A Woman in a Corporate World!

Why are there so few women in top corporate jobs? And those who are, are they seen to be representative of intelligent well-educated women fully able to manage and be decision makers, or do they quickly become a slightly softened version of the tough and over-riding personality of big-time male corporate heads? I am not being biased, I'm simply asking a question. Because from where I stand, those women who have taken up top jobs seem to lose a lot of their femininity - and I'm not talking about the way they dress - and become something else.

Occasionally it's good to look at this question from another angle. Read and enjoy and if you feel like laughing out load, then do so, it will do you the world of good!

"Why Woman are not appointed to Company Boards"

1. There are no suitable women. We've looked and can't find any
2. This is a highly specialised field
3. Women are specialists. We need generalists
4. We already have one woman on the board
5. If gender becomes the prime selection criterion, we'll dilute the value of the other criteria and will get inferior directors
6. It's insulting to appoint a woman to the board because of her gender
7. We had a woman once but she was hopeless so we can't risk another one
8. It's bad for women to appoint inadequate women as directors
9. We don't believe in quotas
10. Women mostly get appointed through patronage or seduction
11. A woman would be disastrous on this board
12. Being from Queensland (or other constituency) is more important than being female
13. It's not fair to aspiring male directors to have women push in ahead of them
14. Who'll look after the interests of men if the board is dominated by women?
15. Women talk too much, go off on tangents, are emotional, moody etc
16. Women are distracted by family interests and you can't be sure of their priorities
17. You can't have more than one woman on a board because they fight
18. The other directors are not used to working with high-powered women. 75 per cent of them have stay-at-home wives and all the other women in their lives have been in subservient roles
19. Women executives in the company (Queen Bees) don't like having other women on the board
20. The other directors' wives are threatened by women board members working closely with their high-powered husbands (partners)
21. It is uncomfortable taking women on board retreats
22. Women don't play golf.

So now you've had a good laugh, OK? But I'd like you to stand back and re-read many of these points, because whether you believe it or not, the comments mentioned have been used for decades, and continue to be, in determining that women are not satisfactory material for sitting on corporate boards. In fact many of these comments have been used against employing women in middle to top management of companies, let alone becoming a member of a board.

And again I'm not being biased, but I've noticed something insidious within corporations. When a woman becomes the spokesperson for that company, be she the CEO or board member, it is she who has to bear the brunt of anger should that company be forced to admit losses in profits, or even worse, to under go liquidation with massive losses of employees jobs. It's almost as though the rest of the entire board become invisible and innocent.

Corporate decisions are not made by one person but it's sometimes easier to blame a woman, (if there is one on the board or in top management). Perhaps I AM biased? But I don't think so. I've seen too much of how corporations work. 

© Leonie Stevens, Australia

Isn't it about time?

There's a lot of discussion going on about being overweight or fat, or "obese" which is a most horrid word, and should never be used when describing people!

But it seems to me if we want things to change for the better, and that means for size acceptance to take place, then each of us has to stand up for what we believe in - ourselves, and do something about it.

Why do I say this? Because nothing much has changed over recent years to have made a great difference to how we are “seen” by society as a whole.

Yes, I’ll be the first to admit that there have been some small changes, but when it comes to those changes benefiting the plus-size person, then you’ve got to look pretty hard at the whole picture to see what has occurred. Someone said to me the other day, well Rome wasn’t built in a day. That’s obvious. But getting society to change it’s attitude on size is taking far too long, because with every forward step we make, society (and I include the media, fashion industry and the medical profession, and now the government) punches us fair and square in the face and tells us, “no, you’re never going to be accepted, so stop bothering us”.

The latest news is condescending and concentrates on WLS; the the promise (or is it really a threat?) that the government is being lobbied (by who I don’t quite know) to subsidise WLS for “obese” patients. The inference is - obese people have to have it whether they want it or not!  Or whether it is safe for them to have, or not.

For WLS has to be done for the right reason, and this includes being of benefit for the person involved. This is a matter for any plus size person to discuss with their own personal doctor.

It requires a lot of research, it requires a lot of discussion and it requires a lot of questions and answers, for a patient to get to the stage of agreeing to it.

What you don't hear, or see, are the negative stories about people whose lives have been ruined, both physically as well as emotionally, by unsuccessful WLS or stomach banding. Of course there are success stories, and I applaud those who have successfully gone through these procedures and are living healthy and happy lives. But it’s when I see for myself the scars of patients even years after the surgery and hear how people can’t even nibble a biscuit without feeling bloated and nausea, that alarm bells start ringing. Too many so-called "successful" WLS results are soon negated for the simple reason that the person undergoes a reversal! (If they're healthy enough, that is!) For let’s be honest here, not every patient is suitable for this type of surgery in the first place. There may be other health issues at risk.

Celebrities such as Les Twentyman,a youth worker well known for his charity work here in Victoria (Australia) and the 2006 Victorian of the Year, two years ago battled for his life in an induced coma after suffering a poisonous infection. He was undergoing lap band surgery at the Alfred hospital when surgeons noticed he had an unrelated double hernia, which had burst. While recovering from the surgery Les’ condition deteriorated dramatically and he underwent corrective surgery for the hernia, but had to be placed in the coma to stabilise his condition. He was in a critical but stable condition in the Alfred's intensive care unit.  This is not to say that he was in this condition because of the WLS, but it goes to show that things can go wrong, and often awfully wrong.

But for a Government to actually think about subtly insisting that obese people should undergo such surgery because they’re an unaffordable “drain” on the economy as they presently are ("fat"!) (they’re not so silly as to say it outright) and that these surgeries may be subsidised in the future, smacks of hypocrisy.

In a world where plus-size people are ostracised, ridiculed, ignored and shunted around like no-bodies, this is just too much. We need healthier options, we need positive options, we need a lot more research into the fields of why we are getting fatter (and don’t even suggest it’s because we’re eating too much or the wrong food, because I and thousands of others will scream!) We’ve been told this for too long now, and it’s not true. Otherwise why, just tell me why, we have small babies who are overweight? Are they eating Big Macs? Are they eating Domino pizzas every meal? Are they drinking fizzy drinks and eating sweets, non-stop? And why are children becoming more allergic to foods these days - why have the numbers increased not only in peanut intolerance, but intolerance for almost every thing imaginable. Surely the so-called experts are looking in the wrong direction. Why doesn’t someone, somewhere look into what is IN the food, not just at the food itself?

It’s not often I get up on my soapbox and stamp my feet. It’s not us, those of us who are told we are overweight and who are out of control, it’s society and governments and the unacceptable attitudes by people and organisations that could be doing more to help the situation than to make it worse.

And making it worse only puts us behind the eight-ball. We’re sick and tired of being told we’re fat and therefore we get what we deserve. We don’t deserve all this nonsense. We deserve to be respected as much as the next person.

I don’t know about you, but if we are serious about getting our views and beliefs heard and published, then as I said at the beginning of this tirade, we have to do something ourselves.  

Having a sensible doctor!

The newspapers scream "women are TOO fat". Television current affairs night after night show women to be scraggly or plump, but always with camera angles that are derogatory and demeaning!

Inevitably the anchorwoman of the show is a young and healthy, beautiful and slim woman who has the added advantage of flattering and expensive clothing and her hair and makeup carefully applied by, I suspect, television station beauticians. Well, after all, she does represent the television station and programme as well as portraying what all women should look and dress like! Well, that's the inference anyway! I accept that point.

But I get angry when special stories are promoted highlighting excessive weight losses by women, to the detriment of those of us who can't lose the weight we're told we should do, in order that we too might be seen to be acceptable. There were years when I was an avid "dieter" but I quickly came to the conclusion that I am UNABLE to shed the kilos and keep them off, without going to utmost extremes.

As far as my Dr and various Specialists I've attended over the years tell me, I am doing myself untold physical and emotional damage each time I abuse my body by stressing it out with "diets" and exercise regimes which are entirely inappropriate.

Now I am not for one moment saying I don't believe in "sensible" eating or regular light exercise, I do and am very disciplined in this regard. But I'm referring to those attending a gym every day and having a personal trainer who will take me through the steps and ensure that I come out the other end, fit, slim, slender, sexy and the whole bit. But who can afford a personal trainer anyway?

So when my Dr sat me down the other day and gave me a good talking to, I sat up and took notice. (That's not a contradiction, I did sit down and I did sit up!)

Would you believe it? He talked about things like hereditary body shape, things like comfort foods especially as they relate to our childhood and early years and times when we need to recall the feelings of "comfort"; things like stress (either work related or relationship related!); and the fact that, wait for it, some foods react differently to others depending upon a lot of chemical and psychological things within any one person's body. He added that because of medications many women take, we must never assume that they're not having some effect on our bodies or even the food we eat, or vice versa.

What he said newly blew my mind. I thought to myself. "So this is why my best girl friend Helga can eat ANYTHING she likes, in WHATEVER quantity she likes, WHENEVER she likes, prepared and cooked in WHATEVER way she likes, without adding a gram of weight". Sometimes when Helga is in her "creative" mood (she's an artist and artists are allowed to behave any way they like!), she will snack ALL DAY!

I broke down and cried when my Dr explained this to me. But then he added, "it's not so much what you put in your mouth or how much you're putting in your mouth, but perhaps it's the food itself!".

I'd heard this said before. Because I belong to a group of professional ladies all with interests in self-esteem motivation and the like, this suggestion had been spoken about many times over the years. Even today though there's not much research into what is IN the food we're eating, so hearing my Dr put forward the same theory, made me realise there's got to be something in the notion.

I'm shocked to find even in my small research into the subject, that there are already many problems with genetically modified foods; foods that have preservatives and additives, chemicals and colourings; and the unexplained dramatic increase in allergies, even in small children. There are too many excuses being made in this regard obviously by people who have a vested interest in the whole concept, but with no-one giving reliable and honest reasons or answers.

But I've learned a valuable lesson. My curves are ME! They are bigger than some, and smaller than others. But my curves are NOT to be seen as evidence that I am out of control in any way. They merely show that I am fully-rounded like any self-respecting intelligent woman should be!

The fact that my partner sees my body as "pleasing" to him and who has NEVER caused me to think about my size, should have assured me, I know. But it took a caring Dr who took a few extra minutes of his time to explain things so that I could understand, from a medical standpoint, that have made me realise I had fallen into the habit of not reinforcing my own self-worth, but rather had been putting myself down!

No more.

© Leonie Stevens, Australia

Comfort food!

There's "comfort food" and then there's "comfort food". And all of us, from the Prime Minister down to the old gentleman who lives down the street, has our favourites. Even people like Jamie Oliver, Rick Stein and Nigella Lawson.

One that comes to mind easily is Sausages and Mashed Potatoes, or as it is more commonly or popularly known, "Bangers and Mash". I see where it has become the all out favourite in Britain particularly during the economic down-turn.

And whatever you may think, (and I can hear some of you say, yuk when you look at the photos), it is a delicious and filling meal. That is, if it is cooked properly and if it is presented properly. Why even my dear old Mum was able to throw a couple of snags (sausages) on the plate with a dollop of mashed potato, and we kids would be straining at the bit to get stuck into "dinner".

I can't think of when I've been disappointed at a serving. Until I had a spot of lunch at Stallions yesterday. There it was on the menu (for kids alas, but I've heard that anyone can ask for whatever's on the menu as an adult serving and expect to be served), so I figured, yes, it's bangers and mash for me today. Even if it's just a teeny tiny serve!

Well it fronted up, and if I'd served this to my kids, they would have thrown the plate (and its contents) at me. The above photos tell a story and even though the first four have come from the internet (with full acknowledgement to the owners of the photo copyrights) they also tell it how it is when it comes to serving up simple tucker like bangers and mash. Or how it should be. But take a good look at the fourth (bottom) photo - this is a photograph of the ACTUAL meal I was served. And before I go any further, please take note that this was an "ADULT" serving!  For which, I might add, they certainly charged me.

You'll see what I mean by "you don't always get what you expect" even though you pay for it. This meal cost me $12 - so what? There are local places and I'm certainly not talking about McDonalds or KFC where you can buy a good meal (even 2 course, either soup and mains or mains and sweets) for $12 in nice surroundings, accompanied by table linen, a house wine (on the house) for $12. Why didn't I go to one of those? Simply because it's nice to try out something new. But again back to the photo. You can even see the "grease"or "fat" that the sausages had been cooked in, smeared across the plate (to the right). This serving and plate presentation, did not endear me to the restaurant at all.

And what's this got to do with being a blog on what some people think is a plus size site? Everything. Because all of us have to eat. It matters not that we are size zero or size 20. And sometimes we need a bit of "comfort food". But not greasy food (even the mash was sitting in grease!) thrown on a plate and served up as though it were part of King Henry VIII's banquet!

We think we'll regularly re-visit the subject of food and "comfort food" a bit more often within this blog. There's nothing quite as good as a bit of constructive criticism!

Aging Outrageously! - Keeping Focus! Part II

In our travels and dealings with women we have come to the conclusion that most older women (of course there are exceptions to the rule) have, during most of the seasons of their lives, given to others excessively even to the point of sacrifice and neglect to themselves and their personal needs (of time, money, opportunities and lots of other things.)

Now this is not an un-natural occurrence. As a child we defer to our parents and honor them for being who and what they are. Whether we like them (as well as love them) is sometimes debatable, but ....... As a growing teenager, we suddenly discover we can do lots of things outside of our parents rule-book (whether they know about it or not is another matter!), but we grow and learn and discover lots of new things, and sensations. As an adult we can quite often find ourselves responsible for other people, including parents, children, other family members, indeed even friends. We take on all these responsibilities with sensitivity and regard them as being privileges.

Then one morning we wake up, and life has changed - drastically and dramatically for us.

Our children (those of us who have them, bless their little hearts) have moved out, married and started their own families; our parents may have an even greater need of our attention and our love and care (and even though we get tired at the end of the day, we really wouldn't have it any other way, because the alternative is too horrid to think about !); our partners need not only more emotional care and support but also physical; and friends have a far greater need and call upon us to offer the shoulder more often plus a few tissues to help them through all of what's going on with, and in, their lives.

Some of us even find that what we thought was "firm" and long-standing, no longer is. Financial circumstances can set off all sorts of alarm bells inn our feelings of independence and security. Health problems rear their nasty little heads and cause us lots of sleepless nights. Marriages or relationships break down and so often we find we are beset with all sorts of problems never before imagined. We may find ourselves adrift without any support or encouragement from those people who are supposed to care - even family and friends. We may face the prospect of having to fight battles without the energy or resilience of youth. We set out to do what we must do because we've fought these same battles time and time again throughout our younger years. A case of deju vu. But now we're older, and we're much more tired.

To be continued .......

Don't you think it a bit strange?

There's a common perception that just because a person may be large and lovely, curvy and cuddly, they should be made feel guilty about being just that.   Society at large, including the fashion industry and the media (all forms) either treat the plus-size woman with contempt or else ignore her completely.   She is so often treated with disrespect, and is the butt of jokes - women's magazines and television sitcoms and movies derive great delight in making the plus size look stupid.

When it comes to the health professionals, then they seem to be intent on eroding whatever self-esteem a plus size woman may have - she's told she HAS to lose weight; she has to exercise more; she has to eat less; she should consider cosmetic surgery.  In other words she has to meet their criteria of acceptability.

Yet, and I find this so contradictory, why is it that so many staff at our hospitals - doesn't matter if they are the major hospitals in capital cities, or suburban, country or rural hospitals - are plus size!    Not only plus size but quite often more than plus-size.   Of course there's probably a policy within the hospital scene that rejects discrimination when it relates to staff.  But if that's the case then why is there discrimination against patients who are plus size?   Doesn't make sense.

The "humble" hamburger

Many people have hamburgers regularly.  In fact we know of some who have hamburgers every day, without fail.   Whether it's because it's their favourite food, or whether it's the most affordable (as they see it), is a moot question.  But most people do like hamburgers at some time or another.

Jess (a distant cousin) only enjoys hamburgers occasionally.  She finds them either too "more-ish" (McDonalds - is it something they put into their hamburgers that make you feel you should have seconds?) or far too filling.

On Saturday she went for a drive out to the outer suburbs and called in at the local "pub" for a bite to eat.   She'd only had some fruit for breakfast, so felt a "good sized" meal would be OK for lunch/afternoon break.   She ordered a hamburger with the lot, and this is what she got. 

 

Needless to say Jess didn't bother about an evening meal!     According to Jess this hamburger was everything she could desire as far as a hamburger with the lot is concerned.    (She shared the chips!)

Aging Outrageously! - Keeping Focus!

Let's start off with the obvious. A woman goes through many phases as she grows from childhood through to a teenager, an adult and then an older woman. These changes influence & impact upon her life at all those particular points in time and travel with her into the future, sometimes bringing with them emotional reminders, both good and bad. These she either confronts & deals with or carries as baggage.

But for the majority of us all the "seasons" of womanhood are exciting, filled with promise and challenges plus a few pitfalls which we manage to struggle through and rise above when it's difficult but which we mainly sail happily through.

Then one day the face in the mirror that looks back at us, is unrecognisable. Experience, joys, hardship, worry, anxiety, the ups and downs of surviving in a world that may present hurdles and difficulties, show in our face and in our body. Gravity wears away at our looks and figures, and for some reason our mind undergoes a similar change. Not always for the better I might add. Yet it forms the opinion that the person in the mirror no longer deserves to be pampered or bothered about. Even as far as saying that the person no longer deserves respect.

With that decision, many subtle and not so subtle changes become habit. We take less care of our complexion, our hair, our hands and feet. We take less trouble in choosing clothing. Anything that fits (whether it suits us or not) will do! Many women even give up on their favourite past-times or leisure pursuits, including hobbies, and "retire". When I think about it, and I decided not to think about it too often a long time ago, "retire" is such a negative word! It's really not worth my attention, because by definition it means, to sit in a corner and rusticate! Isn't it better to "rest" when we need to, and to bustle around doing things when we choose to? As so often happens when a woman "retires" she loses her sense of being important, if not to others, then quite often to herself. Silly, isn't it?

And what happens is that women no longer see themselves as intelligent, articulate women deserving of having their opinions heard and respected. We also forget, far TOO often, that we are still sensual beings.

Is it wrong for us to "want" to wear makeup, to dress nicely, do things we want to do, go where we want to go, travel, undertake courses at TAFE or university, even?

Why not buy a new car, leave a failed and/or broken relationship, especially if that relationship has become violent and uncaring? Even, dare I say it, take a lover?

Don't get me wrong - I have strong principles and ethics that direct my personal standards, but life is short, and it needs to be treated with the utmost respect, humility and affection.

Affection for life? Of course. It's a wonderful and unique thing - life. You can't make it, you can't copy it, you can't replace it. It's a gift to you and I believe, passionately, that because it is a gift, it should be treated with gentleness and total and unconditional love and respect.

To be continued .....

Sizing labels and Swing Tags

It doesn't take much to set me off these days.  And more often than not it's because of clothing sizes.   


I admit this has been a "pet peeve" of mine for decades now, and no one with any clout (either in the fashion/manufacturing industries) is willing to admit to their out-of-date discrimination, let alone correct it.


Our weather here, which is known to be contrary (almost as contrary as me and a lot of my friends) has gone from snow a couple of days ago only a couple of miles up in the hills to 29 degrees today, where the beaches have been inundated with families and their kids.   Nice work if you can get it.


Taking advantage of the nicer day to check my wardrobe, I got out a couple of pair of jeans, capri's and bengaline slacks this morning, with the thought that I could keep those that fit me, and take the others to the Op shop down the street.   Now believe me I have not changed shape since I wore any of these pants/slacks.    Or in fact since I purchased them.


Years ago I used to cut off the size tags.  Now I don't care a darn.   It's my business.   But for once I double checked the sizes on these garments this morning and I found an interesting thing.   The smaller sizes fit me beautifully.   When I matched the garments up against each other - what do you think I found?  


The older garments (i.e. smaller sizes) were exactly the same in measurements (waist, hips, thighs) to those that are marked with a bigger size tag.   Up to three sizes as far as the labels were concerned!    No longer do the clothing manufacturers get away with "conning" me these days.


There's a contradiction here - if not a conspiracy.   We're told we're getting bigger, and the clothing manufacturers up the ante in marking their clothing with as bigger size, and we're so used to believing what we're told about our size and weight, that we don't question them.  We just "agree" with them that we're getting fatter and harder to clothe - I guess what that means is that as far as they're concerned we should be happy with what we can get!
  

Good days and bad days

There are days when getting up out of bed is a breeze!   You throw off the bed covers, and sprightly stand up, ready to face the day.   You quickly shower (it doesn't take as much time when you feel bright like this than other days when everything is grey!); you get dressed, do your hair and apply your makeup, and begin the day's activities.  You're filled with the joy of standing upright, not being reminded of the arthritic aches and pains.  You're alert and eager to "be" and do things.

Then there are those grey days I spoke about.  It's not only the skies that are grey, but the feeling that you're not really inclined to stagger out of bed.  You're not too keen to bother with the shower at such an early hour;  choosing what you're going to wear is a bit of a hassle (why not just toss on what you wore yesterday?).  As for doing your hair and putting on some makeup - well, why bother?

We all experience these types of days.   For some of us, it's easier to complain about the "grey days" and accept the good days without a thought as to our own personal attitudes.  

Because if doesn't matter if you're growing old, or only a teenager, there are always going to be "grey" days and good days.   It's all a matter of fact.   It's what we do with the variances that is important.

I know a person or two who complain about everything.  Honestly.  They complain about the fact that the kettle doesn't boil water the same from one day to the next (how they figure this out I really don't know!).  They complain about the television programmes not being to their liking (they're too darned lazy to turn the TV off!);  they complain about their neighbours ("their kids make so much noise" - well!  (let's face it, the world would be worse off if the children never said anything or giggled or laughed or sang or played); the bread doesn't taste the same as it used to;  they don't like Mrs so and so who lives over the road;  they whinge about the grass growing in the backyard.  In other words they're very unhappy and sadly embittered people.

Then there are those people who start the day off singing.  I'd like to be seen and known as one of these people.   Because even though it might not have any influence on those around us, it most certainly influences how well I see myself and my world. 

You'll often hear someone say "looks like she's falling off her perch".  Well it's not a natural part of growing older you know.  And anyway,  hanging on to that perch is not only adventurous and brave, it's also exciting.

..... © 2010 Nana

A "professional"/corporate look

In the corporate and professional world today there seems to be a common thread of uncertainty as regards how a "professional" woman should dress.   The whole thing has become a bit confusing to say the least.  (Photo of Joan Collins from her book "My Secrets" in a typical "professional" look for any woman in the workplace ).

In the world of the health professional for instance, no longer do staff wear "uniform" clothing that indicates their role within the hospital scene.  For instance, all nursing staff including specialists, doctors and nurses, now wear ordinary "street clothing".   Nothing wrong with that you might think, but it's difficult enough for the patient to know who they're speaking to, let alone families and friends of patients.   So you ask a question that only a specialist will have the answer for, and you're told, "well I don't know I'm only the medical clerk".   The staff MAY feel more comfortable dressed outside the constraints of a "uniform", but it certainly can stress the patient and or family of the patient in not knowing whether they're talking to someone who has medical knowledge or as happened to me recently, another visitor, who LOOKED like a nurse but wasn't!   She had no idea what I was talking about, and I was left a bit embarrassed that I had made a "gaff".

The fact that a lot of nursing staff wander around the wards in every-day clothing is all very nice, but somewhere or another they seem to have lost their "image" as far as visitors to the hospital are concerned.   For me, dealing with nursing staff who look as though they've just run a four minute mile and are dressed in sweat pants and tops with sneakers (and usually sneakers that need a bit of a clean-up) is a bit depressing.   Or am I being discriminatory in my own way?

I'll talk about other professions a little later ........

.....© Leonie Stevens

You've just got to visit this website

Most of you who receive the e-magazine RoseMary's NoteBook© will know of Dorinda Hafner who we quote often and who has appeared within its pages over the years.

Well this lady is quite phenomenal - and she HAS to be one of the most energetic, bubbly personalities around.  Her humour is infectious - as are her recipes!

Visit her website, do.     See what she's up to now and some of her plans "to do".    Dorinda Hafner - the one and only.

Love without attachment!

A lot of our friends (and even casual acquaintances) tell us that even though they surround themselves with lots of "positive" messages about self-acceptance, and plenty of healthy self-talk, there are times when they feel "out of place" and not quite sure of their worth, especially when it concerns relationships.

This is a favourite piece we have repeated and reproduced over many years through our newsletters and small booklets. We hope you will find it encouraging in your personal life.

Love without attachment!

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love does not mean leaning,
and company does not mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts
and presents are not promises

And you begin to accept rejection
with your head up and your eyes clear

with the grace of an adult,
not the heartache of a child

And you learn to build you life on NOW
because tomorrow is too uncertain

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much

Plant your own garden and decorate your soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

After a while you learn that you really have infinite worth.

...... Author unknown

FEELINGS ABOUT ONE'S SELFWORTH

Most of us in this team read a lot.   Our preferred choices of books range from the sublime to the ridiculous and most things in between.

However, the gaining of self esteem and confidence remains high on the list of books that we all enjoy.

At the present time I'm reading a novel written by Johanna Verweerd - "The Winter Garden".   This is a story of painful memories and the realisation that life is passing by.  Ika designs beautiful gardens and one day a letter arrives from her sister, "you'll have to come soon .... Mother won't last much longer."   To think this story dwells on sadness is wrong.  This delightful book takes the reader from the present to the past and back to the present in a beautiful flowing manner, allowing us to be with Ika as she confronts past issues and learns about herself and her own strengths.

I quote the following paragraph from the book:

"Ika would love to have been cheerful, but she didn't know how to go about it.  

Cheerfulness had to begin inside.  The same with laughter.  

Like being afraid, which also started inside a person.  ...........  

So how could she become cheerful?  

Bart said that being afraid evoked the threat of danger.  

Would thinking more about happiness, then, 

help her to experience what it was like to be cheerful?"

I guess there's something to be said for "thinking about happiness" because as many psychologists would agree, "thinking" happy or sad, will tultimately make a person BE happy or sad if they put their mind to it.

A thought for the New Year.

Beyond the Curve! ©

I see where local  newspapers appear to be overcoming their “mind-set” and are presenting special articles relating to the size plus woman.  More often than not, it is of America’s well known television identities, but nevertheless BIG girls are getting some attention and publicity.

I don’t know about you, but I’m finding the lack of words in the English language, to describe anyone who is a little larger, wider, heavier or taller than the paper-thin waifs who usually grace our catwalks as well as our fashion pages, a little frustrating.

I must admit that I do NOT like the word FAT.  There are too many innuendos associated with the word - overweight, obese, morbidly obese, immense, huge, oversize, jumbo, gross, heavy, hefty and so it goes.  As many of the weight programs of the past have reminded us and humiliatingly told us in no uncertain terms, we were carrying too much lard around with and on us.  To bring the point much nearer home, they even used to make us pass hand to hand huge lumps of fat (obtained from the butcher - sometimes up to 5 kgs) among the ladies, so that each of us saw and felt firsthand what our bodies were like under the skin.  Ugh!

But back to more recent times.  You will recall the famous “acceptance” speech given by Camryn Manheim (star of the series The Practice - why don’t we see more series like this where a “big” girl is shown as intelligent, witty, glamorous and sexy?) in which she said, “this is for all the fat girls”.   Camryn wore a carefully chosen slinky black dress to reinforce her self acceptance and to make a statement on behalf of large women everywhere.  (Photo from the internet  acknowledgement to copyright owner),

Then Italian designer Masks included Jennifer Nicholson (daughter of Jack) who is a big girl, in amongst his regular pencil thin waifs, to model his spring/summer fashions.  Jennifer was a great success, strutting her stuff in the very heart of “thin is beautiful” country.   Jennifer now has her own label and doing very well, thank you very much!

Something I recently read though struck a chord, 

“the new magazines, role models and clothing lines 

don’t change the fact that plus-size women (everywhere) 

sometimes become recluses 

because they don’t feel comfortable around their average size peers.

This is still a world in which people face job discrimination because of their size.”

I question the words “average-size peers”, because you know and I know, that here in Australia as in Britain and the USA, the height and size of women has increased over the past couple of decades.  American manufacturers have already adapted their size range to take into account sizes 14 and 16 (which I understand is equivalent to Australian sizes 16 and 18), and in fact many manufacturers have redefined the size chart by starting from O and going on and up through 1X, 2X 3X and so on.   On course the other end of the scale has been included too!  Now women are doing their best (which in other words means the worst for their bodies and minds) to achieve size zero, and even double zero.

I remember Rosemary (RoseMary's NoteBook©) commenting on this some years ago when she asked the question, what happens when they start going back into Triple Zeros and further?  Does this mean that women will just fade away and be no more?

Coming back to the American style “X” sizing, I know for a fact that many women feel happier and more confident in asking for a size 5X than say sizes 30-32-34.  Perhaps Australian manufacturers will one day soon see the wisdom in redefining the size structure of their clothes to fit in with the modern shape and size of Australian women, rather than hanging on to outmoded and antiquated ideas?

This is the 21st Century for goodness sake.  We don’t need “fuddy-duddy faddy-trendy” designers of tender years continuing inappropriate attitudes when considerating and creating fashion for the woman of today.

It’s about time that people within the fashion industry limber out of their T model Fords and thought about supersonic space travel.  Let them bury their antiquated attitudes towards women who have a different shape and size to the plastic maznnikins that grace our store windows and our catwalks.

I love reading and hearing about success stories of women who are beyond the curve.  The more often we hear and read about women of larger size, the sooner shape and size will become more acceptable (at least as far as we are concerned).

If it's up to us to really start the ball rolling, then so be it.  If people won’t “listen” to us, we can still write letters or send emails.  To magazines, newspapers, to designers, to fashion buyers of national department and retail stores, to the boutique owner around the corner.  Somewhere along the line, someone will take notice.

They say good things come to those who wait - perhaps I getting a little edgy about waiting too long1  And patience is a virtue - and I like to think that I’m a virtuous woman!   So .......

Daisy Veitch (Australia) has been working on educating manufacturers and retailers on the changing shape and size of women.  Visit her website and have a read of some of her findings at   http://www.sharpdummies.com.au/

.... © Rose Davida, Kent, UK

Our first Spring shopping excursion

The weather may not be quite as we would like it, but then Springtime is never known to be quite what it supposedly should be! The sun peeped out behind the clouds back on Father's Day (3rd September) only to hide again and since that time we've had plenty of Spring rains. Lovely for the gardens, and quite lovely for the opportunity of spending more time in the kitchen or the local coffee shop. Who needs an excuse to meet up with a girl friend or two and have coffee 'n cake?

Three of us ventured out last week to visit the local store/showroom of Kita Ku. Many of you will recall we've mentioned this lovely place a number of times through our newsletters. Well, we weren't disappointed in our visit this time either - they had lots (and we mean lots) of beautiful, wearable, trendy, affordable clothes. Many of last seasons were going out at "petty-cash" costs (such as $5). We all bought up for our "first Spring shopping spree of the year".

So why not visit Kita Ku's website yourself and see what they have. Also get onto their mailing list for news of their special sales and events. This is a beaut way of spending a lovely afternoon with friends. http://www.kitaku-australia.com

What have "favourite food things" got to do with self-esteem?

Well may you ask.  In fact a number of visitors to the blog have asked us this question.  And the answer quite simply, is "everything".

Because we all know people (including ourselves) who because of age, size, shape, and looks have often "gone without" some of these special little treats, all because of other people's attitudes and comments over time.  In other words their disparaging and discriminatory attitudes have embedded themselves into our feelings of confidence and indeed our worth.

I've been an advocate for a long time in encouraging women to see themselves as being deserving of enjoying life's little pleasures, including "favourite food things".   None of us here in the team suggest going "overboard" but having the freedom to choose when to enjoy adds to our own personal self-esteem.  Why not try it for yourself?

..... © Leonie Stevens

What you discover in small laneways!

Enjoying the sights of a city you may not have visited before is always an adventure. Leonie recently visited Perth and having been persuaded by the group not to neglect London Court as a special place to visit, came back with her comments about a lovely little coffee shop she found half way down the laneway.

"I popped inside the small cafe to have a latté. On entering the cafe I was confronted with this marvellous array of foodstuffs, all presented in such an inviting way. Who could resist? Not me. Having my camera on hand I asked permission (always a wise thing to do) to take a photo of their shelf displays. Must have won them over because I got a free cake with my latté. Now, that made my experience even better."

As with many of us, Leonie was also impressed by the fact that so many "small" cafes and coffee shops over in the West are designed along Feng Shui lines. Does this have anything to do with the "feeling" of being made really welcome into these establishments and being embraced by happy moods?

Getting ready for the beach/pool

It's getting a bit warmer, well Spring is taking it's time in arriving, but the sun when it does come out gives us a fair indication that our Summer is going to be a hot one! Quite hot!

So perhaps it's about time we thought of how we see ourselves when it comes to dressing for the beach or the pool. Because too often we get all "het" up and talk ourselves out of enjoying summer as much as we could, all because we feel we have to hide behind voluminous garments that hide our figures.

In dressing appropriately for the beach or pool, is it too much to expect that we, the plus sizers, should be free to wear what we choose, within reason of course, without being subjected to all sorts of rude comments? It's not as though we go around pointing the finger at slimmer women and discriminating against them. So why should others do that to us?

You know, there's no reason whatsoever. It's about time we realised that it's not our problem, it's theirs!

The sooner we get to the point of being comfortable with our figures and size, and enjoying life which includes sunning ourselves as well as swimming during the warmer months, then the happier we'll be. And when we're happier, then we'll be more confident. It's a natural progression of steps in gaining self esteem. 

What's in a name?

Checking the menu before ordering a sweet recently, I was intrigued by the description "Tipsy Gypsy". The wording appealed to me and I was hoping that the sweet itself would appeal as much to my eye and to my appetite.

I ordered two, one for my partner who really wasn't so interested in having a dessert, but he nodded. 

Along came two small dishes with the "Tispsy Gypsy"(s). The tilt of the pudding was humorous in that it just wouldn't fall over. I couldn't figure out what may be holding it up. But having tasted it I didn't care - it was absolutely delicious. A taste of citrus, a taste of golden syrup, a taste of cinnamon.  Served with two lovely dollops of cream.   It reminded me of many of my mother's steamed puddings. My partner complimented me on choosing something that even he enjoyed.

.....© Gwenda B of Daylesford, Victoria

Springtime in the hills!

In the beautiful Dandenong Ranges sits a small village/hamlet by the name of Silvan.   In gentle rolling hills covered with Australian eucalyptus and Australian bush, parcels of land have been cleared over the past 80 years for various uses.

One of the most recognised patches in Silvan is Tesselaar's Tulip Farm for more than 60 years a stand-out beauty spot.   As a consequence of the very wet winter conditions this year the blooming of the tulips was held back a little, but this past week has been the prime time for visitors.

As a special treat my girl-friend called for me, and we drove up to Silvan to have a peep at the tulips.   I think it's the beautiful relaxing atmosphere, the silence of the hills and the vibrant and vivid colours of the flowers that appealed to us.   And there was plenty of colour, no doubt.  Note only in the rows of tulips or the special presentation displays, but also in the gardens surrounding the tulip farm where ranunculi, rhododendrons and various other spring bulbs dazzled the eyes, 

 

Advertisers exploiting small children

Noni Hazelhurst (of Playschool fame here in Australia) is the latest to take up the battle against companies and advertisers who exploit children in their advertising by means of posing them and presenting them as "small adults" in adult poses.

This has concerned mothers for quite some time, and yet again, the retailers are falling into the habit of teasing the potential purchasers of particularly clothing by means of suggestive garments.   Bonds (lingerie manufacturers) are the latest to feel the blast of criticism, with their "bralettes" for little girls as young as 6.

Read more about this concern, as well as lots of other subjects in this months issue of RoseMary's NoteBook©, the newsletter that is sent via email.