Everyone tells us what we should be doing and what we should not be doing. They even go so far as to tell us how we should be doing and should not be doing, as well as when we should be doing and not doing. Quite frankly it seems some people want me to become their puppet and to do as I'm told, when I'm told and how I'm told as though I were a small child and not able to think for myself.
Even as a child I had the cheek to sometimes question what adults were telling me to do, especially if I didn't feel comfortable in doing it, and more especially if it didn't feel right. If they explained the reasons and I could sense their concern for my safety or my wellbeing, then I'd fit in with what they said.
When we're adults we feel much more in control. And so it goes - the decades pass and suddenly, we're staring "growing older" in the face. And what happens? Yep, you've guessed it - people start telling us what to do, when to do it and how to do it.
This is the time when we have to stand up for ourselves. To state what we want, and how we intend to achieve it, and when we want to do it.
I took my adult children aside last week, sat them down and told them exactly how their demands and insistance on how I behave and live my life, make me feel superfluous. You should have seen their faces and listened to their excuses.
It seems they hadn't even thought about how I feel about things. What they saw was the fact that yes, I'm growing older, and they felt threatened by the fact they'd have to become more responsible for and to me. I've been independent for many decades, but there's always the possibility and probability that I'll have to call on them for more assistance as time goes by. But should that really impact upon my importance not only to them but to me too?
And should that mean I have to lose my ability to decide what to do, how to do it and when to do it? Definitely not!
.....© 2011 Morgana
Hi Rosemary. Interesting post and a subject I have discussed in the past with my own family members. I am a little younger than you but already I sense a similar thing happening for me.
ReplyDeleteI also had the reverse situation when my dear old mother was living her last few years. I am using that experience together with what I want and expect to determine what will become of me when I am "past it".
I am still wondering when the age thing started for me. One day I was in the acceptable age group, the next it was a case of "well at your age"?
Love you Rosemary and your independant ways. ")
Hi Jan. Lovely hearing from you again. I liked your comment "when the age thing started" for you! It's almost impossible to define - I found, like you, one day, I was seen to be an adult, and within a few days after that I was seen to be "really growing older". I don't feel any different - in fact the reflection in the mirror tells fibs. I'm still only 17 - the grey hair and wrinkles are a figment of my mirror's imagination!
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