Young women today versus young women of yesterday

Continued:

And in the journey, women themselves have overlooked the sacrifices that women in earlier decades have made.  When talking with young women in their 20s and 30s, it comes as a great surprise to them to learn that thirty years ago:

(a) women who were employed by the Public Service had their employment terminated when they married (the official policy of the day). Even in private enterprise, asking for a "raise" in their wages was unheard of.  There was no such thing as Work-Choices, or collective bargaining.  Superannuation was an unknown word.  "Unfair dismissal"?  If your employer didn't think you did your job well, you were fired.  That was that.  Equal pay?  Whoever thought that would ever be discussed.  ***

(b) single women who had babies did not receive social welfare payments - there was no such thing.  Other than  "child endowment" which amounted to a few shillings (equal to one dollar) bringing up a baby (or babies) was seen to be the sole duty of a mother.   If the woman was not married or if the father refused to marry her, most times she had to rely on her mother or other relations to help in bringing up the child/children.    In many cases, (far too many), the other option for single women was that they were persuaded to give their baby up for adoption, or as rumoured at the time, and now spoken about openly, they had their babies removed at birth, never to see them again.   Many excuses were made at the time, including that the baby had died at birth (many times far from the truth).  There was very little that a young unmarried girl could do to find out the truth.

(c)  there were no creches or daycare centres available; there were no kindergartens as such.  Occasionally a woman in the same suburb would open her home to looking after three or four children, for a whole day, part of a day, or before or after school, for a fee. One had to trust their baby or child sometimes to a complete stranger, hoping that that baby was being looked after.  Supervision was left entirely in the hands of the person looking after the children, and there were no audits by government bodies or legislation to cover the safety and health aspect.

(d)  women were NOT "invited" (patronising word isn't it?) to join superannuation funds.  It was unheard of, and if a woman had the audacity to request her inclusion, once they had been more readily accepted in the workplace,  she would have been laughed at.  She was always treated as secondary to a male employee - even if she did exactly the same job.

(d)  women were NOT permitted to take out bank loans.  In fact as far as banking and financial aspects of a woman's life, she had to have a "male" sponsor or guarantor willing to stand for her.  Sometimes it meant even asking a stranger to act as guarantor, which gave them a "hold" over the woman until she repaid the loan.

(e)  women did not own their own homes therefore - based on (d) above.  Women did not own their own motor vehicles.  Very seldom indeed did women own property (unless they inherited it from parents).

(f)  women were considered to be chattels of their husband.  They had very few rights - in the home, or the workplace.  Certainly in the court of law - should there be a divorce.

(g)  most employment opportunities were in factories - processing, manufacturing, the car industry, backyard sewing rooms etc;  shop assistants - mostly shops such as grocers, greengrocers, fish and chip shops.  Girls with higher ambitions aimed for "higher" grade retail positions such as a salesgirl in Myer or David Jones;  or as a theatre girl selling programmes;  or as a hair dresser, etc.  Many girls initiated their own career - such as millinery and/or dressmaking.   The more skilled they were, the more successful they became.

(h)  it was very seldom that a woman initiated a divorce.  To do so was to place herself in an extremely vulnerable position and public scrutiny. She was usually seen as being the guilty one regardless of the reason for the divorce. She would have to prove her need to rely on social welfare (if she had never had a job or if she lost it as a result of the divorce) - which was a pittance, and she underwent repeated investigations into her private life as it related to her "behaviour" and her private income.  That private income was usually zero.  She could very easily fall through the gaps of social interest and concern, and become destitute.

To be continued ...

*** Equal pay - even though women were awarded "equal pay for work of equal value" in 1968, it still remains unattainable for many women, regardless of their career position.  

Young women today versus young women of yesterday

Most teenagers/young women of today appear to have an over abundance of confidence. They will take up all sorts of pursuits and set what seem to a lot of us impossible goals, (particularly those of us who are "growing older").   In fact sometimes it seems as though younger women race towards their goals without much thought as to what they will do should they fall flat on their faces. It's not unusual to hear young women say that they never give failure a thought. Their attitude at times seems to be over-confident. The majority of us however encourage them.

That's not to say that women at all times have not set themselves goals that are achievable as well as those which required their persistence and dedication in achieving, even when it meant sacrificing a lot of things. For instance, many women have forsaken marriage and/or starting a family for years, in order to attain a "career". That career may bring with it great rewards - financial and psychological. 

Women have made incredible strides in becoming more independent over the past thirty years,  or more.  Of course there have always been women who have been pioneers and liberated and have overcome great obstacles to be educated and acknowledged as top of their profession - i.e. doctors, bankers, scientists, lawyers, corporate managers, politicians. But too often reaching these heights has "cost" them in more ways than one.

In the pursuit of "equality" in the workplace, women have had to prove themselves not only as good as but better than,  in too many ways. Unfortunately when this has occurred the weight of public opinion has been against them for wanting to prove their superiority! Too often from other women.


To be continued ......

HIGHS and LOWS

I'm always on the look-out for likeminded women, who see the need to surround other women who have low (or no) self-esteem, with lots of positiveness and optimism. That's not to say everyone should go around with a big happy smile on their face, even when their lives are breaking apart, pretending that everything's OK. We have to be sensible and realise that it's a part of life having to go through experiences that will uplift us, and others that will drag us down to depths of despair. But it's what we "do" with the highs and lows that is important. Not only to us but to those around us.

In today's society there is a lot of controversy, hipocrasy and discrimination as it relates to looks, age, size and shape. That discrimination then translates into non-acceptance of a person's race, their education, and their beliefs.

This is when basic common sense and good manners get lost in the overflow of antagonism and hostility, from one person to another. In other words things get out of control. The person on the receiving end finds there's no let-up in the stings and barbs, and the perpetrator becomes immune to any understanding of how the other person feels.

Things become more and more confused and complicated. And there's no real reason why life should be this way.

It's usually women, and quite often family members and friends, who belittle other women because they "look" different, by way of looks, shapes and sizes. Why is it so? Why can't we all get on with one another; sharing accomplishments and hurdles with smiles, added offers of encouragement and just "being there" for each other?

Why do we feel threatened by other women? Either by personal achievement; more beautiful looks and figures; or just an inability to "see" another woman as being a friend rather than a foe?

WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH!

When things get tough and you really feel that the world is against you

that you’ve been “hard done” by:

that everyone is thinking of themselves and not of you:

when finances get tight;

when health problems arise;

when emotions are taut;

when there is disharmony in the home;

when the kids are sick;

when the kids are naughty;

when the kids are late;

when the kids leave home; 

when the weather is cold and rainy all the time

 (and you can’t get the clothes dry);

or when the weather is so hot that all you want to do

 is to find a nice cool spot and hide away from all the responsibilities you have;

when the next door neighbours are giving you a tense time

-  (perhaps a barking dog that never stops or complaints about your new fence)

when your best friend argues with you over some unimportant matter;

when the car won’t start;

when the last light globe has been used and another pops;

when the bus is late;

when the roof leaks;

when dinner spoils; 

when the washing machine gives up;

when the tradesman doesn’t arrive on time 

(and doesn’t have the courtesy to let you know in advance);

when your Mother or Father decides to do their own thing and separate

 - upsetting your whole life and life-style in even small ways; 

when just about anything that will go wrong does go wrong.

DON’T DESPAIR

Every woman has been in similar circumstances at some stage of her life;  and especially a Mother.  When you think that you’re in a pickle, try and remember how your Mum handled the situation - whether by laughter or tackling the problem responsibily and within reason and then getting on with her life.   


Don’t think for one minute that the problems of the world are your own private predicaments - life is far too fickle to concentrate on you alone.  Don’t turn against those who care for you and love you (and have proved beyond doubt in previous times and problems that they can be counted upon to stand by you).  Look at them and turn to then for understanding and encouragement - they’ll surprise you by always giving it one way or another without any strings.

For it is in confronting many of these issues realistically and rationally, then we find we have the inner strengths to handle them - to deal with them, and to actually resolve them.  The more we do this, the more experience we gain in building up self-confidence to be able to make decisions for our's (and others) benefit.   We will then be able to act independently or dependently with the assistance of others, adding to each person’s confidence and allowing our friendships whether family, friends or neighbours, to be enhanced.   There's nothing quite like having experienced some of these problems and getting over them;  you feel more secure in your own judgements and instincts, and can more easily offer undestanding and compassion to others who are travelling a similar path.

BELIEF!

BELIEF (in ourselves) is the knowledge that we can do something.  It’s the inner feeling that what we undertake we can accomplish.  For the most part, all of us have the ability to look at something and know whether or not we can do it.

So, in belief there is power; 

our eyes are opened;  

our opportunities become plain; 

our visions become realities.

The courage to be gentle!

One of the greatest qualiies we possess is gentleness and yet how often do we allow this aspect of ourselves to be seen?  For many of us how acceptable is it ? How often have you felt it, but as quickly as it came it went?  When did you feel safe enough to allow others to feel it too?

When you’ve made a mistake do you usually treat yourself gently?  Isn’t that the tme we all need to, rather than tell ourselves we are stupid or inadequate, or unleash our anger on ourselves?  When we do things that we later disapprove of, are these not the times when kindness, genteness and support would benefit us most to help integrate what we need to learn?

When we are offered empathy in such circumstances, do we acknowledge it or do we push others away in our frustration, self punishment and feelings of not being worthy to reeive?

Have you ever been aware of wanting top punish yoursekf (or have others punish you) when you think you have failed, said the wrong thing or let others down?    Out the door goes gentleness.  Out the door goes the chance to be supportive of yourself and to embrace how to handle things differently in the future.

Where did we get such a black and white concept of good and bad?  When did we become so fixed in our ideas of right and wrong and when did we decide that the maker of mistakes particuarly ourselves must receive punishment rather than understanding, gentleness, friendship and the all important reminder hat mistakes are just part of the human journey.  

In trying to ensure that mistakes do not happen again, how often do we inflict pain through a mixture of critisicm, revenge, aggression and abuse on ourselves and others in some msplaced belief that forgiveness, tolerance and patience are out of the question and the very opposite to what is required?  In our quieter moments do we really believe this or can we see that somewhere on our journey we have brought a whole range of habits and unconscious patterns which are foreign to our heart and feelings?

If we cultivated our gentleness - and this does not mean an avoidace of issues or real honesty , it coud be very different for us when we or others failed to meet expectations.   No longer would so many of us need to avoid owning up,  to constantly defend, blame, make excuses, become emotional, hide or run away, or to refuse to discuss the issues on hand.

Gentleness should NEVER be confused with weakness.   To have gentle strength is comforting, reassuring, inspiring and it feels safe  To act with gentleness takes courage - it is not something we pretend but a quality which promotes true communication and understanding and one which comes with the potential for greater freedom from the past, so that we can get on with living TODAY - with quality.

(With kind permission from the Relaxation Centre of Queensland, Brisbane, Queensland.)

Feeling at a loss for words!

Self-confidence is a very important and essential part of one's life. I hear it said every day, and in fact I promote the whole idea within my interests including women's health.

But even I become lost for words, when I am questioned by someone who cannot, and it seems, does not want to understand the words I say, especially when I am questioned about my personal life and beliefs. I've learned over many years to be as precise and accurate as I possibly can be in what I say and the words I use, but there are still people who "assume" they know what I am going to answer, before they even form the question. This puts me at a disadvantage because they will not "hear" or even wait for my answer; in their opinion, and arrogance, they already "know".

In running seminars and short-courses I've been very aware and conscious that I must never be judgemental or assume that I know how everybody else "ticks". We are all different. Yet sometimes the English language does not allow us to be as precise as we would like to be, only due to the fact that each person's translation of what another person says, is totally different.

I'm one of those people who attempt to be literal and honest in my discussions and conversations. It is when I am queried time and time again, by people using different words in their questioning but all pivoting around and returning back to the same base question, that I find it becomes almost impossible to impress upon them that it is their translation which I find hard to fathom. 

Having to justify one's own belief in oneself causes a great deal of stress. And it just shouldn't be. For if we lose sight of each person's personal dignity in believing in themselves and their principles, then we've lost all ability to show understanding, compassion and respect. 

This places un-earned and un-deserving power in the hands of people who don't know us, but based on their own egos they experience some satisfaction in dismantling our self-confidence. This power can become a great weapon, and I believe, in my innocence, that they should be questioned as to what right they think they have to treat us in this fashion. This applies especially to people who either directly or indirectly have an impact upon our personal lives.

Self-confidence may take a long time in acquiring - it can just as easily within 30 seconds be completely destroyed by people who think they know everything and who don't take the time to study human nature and behaviour and the basic ethics and principles of being honest and true.

And good-manners come into the equation as well!   Or have good-manners become a "bad" word?

A vested interest!

As you have probably worked out, I have a vested interest in issues of "self-esteem",
especially as they relate to women and children.  But in recent times, men too!
In society today, discrimination based on looks even though it is not legal to do
so, is sadly permitted. Particularly by the media, and to a lesser extent most other
professions.

How many women's magazines, both nationally and internationally, show women
of a "certain age" (and by this I mean from 35 to 80) in glowing terms; in
advertisements including fashion supplements? For that matter how many
of these magazines show women of size in a positive or highly acceptable way? 

A favourite saying of mine is that women's magazines are supposedly published
for ALL women - not just young women, not just slim women, not just
"celebrity" women. ALL women. Women of all ages, and all shapes and
sizes. But will the editors, features editors and women's pages editors
listen to common sense? Unfortunately they are the victims of highly
questionable attitudes and ethics of their employers - so many of these
editors have been literally "sacked" for having the audacity to show healthy
women of around size 16 on the covers of these magazines. When questioned
the spokespersons of these magazines have claimed their readers would be
upset at seeing "fat" women within the pages of the magazines. This is
downright ridiculous and should not be accepted.

You only have to look around your own shopping mall; take a look at your
own family members and you'll see women of all ages and sizes and
shapes. Do you see them as being "unacceptable" when compared to you?
And why would you compare? Because each of us is unique - we are
incomparable. We are one-offs; and no one can copy us. They may try to,
but they won't succeed.

There is enough negativeness in our society already without allowing
 for inappropriate and unkind attitudes to take form and become
"normal" as far as being different to each other, as far as looks are
concerned.

We're all different, but it is the difference each of us possesses,
that makes us similar.

It's "inappropriate attitudes" that should not be accepted,
not our age or size or shape!

A paragon of pleasing plumpness!

My friend Maureen in Western Australia said this about me a few years ago.  I thought it was delightful.   Maureen, being a curvaceous woman herself, was always looking for words that described herself and her friends in a happy and complimentary way.

That got me thinking about brides.  Not that I intend getting married (not at the moment anyway), but when I leaf through bridal magazines - it doesn't matter whether they're Australian or from overseas, you never see a model who is larger than a size 6 or 8.   Why?

Girls of all ages and all sizes get married and want to look their loveliest.  And why shouldn't they?   But when it comes to someone who is size 18 (US size 14) or 20 or more, they're not supposed to feel they deserve beautiful bridal wear.  Who says so?   Well the media for sure, and the fashion industry as well.  When we have dress designers who are "feted" here and internationally because of their "incredible talents", and who won't even deign to design everyday/evening wear let alone bridal wear for anyone bigger than size 14, then something's wrong.

I don't know how tall Queen Victoria was, but she surely was a buxom, plump little thing.   Dressmakers in the Victorian and Edwardian eras made incredible garments and they made them for slim, svelte and plump and curvaceous women.  Why can't our modern day dressmakers do the same?

Their argument?  We've heard it all before - it takes more fabric to make a garment for a larger person.   La de dah.   We know that.   But it takes more than fabric to design and make a beautiful garment.  It takes talent on the part of the dress maker.   This is where we're let down so often - a dressmaker is not necessarily a good seamstress/dressmaker.  For there has to be "engineering" knowhow;  there has to be imagination;  there has to be experience and there has to be an ability to see the whole picture.