IF YOU BECOME ANGRY

When and if  you become angry

at how you now feel about life

angry at how you look;

angry about regrets;

angry at the things which you feel you are missing out on;

angry at bad decisions made;

angry about past experiences;

angry at certain people;

 and you don’t confront that anger and deal with it

then you successfully stifle

your own maturity and development.

If you want to stay in the mire of uncertainly and insecurity, do nothing

 - but take the responsibility for doing nothing

Others cannot be continually blamed for how you see yourself and your life if you are not open to taking charge and channeling your talents and energy into positive and right-thinking ideas and goals.  Don’t put others in a position where they have to feel guilty about your situation - just acept every person for who and what they are - preferably seeing the good points and appreciating those good points.    And how about recognising YOUR own good points?

And if others don’t fit into your perspective of decent and worthwhile people, then look elsewhere for your friendship.  This also applies to families, - quite often a family member can be a hindrance fo one’s own self-esteem and self-confidence.  Treat them with the respect they deserve - no more, no less, but don’t waste time on them.

Time is far too short to conentrate on negative people and negative situations.  Rise above the depressions and cloudy outlooks of life, and learn to look at yourself and see youself as a valuable person, and you’ll not only be a better person but certainly a happier one.  You don’t have to be popular, but at least it can be said of you that you know yourself, and accept yourself, and maybe before long you may find yourself considered by friends and foes alike as being a person who is straight forward and still nice to know.

.....© Rosemary P-B

BEWARE AN ELECTRONIC SHOCK!

It's amazing just what you can read in the daily newspaper, in my case the Melbourne Sun-Herald, especially when you're relaxing with a cup of coffee at your favourite Coffee Shop, after a morning's shopping.

(Please note that the bra pictured is NOT the so-called prototype "smart bra").

The headline did it for me:   

SMART BRA MAY STOP WOMEN OVEREATING

(I'll quote the article ver batim - with acknowledgement to who ever wrote it, although there was no indication as to who that might have been or which news agency it came through.)

"MICROSOFT researchers (who else????) have designed a smart bra that monitors a woman's mood in an attempt to prevent "emotional overeating".

The bra contains several removable sensors that monitor heart rate, breathing, skin activity and movement.

In theory, the bra could determine when a wearer is stressed and likely to look to food for relief, Microsoft researchers claim.

It would feed the data to a smartphone app via bluetooth and provide interventions such as breathing exercises to help the wearer beat their urge.

The researchers said the bra predicted emotions "significantly better than chance" after testing it on four women for four days.  They compared the physiological data to the women's self-reported emotions.

"Based on these results, we conclude building a wearable, physiological system is feasible," the researchers wrote.

But they said a real-world smart bra would need to be made more comfortable and have better battery life.

Analysts view wearables as the next frontier in technology.  Already there are wristbands that monitor well-being."

I don't know about you but technology seems to be going into areas that not even Captain Kirk (or even Mrs Kirk) envisioned.

How would you launder a bra that has a battery in it, in the first place?   Would the next step be possibly reducing the size of this "bra" to such an extent that it was not even necessary but where a chip could be implanted into a woman instead?    What if it got crossed wires and read a woman's mood incorrectly?  (Just like a lot of men!)

Anyway, women know their emotions.   They can read their bodies a lot easier than Microsoft researchers imagine.   Our bodies react in certain ways to protect us, to shield us and to allow us to confront, cope and then manage our situations.  

A "smart bra" - could this be going too far?  Are we becoming a nation of people who MUST have gimmicks for every use and occasion?  (Even uses that are preposterous?)

THE OBESITY DEBATE ...

How times change!    Years ago and yes, let's face it, decades ago, life was different.   When we were kids we raced around playing games - we run or skipped or jumped at any time, and anywhere.   We played outdoor games such as "rounders", baseball (albeit a gentler version than the boys), basketball, tried out tennis and even wanted to be included in the boys' cricket team.   We were busy being kids and raced around before school, during play times and at lunch time, and then again after we came home from school.  

As young adults, we walked to High School and then later when we found a job we walked to our place of work.   At lunch time we either walked around the city window shopping or sat in the park eating a packed lunch and if we had a drink it would be from the water fountain in the park, or else we took a thermos of tea.  Yes!   We drank tea - soft drinks were only there for special occasions such as a birthday party or a family celebration.   Not everyday.   If we were meeting with our friends to go to the "pictures" (cinema) or to go dancing on a Friday night or Saturday afternoon, we got there by walking.   Even in high heeled shoes and I do admit to wearing high-heels in my youth.   But the main thing is that we walked and even though we didn't necessarily attend exercise classes, we certainly got plenty of exercise from doing ordinary every-day things.  We even walked to the local telephone box to make important calls.  No one had a personal telephone in their homes - they were for companies, places like hospitals and hotels and such.

Becoming older adults, marrying and having children, we still walked everywhere.  Who could afford a car back then?  Who could afford to catch a taxi?  They were very few and far between.   Bending, stretching, constantly moving doing housework, spending time in the kitchen preparing meals for a hungry family, getting down on our knees to wash and polish the floors, weekly dusting, and doing the laundry - I even remember my first washing machine some 15 years into my marriage; couldn't afford one before then.  We were physically tired each day.   Three hours at a gym?   We'd never even heard the word gym  used to describe attending a social networking,  a gym to us had been a part of our school-day when we were younger.   

Fast forward a couple or three decades.   Public transport made travelling a breeze, even to places of work.  Some of us even commuted intrastate or interstate.   We could afford to have a personal telephone in every room of the house.  Supermarkets had arrived on the scene where you could buy almost anything - of course meat and vegetables were still only available from their respective shops in the beginning but that too, soon changed.   We were able to afford, having taken a hire purchase agreement to pay off in regular instalments, a refrigerator.  So "modern" after the ice chest that most of us had grown up with. Electrical appliances of all sorts came onto the market, making life easier.  Or should I perhaps say, a little lazier?

Women even had the opportunity of buying their own car.   What freedom.  We could go where we liked, when we liked and we didn't have to ask anyone's permission.   We could even seek out a tea shop where we could meet friends and spend time together.   But we still walked a lot, and worked a lot around the house, as well as when the opportunity arose, holding down a full time job.

Shopping centres came into being.  Big, huge, centres where lots of different shops tempted the pay packet.   Little coffee shops sprung up, and it soon became normal to by-pass the friendly local shopping strip and go to the Mall where you could buy everything you needed all at the one stop.   Chinese restaurants opened; and then many new and different tantalising exotic foods appeared;  we didn't need to travel overseas to enjoy the luxuries of "foreign" foods.  

And what does all this have to do with obesity?   Well, I'm no health expert, but I am an observer.   We became more and more dependent upon the convenience of getting into the car to go down the street to shop or even to visit someone in the back street, rather than walking.   If we were running late we caught a taxi - hang the cost.   Frozen meals appeared on the supermarket shelves and we took to them like ducks to water.  We could save time!    We didn't have to slave over the kitchen stove cooking and preparing meals.   Laundromats opened - so each week we could take the bedlinen and laundry there and for a couple of dollars get it all done without having to lug it out and hang it up on the clothes line at home.   We could pick up the phone and get a local man to come around and cut the grass and clean up the garden.    Some career women even had the luxury of having someone in to clean the house each week.  Life became easier and it definitely became lazier.

And how to fill in the time that we saved?   We could sit in front of the wonderful new "thing" that was taking everybody's interest - a television and then wow! a computer, and spend hours learning new things.   We could pick up a small mobile phone and use it not only as a means of keeping in touch with friends and family but also to carry on our business.   We turned our homes into our own small offices.

Our eating habits changed along with the change in our life-style (i.e. the energy used in doing everyday chores).  Because we were no longer doing physically demanding jobs around the house and workplace, we began to "eat out".   It was all very exciting and new.  It became "normal" to go to the Mall every day, sit and have a cup of coffee and more often then not a donut or cream cake.  No longer were we content with a packed lunch and a piece of fruit - there were too many other things to enjoy.  After morning tea we'd go to another restaurant and have lunch.   Oh well, after a bit of shopping, why not stop and have another cup of coffee and a small snack.   If we were thirsty we could pick and choose between countless soft drinks and if we were very thirsty we'd even have two.   We'd smile knowingly when older people spoke about the three meals a day routine - a good breakfast, a light lunch and a wholesome dinner at night - what did they know?  

If our clothes became a bit tight, we'd just go and buy a larger size.   We could then have our cake and eat it too!

Did we see what was happening to us?   In our eagerness to embrace all the many changes that occurred over the decades following the Second World War, we didn't realise that we were doing our bodies immeasurable harm.   In recent years we've had to re-learn what is "healthy" food, nutritious food, wholesome food.  We've had to learn to eat today's food in moderation and we've had to learn to read labels.   And that, my friends, is a debatable point.  The labels say a lot, and they don't say enough.  They don't say what is really important.   We read:  no added fat;  but that doesn't say mean what it says.  Because no we know there are various types of fat - some good and some very, very bad!    The word "added" means nothing;  "no added sugar"?, but it doesn't say that there are already sugars within that product.  Again the words "added sugars" means nothing, because we don't know exactly what is in that product.    Nothing seems to be grown naturally or manufactured naturally these days - there's something added, there's something taken away and then of course the "additives" - chemicals, vitamins (if they were grown correctly why should they need vitamins to be added?); minerals, colours, taste enhancers, emulsifiers and on it goes.

Are you aware that a Baskin & Robbins Yoghurt Smoothie contains between 29-31 teaspoons of sugar?   Boost Juice's Skinny Minny Melon has 549 kJ (131 calories).   I hate counting calories but it do realise the significance of one small glass of juice having 131 calories!   

What's the answer?   Common sense combined with wanting to do the best for our bodies (and our minds) as we possibly can.   We don't need to starve ourselves, or to constantly diet, or to spend hundreds of dollars going to the gym.   It comes down to mind over matter and accepting what is, and changing what can be changed to benefit our own personal health.

Me?   I admit I'm a plus-size woman.   Every woman in my family for at least four generations has been considered plus-size. We're also tall.   I enjoy good food; and I read recently that there is no such as "bad" food - it's all food.  It's the quantity and the balance that are important.   And I guess that says it all.

Plus Size Fashion

This evening's "A Current Affair" has highlighted plus-size fashion in all its beauty, simplicity, conservative/casual looks.  This segment was, for the first time I can recall, handled professionally and intelligently.  In the past so many of these shows (as also the national women's magazines) have "talked down" to the plus size woman, but this show tonight has proved the exception to the rule.

Smart, stylish, colourful, feminine clothing in block colours, vivid colour combination, animal prints, florals.  Corporate wear too is included for you to start the New Year off with style.

Go onto the Current Affair website and have a look at tonight's show.

http://aca.ninemsn.com.au/retail/8395367/plus-size-style

A small post this time!

Sometimes it only takes a few words to make us realise what life is all about.

Approaching the "Party" Season

Have you ever been invited to a special event or function and you're never quite sure how you should behave, or more importantly what the etiquette demands for that particular occasion?  Have you ever stayed at home because you felt you couldn't cope with the anxiety of not wanting to make a fool of yourself?  Have you ever gone to the event and felt embarrassed all night because you made a couple of faux pas?  Do you relive those embarrassing moments?

I wish that I had known some of these "do's" during my younger years.  They would have solved a lot of negative self-talk when I did a few things wrong.  

So, here's a great little list of the "10 Do's as they apply to Dinner Table Etiquette".   Read them, learn them, and then go out and enjoy yourself knowing that you have the knowledge to enjoy your evening (or function) without any worries of doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Good etiquette is an asset - it's not old-fashioned or out of date.   These pointers are handy to know, because you may receive an invitation out of the blue and it's always good to be well prepared.    

Dinner Table Etiquette - the 10 Do's!

1. Once seated, unfold your napkin and use it for occasionally wiping your lips or fingers. At the end of dinner, leave the napkin tidily on the place setting.
2. It is good dinner table etiquette to serve the lady sitting to the right of the host first, then the other ladies in a clockwise direction, and lastly the gentlemen.
   
3. Hold the knife and fork with the handles in the palm of the hand, forefinger on top, and thumb underneath.
   
4. Whilst eating, you may if you wish rest the knife and fork on either side of the plate between mouthfuls. When you have finished eating, place them side by side in the centre of the plate.
   
5. If the food presented to you is not to your liking, it is polite to at least make some attempt to eat a small amount of it. Or at the very least, cut it up a little, and move it around the plate!
   
6. It is quite acceptable to leave some food to one side of your plate if you feel as though you have eaten enough. On the other hand, don't attempt to leave your plate so clean that it looks as though you haven't eaten in days!
   
7. Desserts may be eaten with both a spoon and fork, or alternatively a fork alone if it is a cake or pastry style sweet.
   
8. Should a lady wish to be excused for the bathroom, it is polite for the gentlemen to stand up as she leaves the table, sit down again, and then stand once more when she returns.
   
9. Always make a point of thanking the host and hostess for their hospitality before leaving.
   
10. It is good dinner table etiquette to send a personal thank you note to the host and hostess shortly afterwards.

http://www.gourmet-food-revolution.com

Growing old and deserving to be treated with respect

It's difficult at times to convince yourself that what is happening around you, is actually for the best. You might get slapped down and trodden on, by people who you think really care about you, and you tend to blame yourself.

And sometimes the blame is deserved, but quite often not. It seems to me that there is a growing lack of courtesy and respect shown towards older people these days. Is it my imagination? Has it always been so? 

I don't think so. And I base this statement on what I have seen happen around me, not only within my own family, and extended family, but many others, over the years. In our family parents and grandparents all shared in the dignity of being considered important and worthy of respect, in both thought as well as speech by all members of the family, and even more especially by neighbours and the society in which they moved.

Today people up to and around 40 and 50 years of age, tend to "look down" on older folk, as though within their wrinkles and greying hair and slower painful steps, they've managed to lose all their intelligence! They also take the attitude that older people don't have "feelings" anymore and can't be hurt or offended by inappropriate attitudes or behaviour.  Sometimes their exasperation is extreme.

In different cultures around the world, older members within families and society were, and in many cases still are, seen to be the "wise ones". They are sought out to advise, and to give encouragement, to the younger members of family, based on their experience and knowledge of the world. Even if that knowledge only revolves around their home-life, and nearby neighborhood or community. 

Sadly there are a lot of people today who are never thought about by their families. They are left, isolated, and forgotten. Others are more fortunate enough in having the security of a home and financial backing. Today one seldom sees or hears of older parents or relations living within the warmth of the family circle. 

The speed and extent of the building of "retirement villages" has even surprised the developers/investors. Many loving and gracious elderly parents (even both sets of parents - that is parents and parents-in-law) who remain mobile and independent (i.e. not expecting to take precedence over other family members, are content to be part of the family when it is convenient for all to mingle and get together. It keeps them young! 

Yes, "retirement villages" are a viable and sensible option for thousands of "retirees" - if they prefer to be totally independent, and can afford to be, that is. So many men and women find themselves at the time their lives when they should be enjoying themselves, no fault of their own, to be almost penniless. Not every one can call upon the proceeds of "Superannuation" to provide financial security in purchasing a home unit within a "village" and being able to carry-on in a life-style that they have chosen or prefer.

Yet as people in the western world have become more affluent during past decades, the threat of a "recession" brings with it all sorts of stresses about where to live and how to afford to live, even very simply. And this applies more specifically to those who, as said earlier, have no financial security upon which to draw upon.

And this brings me back to what I said at first. being ignored, slapped down and trodden on. Because I don't like seeing older people treated with a total disregard for their feelings. I don't like seeing them ridiculed, and bullied, and spoken to as though they are naughty children. They deserve the right to be able to stand with head held high, and to be given the respect that their age and wisdom and experience demands.

And because this is a long "post", I can't but help add my observations of many younger women (in their teens and 20s etc) who display the old-fashioned courtesies and respect that older people so earnestly desire.   Is it perhaps that those in their 40s and 50s are so busy with life that they can't or don't want to spend time with their elders and that the younger people have seen the void and actually taken steps to fill that void?   I'd like to think so. 

Did you realise?

According to the Australia Koala Foundation, www.empowher.com, 1 in 3 teenage girls have starved themselves or refused to eat in an effort to shed kilos.

It's bad enough the discrimination shown towards adults, but it's wrong, wrong, wrong, that our teens feel they HAVE to be slim, if not downright skinny, to meet the media's expectations.

In today's world when it is (supposedly) illegal to discriminate against gender, culture, faith, and disability, why is it still permitted to discriminate against the plus-size and the aging. No-one seems to be bothered about confronting this, except of course for the plus-size and the aging. And when we do say something, we're told we're whinging and whining and complaining.

I say, let's complain loudly and often. Perhaps someone with clout will stand up for us, and with us, and be counted!

* And I question this ridiculous measurement of "plus-size" or overweight or "obese" (a hateful word and should never be used against another person - it's soul destroying). None of us are identical in height, weight, width, and shape, and yet we're all supposed to fit into an "ideal". Who was it that worked out what "ideal" is? Obviously someone who thought they were the perfection upon which we should all aspire to. What nonsense" 

LOVE without ATTACHMENT!

A lot of my friends (and even casual acquaintances) tell me that even though they surround themselves with lots of "positive" messages about self-acceptance, and plenty of healthy self-talk, there are times when they feel "out of place" and not quite sure of themselves, especially when it concerns relationships.

This is a favourite piece I have repeated and reproduced over many years through my newsletters and small booklets. I hope you will find it encouraging in your personal life.

LOVE without ATTACHMENT!

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love does not mean leaning,
and company does not mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts
and presents are not promises

And you begin to accept rejection
with your head up and your eyes clear
with the grace of an adult,
not the heartache of a child

And you learn to build you life on NOW
because tomorrow is too uncertain

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much

Plant your own garden and decorate your soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

After a while you learn that you really have infinite worth.

...... Author unknown

Is there a bit of hypocrisy here?

Alex Perry, fashion designer and TV model mentor, has copped a barrage of complaints since describing a size 8 model contestant (Allisander Moone) in the show Australia's Next Top Model, as

"overstuffed baggage"

Following many complaints Perry claimed he wasn't referring to the model, but the clothes she had had chosen for her!   He also says he is not a "fattist"!

For a so-called "professional" designer as well as model mentor, Perry should have the ability to speak about models and how they look, and what they are dressed in, in a much more sensitive even if straight-forward way, than to use the words "overstuffed baggage".   These people have such an influence on how women see themselves - and they know it!   

The discriminatory words he has used to describe Allisandra are bad enough.  But when it comes to other young women who read about this and hear it spoken about, how are they going to feel?   They're going to feel that they too are "overstuffed baggage", and they'll start the treadmill of losing weight at any cost, so that they'll be seen to be "normal".   They'll lose sight of the fact that they are lovely as they are and they don't need to be harrassed by innuendo by people like Alex Perry.

Perry, by the way,  has just released a 10 piece "corporate" line of fashion,  in sizes up to 16!    Of course he'll do well in sales, and again he knows it.   But there seems to be a contraction there - is it OK to use words about a model size 8 that could break any person's spirit and then expect women of similar size and bigger to go and buy his clothes?   He (and others like him) probably do!

What is normal anyway?   My best friend is short;  I'm taller.   One friend has beautiful naturally red hair;  mine has streaks of grey.   Another friend is naturally skinny and has a figure that any model would like to have;  I'm a large and deliciously curvaceous woman.  But we're all normal.

So let's get off this stupid and degrading way of describing women in a way that makes them (and us) feel as though we're "different" to the extent of being out of contention when it comes to being understood and being accepted within all frameworks of life.  

Devonshire Tea

A firm favourite for many decades, the delicious Devonshire tea continues to shine as an example of simple homely pleasures.

This blog is one that includes all sorts of trivia - but all with a focus on the enjoyment of life for the plus-size woman.

And where does Devonshire Tea come into this?  Quite simply - plus size women should have the privilege of enjoying their leisure time to the same degree as their thinner sisters, without being ostracised about being "too fat" and therefore by innuendo shouldn't be eating food of this nature.

I'm firmly of the opinion that we should ALL enjoy these sorts of pleasures without having to justify our choices or decisions to anyone.

I know of women who have been stared at;  who have been told they "shouldn't eat that!", and laughed at and ridiculed, all because they had the temerity to sit down to morning/afternoon tea.  What right does anyone have to inflict such discrimination on another person?

So I say - get out there and enjoy life.  Learn to love yourself for who you are and what you are and indulge in these little niceties to remind yourself that you are a unique and beautiful person.  No one has the right to treat you with any less respect than you deserve.

The "nonsense" that's going on about plus-size fashion!

Plus-size is a word that has lost its effect.  It is, in fact, becoming a misnomer, because people are taking it to extremes.   When I see fashion, and models on the runway, in size 14, and it's being touted as "plus-size", then I become justifiably angry.   And I'm not alone.

We've been fighting discrimination for decades now - far too long.  Yet, we still come back to the media and fashion industry calling us names that don't really depict or define us.  When will they come to accept the immutable fact that we are:

(1)  Women

(2)  Intelligent

(3) Sexual beings 

(4)  Honest and fully aware of our height, width, weight, shape and size

and
(5) We don't need to be constantly reminded all the time that we don't fit the "mould"!

This is becoming a nightmare.   Those of us who have been advocating a change in attitude for decades (by society at large as well as by ourselves to ourselves and others around us), see small inroads into the clothing market for women of size in todays marketplace.  But it's far too small - the inroads I mean.   

No wonder young girls and women of size 14 and 16 are tearing their hearts out trying to lose weight to meet the so-called "ideal" of LESS than size 14, so that they're no longer seen to be "plus-size".  It has become a derogatory word, not an inspiring one.

Plus-size used to describe women of size 22 and above.   Now for some unexplained reason, and there are some interesting arguments going the rounds which I reckon I've heard all of them over the past fifty years, plus size is now around 14!   Just what is going on here?

Women are women - no matter what weight, size or shape they are.   Yet as soon as a fashion show comes along or a new collection is released, we're supposed to be so grateful to see that "plus-size" is included - yep, up to size 14.

How does the woman who is larger than size 14 feel - say 20 through 30 - when she sees all this nonsense in the press and the current affairs programmes on TV? She feels slighted, she feels rejected, and she feels (again) relegated to the "not acceptable" heap.  And if she's like me, she starts to feel angry.

I read just this morning that Peter Morrissey has said that women of many sizes should be seen on the catwalk.  I can well remember Peter saying in a press interview some years back, that he would never deign to design a dress for anyone larger than size 14.  I made a pact with myself all those years ago that I would never promote any of Morrissey's fashion, and I haven't. Has he changed his mind?  Had he changed his attitude?  I'm not sure, but I hope it isn't because he has suddenly seen the big $ profit-line by designing garments slightly larger than his original limit.  Because that would be hypocrisy and we don't need any more of this, thank you very much.

On the other hand, maybe Morrissey has realised that his attitude of years ago was wrong!   I'd like to think that even the most adamant person who decries curves as being unacceptable, can change his/her mind, and to see the value of curves.

It will be interesting to see how this whole question evolve - because there is a lot of discussion going on, and it would be so nice if it continued in an upward and positive swing.

Do I often get up on my soapbox and shout?  No, but this nonsense of plus-sizes needs some trimming.

In fact I want someone to come up with some better descriptions than "plus-size" or "petite" or ......

I've worn out so many dictionaries trying to come up with some "positive" words, and I send out a challenge to readers of this blog.   Send in your suggestions for descriptive words that will highlight women who are larger than size 14, in an uplifting way.   Have your say on this very important subject.

(This photo has been found on the internet).

Too fat! Too skinny! How can we please the impossible demands?

We've touched upon quite a few subjects that drew sighs of astonishment over the years.   And of course it would be natural, and "comfortable" if we pretended that things aren't as bad as they seem, for plus-size women.   We're still "fighting" the fashion and media industries, but every now and then someone stands up for what they believe in, themselves, and shows the world how attitudes could and should change.

Copyright Nancy Hayssen.com

I refer to Nancy Hayssen, 33, Plus Size Model and Author of Sexy at Any Size! as an example.   Nancy sent a message back in 2007 of empowering women to look and feel sexy no matter weight or size – despite Hollywood’s impossible ideals of beauty.  I think this bears repeating.

Nancy is now speaking out about the root of the problem…the three Hollywood lies we’ve been told that destroy the way women feel about themselves:

1. No matter how much you weigh, you’re still too fat
2. No matter how skinny you are, you’ll never be skinny enough
3. No matter what you look like, you’ll never be good enough

http://dailyvenusdiva.com/2011/01/21/anorexic-model-dead-plus-size-model-asks-america-who-is-to-blame/

Controversial?  Yes.  But as with many things relative to size, we need to take a long hard look at society and indeed how we see the world around us, and the people of different colours, shapes and sizes who make up that world.

Comparing

Continued: 


We've been speaking about many differences and changes to women's life-styles over the past decades.   There have been tremendous inroads into building up opportunities for women, but sometimes it's worth while being reminded of how our mothers and grandmothers fared in dealing with everyday issues.  Compared to today, those women had a lot of extra battles to fight and overcome.  Yet, that's not to say that women today don't have any many hurdles to jump and overcome.   This is where encouragement is always needed.


When young women and older women have the opportunity to share this sort of information that we've been talking about in the past three posts, it is very surprising to observe the way younger women view what they hear. Too often it is utter disbelief. Sometimes it is seen as an exaggeration. Seldom is it seen as being the truth, and therefore not often is a special understanding arrived at, of what women in general, but particularly their mothers and grandmothers, have gone without and fought for.

So it's not surprising in having to realise that women as they grow older lose a lot of confidence. They've always had to struggle against the tide, but they seek and need support and empathy from younger women, not only for personal and physical encouragement, but moreso for moral support. 

In many cultures this moral support is part of the cultural makeup of women within that society. In the western world this need is sometimes neglected to such an extent that it doesn't exist. 

The 21st Century woman encompasses a diverse and incredibly valuable circle of intelligence, information and experience. The more we share that with each other, the more confidence we each shall possess.

Young women today versus young women of yesterday

Continued:

And in the journey, women themselves have overlooked the sacrifices that women in earlier decades have made.  When talking with young women in their 20s and 30s, it comes as a great surprise to them to learn that thirty years ago:

(a) women who were employed by the Public Service had their employment terminated when they married (the official policy of the day). Even in private enterprise, asking for a "raise" in their wages was unheard of.  There was no such thing as Work-Choices, or collective bargaining.  Superannuation was an unknown word.  "Unfair dismissal"?  If your employer didn't think you did your job well, you were fired.  That was that.  Equal pay?  Whoever thought that would ever be discussed.  ***

(b) single women who had babies did not receive social welfare payments - there was no such thing.  Other than  "child endowment" which amounted to a few shillings (equal to one dollar) bringing up a baby (or babies) was seen to be the sole duty of a mother.   If the woman was not married or if the father refused to marry her, most times she had to rely on her mother or other relations to help in bringing up the child/children.    In many cases, (far too many), the other option for single women was that they were persuaded to give their baby up for adoption, or as rumoured at the time, and now spoken about openly, they had their babies removed at birth, never to see them again.   Many excuses were made at the time, including that the baby had died at birth (many times far from the truth).  There was very little that a young unmarried girl could do to find out the truth.

(c)  there were no creches or daycare centres available; there were no kindergartens as such.  Occasionally a woman in the same suburb would open her home to looking after three or four children, for a whole day, part of a day, or before or after school, for a fee. One had to trust their baby or child sometimes to a complete stranger, hoping that that baby was being looked after.  Supervision was left entirely in the hands of the person looking after the children, and there were no audits by government bodies or legislation to cover the safety and health aspect.

(d)  women were NOT "invited" (patronising word isn't it?) to join superannuation funds.  It was unheard of, and if a woman had the audacity to request her inclusion, once they had been more readily accepted in the workplace,  she would have been laughed at.  She was always treated as secondary to a male employee - even if she did exactly the same job.

(d)  women were NOT permitted to take out bank loans.  In fact as far as banking and financial aspects of a woman's life, she had to have a "male" sponsor or guarantor willing to stand for her.  Sometimes it meant even asking a stranger to act as guarantor, which gave them a "hold" over the woman until she repaid the loan.

(e)  women did not own their own homes therefore - based on (d) above.  Women did not own their own motor vehicles.  Very seldom indeed did women own property (unless they inherited it from parents).

(f)  women were considered to be chattels of their husband.  They had very few rights - in the home, or the workplace.  Certainly in the court of law - should there be a divorce.

(g)  most employment opportunities were in factories - processing, manufacturing, the car industry, backyard sewing rooms etc;  shop assistants - mostly shops such as grocers, greengrocers, fish and chip shops.  Girls with higher ambitions aimed for "higher" grade retail positions such as a salesgirl in Myer or David Jones;  or as a theatre girl selling programmes;  or as a hair dresser, etc.  Many girls initiated their own career - such as millinery and/or dressmaking.   The more skilled they were, the more successful they became.

(h)  it was very seldom that a woman initiated a divorce.  To do so was to place herself in an extremely vulnerable position and public scrutiny. She was usually seen as being the guilty one regardless of the reason for the divorce. She would have to prove her need to rely on social welfare (if she had never had a job or if she lost it as a result of the divorce) - which was a pittance, and she underwent repeated investigations into her private life as it related to her "behaviour" and her private income.  That private income was usually zero.  She could very easily fall through the gaps of social interest and concern, and become destitute.

To be continued ...

*** Equal pay - even though women were awarded "equal pay for work of equal value" in 1968, it still remains unattainable for many women, regardless of their career position.  

Young women today versus young women of yesterday

Most teenagers/young women of today appear to have an over abundance of confidence. They will take up all sorts of pursuits and set what seem to a lot of us impossible goals, (particularly those of us who are "growing older").   In fact sometimes it seems as though younger women race towards their goals without much thought as to what they will do should they fall flat on their faces. It's not unusual to hear young women say that they never give failure a thought. Their attitude at times seems to be over-confident. The majority of us however encourage them.

That's not to say that women at all times have not set themselves goals that are achievable as well as those which required their persistence and dedication in achieving, even when it meant sacrificing a lot of things. For instance, many women have forsaken marriage and/or starting a family for years, in order to attain a "career". That career may bring with it great rewards - financial and psychological. 

Women have made incredible strides in becoming more independent over the past thirty years,  or more.  Of course there have always been women who have been pioneers and liberated and have overcome great obstacles to be educated and acknowledged as top of their profession - i.e. doctors, bankers, scientists, lawyers, corporate managers, politicians. But too often reaching these heights has "cost" them in more ways than one.

In the pursuit of "equality" in the workplace, women have had to prove themselves not only as good as but better than,  in too many ways. Unfortunately when this has occurred the weight of public opinion has been against them for wanting to prove their superiority! Too often from other women.


To be continued ......

HIGHS and LOWS

I'm always on the look-out for likeminded women, who see the need to surround other women who have low (or no) self-esteem, with lots of positiveness and optimism. That's not to say everyone should go around with a big happy smile on their face, even when their lives are breaking apart, pretending that everything's OK. We have to be sensible and realise that it's a part of life having to go through experiences that will uplift us, and others that will drag us down to depths of despair. But it's what we "do" with the highs and lows that is important. Not only to us but to those around us.

In today's society there is a lot of controversy, hipocrasy and discrimination as it relates to looks, age, size and shape. That discrimination then translates into non-acceptance of a person's race, their education, and their beliefs.

This is when basic common sense and good manners get lost in the overflow of antagonism and hostility, from one person to another. In other words things get out of control. The person on the receiving end finds there's no let-up in the stings and barbs, and the perpetrator becomes immune to any understanding of how the other person feels.

Things become more and more confused and complicated. And there's no real reason why life should be this way.

It's usually women, and quite often family members and friends, who belittle other women because they "look" different, by way of looks, shapes and sizes. Why is it so? Why can't we all get on with one another; sharing accomplishments and hurdles with smiles, added offers of encouragement and just "being there" for each other?

Why do we feel threatened by other women? Either by personal achievement; more beautiful looks and figures; or just an inability to "see" another woman as being a friend rather than a foe?

WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH!

When things get tough and you really feel that the world is against you

that you’ve been “hard done” by:

that everyone is thinking of themselves and not of you:

when finances get tight;

when health problems arise;

when emotions are taut;

when there is disharmony in the home;

when the kids are sick;

when the kids are naughty;

when the kids are late;

when the kids leave home; 

when the weather is cold and rainy all the time

 (and you can’t get the clothes dry);

or when the weather is so hot that all you want to do

 is to find a nice cool spot and hide away from all the responsibilities you have;

when the next door neighbours are giving you a tense time

-  (perhaps a barking dog that never stops or complaints about your new fence)

when your best friend argues with you over some unimportant matter;

when the car won’t start;

when the last light globe has been used and another pops;

when the bus is late;

when the roof leaks;

when dinner spoils; 

when the washing machine gives up;

when the tradesman doesn’t arrive on time 

(and doesn’t have the courtesy to let you know in advance);

when your Mother or Father decides to do their own thing and separate

 - upsetting your whole life and life-style in even small ways; 

when just about anything that will go wrong does go wrong.

DON’T DESPAIR

Every woman has been in similar circumstances at some stage of her life;  and especially a Mother.  When you think that you’re in a pickle, try and remember how your Mum handled the situation - whether by laughter or tackling the problem responsibily and within reason and then getting on with her life.   


Don’t think for one minute that the problems of the world are your own private predicaments - life is far too fickle to concentrate on you alone.  Don’t turn against those who care for you and love you (and have proved beyond doubt in previous times and problems that they can be counted upon to stand by you).  Look at them and turn to then for understanding and encouragement - they’ll surprise you by always giving it one way or another without any strings.

For it is in confronting many of these issues realistically and rationally, then we find we have the inner strengths to handle them - to deal with them, and to actually resolve them.  The more we do this, the more experience we gain in building up self-confidence to be able to make decisions for our's (and others) benefit.   We will then be able to act independently or dependently with the assistance of others, adding to each person’s confidence and allowing our friendships whether family, friends or neighbours, to be enhanced.   There's nothing quite like having experienced some of these problems and getting over them;  you feel more secure in your own judgements and instincts, and can more easily offer undestanding and compassion to others who are travelling a similar path.

BELIEF!

BELIEF (in ourselves) is the knowledge that we can do something.  It’s the inner feeling that what we undertake we can accomplish.  For the most part, all of us have the ability to look at something and know whether or not we can do it.

So, in belief there is power; 

our eyes are opened;  

our opportunities become plain; 

our visions become realities.

What does it matter?

I do a lot of observing. I look around me and see a lot of things that don't make sense. Like - why do people of size lose interest in themselves? (I am plus-size, so I know what the majority of them are feeling.)

It only takes a moment or two however to see how other people treat the plus-size, to realise just how little respect is sometimes given them. In fact I've seen people stop talking in mid-sentence and turn around to stare at a large person, before breaking into peels of laughter. I've personally been told that I shouldn't be eating what I eat (salads, for goodness sake!); I shouldn't expect to be invited to join club outings and other events ("they'll have to get in a sofa for you to sit on!"); and that I should never expect to be respected! Why? Because, "they" say (here are those terrible people called "they" again) that I'm out of control! Out of control? Surely, their attitude of "out of control".

If a person is treated with disdain and rudeness constantly, it doesn't take long to erode what little self-esteem we may have.   It doesn't take long before we begin to think of ourself as less of a person than we are, and it doesn't take long before the rudeness and dislike displayed by others, takes hold and becomes part of our self-thoughts.

So plus-size people who do lose interest in themselves need to be encouraged to see themselves for who they are (and not how other people see them) and to build upon that foundation. They need those of us who have gone through the same experiences, to tell them sincerely, that they can buck the system, and discover their own true worth. And to show them in a variety of ways. 

People who don't know us or really care about us including family, can and do display bad manners and attitudes. But it's not our problem - it's their problem.   (But we too often make the mistake of thinking it's our fault and take on feelings of guilt which are unreasonable.)

Yesterday someone said to me, "well, what does it matter?" I thought about that. Because when it comes down to tin-tacks, what does it really matter?   Do these people's prejudices really matter to me?  Of course they do, but It's not that I can change their opinions.  It's more important that I look at the whole picture and see that I'm worth more than their derogatory thoughts and remarks.  I see inappropriate attitudes for what they are - discriminatory.  Those people have put labels on me (and us) based on their assumptions - and their assumptions aren't always right.

So "what does it matter" in the long run?  It doesn't.   As long as we have respect for ourselves and to others, those out-of-touch attitudes and behaviours don't (and must not) impact upon how we feel about ourselves or to erode our self-esteem.