts of abysmal news in the national newspaper this week 

I came across this article which I'm quoting hereunder:

The prospect of ageing needn't be daunting as we're happiest at 85, according to new research.

An increasing number of wrinkles and getting undeniably close to death aren't enough to put the elderly off enjoying themselves - research confirms we don;t get sadder as we get older,

In fact, it seems that just the opposite is true.

A telephone poll of 340,000 people showed that after 50, people start progressively getting happier.

By 85, people were more satisfied with themselves than when they were 18.

While the results of the US Gallop telephone poll showed that happiness came with age, it didn't uncover the cause of this phenomenon, as reported in Live Science.

The survey showed that people start out at age 18 feeling pretty good and feel progressively worse until they hit 50.

But after that point, people begin getting happier.

I MAY BE A "SENIOR" BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN A THING IN THE SCHEME OF THINGS!

It's a funny thing and I can't quite work it out.   I've been writing this and other blogs for more than five years (my NoteBook© of course has been going for 24 years now), and when I check the stats of how many followers I have on this particular blog, there are so few that I wonder why and more importantly what is going on?   Some of my colleagues and friends have literally thousands and of course their FaceBook friends number in the millions!!!!!

Is it that the content of my blog isn't interesting?  Is it that because there are thousands of fascinating blogs out there to read in any one day that one (mine) doesn't rate a mention?

Is it old-fashioned?  Boring?   

Well, I mentioned this to a group of colleagues the other day.  I was met with a great deal of laughter,  Even within that group each and everyone of them said they had the NoteBook© top of their lists of feeds.  I then asked some of my website friends and people who work with numbers and stats every day and they tell me there's nothing to worry about - there are LOTS of people following me!   So that intrigues me!  

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that "statistics" in this modern world aren't quite what they appear to be and most definitely are not what they are supposed to be.  They certainly are not what they used to be and I speak advisedly on this matter because I used to deal with "stats" every day in my work.

With that said I've decided to do what I do best.  Dig my heels in and continue in my own stubborn way. 

Even Rett Butler from Gone with the Wind  was quoted as saying, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" as he went merrily on his way. 

I could also add the words, "I don't give a damn what people think" and go on my merry way too.  Which means I shall continue writing my blog and having fun doing so, all the while not worrying about how many "followers" I have (according to the Stats - whoever counts these!)

PS.  Many of my other friends around the world who write blogs have told me the same thing - they don't even know whether ANYbody is reading or following them.   A couple even stopped writing altogether and then received numerous emails asking why had they stopped!

I say, forget the numbers - and that's a good title for another post dealing with size, don't you think?

'til next time

DEFYING SOCIETY'S VIEW ON AGING

This is a great video of feisty women of a "certain age" - whatever that age is!

Because whether they (society) want to believe it or not, we have an innate knowledge of what we want and how we want to dress.

Watch this and you'll come away feeling more confident.  Put into practice what these women say about themselves, and you'll feel much happier about yourself and you'll also become healthier.

AGING OUTRAGEOUSLY! - Keeping Focus, Part II

In our travels and dealings with women we have come to the conclusion that most older women (of course there are exceptions to the rule) have, during most of the seasons of their lives, given to others excessively even to the point of sacrifice and neglect to themselves and their personal needs (of time, money, opportunities and lots of other things.)

Now this is not an un-natural occurrence. As a child we defer to our parents and honor them for being who and what they are. Whether we like them (as well as love them) is sometimes debatable, but ....... As a growing teenager, we suddenly discover we can do lots of things outside of our parents rule-book (whether they know about it or not is another matter!), but we grow and learn and discover lots of new things, and sensations. As an adult we can quite often find ourselves responsible for other people, including parents, children, other family members, indeed even friends. We take on all these responsibilities with sensitivity and regard them as being privileges.

Then one morning we wake up, and life has changed - drastically and dramatically for us.

Our children (those of us who have them, bless their little hearts) have moved out, married and started their own families; our parents may have an even greater need of our attention and our love and care (and even though we get tired at the end of the day, we really wouldn't have it any other way, because the alternative is too horrid to think about !); our partners need not only more emotional care and support but also physical; and friends have a far greater need and call upon us to offer the shoulder more often plus a few tissues to help them through all of what's going on with, and in, their lives.

Some of us even find that what we thought was "firm" and long-standing, no longer is. Financial circumstances can set off all sorts of alarm bells in our feelings of independence and security. Health problems rear their nasty little heads and cause us lots of sleepless nights. Marriages or relationships break down and so often we find we are beset with all sorts of problems never before imagined. We may find ourselves adrift without any support or encouragement from those people who are supposed to care - even family and friends. We may face the prospect of having to fight battles without the energy or resilience of youth. We set out to do what we must do because we've fought these same battles time and time again throughout our younger years. A case of deju vu. But now we're older, and we're much more tired.

To be continued .......

HONESTLY!

Having to do a spot of shopping, a couple of us stopped and enjoyed a cup of tea (Earl Grey of course!) at a nice little coffee/tea shop in one of the arcades that are sprinkled around our small town.

We do this regularly - it not only keeps us up to date with all our gossip, but it also enables us to share a gripe or two, while at the same time indulging in a chosen special cake to accompany our tea. We're all big girls, so there's never any problem of one or two of them attacking any of the others for spoiling ourselves with a cream cake occasionally.

Why was this particular morning any different? I stood at the counter casually deciding which cake to choose, when a very small, smartly dressed woman came and stood beside me. I turned and smiled. She glowered at me and said, "you shouldn't even be thinking of eating anything like that - you're so fat. You should be using your willpower" 

So I did what any well-mannered, well-balanced plus-size lady would do. I looked down at my ample bust, leaned over and looked at my tummy, and turned back to her and said "Yes, you're right, I believe I AM fat. But I'm not rude to people I don't know. And might I say I certainly don't need any will power. Perhaps occasionally a little bit of "won't-power" could come in handy but not today. Which cake do you think I should choose? Ah yes, that beautiful fresh cream French slice. Don't you agree". She glared at me as though I had just flown in from Mars, mumbled and trotted off to a far table.

The rest of my group were seated by this time, waiting for their morning tea to arrive. The girls behind the counter were trying to hide their laughs and were in quite a twitter. After the snobby lady had left, the proprietor came across to me and said, "you know, that woman upsets so many of our customers with her rudeness and we've never been game to say anything. Thanks for saying what we've often thought and felt. You've made our day."
And yes, we all enjoyed our morning tea - VERY MUCH INDEED!!!

HAS "CASUAL" TAKEN OVER OUR LIVES?

I like to think I’m “modern” in my thinking and approach to life in today’s society.   As far as “fashion” or clothing is concerned, I convince myself that I have a fully rounded and balanced viewpoint.  Personally I enjoy being and dressing casually as the mood takes me; there are times though when I like to dress a little “smarter” than casual.  Even if my clothes are not expensive or seen to fall inside the perception of being 21st century, I do still “feel” good when I dress up.  To keep within my strict budget also gives me a challenge which I enjoy meeting time after time.

With a major move from a large home to much smaller accommodation, my circumstances have changed over the past week or so.  Being a woman growing older (and I suppose a man faces similar options) this means learning to adapt and to put into place new ways of handling those changes.  The important part of dealing with changes of any kind that face us, is in maintaining and retaining dignity and control (as much as possible) within constraints both self-imposed and imposed by others.

Walking down the street or through some of the major shopping malls, it is quite obvious to an observer than there are now two categories of women’s code of dress.  Three if you count the window displays of our clothing stores - yet no matter how hard I look I never see anyone dressed in those clothes from the store windows.  Do women buy them and then hide them in their wardrobes, only to be bought out to be admired by themselves and friends, or do they actually wear them?  When and where do they wear them?

So to get back to the two codes of dress, as far as I see them today.   First there is the casual casual, which unfortunately could be described as frumpy and so uninteresting as to make the person almost seem invisible.  Then there’s the person who seems to have a wardrobe of jeans and tee shirts and she never veers away from that code.  I wonder how women in this category deal with the thought of being invited to a mayoral ball or a Melbourne Cup Lunch!   They probably panic.

And women of substance, or women of a certain age, what do they do?  Let me say here that I can’t understand those descriptions, although I admit I use them.  The English language had an incredible resource of descriptive power, but when it comes to women of size and growing older, for some reason it’s much easier for society to say “obese or fat” or “she’s old so why does she bother?”  Why have we taken on these definitions?  Because we’ve been forced to in many instances.  But times they are a’changing, girls.

We “bother” because there’s an inbuilt pride in our nature and we don’t want to be categorised as being the same as everybody else.  We’re women, we’re feminine and we care - we honestly care - about how we dress, how we look and how we feel about ourselves.  We’ve gone through all the stages of being unsure of ourselves, feeling guilty about our size; frustrated at having to explain to all and sundry that we’re just different to the size 6 girl on the catwalk (besides, we’ve got a lot more knowledge and experience to back up our feelings of confidence). and we want to be allowed to be ourselves and to express ourselves the way we know best.

We do know best, you know.  That comes of always learning, always searching for ways of building upon our self esteem, through education and personal knowledge.  Most women “of a certain age” can’t be persuaded that they’ve got to change; that they’ve got to get “with it”, that they have to admit to being old-fashioned in their ideas.  Younger women have every right to express their views on how they dress and how they live their lives, yet the older woman has to justify her opinions about self and life-style.  Why?

My question in the title of this post is “Has “casual” taken over our lives?‘   And I’m beginning to think that it’s about time that the growing older woman in today’s society should stand up and be counted.  She has every right to be recognised and accepted and in fact applauded when she steps outside of the jeans and tee shirts syndrome and embraces her own femininity the way she wants.  Yet if that includes wearing jeans and tee shirts, then so be it.  But, and this is a big but, if she wishes to dress livelier, bolder, sassier and jazzier than jeans and tee shirts, let her.  Compliment her, see her for being proud of who and what she is.  Younger women will see that growing older holds exciting challenges in store for them, in that they will (hopefully) be more fair minded and open to the fact that women are able to enjoy their lives by making conscious decisions based on their own personal preferences through all stages of their maturity.  We don’t have to follow trends that we are told we should follow at EVERY stage of our adult lives; we know best.

As I have quoted so often over the years, 

“you are your own best asset - promote yourself,

 and NEVER, EVER compare yourself to someone else.  

You are unique.”

We've all heard of waxing

(Copyright - Maxine's creator)

Waxing is a part of life.  For most women anyway.  And as the years pass by, many find that facial hair particularly becomes a problem.  A BIG problem.  Who wants whiskers, for goodness sake?

And for women with sensitive skin waxing causes more bother than it's worth.   Whether you want to believe it or not, waxing does take off the top layer of skin.  Why put your skin through all this pain and discomfort and red face when there are other alternatives?

Let me come to the subject of "threading".   Many friends and counterparts look at me in confusion and dare I say it complete weirdness when I mention that I have an appointment to see my "threading lady". 

But she is worth her weight in gold.  Honestly.  So professional that I don't even realise I'm having the hair removed one by one or sometimes a few at a time.   Lovely moisturiser and rose water applied following the procedure making my skin feel tingly and pampered.   If you don't know about threading, then here's a bit of a write up.    I think it's the perfect way of handling a bristly situation!

Growing old and deserving to be treated with respect

It's difficult at times to convince yourself that what is happening around you, is actually for the best. You might get slapped down and trodden on, by people who you think really care about you, and you tend to blame yourself.

And sometimes the blame is deserved, but quite often not. It seems to me that there is a growing lack of courtesy and respect shown towards older people these days. Is it my imagination? Has it always been so? 

I don't think so. And I base this statement on what I have seen happen around me, not only within my own family, and extended family, but many others, over the years. In our family parents and grandparents all shared in the dignity of being considered important and worthy of respect, in both thought as well as speech by all members of the family, and even more especially by neighbours and the society in which they moved.

Today people up to and around 40 and 50 years of age, tend to "look down" on older folk, as though within their wrinkles and greying hair and slower painful steps, they've managed to lose all their intelligence! They also take the attitude that older people don't have "feelings" anymore and can't be hurt or offended by inappropriate attitudes or behaviour.  Sometimes their exasperation is extreme.

In different cultures around the world, older members within families and society were, and in many cases still are, seen to be the "wise ones". They are sought out to advise, and to give encouragement, to the younger members of family, based on their experience and knowledge of the world. Even if that knowledge only revolves around their home-life, and nearby neighborhood or community. 

Sadly there are a lot of people today who are never thought about by their families. They are left, isolated, and forgotten. Others are more fortunate enough in having the security of a home and financial backing. Today one seldom sees or hears of older parents or relations living within the warmth of the family circle. 

The speed and extent of the building of "retirement villages" has even surprised the developers/investors. Many loving and gracious elderly parents (even both sets of parents - that is parents and parents-in-law) who remain mobile and independent (i.e. not expecting to take precedence over other family members, are content to be part of the family when it is convenient for all to mingle and get together. It keeps them young! 

Yes, "retirement villages" are a viable and sensible option for thousands of "retirees" - if they prefer to be totally independent, and can afford to be, that is. So many men and women find themselves at the time their lives when they should be enjoying themselves, no fault of their own, to be almost penniless. Not every one can call upon the proceeds of "Superannuation" to provide financial security in purchasing a home unit within a "village" and being able to carry-on in a life-style that they have chosen or prefer.

Yet as people in the western world have become more affluent during past decades, the threat of a "recession" brings with it all sorts of stresses about where to live and how to afford to live, even very simply. And this applies more specifically to those who, as said earlier, have no financial security upon which to draw upon.

And this brings me back to what I said at first. being ignored, slapped down and trodden on. Because I don't like seeing older people treated with a total disregard for their feelings. I don't like seeing them ridiculed, and bullied, and spoken to as though they are naughty children. They deserve the right to be able to stand with head held high, and to be given the respect that their age and wisdom and experience demands.

And because this is a long "post", I can't but help add my observations of many younger women (in their teens and 20s etc) who display the old-fashioned courtesies and respect that older people so earnestly desire.   Is it perhaps that those in their 40s and 50s are so busy with life that they can't or don't want to spend time with their elders and that the younger people have seen the void and actually taken steps to fill that void?   I'd like to think so. 

Growing older - does it mean falling off the perch?

There are days when getting up out of bed is a breeze!   You throw off the bed covers, and spritely stand up, ready to face the day.   You quickly shower (it doesn't take as much time when you feel bright like this than other days when everything is grey!); you get dressed, do your hair and apply your makeup, and begin the day's activities.  You're filled with the joy of standing upright, not being reminded of the arthritic aches and pains.  You're alert and eager to be and do things.  You may have planned the entire day or else of a mind to allow everything to just happen spontaneously.

Then there are those grey days I spoke about.  It's not only the skies that are grey, but the feeling that you're not really inclined to stagger out of bed.  You're not too keen to bother with the shower at such an early hour;  choosing what you're going to wear is a bit of a hassle (why not just toss on what you wore yesterday?).  As for doing your hair and putting on some makeup - well, why bother?

We all experience these types of days.   For some of us, it's easier to complain about the "grey days" and accept the good days without a thought as to our own personal attitudes.  

Because if doesn't matter if you're growing older, or only a teenager, there are always going to be "grey" days and good days.   It's all a matter of fact.   It's what we do with the variances that is important.

I know a person or two who complain about everything.  Honestly.  They complain about the fact that the kettle doesn't boil water the same from one day to the next (how they figure this out I really don't know!).  They complain about the television programmes not being to their liking (they're too darned lazy to turn the TV off!);  they complain about their neighbours ("their kids make so much noise" - well!  let's face it, the world would be worse off if the children never said anything or giggled or laughed or sang or played); the bread doesn't taste the same as it used to;  they don't like Mrs so and so who lives over the road;  they whinge about the grass growing in the backyard;  the traffic congestion morning and night puta them in a bad mood that lasts the entire day; they need a hair trim but can't fit it in with all their other busy-ness;  the teenagers are hassling them about this, that and the other; and the dog needs a bath.  In other words they're very unhappy, and sadly embittered people.

Then there are those people who start the day off singing.  I'd like to be seen and known as one of these people.   Because even though it might not have any influence on those around us, it most certainly influences how well I see myself and my world.   And there's no reason to suspect that falling off a perch is something a growing older person HAS to worry about!   Hanging on to that perch is not only adventurous and brave, it's downright exciting.

Standing up for ourselves! Whatever age we are.

Everyone tells us what we should be doing and what we should not be doing.  They even go so far as to tell us how we should be doing and should not be doing, as well as when we should be doing and not doing.  Quite frankly it seems some people want me to become their puppet and to do as I'm told, when I'm told and how I'm told as though I were a small child and not able to think for myself.

Even as a child I had the cheek to sometimes question what adults were telling me to do, especially if I didn't feel comfortable in doing it, and more especially if it didn't feel right. If they explained the reasons and I could sense their concern for my safety or my wellbeing, then I'd fit in with what they said.

When we're adults we feel much more in control. And so it goes - the decades pass and suddenly, we're staring "growing older" in the face. And what happens? Yep, you've guessed it - people start telling us what to do, when to do it and how to do it.

This is the time when we have to stand up for ourselves. To state what we want, and how we intend to achieve it, and when we want to do it. 

I took my adult children aside last week, sat them down and told them exactly how their demands and insistance on how I behave and live my life, make me feel superfluous. You should have seen their faces and listened to their excuses. 

It seems they hadn't even thought about how I feel about things. What they saw was the fact that yes, I'm growing older, and they felt threatened by the fact they'd have to become more responsible for and to me. I've been independent for many decades, but there's always the possibility and probability that I'll have to call on them for more assistance as time goes by. But should that really impact upon my importance not only to them but to me too?

And should that mean I have to lose my ability to decide what to do, how to do it and when to do it? Definitely not!

.....© 2011 Morgana

"S" Plates

What is this nonsense?

In the press recently, an article raised the suggestion that older drivers should be issued with an "S" plate that should be affixed to their car windscreens. This "S" plate would then alert other drivers that the driver of the car in question is a "senior" citizen.

Whoa a bit. We've got "P" plates for those who have just been issued a license, and then there's a Disability Permit for those who are less mobile but who are still proficient drivers (of ANY age!).

But why single out the seniors? Why not an "R" plate for Road-ragers; a "D" plate for disqualified drivers (and this is not a contradiction because far too many disqualified drivers get back into the drivers seat and commit all sorts of road breaches of law); a "B" plate for bad-tempered males (no, I'm not gender biased!); a "Sm" for smokers; a "MP" for mobile phone users (which is illegal but an awful lot of people especially young women do it); and one that my girlfriend suggested "DM" for distracted Mums.

Why are seniors considered to be a nuisance - and as a lot of the media has been pressing in recent times, a "burden" on society? It seems someone has to take the blame for what is going on in society, so let's throw it at the seniors!

This is not good enough!

Aging Outrageously! - More on aches and pains, moans and groans

(Some more advice from Morgana de Courcy © 2011)

 On the serious side though.

In many of my newsletters I push the idea that women of all ages should pamper themselves occasionally. I don’t think that aging makes any difference to this notion. Women love going to the hairdresser, having their nails polished, having a facial, and even a massage. Head massages are wonderful beauty treatments, and if you walk out of the therapists rooms feeling like a million dollars, then you have every right to do so.  The question arises - what if I don't have much money?  Well - why not suggest "beauty vouchers" from your family members and friends, as your Birthday and/or Christmas gifts?   Quite often these can be purchased in advance which allows you to use them over a period of time.  Then there are many "discount" hairdressers around - much, much cheaper than the usual salons, and if you find you that has good hairdressers on their staff, you'll hardly know the difference between a $35-40 cut and a $10-15 cut.   Again, I know from experience!

I’ve heard of women being told by their families when it comes to any of this pampering business - "why waste the money?" Well let me say to them - where’s the waste? And whose money is it, anyway? They’re most likely only jealous, when it comes down to it.

But what does a “growing older” woman do when she is told she has an unexplained lump somewhere on or in her body? What does she do when she’s told that a certain surgical procedure has high risks for her. Does she keep all this to herself, working herself up into a lather of worry and anxiety, because there’s no one to talk to?

Too often that’s exactly what happens. And that sort of situation is not good - not good at all. Worrying about things like this leads to deep anxiety, and deep anxiety can lead to depression. And depression can lead to a whole lot of other awful scenerios.

Women need women to talk to. And if your family or even friends don’t and won’t listen to you, why not ask someone at your local church or neighborhood house for a referral to a reputable person known to them who will act as a counsellor. Not everyone can afford to pay counsellors, but there’s always the chance of finding someone who does it at “no charge” (even professional counsellors). I speak from experience here.

Then there’s word of mouth. Come on girls, growing older does NOT mean that you hide behind a veil of timidity. You’ve got to step out and help yourself. Even if you’ve always been terribly shy, you’ve just got to step out of the background and ask questions. Networking is one of those things that women find essential over the years - the “growing older” years even moreso. And it’s surprising where you can find out about things - not just from the internet, but from a local point of view, just talking to someone in a coffee shop (share a table occasionally and you’ll get to know someone new as well as find out things!). Talk to one of the shop keepers, especially those that are not rushed about or trying to get you to buy something and to then leave the store. Think - your favourite bookshop proprietor- they know heaps about the local community and local people.

Whatever way you deal with your “growing older” aches and pains and moans and groans, I trust that you will experience the feeling that you are not alone, and that others understand with a personal knowledge, of what you’re going through.   Kindness from another person can often lighten the pain - whether that pain be physical or emotional.

Aging Outrageously! - Aches and Pains, Moans and Groans

(An insight - from Morgana de Courcy © 2011)

 

 It's not only the slim and trim woman who has health issues as she grows older. The plus size woman too, even has some issues that the slimmer woman doesn't. But here's what it's like growing older for young women to look forward to.

You get to around 70 and things start to fall apart. Bits and pieces you never even knew you had begin to hurt. You try and walk to the letter box and before you know it you’re huffing and puffing like a traction engine. Your face goes red; your varicose veins start throbbing and you’re sure you have a headache coming on.

The arthritis slows you down and before you know it, someone is suggesting that a walking stick might help, dear. There are times when I would willingly swipe someone over the head with my walking stick - they’re so damn patronising.

You have to get up almost every hour on the hour to go to the bathroom - then the Dr asks do you have interrupted sleep? What’s he talking about? I have ongoing interruptions, I hardly have any sleep! But if and when I do drop off, my damned restless legs take over and I’m throwing myself around the bed, tossing the duvet off because I’m overheated. The next minute I’m scrambling around trying to find that same duvet to pull up around me, because I’m shivering. Nobody told me that the hot flushes went on forever.

You get up early to take your morning pills, and by the time you’ve taken them you need to have another visit to the bathroom because there are so many pills that you have to drink half a gallon of water to get them down. I reckon I rattle when I walk - if not, then I hate to think what that is I hear every time I take a step.

If you’re unfortunate enough to go into hospital even for an ingrown toenail removal, they ask you what prosthetics you wear.  Well to start off, there are the dentures; then the hearing aids. They tell you to remove the teeth, and you’re so gummy you can’t even make sense of what you’re saying let alone expect the nurses to understand you! Your tongue fills your mouth and you start salivating and you sound just like a baby learning to talk.  Of course it doesn’t help having to remove your hearing aids either, because then you can’t hear what anyone is saying and you can’t even hear what you’re saying! They then remove your glasses and you can’t see a thing. What are you supposed to do? They ask you to sign the document and you can’t even see the flamin’ document, let alone know where to sign it.

The hospitals in Australia have limited administration staff in most departments. This means you’re expected to fill out your entire admission papers (usually anything up to 10 pages), and list (the most recent to the earliest) all the operations (big and little) you’ve had over the years. Yikes I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast, let alone the fact I had a haemorroidectomy, - oh, gosh when was that? The list of medications, including the dosage you’re on, the exact spelling of the tablet or capsule, and when you take it and how often, and more than an hour has gone by.  And it doesn’t matter even if your visit to the hospital is a “repeat” visit - the same damn documents and the same damn lists.

You supply your pension card and medicare card and are told this is out of date, where’s your new one? Honestly, it’s enough to give you high blood pressure (that is, if you didn’t already have it!).

And these are only a few of the things that irritate you as you grow older. This is where things become really weird. People ask you how are you today? Do they really want to hear all about your aches and pains? Do they simply mouth the words, without ever intending to listen to you. Or are they just humouring you, giving you the impression they’re interested, when they really couldn’t care less.

It’s not only friends or neighbours who do this - it’s family too. Gosh, what is it about me that these people waste my time in even asking me? I decided some years ago that if they asked me, I’d look them in the eye and tell them “fine”. Even when I looked and felt lousy. I’m beginning to wonder if they really wanted to know how I was feeling in the first place. They didn’t notice how I looked, they just smiled and went on with what they were talking about. I started doing likewise to a lot of them, and they didn’t even notice I’d turned off and was talking about something else. They just went on raving about how they felt.

I think asking about a person’s health should be relegated to the same “don’t do” file of mentioning religion, football or politics, unless it’s made plain to you that people really do want to know. Otherwise it only gets you into an argument, and I can get myself into one of those without the help of other people - thank you very much!

If you're growing older, and know from personal experience what it's all about - those aches and pains and moans and groans, why not write about them so we can share them by reprinting them? Come on - I bet you have some interesting stories.

The dignity of aging!

Another column from the Beyond the Curve© motivator, Rose Davida, "Winston Hall", Kent, UK:

I've just arrived home from a leisurely drive, calling in at some of my favourite haunts - antique shops, up in the hills.

Isn't it strange that no matter what trends or people's preferences, antique shops are always full of things and full of people looking and buying the things inside.

Things that are old, that are broken even, cracked, faded, and torn.  They may be placed strategically on a table or piled higgedly piggedly in a corner, or maybe in a bright and shining clean glass cabinet.  They are lovingly touched or held by a prospective buyer, or else longingly looked at, accompanied by many instances of a multitude of happy memories.

(Photo copyright rapidzone.net)

That got me thinking.  Do we really admire and appreciate our antique people with as much passion?

I have a very dear friend Renee who is entering her "growing-older" years.  She is what many people describe as "21st century woman caught in a 19th century time-warp".   A pleasantly plump lady, Renee is always delightful company.

She dresses in old-fashioned clothing.  She wears her hair up in an early 1900s style bun (very attractive).  Her makeup is just a dab of matt powder over a light touching of moisturiser, and the softest touch of lipstick.  She wears some of her mother's and aunt's favourite ear-rinrds and bangles - jingling and jangling with every body movement.  Renee is a "big" lady in all respects.

I called around to see her on my way home and we sat together talking and laughing, about life and antiques.

Renee took down a very old dish that sits in pride of place on her buffet.  She pointed out the faint crackling of age, the large crack that runs right through the centre, and the chip here and there and said now look at me!

So I took a long hard look.  Renee has signs of faint crackling of age - wrinkles and creases all over her face and neck and hands.  Age "dimples" down her arms, legs and tummy.   Quite a number of cracks when she stands up or leans over to pick something up.  Even a few chips here and there!   Small brown patches on her arms and hands.  Her eyes are quite as good as she'd like.  And sometimes she doesn't hear a word or two.  Her steps are not always as strong and purposeful, and sometimes it's better to leave something that's dropped to the floor, rather than try to pick it up - until later.  She chortled and said, hate to think what would happen if I did topple over!

Renee gives new meaning to the word "antique".  Rather, Renee is unique.   Because in amongst all the cracks and creases, wrinkles and crackling, flabby and floppy flab, resides a beautiful, intelligent woman.   Her mind, her spirit, her humour, her understanding, her compassion, her kindness, make you forget her "age".   Renee has something about her that attracts other women to want to get to know her and to call her their friend.

You see it's more important to see Renee for her dignity, and her wisdom, and her peerless beauty, rather than a measurement of "years". (or size!)

May it be this way for all of us.

Maintaining your style (fashion, that is!)

Lately we've been hearing that older Hollywood celebrities are refusing to be type-cast as far as clothing is concerned. Goldie Hawn, Jane Fonda, Sally Ann Fields and Jerry Hall to name a few, want to continue being able to buy (or be offered) fashionable and youg-at-heart clothing which has been designed and made for the woman OVER 50, without being seen as frumpy or "mutton done up as lamb!"

Well, this is good news for many of us. We've been asking for this equality for a long time.

However ...... the opposite side of the coin presents a rather dull picture for those women who prefer to wear "granny" clothes (this term is used consistently when describing clothing for the "older" woman). It seems that comfortable dresses and cardigans will slowly disappear from our stores (unless of course the young adults in their 20-30s decide that "granny" cardigans are all the go!)

And why are we to suppose they'll disappear from our stores? The manufacturers will say that "age" no longer allows women to have choice and the retailers will say that "older" women don't really want them. Amazing really, this is exactly the same argument that has been put forward for decades when relating to women of size and supposedly justifies their reasons for not giving the plus-size fashionable stylish clothes. We, the "growing older" women refuse to let this happen to us as well.

Yes, let's have a continuation of classic, stylish clothing as well as "trendy" clothing for the 50 year old plus, but also let's cater for the more conservative woman too, who DOES like her comfortable cardigans!

There's plenty of room for all of us, isn't there?

© 2011 A Parry, Victoria, Australia

DISCIPLINE! - PART II

From our colleague, Zuzu:

Low self-esteem is as rife as it has ever been. And that is very sad taking into account the fact that countless motivators, facilitators and counsellors have set up their own businesses, and many are sponsored with government as well as corporate funding, and yet as just as many people as ever present as having no confidence.

You can't force people to be confident. That builds up a defence mechanism that prevents them from growing independent, and from you gaining their trust and allowing you to offer strategies to help them. What I'm not talking about are not fancy and outlandish strategies - I'm talking about simple, small steps in a journey of discovery.

It comes down to choice. And we should all enjoy freedom of choice, no matter what aspect it relates to in our life. Choice made on sound principles; choice that becomes a matter of judgement based on analysing the pros and cons of situations, and of people. If we make a bad choice, then we are intelligent enough to realise we have to accept responsibility for its outcome. We can't blame anyone else.

Discipline comes into the picture. It always does. Whether it's how much time you spend cleaning the house; attending lectures; at your desk; with your family and friends; picking up after the kids; doing what you want and what you have to do, it all comes down to disciplining yourself. The result is always rewarding, no matter what area of your life we're talking about.

I don't agree that to be acceptable we have to be slim, trim, svelte and "beautiful". Digital enhancements are everywhere - we need to be real people in a real world. If we were all the same - looked the same, were the same size and shape, the same colour, the same age, how boring the world would be!

It's up to us. We are, after all, our own best asset! With a bit of discipline and a desire to be allowed to be who we are and what we are, we can show the world (and us for that matter) that we know and we have made our choice!

DISCIPLINE!

From our colleague: Zuzu

Why does it seem so hard to become disciplined when you become an online writer? I've been creating and writing newsletters and in-house magazines for the past 40 odd years (yes - I certainly don't look my age, do I?), yet coming to grips with writing a regular blog seems to present me with obstacles.

So today I decided. Drat it - I'll pretend I know what I'm doing, and if I fall flat on my face, well so be it! There's only one thing to do if that happens, and that's to stagger back up on my feet, stand tall and try again.

Big Issues have been at the forefront of news for a long time but are increasingly rearing their heads in many insidious ways. Over the airways, the television, the printed newspapers and the internet. Most if not all, the references are that to be acceptable in today's society, you have to be slim, trim, and beautiful. That's a nice wish, but real life isn't so clearcut.

Whether that beauty is allowed to be natural is another matter, because the inference is that you will never be beautiful enough and if you want to be noticed and treated as "one of us", then you'll have to have WLS, stomach banding, botox, liposuction and the works. Noone tells us the risks involved in all these procedures - and there are some horrific stories around.

But I decided a long while ago that I would turn a deaf ear to people who tell me I "MUST" do this or that, and "MUST NOT' do other things. Who gives them the right to tell me what to do and how to live my life? Especially as I believe, as a mature aged woman, I have insights into life and its experiences that give me the right to choose for myself. That's why I agreed (if a little hesitantly at first) to speak to women's groups. When accepting speaking engagements with women's health and safety organisations, teenage school children as well as groups catering to the elderly being encouraged to stay in their own homes as long as possible, I've been humbled by the fact that they've taught me much more than I've been able to tell them.

To to continued:   

Aging Outrageously! - Missing out on some of the good (fun) things!

Growing older to a lot of women means "doing without" even more things and more often that they've usually done.  Why?

I've been reading a lot of posts lately where women say they're becoming even more lonely than ever; they never have anything to look forward to;  they feel as though they're sitting in a corner and nobody cares!

If you're mobile, can get up into a bus without too much pain and discomfort;  even have a car and can still drive, then there are some things that you can do to improve your daily plans.  There's much to be said for "volunteering" and this isn't a bad idea at all.   Think about joining an auxiliary at your local hospital and "man" their kiosk or small cafe team;  join a group of ladies who go visiting shut-ins;  sit and talk with other women who are undergoing chemo or other treatments.  Add your presence to work at a charity shop.  If you like animals, offer to "pet-sit" occasionally.   Ask your council about having your home address being added to the "Safe Houses" for school children to come to if they feel anxious about other people in the street at school home-time (you'll need a Police Clearance as well).  All these things can be fun and you meet a lot of people - young and old.   If you're more outgoing, then why not put a notice up in the local coffee shop and invite other ladies to join you for say a Wednesday morning coffee-get-together at that same coffee shop.   

Why not do an on-line course in a subject you have a special interest in, or a course at your local Neighborhood House.   There are many "hobby" classes available - painting, crafts, scrapbrooking, cake making; cookery etc.  But then you're probably an expert in all of these things already, having done them during your earlier years.   But hey, there's no reason why you can't do "refresher" courses in these things - it can be fun and there's always someone you'll meet that will make the course and the morning (or afternoon) well worth while.   And most Neighborhood Houses have a "coffee morning" anyway - women are invited to attend at no cost and it's great to have a chat even with strangers in this non-intimidating environment.

Write a family journal - everybody seems to be interested in genealogy at the moment , but it's sometimes the little personal anecdotes that are more interesting and important to family members.   Put your memories down on paper.  Even if noone else "seems" interested, then at least you will have performed something for your own pleasure.   If you have a computer then you can quite easily draw up family "trees" and add photographs to your journal (and you don't necessarily need special computer software for this - basic word processing and adding photos is all you really need).

There are those women who have "always" been active - played bowls; attended elderly citizens meetings;  gone on bus trips with other groups;  been part of a garden group;  a book club;  groups attending theatre and cinema outings.   Many other women have been too busy with family and other commitments to follow these things through their younger years.   As far as career women are concerned, their whole lives have been filled with meeting dead-lines and agenda of employers, coupled with managing a home and bringing up a family.  Who had time for hobbies or other interests?

Yet there are some slightly "outrageous" things you can plan to do.   What about taking some lessons in ballroom or line-dancing (yep, there are classes sprinkled all around the city and suburbs and people who are wonky on their legs all go and have a wonderful time!).   Belly-dancing is something that is both pleasurable and beneficial, especially if you suffer arthritis.   I can speak from experience here.  As a timid and shy person, I found belly-dancing was so liberating and empowering - I surprised myself by having so much fun.   Save up and have a birthday fling on a Harley Davidson bike (most places have this sort of "tourist" thing available - you can pretend you're a tourist and this will open countless doors of opportunity for you.)  And imagine how jealous your friends will be when you tell them you rode a Harley Davidson with a great looking "bikie" - in leathers!  Get a photo if you possibly can, so you can boast about it.  I reckon boasting if more than half the fun.

And maybe you're not so mobile?   We'll talk about that a little later.        To be continued ......

Growing older, and then some ......

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up

This was part of one of those "fun" emails that friends send you to keep you amused.   Mind you, sometimes they annoy you to the extreme.   But our friend Judy is one lady who knows what is going to make us laugh and for that matter what will make us cry, and instead of sending her emails to the junk box, they usually end up on our desk,


So I had to smile when I read those words within this morning's email.    Because in all the wishing and hoping and dreaming that we did during our younger years, did we really ever think about the wrinkles?    Sure, we saw them on other people and then dismissed them from our thinking (the wrinkles not necessarily the other people).  


We lathered Ponds Cold Cream onto our faces and believed the advertisements that told us that if we used their products we would always have the skin that men loved to touch.   Mind you, the cold cream was nice to our skin and we proudly joined the thousands of women who pronounced that it was the product that made them look beautiful, rather than having the beauty already.


But hey, I like my wrinkles.  They're a special and precious part of me.  They tell lots of stories, and they show the world that I'm a wise old lady!  Well, I've assumed that wisdom comes with the wrinkles and I defy anyone to argue to me.