Are we being over-critical?

A group of us were talking this morning over our Saturday morning coffee get-together.  The subject, of course, came around to the Royal Wedding yesterday.   Then Jane mentioned our Prime Minister, Julia Gillard and her outfit worn for the wedding.

Ms Gillard has been visiting world dignatories over the past week or so.  She was a guest at the Royal Wedding and had a one-on-one audience with the Queen afterwards.   Well, she is Prime Minister after all.

Last week Gai Waterhouse (and other women who are respected as high fashion exponents) commented on the fact that maybe our Julia needs a little bit of help in the choice of her fashion apparel.  They also mentioned her hair style, (she does have a live-in hairdresser to call upon!), but that doesn’t fail her as much as her dress sense according to many women. 

But has it occurred to you, as it most definitely has to us, that Julia’s dressmaker seems to have only one pattern (perhaps Butterick had a special deal on that particular pattern last year?) which she uses to make all Julia’s jackets?   Surely the position of Prime Minister would include a few experts in the art of dressmanship, colour co-ordination as well as styles and designs to suit her shape and figure?   The creamy, silver jacket chosen for her outfit of the day for the Royal Wedding was by Perth designer Aurelio Costarella, but was it really so different in styling to her normal every-day jackets? 

Have a look at a few pics taken from the internet (copyright remains the owners' property in all cases) and see if you agree.  

We all know that women in the public eye find themselves at the mercy of journalists and reporters and it must be difficult to please everyone all the time.  But "position" also dictates that fashion sense if not evident at first, can be learned and put into action.   "Make-overs" occur every day of the week, and they can be the difference between mediocre and stunning!    So are we being too critical?

The Wedding!

Hundreds of thousands of words have been used to describe the event of the year (so far!), and hundreds of thousands more will be spoken and read about in the days, weeks, months to come.

How does one compare with the journalists and photographers from all around the world?  I'm not going to try.  Other than to say - the wedding was refined, dignified, simple and elegant.  The groom, the bride, the dress, the actual ceremony (how beautifully old-fashioned it was with only the word "cherish" cast aside in preference to something along the lines of "caring" - which is very much the same don't you think?)  The delicate little flower girls and the handsome little page boys, all so well behaved.  The BBC telecast was first class (as one would expect) with none of the "ocker" nonsense that many of the Australian commentators came across with - no, I'm not being overly critical, but .....)

I watched the event on television and then walked in to my computer and found (literally within seconds) photographs and the ceremony "ver batim" on the internet - modern technology, what can you say?   So here are a couple of photographs from the Telegraph, UK - full copyright to them, of course.

We wish them much happiness and joy - they certainly deserve it.

Turning off and tuning out!

The latest subject to hit the bookshelves deals with etiquette.  Yes, that old-fashioned word and old-fashioned set of morals and standards.   Somewhere over the years these became lost or thrown aside in favour of "if it feels good then do it - never mind who you offend or hurt in the process".

Well, what goes round comes round again and again, and etiquette as it applies to dining out particularly was highlighted in a number of newspapers during this past week.  So how should today's diner fit in with the new Restaurant Etiquette that restaurant proprietors as well as leading chefs are saying should become part of the dining experience?

Well, this is a summary of what the Weekend Australian magazine said on Saturday 23rd April:

1.  If you must take a call on your mobile ask to leave the table and take it outside the restaurant and well out of earshot of diners near windows - even better, switch off your phone before you enter the restaurant.

2.  Ask the chef, waiter or maitre d' if it's OK to photograph the dishes (your meal), and state your intention.  Even newspapers and magazines usually seek permission to shoot a restaurant and its food.

3.  Don't take an iPad, kaptop of DVD player to a restaurant.

4.  Don't check your emails, tweets or Facebook correspondence during a meal, either within view of your fellow diners or on your lap with your apparatus hidden by the tablecloth.


5.  Don't take or make a call in the restaurant bathroom or toilet outside, or any private or public bathroom.

There are obviously many other points (for the simple reason that our very own Ita Buttrose has just written a book on the subject), but when it comes to mobile phones, why do people - mainly women - scream and screech loudly so that everyone knows their business, while at the same time their voices drown out what you might be saying quietly to another person.  Is it that people haven't experimented with their phones to learn how easy it is to almost whisper into a mobile phone and the person you're speaking to will actually hear you!  You don't have to shout!

Easter Sunday

Easter Day   For the Christian, this is one of the most important in our calendars - it is the day that epitimises our entire faith.   Belief in the Resurrection - a day of promise and hope for future days.  

For without the Resurrection, as the scriptures say, our faith would be empty.   But for the Christian who believes the tomb where they laid Christ was empty on that very first Easter Day and that Christ had risen again, this is the time for celebration.   As with the first disciples including Mary Magdalene who was the first to actually see Christ following his resurrection, we stand amazed and in awe of the power of God.

We attended a lovely little service filled with praise this morning - songs that were vibrant and alive with the joy of our faith.   Following that I watched the BBC show Songs of Praise on the ABC  - filmed in Jerusalem and showing many of the places described in the scriptures,  where hundreds of thousands of people flock every year at this time.   Eled Jones sang the beautiful song “Be Still”, which would have touched every viewer’s heart.

Whatever faith you follow (and indeed even if you have no faith that has a name) may your Easter season continue to be one filled with joy.  Be safe.

How can you stay happy and healthy .....

While at the same time you're growing older .....

As we well know, most women very early form a habit of putting everyone else first. When she becomes a mother this is a "natural" habit that very soon becomes a life-style. It stays with her. A consequence of this, though, is that as we grow older, we're often unaware of what activities we can enter into, which will boost our mood, our attitude and immunity. But there are a few things, that even the so-called experts agree on, that will help us through this.

Here are one or two suggestions.

TALK. Bottling up worries or sadness is deeply unhealthy and guaranteed to suppress immunity. If you feel sad, chat with a friend and don't be afraid to cry. Tears are a good way of releasing repressed emotions and stress. If you feel you need more than that, ask your GP to refer you to a professional counsellor.

LISTEN TO MUSIC and/or WATCH SOME FUNNY MODERN/OLD TIME (including ROMANTIC) MOVIES. Countless studies show that both music and laughter are hugely beneficial to health.  Sharing them is better still.   Get out some of your old favourite records, invite a friend around for afternoon tea and set the mood with music playing in the background while you chat.  Funny movies?  Rent a funny DVD, get some friends around and let your humour take over. If you're not really into some of the "modern" humour, why not even drag out of the kid's cartoons/Walt Disney films? Just be a kid again - even if you have grey hair and wrinkles.    Then there are the old favourite movies - Casablanca (Lauren Bacall and Humphtry Bogart); Arabian Nights and Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves (Maria Montez); Captain Blood and Robin Hood (Errol Flynn); the Maltese Falcon (again Humphrey Bogart); The Wicked Lady (Margaret Lockwood, Patricia Roc and James Mason); Phantom of the Opera (Claude Rains);  and let them transport you back to your childhood and youth.   Make sure you have some tissues handy in case a tear or two mists up your eyes.  The main thing is to enjoy yourself and recapture some of the finer memories in your heart.

EAT and DRINK.   In moderation - of course! But then why do we always put limitations on what we should do, especially to relax and recharge our batteries. Seriously though, don't let the fact that just because you might be alone, that you needn't go to the bother of laying the table properly for a meal. Put a small vase of flowers of a specimen rose beside your plate setting, and enjoy a nice wine (even non-alcoholic). Too often we can feel guilty about enjoying ourselves, which is not the way it should be. Tell yourself, I deserve to be pampered and if this means going "all out" as though you were entertaining friends,  then so be it. You'll find it a rewarding experience.

PRAY. Even those with "no-faith" understand the importance of having a special little place in their home such as a small side table with family photos, flowers, a candle, anything that represents beauty and love, that will bring a warm sense of well-being. Those with faith, know the importance and the countless benefits they receive from actually praying or talking with God.

THINK POSITIVE. Hard to at times, but work at it. Never go to sleep fretting over a problem. It achieves nothing. A better idea before going to bed is to concentrate on all the happy (even tiny) events of the day for a few minutes. Avoid negative thoughts at all costs.

Stay away from people who constantly bombard us with doom and gloom. 

Never lose hope. 

Remember, miracles do happen, every day, to ordinary every-day people, like you and me.

(The above photo - Margaret Lockwood and James Mason in "The Wicked Lady")

I couldn't believe my eyes!

Those who have followed RoseMary’s NoteBook© (the newsletter that is) over the past 21 years, know one of our “pet peeves” has been the lack of thought on the manufacturers and suppliers of tee-shirts for the plus-size.

That’s not to say that women haven’t been able to buy tee shirts, but in the main they’ve been high round or crew-neck, which does absolutely nothing (repeat - nothing) for the plus size woman.   There’s been a constant request over the years for something more attractive, particularly v-neck which for some reason or another flatters the more curvaceous bust and neck.

Personally most of our group have been hunting for vee neck tee shirts (or tops made with tee shirt material) for decades and it was only because of having a couple of friends who were wizzes with their sewing machines over that time, that I personally managed to have my own made up.

So when I walked into the local K mart store last week, I couldn’t believe my eyes.   There on .a stand just inside the door were stacks and stacks of tee shirts, in sizes 12 through to 24, and in styles that took in round neck, low round neck, and eureka - v-neck.   The colours ranged from white, grey, pink, red, black, green and blue.  You’ve guessed it, I bought more than one.

A little further into the store there were more tops, still in the tee shirt material, and these were even more attractive in design and styling.   Something that took my eye were the cami style, with strappy straps, and a style that can worn reversed - that is with a low straight across the neckline, or turned around to have sweetheard neckline.   My shopping basket was getting full!  You don’t see this every day of the week!

The reason I mention these is that the price of the tee shirts was $2.50.  The camis were going out at $3.00 and because there was a special "half price" sale going that day, the cost came down to $1.50.   I don’t think I can recall prices for plus-size clothing like that for a long, long time.   No wonder those stacks on the stand were decreasing every minute - women were walking out the door with half a dozen, and sometimes even a dozen of each.

My proposition is this.  Even if this is a one-off by K Mart, it shows that it can be done.  And if it can be done, then why isn’t it done more often?   In fact, why isn't it done all the time?

Excuses from retailers that it costs more to make a plus-size garment doesn’t always gell you know - take a good look at the fabric that goes into a flowing top in tee shirt fabric for a size 10, and then compare that to what goes into a size 24 tee shirt that sits nicely on the body (without being tight and showing off the curves that you prefer to somtimes be a little disguised), and you’ll find there isn’t much difference.  So their argument don’t always hold true, you know.

In the slightly cooler weather that we're experiencing at the moment, these v-neck tee shirts look absolutely terrific under a jacket - there's a sense of being "casual" yet at the same time a little conservative - which matches whatever mood you may be in. 

Bare Arms!

Have you ever looked at a dress in a store window and said to yourself, "I'd love to be able to wear that!" It's not that it isn't available in your size, or in the colour you love, it's simply that it is "sleeveless".

And let's face it, the plus size (or curvaceous woman) doesn't like to bare her arms too often, even in the summer months. Our arms, especially our upper arms (like a lot of other parts of our bodies) seem to do what they like, and often remind us of pelicans spreading their wings in the sunshine.  Arms flip and flap away regardless of how much we try to keep them under control. And when a woman is entering the "growing older" phase then too often her arms become a limb she thinks should be "hidden".

So we go without sleeveless dresses - afraid to take the risk because then we'll find ourselves not ever wearing that dress again for fear of someone laughing at our arms.

Curvaceous women have a lot to contend with. And these feelings of, dare I say it, embarrassment because our bodies aren't trim and taut, affect our self confidence and in turn affect our lives. Because we go without such a lot, when we really needn't.

I like this particular dress from North Style - the styling is nice, the length is great and the flow of the dress is becoming and flattering. The only thing against it is, yes, it's sleeveless.

But wait a minute. Just because we're plus size, does that mean we can't do a little bit of disguising, if we want? Shrugs are not only for the tiny person, they're for all of us. For those who don't quite know what a shrug is, it's a sort of "bolero". And boleros are very attractive. Choose a colour co-ordinated shrug with the colour of your shoes and handbag, wear it over a jewel coloured dress, and you've got a great outfit.

I've seen "boleros" worn by women who are size 2, 6, 18, 24, and 30 and they all looked terrific.

We have to look outside the "blinkers" that we put in place, thinking that they will protect us, when in fact what they're doing is tieing us up in knots.  We've got to learn to be "free".

Photo from www.northstyle.com

Aging Outrageously! - More on aches and pains, moans and groans

(Some more advice from Morgana de Courcy © 2011)

 On the serious side though.

In many of my newsletters I push the idea that women of all ages should pamper themselves occasionally. I don’t think that aging makes any difference to this notion. Women love going to the hairdresser, having their nails polished, having a facial, and even a massage. Head massages are wonderful beauty treatments, and if you walk out of the therapists rooms feeling like a million dollars, then you have every right to do so.  The question arises - what if I don't have much money?  Well - why not suggest "beauty vouchers" from your family members and friends, as your Birthday and/or Christmas gifts?   Quite often these can be purchased in advance which allows you to use them over a period of time.  Then there are many "discount" hairdressers around - much, much cheaper than the usual salons, and if you find you that has good hairdressers on their staff, you'll hardly know the difference between a $35-40 cut and a $10-15 cut.   Again, I know from experience!

I’ve heard of women being told by their families when it comes to any of this pampering business - "why waste the money?" Well let me say to them - where’s the waste? And whose money is it, anyway? They’re most likely only jealous, when it comes down to it.

But what does a “growing older” woman do when she is told she has an unexplained lump somewhere on or in her body? What does she do when she’s told that a certain surgical procedure has high risks for her. Does she keep all this to herself, working herself up into a lather of worry and anxiety, because there’s no one to talk to?

Too often that’s exactly what happens. And that sort of situation is not good - not good at all. Worrying about things like this leads to deep anxiety, and deep anxiety can lead to depression. And depression can lead to a whole lot of other awful scenerios.

Women need women to talk to. And if your family or even friends don’t and won’t listen to you, why not ask someone at your local church or neighborhood house for a referral to a reputable person known to them who will act as a counsellor. Not everyone can afford to pay counsellors, but there’s always the chance of finding someone who does it at “no charge” (even professional counsellors). I speak from experience here.

Then there’s word of mouth. Come on girls, growing older does NOT mean that you hide behind a veil of timidity. You’ve got to step out and help yourself. Even if you’ve always been terribly shy, you’ve just got to step out of the background and ask questions. Networking is one of those things that women find essential over the years - the “growing older” years even moreso. And it’s surprising where you can find out about things - not just from the internet, but from a local point of view, just talking to someone in a coffee shop (share a table occasionally and you’ll get to know someone new as well as find out things!). Talk to one of the shop keepers, especially those that are not rushed about or trying to get you to buy something and to then leave the store. Think - your favourite bookshop proprietor- they know heaps about the local community and local people.

Whatever way you deal with your “growing older” aches and pains and moans and groans, I trust that you will experience the feeling that you are not alone, and that others understand with a personal knowledge, of what you’re going through.   Kindness from another person can often lighten the pain - whether that pain be physical or emotional.

Aging Outrageously! - Aches and Pains, Moans and Groans

(An insight - from Morgana de Courcy © 2011)

 

 It's not only the slim and trim woman who has health issues as she grows older. The plus size woman too, even has some issues that the slimmer woman doesn't. But here's what it's like growing older for young women to look forward to.

You get to around 70 and things start to fall apart. Bits and pieces you never even knew you had begin to hurt. You try and walk to the letter box and before you know it you’re huffing and puffing like a traction engine. Your face goes red; your varicose veins start throbbing and you’re sure you have a headache coming on.

The arthritis slows you down and before you know it, someone is suggesting that a walking stick might help, dear. There are times when I would willingly swipe someone over the head with my walking stick - they’re so damn patronising.

You have to get up almost every hour on the hour to go to the bathroom - then the Dr asks do you have interrupted sleep? What’s he talking about? I have ongoing interruptions, I hardly have any sleep! But if and when I do drop off, my damned restless legs take over and I’m throwing myself around the bed, tossing the duvet off because I’m overheated. The next minute I’m scrambling around trying to find that same duvet to pull up around me, because I’m shivering. Nobody told me that the hot flushes went on forever.

You get up early to take your morning pills, and by the time you’ve taken them you need to have another visit to the bathroom because there are so many pills that you have to drink half a gallon of water to get them down. I reckon I rattle when I walk - if not, then I hate to think what that is I hear every time I take a step.

If you’re unfortunate enough to go into hospital even for an ingrown toenail removal, they ask you what prosthetics you wear.  Well to start off, there are the dentures; then the hearing aids. They tell you to remove the teeth, and you’re so gummy you can’t even make sense of what you’re saying let alone expect the nurses to understand you! Your tongue fills your mouth and you start salivating and you sound just like a baby learning to talk.  Of course it doesn’t help having to remove your hearing aids either, because then you can’t hear what anyone is saying and you can’t even hear what you’re saying! They then remove your glasses and you can’t see a thing. What are you supposed to do? They ask you to sign the document and you can’t even see the flamin’ document, let alone know where to sign it.

The hospitals in Australia have limited administration staff in most departments. This means you’re expected to fill out your entire admission papers (usually anything up to 10 pages), and list (the most recent to the earliest) all the operations (big and little) you’ve had over the years. Yikes I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast, let alone the fact I had a haemorroidectomy, - oh, gosh when was that? The list of medications, including the dosage you’re on, the exact spelling of the tablet or capsule, and when you take it and how often, and more than an hour has gone by.  And it doesn’t matter even if your visit to the hospital is a “repeat” visit - the same damn documents and the same damn lists.

You supply your pension card and medicare card and are told this is out of date, where’s your new one? Honestly, it’s enough to give you high blood pressure (that is, if you didn’t already have it!).

And these are only a few of the things that irritate you as you grow older. This is where things become really weird. People ask you how are you today? Do they really want to hear all about your aches and pains? Do they simply mouth the words, without ever intending to listen to you. Or are they just humouring you, giving you the impression they’re interested, when they really couldn’t care less.

It’s not only friends or neighbours who do this - it’s family too. Gosh, what is it about me that these people waste my time in even asking me? I decided some years ago that if they asked me, I’d look them in the eye and tell them “fine”. Even when I looked and felt lousy. I’m beginning to wonder if they really wanted to know how I was feeling in the first place. They didn’t notice how I looked, they just smiled and went on with what they were talking about. I started doing likewise to a lot of them, and they didn’t even notice I’d turned off and was talking about something else. They just went on raving about how they felt.

I think asking about a person’s health should be relegated to the same “don’t do” file of mentioning religion, football or politics, unless it’s made plain to you that people really do want to know. Otherwise it only gets you into an argument, and I can get myself into one of those without the help of other people - thank you very much!

If you're growing older, and know from personal experience what it's all about - those aches and pains and moans and groans, why not write about them so we can share them by reprinting them? Come on - I bet you have some interesting stories.

The "growing older" plus-size woman's wardrobe

Much discussion has been going on within a number of women's groups that I enjoy being a part of.   These groups include women from all walks of life - both career as well as younger women, mothers and even grandmothers.    It doesn't take long before most conversations come around to "what to wear".

While we'd all like to shop at some of the better boutiques, it's not always possible. And the same goes for many thousands of women, whether they be working in lower paid jobs; not working at all; stay-at-home Mums and/or growing-older women.

"Spending budgets" seem to shrink over the years for many women. And this is borne out by the clothing you see in your own local community worn by ladies of greying years. It's not that they're no longer adventurous when it comes to choosing clothing, it's just that for some reason they feel less confident in choosing things that won't make them look like "mutton dressed up as lamb."  I ask you - pretty little dresses for pre-teens and teens just don't look right on a matron!  And yet there are always exceptions.

Because if you look around the traps, at your local shopping mall, at your discount chain stores (such as K Mart, Target etc) and even some of the spicy little "younger" focussed fashion stores springing up, you're sure to find something that will look good on you, regardless of your age. Very often the cost is affordable and if you choose wisely, that garment may well fit in with your life-style for many seasons, not just the one.  It's all in the way you wear that garment and your confidence in doing so.

What seems to happen though is that the clothes in the wardrobe "will do"; and quite often they will, but many times with a little bit of courage, the older woman can look twice as spectacular by extending her horizon beyond thinking that "I'm old, therefore I might as well wear old women's clothes".

And I question the idea of OLD women's clothes. There is no such thing. Just as there is no such thing as a 22 year old's dress, or a 42 year old's dress. Let's leave the number out of the equation and look at the clothing as women's clothing, nothing else.   (Just as we should be able to leave the size out of the equation, but we'll talk about that again at some later time - it's always a subject that needs talking about!)

When we can look at things in the right perspective, a whole new world opens up. Instead of just wearing well-loved and well-worn track suits when going shopping or even meeting up with the "girls", try a little flair. Wear your favourite pants or jeans but dress them up with something really lovely such as the shirt shown above. Tie a white or blue silk or chiffon scarf around your neck, choose a favourite matching tote bag and off you go. Enjoy your "growing older" years by enhancing your knowledge of what you will look good in and feel good in wearing. Age has nothing to do with enjoying life, just as being plus size is irrelevant.

(The above blue shirt is from North Style.com Have a look at their website).

One step in learning to accept yourself!

Our friend Laurie who lives in the USA, has a great philosphy, about life in general.   Her observations always strike a chord with us here and I trust will encourage you too to see things from a different perspective.    Read what she says:

"Buying clothes that fit was actually a revelation and part of my learning to accept myself. 

If clothes fit and you're comfortable then you'll feel better about yourself and you'll feel like moving because you aren't so constricted.

Buying clothes that fit gave me permission to live in the body I have instead of waiting until I lost weight to live.

Another irony: with the right cut the clothes might actually make you look thinner and you'll receive compliments."

© Laurie R, USA 

Big City Chic

When it comes to size making an impression on the catwalk, then it's important to share the news.  Because as you and I know, for too long the more curvaceous woman (and in this day and age, sizes 14 and 16 are seen to be "plus-size" !!!!) has been ignored and denied participation in fashion shows.  But enjoy this quick video.   We want to see more of this sort of thing - particularly for the adult, 30 and 40 years old, and older as well.   "Grannies" are no longer content to sit around in tracksuits all day everyday - that's if they ever did!   They want style, and why shouldn't they expect and get it?

If the plus-size woman makes up more than 68% of the fashion market, then someone, somewhere is missing out on a HUGE market potential.

Down Memory Lane!

You'll not get me admitting my age - unless you insist, but last year as a result of moving house - once again - I found myself going through some old photograph albums and loose photos.

As as aside I often wonder what the present generation is going to do in seeking photos of their forebears and relations (other than going via the internet) without the advantage of old photos. There are people who are transferring all this information to their iPhoto files I admit, but can you fit them all in, and surely there must be hundreds that are missed, in the process.

However, I digress.

I discovered a funny thing. Although I was told, repeatedly, during my growing-up years that I was "fat" and more to the point unacceptable, within the family to some extent as well as to society as a whole, I look at many of my photos and I can't believe I ever took upon myself the "guilt" associated with believing I was excessively over-weight! And it's a mighty burden to bear. Not the weight, but the guilt!

Because I'm astounded to see in those photos that yes, I'm a generously endowed girl/woman, but I'm not fat. And certainly not "obese" as I was described so many times.

Negative words, cruel words, scathing words, scalding words, inappropriate words such as "obese" and now "morbidly obese" do nothing for the person who does not fit the mould of "petite" or thin. Those negative words break down whatever self-esteem or confidence that person has, and can debilitate them into becoming disillusioned, confused, insecure people. And those feelings can last a life-time and can have irreparable consequences.

So when I recently visited was my Dr (who has known me for many, many years)  he re-affirmed my feelings of self-worth by telling me, you're not obese, only perhaps a bit overweight.  I felt as though I'd won the lottery - honestly!

And the the point of my topic today?  Sometimes it's a matter of walking down memory lane and looking at photos from the perspective of open-mindedness,  and remembering things and people and circumstances and happy times and even sad times with a mind that also balances the idea that "hey, I'm a very special person as I am, regardless of my age, size and shape! Just as I am - right now!" Because you see, saying that to ourselves crosses the barriers of time, because yes we are, very special as we are, regardless of age, size and shape - right now!  At any point in time.

We have to allow ourselves the freedom of seeing ourselves as unique human beings - one-offs.

The dignity of aging!

Another column from the Beyond the Curve© motivator, Rose Davida, "Winston Hall", Kent, UK:

I've just arrived home from a leisurely drive, calling in at some of my favourite haunts - antique shops, up in the hills.

Isn't it strange that no matter what trends or people's preferences, antique shops are always full of things and full of people looking and buying the things inside.

Things that are old, that are broken even, cracked, faded, and torn.  They may be placed strategically on a table or piled higgedly piggedly in a corner, or maybe in a bright and shining clean glass cabinet.  They are lovingly touched or held by a prospective buyer, or else longingly looked at, accompanied by many instances of a multitude of happy memories.

(Photo copyright rapidzone.net)

That got me thinking.  Do we really admire and appreciate our antique people with as much passion?

I have a very dear friend Renee who is entering her "growing-older" years.  She is what many people describe as "21st century woman caught in a 19th century time-warp".   A pleasantly plump lady, Renee is always delightful company.

She dresses in old-fashioned clothing.  She wears her hair up in an early 1900s style bun (very attractive).  Her makeup is just a dab of matt powder over a light touching of moisturiser, and the softest touch of lipstick.  She wears some of her mother's and aunt's favourite ear-rinrds and bangles - jingling and jangling with every body movement.  Renee is a "big" lady in all respects.

I called around to see her on my way home and we sat together talking and laughing, about life and antiques.

Renee took down a very old dish that sits in pride of place on her buffet.  She pointed out the faint crackling of age, the large crack that runs right through the centre, and the chip here and there and said now look at me!

So I took a long hard look.  Renee has signs of faint crackling of age - wrinkles and creases all over her face and neck and hands.  Age "dimples" down her arms, legs and tummy.   Quite a number of cracks when she stands up or leans over to pick something up.  Even a few chips here and there!   Small brown patches on her arms and hands.  Her eyes are quite as good as she'd like.  And sometimes she doesn't hear a word or two.  Her steps are not always as strong and purposeful, and sometimes it's better to leave something that's dropped to the floor, rather than try to pick it up - until later.  She chortled and said, hate to think what would happen if I did topple over!

Renee gives new meaning to the word "antique".  Rather, Renee is unique.   Because in amongst all the cracks and creases, wrinkles and crackling, flabby and floppy flab, resides a beautiful, intelligent woman.   Her mind, her spirit, her humour, her understanding, her compassion, her kindness, make you forget her "age".   Renee has something about her that attracts other women to want to get to know her and to call her their friend.

You see it's more important to see Renee for her dignity, and her wisdom, and her peerless beauty, rather than a measurement of "years". (or size!)

May it be this way for all of us.

How do WE fit into society? Part II

We’ve invested weight with so many meanings 

that numbers on the scale have become a shorthand for self-worth

We’re told that:

“slenderness is not just beautiful - 

it proclaims that you’re feminine, self-disciplined, well-adjusted and sexy”

“fat, on the other hand, 

reveals that you’re sloppy and self-indulgent, out of control 

and out of the running as a sexual being”

It’s a disastrous combination.  Our ideal of thinness is unrealistic for most of the populations, yet we all buy the idea that there’s something seriously wrong with us if we deviate from it.

There is however, another value that we attach in overweight that may be even more powerful than a sense of sin.  We see fat as “low-class”.  Our culture equates slenderness with sexiness which in turn equates slenderness with being intelligent.   This is a frightening illusion but one that has been literally absorbed into the psyche of today’s society.   And in so doing we have all, to some extent, become discriminatory - the one thing that we abhor.

And who, in the main, keeps this body myth alive?  Women, yes, women.  There seems to be a clear connection between the gains women have made in the outside world - bringing confusing and conflicting choices about roles - and our growing hysteria about our own bodies.  It’s as if keeping the body on a  tight rein, or not letting our lapses show, is a way of reassuring ourselves and the world that our desires aren’t voracious, that our needs aren’t bottomless, that despite our own uncertainly, we are in control.

However, it’s not enough to understand this obsession intellectually.  The battle for self-acceptance involves unlearning a lot of entrenched ideas.  It also involves a lot of pain.

If you’re spent most of your life starving yourself without success, it hurts to recognise that all that deprivation was a waste.

That’s why a lot of women cling to the promise that thin equals happy.  In many cases they want dieting to be a magical way of becoming another person.

It takes great courage to accept yourself in a world that values thinness above all else.  The miracle is, that some people manage it.

You can too.  If that’s really what you want to do.

... Rose Davida, ‘Winston Hall’, Kent, UK

How do WE fit into society?

From Rose Davida, "Winston Hall", Kent, England:

fat in a thin society

Whether we like it or not society says, if you’re thin then you’re "sexy, self-disciplined and well-adjusted”.  On the other hand, if you’re fat, then "you’re out of control, sloppy and self-idulgent”. 

Let’s confront this issue full on, and blast the myths dealing with size and our acceptance by society based on that size, out of the window, right now!

At least 60% of all women are obsessed with a real or imaginery 5 to 20 kgs of fat.  In many cases, they’re the only ones who can even see it.  Yet, it can keep them from buying clothes, going for a swim, doing anything physical.  It can also impact upon their social activities, and networking with both men and women.  An inner voice tells them they have to wait until they’re thinner.  And they listen, over and over again.  (We’ve done the same, if we are honest with ourselves.)

Women in past years have spent hours debating the “fors” and “against” the Scarsdale diet, the Atkins diet, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Easy-Slim, Ultralite, Sureslim, 16 day diet, the Israeli diet, Tony Ferguson, Nutri-slim, Nutrisystem, appetite suppressants, carbohydrate diets, grapefruit diets, egg diets, the water diet, the beer diet, the Beverley Hills Diet, the this that and the other diet.   Most women who have even been a "little" overweight have gone onto stringent diet regimes, discovering to their dismay and adding to their burdens of guilt, that none of them were successful.

Now we seem to be going through yet another tunnel of discovery (or denial whichever) in that many women take pains to explain that they are no longer “hung-up” about weight, size and shape;  that they’ve come to acept themselves as they are.  And yet, they’re seen to be popping the latest “diet” pill or attending the gym for fast-loss weight programmes, or visiting weight-loss “weekends away” at health farms, including B&Bs right around Australia (not to mention Europe and the USA).  Can't they see they're contracting themselves?

And this of course doesn’t even enter the conversation of “cosmetic  surgery” - another word in many cases for extreme and invasive WLS which presents untold risks whatever the advertisements say!  But I won’t get into that subject at the moment.

In many ways our obsession with thinness has never made less sense than it does today. Governments (State as well as federal) are now slamming down on the so-called “obese” - a  hatefilled word in anyone’s language - and threatening to penalise them by charging them a yearly “fee” top-up to their Medicare premiums.  They’re also considering penalising people who are overweight and who will not agree to WLS, by insisting thast they do so - in the interests of the country’s economy no less. Who’s taking into account the additional health risks for the patient,  I wonder?

But everyone from health and medical practitioners, those within the fitness industry - the sensible ones that is;  psychologists; psychiatrists and more professionals in between, as well as you and me, know that body weight has as much to do with hereditory genes as willpower and that permanent weight loss is far more complicated than we once believed.  We’ve learned that the old standards for our ideal weights were set unrealistically low - just look at the controversy surrounding BMI - and we knnow that the starvation diets of the past are counter productive and potentially dangerous.

But for too many of us, the message hasn't sunk in.  There seems to be a huge gap betwen what we know in our minds and how we actually feel about ourselves.

Believe it or not, but our preference for almost fleshless bodies is fairly rare in historical and cultural terms.  Even in the recent past,  large breasts and flaring hips padded with flesh were seen to be acceptable if not preferable.  The Hollywood icon Marilyn Monroe wold be considered unaccceptable today - she was seen to be the symbol of sensuality and seduction in the mid 60s and yet compared with today’s young women (and incredibly so many of our 30, 40 and 50 year old women who are starving themselves silly) she would be classified as “too big”.

Plump, curvaceous women are prized in countries like Sierra Leone, Mauratania and many parts of West Africa;  as well as the Pacific Islands (Tonga, above).    Chunky, fabulous young women and matrons, swishing and sashaying as they walk, seductively tantalising men of all ages.  They carry themselves with a jaunty confidence in their own worth and desirability.   Why not read the Precious Ramotswe books to get a better idea  of a “traditionally built” woman looks like, feels like and her confidence in her own value and importance.

On the other hand, Western Society regards fat with horror, similar to the attitude held by the Victorians in relation to “sex”.  At a time when we’re increasingly sensitive about insulting other minorities, fat people are still fair game.

In the real world it seems that it’s OK to discriminate against the fat, even though we are told that ‘discrimination is now illegal - oh, yes?  just who is kidding who?)

Studies in the USA, Europe and Australia have found that fat people earn less money than others.  They are less likely to be hired or promoted.  They routinely face ridicule from their doctors (still!).  They even face more resistance when seeking accommodation.

To be continued ...

Life Style Changes

Life style changes occur in regular cycles for many people.   Of course there are those who have "found their spot in paradise" whether it is on an island in the Pacific or a tiny weatherboard cottage in a small country town, or even a small flat which they call their own in a suburb of any mighty city and they don't have need to take stock and think seriously and hard about moving around.

But for others, the "call of the wild" or "freedom" is a constant reminder that they feel out of place, and unfulfilled where they are at that time.

With the advent of the unstoppable and ever expanding communication technologies which are becoming available to most of us, women everywhere are becoming more aware of their need to be satisfied with where they are - geographically as well as emotionally, and where they want to go.   That technology in many respects opens up new windows of opportunity, even though at first they may appear to be challenges.  Yet how these women are going to get where they want to be is yet another question which demands answers.

For those women fortunate enough to have their own homes, and/or businesses, and not to be under the threat of "eviction" wither from their home or their marriage (partnership), and who have financial savings which can see them even through the foreseeable future, then the world's their oyster, in every way possible.

On the other hand there are those who have suffered emotionally and in some cases physically abused, through bad relationships - whether it be marriage, bad parents, friends and/or even adult children.  These women need extra incentives to first of all establish what they want for themselves and then what they want from life.  How they strive to attain it depends on the support of family and friends, and sometimes only from the support each of us can build up from within ourselves.

Those without financial savings to call upon are quite often faced with problems that at first appear unsurmountable, but women are resilient, especially when encouraged by others who understand their plight.

It is so important for each of us to learn to value our own worth.  Our personal integrity demands it.  If we really want something with all our heart and mind then we should go out and do what we can and what we have to do, to assure that goal is reached.  And if it isn't?  Well, you know full well that you've done the very best you could at that moment in time - and that effort could well form the ground-work necessary to achieve later goals.   Initially some may say you haven't tried hard enough or that you didn't really want to succeed in the first place - but how do they know?  Don't waste time listening to them - your self esteem can't allow THEIR opinions to take over your own personal goals.

You've got to be satisfied with what you do and how you go about improving life for yourself.  Don't be satisfied with less than the best you can achieve.

We all have limitations.  We all have different needs and wants.  We all have different levels of those needs.  And we all come from different socio-economic environments.

But don't let any of these things deter you in your quest to conquer doubts and to realise your dreams.

And why shouldn't we all have dreams?  They're the building blocks of confidence.

Set yourselves some simple little "wants" and go out and prove to yourself that you can achieve them.  It's up to you.

Why do we chase the elusive "ideal" size and looks?

Delta Burke in her book Delta Style says a great many things that a lot of plus-size women have learned from their own experiences and which they agree with.   She says on her cover, "Eve wasn't a size 6 and neither am I".  If that doesn't give a woman with a figure more than size 6 hope and encouragement, nothing will!

Another great woman, Anita Roddick (of the Body Shop) said this:

"If you open a woman's magazine and flick through the pages, you'll notice something very peculiar - every model is a size 10.  Why's that?  You get on a bus, or walk down a street (any bus, any street) and the women you see aren't all a size 10.   They're all sizes.  All shapes.  Could it be that models aren't supposed to be about real life?  Could it be that these over-thin girls are actually there to inspire insecurity and vulnerability?"

There is a theory that by showing only these women, magazines can create a fantasy atmosphere.  One we can envy.  One for us to aspire to.  "If I looked like her, everything would be all right',  "If I were that slim, I'd be happy",   "Look at her, a cellulite-free zone, what's she got to worry about?".  How many times have your heard, or said that?'' 

In short, advertisers want us to believe that happiness does come from within THEIR products.  And that waif of a model, with the perfect hair, in that gorgeous setting, holding their product is testimony to the fact.  Nothing wrong with that, just a little harmless fantasy, you might think.

But for a growing number of women it's not a fantasy.  It's an obsession, and one that's far from harmless.  This whole idealised beauty nonsense that's splashed all over the place is destroying the very people it's meant to celebrate.  Models who twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman, today weigh 23% less. 

Do you know that it takes only three minutes looking at pictures of such models in magazines that causes 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty and shameful (about their size)? 

So how can we change attitudes, our thinking, how we feerl about ourselves?  These changes will not come from glossy magaziunes; they will not come from manufacturers of "feel-good" products, even manufacturers of fashion.  They will not come about by television shows which persist in portraying larger women as being unintelligent, dumb, dense and undiscipled - in other words a frump.  

The first step has to be ours.   We have to change our attitude towards ourselves.  That's where the change will occur, and that's the reason why when it does occur, it will be complete and fulfilling.  Because there is no doubt that when you feel good about yourself, it doesn't matter a fig to you if people are intolerant; if they are indifferent, arrogant rude, and/or embarrassing.  Sure, you'll still get upset, you'll still get angry and you've every right to.  But you'll express that anger or discomfort with a sense of fairness and confidence.  Your self image will not suffer - you'll still be proud, and you'll still be confident in yourself, believing in your own instincts.

You'll become more aware of who you are and what you are.  You will recognise that you are a woman first and foremost.  Everything erlse will then fall into place.  

Note:  When Anita Roddick spoke those words you'll notice she mentions "today's" models as being a size 10.    It doesn't take a moment to realise how things have changed even in a short space of time - today's models, that is in 2010/2011 are now more a size zero - why goodness me, a model who is size 10 day would be told she's "obese".  Things have gone too far, honestly.

How to have peace of mind - or happiness

Most of us live in a world with many pressures - within our homes, our families, our workplaces, our friends and our communities.  It seems we're always trying to meet other people's expectations and we lose sight of our own personal needs.   There's always some form of worry or anxiety that pops up and tries to trip us up in our endeavours to live placid, sensible, peaceful lives.

So here's a few tips.


1.  Don't live in the past.  Don't allow yourself to become captive to past feelings and circumstances.    Learn from,  but don't dwell on those feelings or circumstances.

2.  Refuse to indulge in self-pity.  No-one gets through life without some pain.  10% of what happens happens, but  90% is how we deal with it.

3.  Don't hold onto suspicion and resentment.  Let go.  Forgive, focus and move on.

4.  Cultivate old-fashioned values - love, humour,  compassion - in others words love, laugh and care.

5.  Find something bigger than yourself to believe in.

Self-centred people are always unhappy.

Peace is a "heart" condition.