AGING NEEDN'T BE DAUNTING!

Hidden within all sorts of abysmal news in the national newspaper this week 

I came across this article which I'm quoting hereunder:

The prospect of ageing needn't be daunting as we're happiest at 85, according to new research.

An increasing number of wrinkles and getting undeniably close to death aren't enough to put the elderly off enjoying themselves - research confirms we don;t get sadder as we get older,

In fact, it seems that just the opposite is true.

A telephone poll of 340,000 people showed that after 50, people start progressively getting happier.

By 85, people were more satisfied with themselves than when they were 18.

While the results of the US Gallop telephone poll showed that happiness came with age, it didn't uncover the cause of this phenomenon, as reported in Live Science.

The survey showed that people start out at age 18 feeling pretty good and feel progressively worse until they hit 50.

But after that point, people begin getting happier.

GETTING REAL!

Someone sent me this fun cartoon.   It certainly made me smile, but it also reminded me that we are living in a society where "perfection" as it applies to the female form, has taken a turning where normal or typical is no longer seen as being totally acceptable.

Today to be "seen" as acceptable a woman has to be:  young - slim (if not skinny); svelte (with no bumps or curves); sexy (what exactly is sexy?) and most importantly young.

How has this come about?   What has changed from the 1950s ,,,,,,?  

A lot happened.  Firstly the 1960s brought about a swing in attitudes - of life as well as behaviours.   The fact that Jean Shrimpton wore a knee length shift (dress) at the Melbourne Cup, WITHOUT a hat or gloves (oh, dear! what was the world coming to?) caused loud headlines in the press.  But that's too easy to say that her decision to wear an outrageous dress - for the era that is - caused the change in attitudes to women's shapes and sizes.  But it certainly was one of the factors that started the ball rolling.

We all shortened our hemlines.  We lowered our necklines.   Everything was free and easy.   But for the plump and curvaceous woman, that was also the start of an inherent and growing animosity towards the way SHE looked.   Size discrimination rose to greater heights and it became apparent in film, television, the media per se.  Women's magazines took on the role of telling their readers to diet, to undergo cosmetic surgery, to attend the latest and very expensive gyms in order to attain the lean, sleak bodies of more naturally slim women.  They didn't tell their readers that it was OK to be a different size or shape and that all sizes could be considered normal or typical.   Manufacturers began to treat the curvaceous woman with scorn and retailers hid clothes for her size in a tiny section at the back of the department store.   It took many years for "plus-size" suppliers to come out of the woodwork.

So that's where the whole thing went haywire.   For all women are NOT fundamentally the same shape or are meant to be the same size.   Women were told they HAD to diet;  they did and many did far more damage to their bodies and minds through yo-yo dieting over decades than they could have imagined.   Somebody forgot to tell them that genes play a bit part in their body makeup (in fact it was only recently that the medical people have acknowledged this to be true - it was argued about heatedly in previous decades.)

What happened next?  Suddenly eating disorders became prominent.   A whole new industry was born whereby people were counselled about disorders in their eating behaviours.  The human body, and mind,  suffered serious consequences.  Not only women but men and children are affected.   In all age groups.

What am I trying to say?   I'm saying it's about time we realised that the world is made up of people who look different, who have differnent shapes and sizes, and we should recognise and respect each other unconditionally.

(I'm not talking here of those who are addicted to non-stop eating, or eating inappropriate foods until they really do become medically and dangerously obese.   Nor am I talking about those people whose bodies react violently to the medications they may be taking.)

Let's join in the protest (albeit quietly but determinedly) 

that ALL women's bodies and shapes should be 

celebrated, no matter what age, size or shape ©.  

BEWARE AN ELECTRONIC SHOCK!

It's amazing just what you can read in the daily newspaper, in my case the Melbourne Sun-Herald, especially when you're relaxing with a cup of coffee at your favourite Coffee Shop, after a morning's shopping.

(Please note that the bra pictured is NOT the so-called prototype "smart bra").

The headline did it for me:   

SMART BRA MAY STOP WOMEN OVEREATING

(I'll quote the article ver batim - with acknowledgement to who ever wrote it, although there was no indication as to who that might have been or which news agency it came through.)

"MICROSOFT researchers (who else????) have designed a smart bra that monitors a woman's mood in an attempt to prevent "emotional overeating".

The bra contains several removable sensors that monitor heart rate, breathing, skin activity and movement.

In theory, the bra could determine when a wearer is stressed and likely to look to food for relief, Microsoft researchers claim.

It would feed the data to a smartphone app via bluetooth and provide interventions such as breathing exercises to help the wearer beat their urge.

The researchers said the bra predicted emotions "significantly better than chance" after testing it on four women for four days.  They compared the physiological data to the women's self-reported emotions.

"Based on these results, we conclude building a wearable, physiological system is feasible," the researchers wrote.

But they said a real-world smart bra would need to be made more comfortable and have better battery life.

Analysts view wearables as the next frontier in technology.  Already there are wristbands that monitor well-being."

I don't know about you but technology seems to be going into areas that not even Captain Kirk (or even Mrs Kirk) envisioned.

How would you launder a bra that has a battery in it, in the first place?   Would the next step be possibly reducing the size of this "bra" to such an extent that it was not even necessary but where a chip could be implanted into a woman instead?    What if it got crossed wires and read a woman's mood incorrectly?  (Just like a lot of men!)

Anyway, women know their emotions.   They can read their bodies a lot easier than Microsoft researchers imagine.   Our bodies react in certain ways to protect us, to shield us and to allow us to confront, cope and then manage our situations.  

A "smart bra" - could this be going too far?  Are we becoming a nation of people who MUST have gimmicks for every use and occasion?  (Even uses that are preposterous?)

HOW CAN YOU STAY HAPPY AND HEALTHY .......

While at the same time you're growing older .....

As we well know, most women very early form a habit of putting everyone else first. When she becomes a mother this is a "natural" habit that very soon becomes a life-style. It stays with her. A consequence of this, though, is that as we grow older, we're often unaware of what activities we can enter into, which will boost our mood, our attitude and immunity. But there are a few things, that even the so-called experts agree on, that will help us through this.

Here are one or two suggestions.

TALK. Bottling up worries or sadness is deeply unhealthy and guaranteed to suppress immunity. If you feel sad, chat with a friend and don't be afraid to cry. Tears are a good way of releasing repressed emotions and stress. If you feel you need more than that, ask your GP to refer you to a professional counsellor.

LISTEN TO MUSIC. Countless studies show that laughter is hugely beneficial to health - and sharing laughter is better still. So rent a funny DVD, get some friends around and let your humour take over. If you're not really into some of the "modern" humour, why not even drag out of the kid's cartoons/Walt Disney films? Just be a kid again - even if you have grey hair and wrinkles.

EAT and DRINK. In moderation - of course! But then why do we always put limitations on what we should do, especially to relax and recharge our batteries. Seriously though, don't let the fact that just because you might be alone, that you needn't go to the bother of laying the table properly for a meal. Put a small vase of flowers of a specimen rose beside your plate setting, and enjoy a nice wine (even non-alcoholic). Too often we can feel guilty about enjoying ourselves, which is not the way it should be. Tell yourself, I deserve to be pampered and if this means pampering yourself, then so be it. You'll soon believe it.

PRAY. Even those with "no-faith" understand the importance of having a special little place in their home such as a small side table with family photos, flowers, a candle, anything that represents beauty and love, will bring a warm sense of well-being. Those with faith, know the importance and the countless benefits they receive from actually praying or talking with God.

THINK POSITIVE. Hard to at times, but work at it. Never go to sleep fretting over a problem. It achieves nothing. A better idea before going to bed is to concentrate on all the happy (even tiny) events of the day for a few minutes. Avoid negative thoughts at all costs.

Stay away from people who constantly bombard us with doom and gloom. Never lose hope. Remember, miracles do happen, every day, to ordinary every-day people, like you and me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!   MAY YOUR DAY BE FILLED WITH LOVE AND MANY NICE SURPRISES.

"STAGGERING LEVELS"

Headlines blazed across the television screen this morning, NUMBER OF "OBESE" AUSTRALIANS REACHES 'STAGGERING LEVELS'

For a woman who wears size 20 clothes (and sometimes I have to buy sizes 24 and 26 even though I don't change shape or weight in order to get something to fit), I have come to the stage where I am no longer willing to be categorized as a burden to Australian society because of my size.

In reading a lot of material about plus-size (much of it from the archives of plus-related books and articles as well as contemporary writings), I've come to realise that in the past as well as the present, we have been given the most humiliating descriptions possible and we've been expected to accept that discrimination without a murmur.

Personally I've been told that:

• if I want to be accepted as an equal in the work-scene I have to lose weight;  
• if I want my views and balanced opinions to be listened to seriously about all manner of issues, then I should lose weight; 
• if I want to be accepted as an intelligent woman ( a lot of plus size women are considered to be dull and not having much sense), then I would have to lose weight;
• if I want to be accepted as a patient in many small as well as major hospitals then I would have to lose weight;
• if I want to be treated respectfully at many restaurants around the country and to be seated comfortably at one of their tables, then there was an inference that I should lose some weight - ("we can't provide chairs for people who aren't standard size" I've been told more than once).  Just exactly what do they mean by "standard size"? - should everyone be identical in height, width, shape, size and looks, so that we are "standard'?)
• if I want a reasonable range of clothing to choose from then it would be preferable to be a few sizes less

and the list goes on.

It's when the health industry publicly gets vocal in their non-acceptance of us that things start to turn nasty. For the media is always eager to sensationalise reality and they grab hold of what the health industry state, and we become the agents for not only discrimination but ridicule.   The health industry has the ability and the opportunity to improve our lives by seeing us as we are, and then working with us to assist us to become more healthy.  Working with us means NOT to insist that we lose weight by outrageous diets or disfiguring and dangerous surgery.  Too many studies have been carried out that now claim it is not necessary to be thin to be healthy.  We get blamed for being who we are when if the health and fitness industry looked deeper into the question, they have it within their means to enhance our lives as they are right now.

So the health industry reminds us that we are fat and overweight and then the media takes up the message and emblazons the television screens, the national magazines and even the newspapers with reports and photographs that do nothing to assist in our self-esteem.

Because that's where the whole subject loses its way.  If society and this includes the media and the health industry, were to readily accept the plus-size woman and encourage her to make the very best of what she has, then she would become healthier and happier.  And with that her self-esteem would rise.

It's self-esteem that we have to aim for, first and foremost.   

©  Rose Davida

AGING OUTRAGEOUSLY! - Keeping Focus, Part II

In our travels and dealings with women we have come to the conclusion that most older women (of course there are exceptions to the rule) have, during most of the seasons of their lives, given to others excessively even to the point of sacrifice and neglect to themselves and their personal needs (of time, money, opportunities and lots of other things.)

Now this is not an un-natural occurrence. As a child we defer to our parents and honor them for being who and what they are. Whether we like them (as well as love them) is sometimes debatable, but ....... As a growing teenager, we suddenly discover we can do lots of things outside of our parents rule-book (whether they know about it or not is another matter!), but we grow and learn and discover lots of new things, and sensations. As an adult we can quite often find ourselves responsible for other people, including parents, children, other family members, indeed even friends. We take on all these responsibilities with sensitivity and regard them as being privileges.

Then one morning we wake up, and life has changed - drastically and dramatically for us.

Our children (those of us who have them, bless their little hearts) have moved out, married and started their own families; our parents may have an even greater need of our attention and our love and care (and even though we get tired at the end of the day, we really wouldn't have it any other way, because the alternative is too horrid to think about !); our partners need not only more emotional care and support but also physical; and friends have a far greater need and call upon us to offer the shoulder more often plus a few tissues to help them through all of what's going on with, and in, their lives.

Some of us even find that what we thought was "firm" and long-standing, no longer is. Financial circumstances can set off all sorts of alarm bells in our feelings of independence and security. Health problems rear their nasty little heads and cause us lots of sleepless nights. Marriages or relationships break down and so often we find we are beset with all sorts of problems never before imagined. We may find ourselves adrift without any support or encouragement from those people who are supposed to care - even family and friends. We may face the prospect of having to fight battles without the energy or resilience of youth. We set out to do what we must do because we've fought these same battles time and time again throughout our younger years. A case of deju vu. But now we're older, and we're much more tired.

To be continued .......

INTERNATIONAL and NATIONAL WOMEN'S MAGAZINES

LATEST FASHION TRENDS on SKINNY GIRLS

One question remains unanswered as far as I’m concerned.  Why do women’s national and international magazines insist on showing us half-grown petulant, skinny girls (I'm not talking about naturally thin models!) to show off the latest “garment” thrown together by a well-known designer.  If you’re observant and look around you, you’ll readily see that those models DON'T represent the girls at the major store counter or the girls sitting near you at the mall coffee shop or the women in your family and groups of friends.  Those garments are, we’re told, all made in a size 0 or less - how can you get anything less than zero?  

Do you know why?  

Manufacturers tell me that it’s because the garment hangs better on a body without flesh or curves!   Aaah, am I missing something here?  Because you can't tell me that the above model is either happy or healthy and that the garment hangs better on her than on a girl with a little more flash.   There’s a contradiction here - even a size 16 girl will look different to the size 10 or less model wearing the same garment!   Is it strange then that a plus-size woman feels frustrated?  The only reason I can see why they insist on making sample garments in such a small size and using models so thin they look as though they’ll break, is because .......... it takes less fabric!    But that doesn't quite answer the question does it?  If a garment is for a size 16 girl, then surely it should be modelled on a size 16.  Yes?

If there’s another answer to this question, then I’d like to hear it.

HOW MANY PLUS SIZE WOMEN ACTUALLY BUY THESE MAGAZINES TODAY?

These magazines are still selling - and if the comments of most of the women I know is true, then these magazines are being produced in spite of the fact that not many plus size women are buying them.  What a contradiction.  Women’s magazines are supposed to be for ALL women of all ages, sizes and shapes - yet do we see ourselves represented fairly within their pages?   I only read magazines at the hairdressers, in the doctors rooms and the like these days, but not in my kitchen or lounge room (that is unless I sneak one from my hairdressers!).  

ONCE AGAIN THE INAPPROPRIATE "POSES" OF OUR MODELS and "CELEBRITIES"

Another point about these half starved waifs that I can’t understand - and I’m not alone in this, is the way they stand or pose.   Honestly most of them look as though thy need to find the “ladies” quickly or else they’ll have an embarrassing moment.   What is this all about?

Put a mini dress on a model and she crosses her ankles - put her into a pair of jeans and she sits with her legs open wide.  Am I really that old-fashioned to be offended?

LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST

The debate about the size of models has been going on for far too long, without any resolution that satisfies the majority of women.  Even young women.  I see a number of blogs these days written by young, intelligent, articulate women - teenagers through to 30-40 year olds - all declaiming the use of digital enhancements and photoshopping of models and even photographs of everyday things - landscapes and the like.   Even some of our better known and top models say they don’t even recognise themselves after being photo-shopped!    What does that say?  It says that we’re being conned, and that reality is no longer real. 

Don't you think it's about time we saw "real" women - flesh and curves; wrinkles and grey hair; faces and bodies that are their own and original (without the help of a scalpel) in our magazines - or isn't the 21st century world ready for this yet?  When will someone in the media have the courage to make decisions to show us as we are, not as "they" want us to be?

DO YOU EVER WONDER?

Have today's women become TOO obsessed with thin-ness and sexuality, losing out on femininity and sensuality?   Have we lost the ability to tell the difference?

A PERSONAL "CAN DO" LIST

1. I will let go of "negative" labels, such as lazy or bad or clumsy, that I have used to describe myself these long years, recognising that labels are inaccurate and destructive and that they stifle growth.

2. I will nurture myself by giving approving, reassuring messages to myself about me. I will be a friend to myself and offer myself the same understand I would offer to another in my place

3. I will release others from the responsibility of making me happy. I take the initiative to get what I need rather than waiting and hoping that somehow what I need will be brought to me by someone else.

4. I will share the vulnerable parts of myself with those I love.

5. I choose to be happy NOW - to celebrate all the small pleasures of life as they occur - instead of putting happiness off until I lose weight, get married (or divorced), make my first million, move house and so on.

6. I will expect that I will incur the disapproval of others. I recognise there is no way I can please all the people all the time.

7. I realise that some of my greatest learning has come from the mistakes I have made.

8. I embrace the position that I am an intrinsically valuable human being. I am a worthy person simply because I am.

......© 1991-2013 RoseMarys NoteBook - Australia. (By permission of the author.)

THE OBESITY DEBATE ...

How times change!    Years ago and yes, let's face it, decades ago, life was different.   When we were kids we raced around playing games - we run or skipped or jumped at any time, and anywhere.   We played outdoor games such as "rounders", baseball (albeit a gentler version than the boys), basketball, tried out tennis and even wanted to be included in the boys' cricket team.   We were busy being kids and raced around before school, during play times and at lunch time, and then again after we came home from school.  

As young adults, we walked to High School and then later when we found a job we walked to our place of work.   At lunch time we either walked around the city window shopping or sat in the park eating a packed lunch and if we had a drink it would be from the water fountain in the park, or else we took a thermos of tea.  Yes!   We drank tea - soft drinks were only there for special occasions such as a birthday party or a family celebration.   Not everyday.   If we were meeting with our friends to go to the "pictures" (cinema) or to go dancing on a Friday night or Saturday afternoon, we got there by walking.   Even in high heeled shoes and I do admit to wearing high-heels in my youth.   But the main thing is that we walked and even though we didn't necessarily attend exercise classes, we certainly got plenty of exercise from doing ordinary every-day things.  We even walked to the local telephone box to make important calls.  No one had a personal telephone in their homes - they were for companies, places like hospitals and hotels and such.

Becoming older adults, marrying and having children, we still walked everywhere.  Who could afford a car back then?  Who could afford to catch a taxi?  They were very few and far between.   Bending, stretching, constantly moving doing housework, spending time in the kitchen preparing meals for a hungry family, getting down on our knees to wash and polish the floors, weekly dusting, and doing the laundry - I even remember my first washing machine some 15 years into my marriage; couldn't afford one before then.  We were physically tired each day.   Three hours at a gym?   We'd never even heard the word gym  used to describe attending a social networking,  a gym to us had been a part of our school-day when we were younger.   

Fast forward a couple or three decades.   Public transport made travelling a breeze, even to places of work.  Some of us even commuted intrastate or interstate.   We could afford to have a personal telephone in every room of the house.  Supermarkets had arrived on the scene where you could buy almost anything - of course meat and vegetables were still only available from their respective shops in the beginning but that too, soon changed.   We were able to afford, having taken a hire purchase agreement to pay off in regular instalments, a refrigerator.  So "modern" after the ice chest that most of us had grown up with. Electrical appliances of all sorts came onto the market, making life easier.  Or should I perhaps say, a little lazier?

Women even had the opportunity of buying their own car.   What freedom.  We could go where we liked, when we liked and we didn't have to ask anyone's permission.   We could even seek out a tea shop where we could meet friends and spend time together.   But we still walked a lot, and worked a lot around the house, as well as when the opportunity arose, holding down a full time job.

Shopping centres came into being.  Big, huge, centres where lots of different shops tempted the pay packet.   Little coffee shops sprung up, and it soon became normal to by-pass the friendly local shopping strip and go to the Mall where you could buy everything you needed all at the one stop.   Chinese restaurants opened; and then many new and different tantalising exotic foods appeared;  we didn't need to travel overseas to enjoy the luxuries of "foreign" foods.  

And what does all this have to do with obesity?   Well, I'm no health expert, but I am an observer.   We became more and more dependent upon the convenience of getting into the car to go down the street to shop or even to visit someone in the back street, rather than walking.   If we were running late we caught a taxi - hang the cost.   Frozen meals appeared on the supermarket shelves and we took to them like ducks to water.  We could save time!    We didn't have to slave over the kitchen stove cooking and preparing meals.   Laundromats opened - so each week we could take the bedlinen and laundry there and for a couple of dollars get it all done without having to lug it out and hang it up on the clothes line at home.   We could pick up the phone and get a local man to come around and cut the grass and clean up the garden.    Some career women even had the luxury of having someone in to clean the house each week.  Life became easier and it definitely became lazier.

And how to fill in the time that we saved?   We could sit in front of the wonderful new "thing" that was taking everybody's interest - a television and then wow! a computer, and spend hours learning new things.   We could pick up a small mobile phone and use it not only as a means of keeping in touch with friends and family but also to carry on our business.   We turned our homes into our own small offices.

Our eating habits changed along with the change in our life-style (i.e. the energy used in doing everyday chores).  Because we were no longer doing physically demanding jobs around the house and workplace, we began to "eat out".   It was all very exciting and new.  It became "normal" to go to the Mall every day, sit and have a cup of coffee and more often then not a donut or cream cake.  No longer were we content with a packed lunch and a piece of fruit - there were too many other things to enjoy.  After morning tea we'd go to another restaurant and have lunch.   Oh well, after a bit of shopping, why not stop and have another cup of coffee and a small snack.   If we were thirsty we could pick and choose between countless soft drinks and if we were very thirsty we'd even have two.   We'd smile knowingly when older people spoke about the three meals a day routine - a good breakfast, a light lunch and a wholesome dinner at night - what did they know?  

If our clothes became a bit tight, we'd just go and buy a larger size.   We could then have our cake and eat it too!

Did we see what was happening to us?   In our eagerness to embrace all the many changes that occurred over the decades following the Second World War, we didn't realise that we were doing our bodies immeasurable harm.   In recent years we've had to re-learn what is "healthy" food, nutritious food, wholesome food.  We've had to learn to eat today's food in moderation and we've had to learn to read labels.   And that, my friends, is a debatable point.  The labels say a lot, and they don't say enough.  They don't say what is really important.   We read:  no added fat;  but that doesn't say mean what it says.  Because no we know there are various types of fat - some good and some very, very bad!    The word "added" means nothing;  "no added sugar"?, but it doesn't say that there are already sugars within that product.  Again the words "added sugars" means nothing, because we don't know exactly what is in that product.    Nothing seems to be grown naturally or manufactured naturally these days - there's something added, there's something taken away and then of course the "additives" - chemicals, vitamins (if they were grown correctly why should they need vitamins to be added?); minerals, colours, taste enhancers, emulsifiers and on it goes.

Are you aware that a Baskin & Robbins Yoghurt Smoothie contains between 29-31 teaspoons of sugar?   Boost Juice's Skinny Minny Melon has 549 kJ (131 calories).   I hate counting calories but it do realise the significance of one small glass of juice having 131 calories!   

What's the answer?   Common sense combined with wanting to do the best for our bodies (and our minds) as we possibly can.   We don't need to starve ourselves, or to constantly diet, or to spend hundreds of dollars going to the gym.   It comes down to mind over matter and accepting what is, and changing what can be changed to benefit our own personal health.

Me?   I admit I'm a plus-size woman.   Every woman in my family for at least four generations has been considered plus-size. We're also tall.   I enjoy good food; and I read recently that there is no such as "bad" food - it's all food.  It's the quantity and the balance that are important.   And I guess that says it all.

A THOUGHT FOR THE DAY ....

Don't put life on hold, or wait until ........

We human beings are simply amazing.   Think about it - even if we are hindered by constraints, we can become the person we were meant to be, simply by believing and doing what we can to make that possible.   We can go anywhere we want - even if it is sitting in an armchair watching a travel documentary.   We can be a friend to someone we have yet to meet as well as caring and giving to those we have the privilege of knowing and calling our "friends".   We can receive love, and we can give love.  Unconditionally.

So it saddens me somewhat when I hear women say to me, "I don't know how to be happy."  Are they really speaking about happiness which is, after all, very difficult to describe and may only be fleeting, or do they mean a feeling of complete confidence in themselves and their lives (whatever circumstances they may find themselves in) which is often translated as "joy"?  I ask because I speak from personal experience in that I have known times and moments of happiness, which is not a state of permanence, whereas inner joy is.

Now, both you and I know there many things that occur in our lives that can burden us; that can inhibit us; that can hold us back; and that can limit our feelings of adequacy and worth.   Those of us who have managed to work through some (or even all) of those feelings know what it's like.   And the best advice we can give to those who are still endeavouring to "discover" themselves?  

1. To live in the NOW, and 
2.  LOVE yourself (in order that you may be able to love others, unconditionally), and
3.  LAUGH as often as you can, and as often as you like.   (Isn't there an old saying, that "laughter is the best medicine"?)
4.  Surround yourself with beautiful things (and beautiful people - and we're ALL beautiful, you know) as well as lovely music.

Give yourself constant healthy and happy self-talk.   Read "positive" publications that reinforce your feelings of self-worth.  As often as possible.   Discard thoughts of not being good enough;  "you're not worth it";  "you'll never succeed";  "you're a waste of space" and similar comments made to us by ourselves and people who should be encouragers but who gain some delight in putting us down all the time.   Seriously think about those people and whether you shouldn't perhaps have less to do with them - even if they are family members - because no matter how much you adapt to meet their expectations and demands, you'll never meet their unrealistic ideals. And why should you bother?   Much better to set your own personal goals, and as you reach each of those goals, to set your sights higher and wider - for your own personal achievement and satisfaction, not for theirs.

Don't have regrets - all of us have disappointments, but there's no need to dwell on them.   They are a part of life, and life is to be lived to the fullest.   Life, love and laughter is what it's all about.  Here and now!

 “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. 

We have only today. Let us begin.” 

― Mother Teresa

“When you arise in the morning 

think of what a privilege it is

 to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love ...” 

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

What's your Opinion?

I heard on the television morning news a few days ago, that there's a suggestion from Professor David Penington for teachers to add the weight of a child to their report cards in an effort to combat obesity.  Parents, psychologists, and a whole spate of other interested parties are jumping up and down in anger at possible consequences.

Read the link hereunder and see what you think.   Is "naming and shaming" a child going to successfully combat obesity?   Will it even, in the worse scenerio, pit parent against child, each blaming the other because of the child's size?  Will it set in place a dislike even hatred against teachers and education per se?   Will it put teachers at a disadvantage whereby as many have already said "we're there to teach the children, not to put them down because of their weight"?  Will it set in place more opportunities for bullying?  There are countless ramifications when you think about it.

In fact, let us know here at RoseMary's NoteBook© what you think, because this whole subject of categorising children into "fat" or "thin" is bound to reflect on any child's self-esteem and feelings of worth.   Believe me, I'm one of those people who as a child was subjected to this kind of pressure and I know the personal effect on me.  I'm fortunate in that I've been able to work my way through those feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness based on what I was told regarding my size.  Many people can't handle the humiliation and never get over it.   And speaking with hundreds of women over the years, I can speak knowingly of tragic circumstances resulting from inappropriate behaviours, attitudes, comments and actions by those who supposedly were out there to "help the child lose weight" which then became "we'll help you lose weight" (as an adult),  but who did nothing more than erode that person's perception of self.

As many parents have said, bring back sports and physical education into the curriculum;  encourage children of all sizes to be treated with respect and tolerance by each other and to each other; and encourage kids to get outside and play games - preferably with the parents participation.   We all know that parents have time constraints, but having and bringing up kids is an all-round responsibility - we've been there and done that and at times it was difficult, but the effort was worthwhile.  What we've got to do is the right thing by our kids (and grandkids) while at the same time expecting "society" (the media, the health industry, educators etc) to do likewise.

I look forward to your feed-back.

http://theconversation.edu.au/adding-kids-weight-to-report-cards-will-do-more-harm-than-good-for-preventing-obesity-11211

Surprised? Yes. Disappointed? Yes. Hopeful that things will change? Yes.

It takes something really out of the ordinary to make me sit up and want to yell from the rooftops that "this isn't fair".

Mind you, I've been up there (on the rooftop) many times over the years, in an endeavour to get women to recognise inappropriate attitudes (as far as body size and looks are concerned) and to put in place practical and workable solutions that will benefit their own lives, and those of other women in society.  Then something comes along when I listen in astonishment and say how can this be so?

On this morning's news on ABC 24, there was an interview of two  young women - Louise Adams a Body Image Consultant and Kristan Dooley of the Women's Forum Australia.   They spoke about body image in the present day, and more importantly the impact that negative body image is having on our children.

Firstly Kristan Dooley, the MD of Women's Forum Australia, was interviewed about the Lottie doll that is making inroads into the doll market for little girls.  The Lottie doll is a doll that represents a small child, and she even "stands on her own two feet".  She is totally unlike Barbie in her shape and figure and sales of this doll are surprising both retailers and the supplier.  A very positive interview from Kristan and there's no doubt that many parents will be looking for Lottie dolls to give as Christmas presents this year.


"There's a new kid on the block and she's all kinds of cute. Meet Lottie, the wholesome girl-next-door doll, here to destroy the joint with a healthy dose of body image realism.

She doesn't wear make-up, has a waist that won't fit through the eye of a needle, and sports sensible shoes built for jumping in puddles. She even manages to stand on her own two feet.

Barring an exceptionally large head - presumably to house her enormous brain - and Manga-sized eyes, her dimensions are modelled on the average nine-year-old girl's body shape.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/national/a-whole-lottie-to-love-about-this-girlnextdoor-doll-20121201-2ao4o.html#ixzz2E3VmbeNt"

Louise Adams then spoke about body image today being a fundamental dislike of body size and shape which is resulting in many eating disorders with countless women and young girls not liking themselves. She then mentioned that although many magazines are no longer photo-shopping the photos of models and women shown within their pages, there is still a lot to be done via the media, magazines and television to promote a healthy and happy philosophy of acceptable. She also mentioned that many women see themselves as objects and they then tend to look at other women as objects - never seeing their own worth nor the worth of other women, regardless of their ages, shape or size.

But this is where it gets scary, and down right frightening.   Children at pre-school at the ages of 3 and 4 are "dieting", or refusing to eat certain foods because they'll get or BE fat.   Where does this body dislike start?  Obviously in the home and through film, television and magazines.

What is happening in a society where little 3 and 4 year olds see that unless they diet, they'll become unacceptable?  

Have we turned away from the need to reinforce feelings of worth into our children and grand-children?  Can we blame current society or is some of the blame our own?   Where have we gone wrong?   What can we do about changing this situation?   Can we do anything?

We've got to talk about this subject.  With each other and to each other.

We've all heard of waxing

(Copyright - Maxine's creator)

Waxing is a part of life.  For most women anyway.  And as the years pass by, many find that facial hair particularly becomes a problem.  A BIG problem.  Who wants whiskers, for goodness sake?

And for women with sensitive skin waxing causes more bother than it's worth.   Whether you want to believe it or not, waxing does take off the top layer of skin.  Why put your skin through all this pain and discomfort and red face when there are other alternatives?

Let me come to the subject of "threading".   Many friends and counterparts look at me in confusion and dare I say it complete weirdness when I mention that I have an appointment to see my "threading lady". 

But she is worth her weight in gold.  Honestly.  So professional that I don't even realise I'm having the hair removed one by one or sometimes a few at a time.   Lovely moisturiser and rose water applied following the procedure making my skin feel tingly and pampered.   If you don't know about threading, then here's a bit of a write up.    I think it's the perfect way of handling a bristly situation!

Comfort food!

Well, that was an interesting post on comfort food we had recently.   I heard from a friend through Google, and a variety of emails from ladies from around Australia as well as from Europe.

It's interesting to hear what any one person thinks of as "comfort food".   Here are some of the suggestions, and I have to say, I was in total agreement when I saw that Macaroni and Cheese was high on the list.  Then there's Spaghetti Bolognaise; Lamb Shanks and vegetables; Home made Meatloaf; Chicken Snitzel; Egg and Bacon Pie:  Irish Stew and Dumplings: Bread and Butter Pudding; Chocolate Self Saucing Pudding; Crepes and Big Pancakes.    And of course as in our earlier post, Sausages and Mash1

It's also encouraging to hear that so many are now preparing meals at home rather than going out for dinner more than a couple of times a week.   It could be stretching the budget or it could be that more and more women are remembering what it was like when they were younger and they came home from achool and or work, to find warm nourishing meals placed on the table.  And those meals were prepared with love by their Mums and Grandmas.

(Photos from the Internet).

Did you realise?

According to the Australia Koala Foundation, www.empowher.com, 1 in 3 teenage girls have starved themselves or refused to eat in an effort to shed kilos.

It's bad enough the discrimination shown towards adults, but it's wrong, wrong, wrong, that our teens feel they HAVE to be slim, if not downright skinny, to meet the media's expectations.

In today's world when it is (supposedly) illegal to discriminate against gender, culture, faith, and disability, why is it still permitted to discriminate against the plus-size and the aging. No-one seems to be bothered about confronting this, except of course for the plus-size and the aging. And when we do say something, we're told we're whinging and whining and complaining.

I say, let's complain loudly and often. Perhaps someone with clout will stand up for us, and with us, and be counted!

* And I question this ridiculous measurement of "plus-size" or overweight or "obese" (a hateful word and should never be used against another person - it's soul destroying). None of us are identical in height, weight, width, and shape, and yet we're all supposed to fit into an "ideal". Who was it that worked out what "ideal" is? Obviously someone who thought they were the perfection upon which we should all aspire to. What nonsense" 

The tyranny of ideal body image

The author of Fat is a Feminist Issue, Susie Orbach has just had a new book published.  The title?  "Bodies".

In her book, she describes the focus on "little girls being primed to be teenagers who will dream of new thighs, noses or breasts as they peruse magazines, which display page after page of a look that, only 10 years ago, had the power to evoke horror in us".  

Her book details the pursuit of the ideal body image in men and women.  Women  over recent years have been dismayed at the unstoppable arrogance by photographers/magazine editors to digitally enhance bodies.  Men and women.   Lengthen their legs, so that they seem 6ft 6in tall - even the women;  reduce their waists;  increase their breast sizes both in size and depth;  remove any blemishes or imperfections in hair, face, hands and feet.   Change the shape of the face and their lipline.   Pump up the lips.

We look in the mirror and our reflection tells us that we're nothing like the women in the magazines.  Guilt sets in.  And yet, why should we feel guilty about looking as we do? - we're individuals, not clones of those "picture-book" photos that aren't real in any respect.  Even models and actresses have been known to look at photographs of themselves and to not recognise that the photo is of them!

But Sue doesn't only focus on men and women, she also discusses children and babies.

So it probably doesn't come as any surprise to learn that the same enhancements to photographs are being applied to photos of babies.  "Correct a smile;  remove the gap between front teeth;  straightening out wobbly knees" and ankles.  Perhaps correcting the shape of an ear;  lengthening the hair so that it covers the ear entirely.  A few brush lines on the eyebrows, even a touch of rouge or lipstick on the photograph.   As Susie Orbach says, "... turning little girls** into facsimiles of china dolls."


** and no doubt, little boys too!

Let babies be babies1

So it is with cosmetic surgery too.  Young teenage women are now begging surgeons to correct their noses;  change the shape of their chin;  the length of their ear lobes;  give them more "attractive"pumped up lips;  shorten their forehead;  make a snip here or there on their eyelids.   And will they still be happy with the results in 5, 10, 15 years time - or will they be making regular and ongoing visits to their very own "cosmetician/surgeon" to constantly be made more beautiful?    What is the "ideal" that they're looking for?

Jocelyn Wildenstein

What happened to "natural" looks?  Those looks that we're born with, and grow up with, and which define us as being unique?    Why is there so much dissatisfaction with what we have,  in the pursuit of getting or becoming what we aren't?   Where does it all end?

There's a lot of discussion .....

I read about an interesting exercise the other day,  that was conducted by a researcher into women's shapes and sizes.  Four women, chosen because they are all size 14, were asked to pose for a photographer.

When the photograph was published, women everywhere wrote in and complained that the women were NOT size 14, but were all different sizes.  This set about a heated discussion.

It transpired that all the women ARE size 14.  Because of their height, their width, the different proportions of their bodies, and the bone structure, they all look different.

And this brings us to the subject of our perceptions of size, when we read and look at photographs of women in magazines.   We look at the person without having the advantage of seeing other women all the same size in the same photograph.   We attempt to base our perception on what we think we see, rather than what we are actually seeing.  

This is why we advocate clothing for curvaceous women should be modelled by curvaceous women!   Not to have a bigger or taller woman on the catwalk (runway) with models who are size 0 up to 6.   The reason for our argument is this.   Regular fashion shows have models of a similar size - therefore the eye goes to appreciate the garment.  If you place one curvaceous woman on that runway at the same time, the eye naturally goes to her curves, and then the garment, rather than the garment immediately.  The woman with curves is immediately "seen" as being plus-size.   Yet putting models of size 18, 20 and 22 on the same runway, and the audience can appreciate that the garments are for the bigger sizes.

As for dressing models smaller than size 14 in garments that are manufactured for women in the size 14 to 30, and then pinning and adapting that garment to the small size of the model, gives no indication of what the garment will look like on the woman who it has been created for.   This puts the purchaser at a disadvantage for so many times the garment will never look the same on her as it does on the small model that she has seen in the catalogue or the website.

That brings to mind the fact that looking at a women and "assuming" that she is very plus-size or very skinny is dependent upon many things.  This is why we should never "assume" that someone is so different as to become unacceptable.  Being acceptable to ourselves and to each other, HAS to be a fundamental right and privilege.

Focus on kids again!

In todays newspaper, the so-called experts on kids nutrition have come up with five major points in turning around the child obesity problem!    This includes sending the kids to kinder and school with a healthy lunch box.  Don't give the kids too much pocket money to spend at the school tuck shop.  Bring back PE to the school curriculum.  Encourage kids to play outdoors - balance their "sit-down" computer fascination with some outdoor games where they actually run around!  And a couple of other pointers.

Now the latest news is that the Victorian Government is going to spend $40million in bringing in the Jamie Oliver's Healthy School Lunches campaign.

Obesity in children is a concern to all of us.   And it should be fought from as many sides as possible - yes, the lunch box is important and very important.  (We've spoken about the fact that school tuck shops lost the plot years ago when they brought in cheap, fatty foods like chips, dim sims, pies and so forth with no alternatives to choose from.  And tell me, what kid will pass up some chips in preference to a lettuce and cheese sandwich, without an argument anyway?)  But what happened to the Oslo lunch - surely that was full of nutrition and healthy - wouldn't it be a little cheaper to promote this again through tuck shops and to parents?

The influence of TV advertising has to be countered as well.   Heavily loaded advertisements with food that kids take to, which include lots of sugary, fatty content, need to be monitored - healthy food substitutes need to be given similar airtime - advertisers take note.

On the other hand, and we're strong on this too.  Parents don't need to be harrassed and burdened with the guilt placed on them based on their being "bad parents" because they feed their children the wrong (bad) food.   Most parents feed their kids good healthy food, and yet the kids still tend towards getting fatter.

Parents are becoming very concerned that they'll be seen as "abusing" their children by making them fat!

I know we've been saying this for decades now, and we'll keep repeating it until someone, somewhere, comes up with an explanation that satisfies everyone (and this especially relates to parents).   Will someone please tell us EXACTLY what is in the food we eat.  Yes, we know, here in Australia all food must be labelled as to its ingredients, but who amongst us knows precisely what certain chemicals/additives are; what they do; and whether there is any risk in adding them to foodstuffs.  Firstly we have genetically modified foods (they last longer and they don't go "off").  Surely that means there's something that turns food into what it isn't and had never started out to be?  Secondly manufacturers are now claiming they're reducing the sugar/fat/salt content in their foods.  Will this achieve a good result? As well, why do manufacturers claim "no ADDED sugar or fat or salt", this doesn't mean that the product has NO sugar or fat or salt.  Don't believe everything you see on the packets!

 If kids (and grown ups too) have become "addicted" or used to heavy sweetenings, heavy salt and fat content in their foods, surely it's going to take a while to break down that addiction?  It won't be overnight!

Too fat! Too skinny! How can we please the impossible demands?

We've touched upon quite a few subjects that drew sighs of astonishment over the years.   And of course it would be natural, and "comfortable" if we pretended that things aren't as bad as they seem, for plus-size women.   We're still "fighting" the fashion and media industries, but every now and then someone stands up for what they believe in, themselves, and shows the world how attitudes could and should change.

Copyright Nancy Hayssen.com

I refer to Nancy Hayssen, 33, Plus Size Model and Author of Sexy at Any Size! as an example.   Nancy sent a message back in 2007 of empowering women to look and feel sexy no matter weight or size – despite Hollywood’s impossible ideals of beauty.  I think this bears repeating.

Nancy is now speaking out about the root of the problem…the three Hollywood lies we’ve been told that destroy the way women feel about themselves:

1. No matter how much you weigh, you’re still too fat
2. No matter how skinny you are, you’ll never be skinny enough
3. No matter what you look like, you’ll never be good enough

http://dailyvenusdiva.com/2011/01/21/anorexic-model-dead-plus-size-model-asks-america-who-is-to-blame/

Controversial?  Yes.  But as with many things relative to size, we need to take a long hard look at society and indeed how we see the world around us, and the people of different colours, shapes and sizes who make up that world.