TAKING RISKS!

I sometimes wish I were a "wordsmith" - someone who could say in a few beautiful words what my heart would like to say and describe.  (I just know someone will write and tell me the word should be "was" and not "were"!)

Reading a wonderful new book the other day, "Out of the Woods but not Over the Hill" by Gervase Phinn, I came across this paragraph:

"Life is full of risks.  If you laugh, you risk being thought silly;  if you weep, you risk appearing mawkish;  if you ask a question, you risk sounding foolish; if you show your feelings, you risk revealing your true self; if you try, you risk failure; if you tell  someone you love them, you risk not being loved back.  But the risk is worth taking, because the person who risks nothing has a pretty tedious life."

This almost says it all.   Reading it makes you realise that you're not the only one who has taken these risks - in fact some readers will have taken them all!

Being human brings with it a level of uncertainty in all manner of situations and circumstances.   Not taking risks seems to me to be rather unwise, for that person never really lives.  Especially having taken the risk and come through the other side a stronger and better person.

*  If you want a book that will delight you, will bring memories of your childhood, and will make you laugh until you roll around the floor, then you must read the books by Gervase Phinn.   Enquire from my friend Meryll at Rainy Day Books and she'll put you in the right direction.   www.rainydaybooksofthebasin.blogspot.com

AGING NEEDN'T BE DAUNTING!

Hidden within all sorts of abysmal news in the national newspaper this week 

I came across this article which I'm quoting hereunder:

The prospect of ageing needn't be daunting as we're happiest at 85, according to new research.

An increasing number of wrinkles and getting undeniably close to death aren't enough to put the elderly off enjoying themselves - research confirms we don;t get sadder as we get older,

In fact, it seems that just the opposite is true.

A telephone poll of 340,000 people showed that after 50, people start progressively getting happier.

By 85, people were more satisfied with themselves than when they were 18.

While the results of the US Gallop telephone poll showed that happiness came with age, it didn't uncover the cause of this phenomenon, as reported in Live Science.

The survey showed that people start out at age 18 feeling pretty good and feel progressively worse until they hit 50.

But after that point, people begin getting happier.

FASHION and WARDROBE STYLISTS

I can’t keep up with the expressions, Baby Boomers, Gen X, and Gen Y.  To be quite honest I haven’t found anyone who could explain what they mean.  Young people know, because they fit into one or another of the categories.  I’ve given up trying to understand.

But there’s one thing I do understand, and I hope many adult women will take on the title of being a member of the “silver years”.   What I have learned, and what I hear woman of a certain age say every day, is that “fashion” (read:  clothing in the stores, be that major stores or chain stores), is geared for the young, the very young.   Even, unfortunately, many of the brand names that have their own boutique stores.

In this comment I don’t include the following here in Australia:  Big Time Clothing (up to size 50); Sybil’s (up to size 32), Fella Hamilton; Motto; Maggie T. that all display a knowledge of the older woman’s needs in the fact that the majority of their garments fall within the term “classic”.   I still wish however that all these companies who only go to size 20 and yet claim to be "plus size" would consider increasing their clothing range to include size 24 and 26 at least.   

However I digress.  Let me get back to the subject of the “silver style” (elegance and sophistication for the “silver” generation).   For too long the growing older woman has been given the choice of dressing in the mode of young women whose life is fast-paced and quite casual.  The trend towards tops and tee shirts worn over tights is all very well, and certainly satisfies the needs of the young.  Tights go very well too for growing older women who have good legs, flat tummies and taut and trim upper arms and figures and there are many women who have this advantage. 

But we don’t all fit into that category.   Even though our figures have changed in shape and size over the years, doesn’t mean that given sensible, smartly designed and cut stylish clothing that we won’t come up looking fantastic.  This is where classic and style comes into the picture.  For we deserve to look fantastic!

For those of us who are enjoying the “silver” years, there’s a growing interest within our fashion and wardrobe stylists, to cater to our needs as an ongoing focus.   This has taken time, but the Myer buying team have recently noticed “silver shoppers” are being attracted to the designer brands. 

Stylist Jo Blankfield (Melbourne) writes in an article in the Sun Herald this past week:  “silver shoppers had been scared of looking like mutton dressed up as lamb but were starting to rethink their assumptions that there was nothing available for them in fashion outlets where younger women shop.”

That’s all very well especially for growing older women who have slim and trim figures.  Tight, poured-into leather pants really don’t however look good on a woman with curves who usually takes a size 24-26 and not only proudly boasts her curves but also her wrinkles.  She requires a special kind of styling - garments that flatter her figure by fluid lines, are not tight, or too short, or a cheap looking fabric/colour mix.

So “silver women” everywhere, share your views on what you consider to be a classic, stylish wardrobe for your everyday needs, be they as a retired woman or as a career woman.  Share photos of your favourite garments and tell us where you bought them.

HOW TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF

I am astounded at the number of requests I receive to repeat this particular feature.  It makes so much sense in today's world where, unfortunately it seems that womens' fight for equality remains as intense as when I first published this article.   

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO:

1. Say "no" without feeling guilty

2. Have and express feeling and opinions 

3. Be listened to and taken seriously

4.  Work things out for yourself

5.  Set your own priorities

6.  Change your mind or be illogicial (in the eyes of others)

7.  Make mistakes and take responsibility for them

8.  Not offer excuses for your behaviour (unless you want to)

9.  Get what you pay for

10.  Choose NOT to be assertive

You have the right to be the ultimate judge of your behaviour, thoughts and feelings and to take resplonsibility for them

Sometimes being assertive is not worth the hassle involved, but these occasons are rare.

William Shakespeare said:  This above all - to thine own self be true and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man”   And I might I add the words "or woman".   

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Be kind to yourself.  

Things just happen, 

so a little prayer 

and knowing that someone is looking after you

 will help you get through.

THIS WORKING LIFE - putting yourself first!

Whatever your age, if you are contemplating returning to work or starting up your own business, then you must face the thought of putting yourself first!  Quite often this brings unrealistic burdens.

A leading Australian careers adviser recently said, "because it's necessary for women to return to the workforce today, there comes a time when the family must sacrifice, but you have to remember that there is a long future at stake for the woman, and it is one that will not always include her children".

Children grow up and move away to follow their own dreams and aspirations.

As a result of financial circumstances or a breakdown in a relationship, you may find you HAVE to work, by either getting a job or creating a job in order to keep the wolf from the door.  Sometimes this happens at a time when you may have planned to be "taking things easy" after having fulfilled 30-40 years in the workplace, whether as an employee or as a homemaker/mother.  Now suddenly it's up to you to start all over again.

If you're in a relationship it certainly is NOT selfish or unrealistic of you to expect that the family, even if it is your partner, to work in with you, to take an interest in what you are doing, and to meet you half-way in everyday chores around the home and garden.  That sounds a little too easy for in far too many cases it is an impossible ask.

If this is the case and you find yourself in this predicament, then it comes back to you.  You have to decide on what is right for you.  If your partner or other family members are indifferent to your needs and requests, and they complain, bicker and make life unbearable for you, then YOU need to take stock of your personal needs and make some long-lasting decisions.  It won't be easy, but you already know that.  Stick with your goals and pursue them.  Don't let your aspirations and dreams take a back seat - you deserve better.

If you are a young woman, you may find being "easy in mind" when working or carrying on your own businsss means getting good homehelp which costs money.  Dining out will become a more common event.  Buying preprepared meals wilL ensure there's always something in the frig and freezer whereby you'll not be expected to come home from work and then spend hours preparing and cooking the family meal.   Or maybe you'll have to depend on your mother, grandmother or other family members to step in and assist.  In today's society however, you will often find your own mother has had her own mid-life crisis as well.  This means instead of taking things easy she now has to seek work too.  Once again a Catch 22, with no relief in sight!

If you are determined to start up your own business, and there's no reason why you shouldn't, even if you are 50, 60, 70, then you might get feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty as to how you should look, how you should dress and how you should promote yourself.  You might be faced with any number of "negative" feelings but you're already further advanced in your thinking, so go forward with confidence.

If there's one thing an older woman has, it's courage.  So when you're faced with how you should promote yourself, you only need to look at yourself as you are, your abilities, talents, skills and capabilities.  You should dress according to your particular preference.  You don't have to conform with what other people say, because your're an individual and individuals don't copy each other.  In today's world there is no such thing as being out of fashion because you have the right to make fashion work for you, not against you.  As far as age and size and looks are concerned, these are only as relevant to your business enterprise as you allow them to be.

The best way to dress is the way you feel happiest.  We should all feel free to be in fashion or out of it, to dress to conform or to show lack of conformity;  to attract attention or play safe;  to be exciting or sensible.  We should also feel free to switch from one to another.  The only requirement is that neatness and tidiness should always be paramount.

How older women see themselves

Women don't necssarily always want to LOOK young.  They just want to look as attractive as they can for their age. Growing older is recognising and coming to terms and even accepting certain limitations on one's power to attract.  It is a passage in time.  For some women "growing older" begins at thirty, for others 40, 50, 60, and even 90.  Clearly it is in the mind more than anywhere else.

Always remember as Barbara Taylor Bradford is quoted as saying:  "Life is not a rehearsal, it's the real thing".

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