Fashionista Afternoon Tea! - Melbourne

I couldn't resist the invitation - an afternoon tea with a group of like-minded ladies, viewing lots of beautiful silk designs uniquely created by Teena of Abfab Designs (www.abfabdesigns.com)

Meeting women through the internet is an interesting aspect of life these days - and especially corresponding with them for sometimes anything up to 10 years, inspires a feeling of "I've got to meet ...... one of these days, we know each other so well, but we've never met face to face."

My lovely neighborly friend (more like a sister to me) drove us to the address of Teena's friend where we were made most welcome.   "Getting to know you" took a short time, as we felt we knew everyone anyway.   Janine from Real Women Australia joined us (and Janine is a fascinating lady in her own right - I'll be talking about her a little later).

Expressing our thoughts and opinions on clothing and attitudes towards the plus-size woman particularly was an interesting aside, and there were lots of issues covered that we all totally agreed upon.  (You didn't think that women could agree on things?  You'd better believe it!) 

But we soon got down to looking, feeling, comparing and even trying on some of Teena's beautiful silk garments - kimono style;  waterfall fronts;  loose flowing tops (in different lengths);  scarves and complimentary accessories.   Teena is a fountain of ideas and she's got plenty of new thoughts to take flight.

One important aspect of the afternoon's viewing is that women, plus-size women can look absolutely stunning given the opportunity of wearing beautiful garments - beautiful fabric and beautifully (and often quite simply styled.   Given the chance we can all look (and feel) beautiful.  

What is self esteem?

It’s many things. Here are some of them.

Self esteem is learning to like yourself (as you are!). Self esteem is learning to see yourself as a friend would see you, as a person worthy of respect. Self esteem is learning that it is not being selfish if you want things - perhaps you’d like to go to university; you’d like to have a top flight career; and you’d like to dress well.

Self esteem is learning that people from all sorts of walks of life should treat you with respect and courtesy. Self esteem is learning that your health and fitness should be seen as being of the same worth as a more petite and younger person. Self esteem is learning that your opinions should be respected. Self esteem is learning that your intelligence should never be questioned. Self esteem is learning that how you dress is your choice and that you shouldn’t be expected to accept derision or contempt. Self esteem is learning that you have a special place in this universe, and no one has the right to take this away from you.

Self esteem is learning that you have rights. Rights that may include being able to choose for yourself those things that will make you happy. Choosing for yourself those things that you don’t agree with. Choosing for yourself your own circle of friends. Choosing for yourself what you may eat and what you may choose not to eat.

Self esteem is learning that no one has the right to push you into doing things that you don’t want to do. Self esteem is learning that you can do what you want if you really want to. Self esteem is learning that you can wish for anything you want and then go out and make your wishes come true.

Self esteem is learning that you have a right to be loved. By others and by yourself. Self esteem is learning that no one has a right to belittle you, to put you down or to walk over you.

Self esteem is learning that you have the right to pursue a career, and that promotions are part and parcel of that career,

Self esteem is learning that you have the right to look for a partner and the right to be loved and respected by that person.

........© 2011 Autumn Parry

DISCIPLINE! - PART II

From our colleague, Zuzu:

Low self-esteem is as rife as it has ever been. And that is very sad taking into account the fact that countless motivators, facilitators and counsellors have set up their own businesses, and many are sponsored with government as well as corporate funding, and yet as just as many people as ever present as having no confidence.

You can't force people to be confident. That builds up a defence mechanism that prevents them from growing independent, and from you gaining their trust and allowing you to offer strategies to help them. What I'm not talking about are not fancy and outlandish strategies - I'm talking about simple, small steps in a journey of discovery.

It comes down to choice. And we should all enjoy freedom of choice, no matter what aspect it relates to in our life. Choice made on sound principles; choice that becomes a matter of judgement based on analysing the pros and cons of situations, and of people. If we make a bad choice, then we are intelligent enough to realise we have to accept responsibility for its outcome. We can't blame anyone else.

Discipline comes into the picture. It always does. Whether it's how much time you spend cleaning the house; attending lectures; at your desk; with your family and friends; picking up after the kids; doing what you want and what you have to do, it all comes down to disciplining yourself. The result is always rewarding, no matter what area of your life we're talking about.

I don't agree that to be acceptable we have to be slim, trim, svelte and "beautiful". Digital enhancements are everywhere - we need to be real people in a real world. If we were all the same - looked the same, were the same size and shape, the same colour, the same age, how boring the world would be!

It's up to us. We are, after all, our own best asset! With a bit of discipline and a desire to be allowed to be who we are and what we are, we can show the world (and us for that matter) that we know and we have made our choice!

DISCIPLINE!

From our colleague: Zuzu

Why does it seem so hard to become disciplined when you become an online writer? I've been creating and writing newsletters and in-house magazines for the past 40 odd years (yes - I certainly don't look my age, do I?), yet coming to grips with writing a regular blog seems to present me with obstacles.

So today I decided. Drat it - I'll pretend I know what I'm doing, and if I fall flat on my face, well so be it! There's only one thing to do if that happens, and that's to stagger back up on my feet, stand tall and try again.

Big Issues have been at the forefront of news for a long time but are increasingly rearing their heads in many insidious ways. Over the airways, the television, the printed newspapers and the internet. Most if not all, the references are that to be acceptable in today's society, you have to be slim, trim, and beautiful. That's a nice wish, but real life isn't so clearcut.

Whether that beauty is allowed to be natural is another matter, because the inference is that you will never be beautiful enough and if you want to be noticed and treated as "one of us", then you'll have to have WLS, stomach banding, botox, liposuction and the works. Noone tells us the risks involved in all these procedures - and there are some horrific stories around.

But I decided a long while ago that I would turn a deaf ear to people who tell me I "MUST" do this or that, and "MUST NOT' do other things. Who gives them the right to tell me what to do and how to live my life? Especially as I believe, as a mature aged woman, I have insights into life and its experiences that give me the right to choose for myself. That's why I agreed (if a little hesitantly at first) to speak to women's groups. When accepting speaking engagements with women's health and safety organisations, teenage school children as well as groups catering to the elderly being encouraged to stay in their own homes as long as possible, I've been humbled by the fact that they've taught me much more than I've been able to tell them.

To to continued:   

Size and Colour Do Matter!

  Our friend Valerie F of Launceston Tasmania wrote to us:

"Living, as I do, in the smallest State of Australia, I've grown up being told that we're the little bit added to the mainland. Well let me tell you, most of us Taswegians consider that's a fallacy - we're the Mainland, and the rest of Australia just happens to be north of us on the world map!

But getting back to size and colour. Were you ever told you shouldn't wear such and such a colour, because "well quite frankly dear, you're too fat!"     Or have you been told that because you're a size 20 (or more)  then why do you expect to be able to buy a choice of clothes to fit you?   These comments have been made to me, and about me, too often.

I used to feel miserable because I couldn't buy anything to fit, and as for expecting to get anything sexy or colourful, well forget it, sister.

Over the years too I've managed to read some excellent books by women from around the world on how to increase self esteem, and many of them even gave examples of how I could dress to make the most of myself. For others, there's no doubt these books would have achieved what they set out to do. But for some reason they didn't work for me.

My cousin in South Australia sent me an old copy of RoseMary's NoteBook newsletter (it used to be sent out by ordinary mail and was quite a thick magazine) dealing with plus-size self esteem issues. For some reason I kept that newsletter. I put it away in my small bedside table drawer, and forgot about it.

Until. My partner walked out on me. I was plus-size when we met, and I hadn't gained weight all the time we were together. But suddenly I was thrown into turmoil and had to clean out the flat we had shared for more than 8 years. I had to face the fact that he no longer saw me as someone he'd like to spend his life with. Added to that of course I started along the route of self pity and self hate - if I wasn't so fat he wouldn't have left me - if I wasn't so fat he would still love me - if I wasn't so fat ..... Maybe if I lost the weight he'd come back. He won't, whatever I do. And quite honestly I don't him to.

I cleaned up the flat. I packed my cases and with a few small items of furniture I moved into a flat I could call my own. And one evening while feeling really sorry for myself, I rummaged through the bedside table hoping to find a block of chocolate that maybe I'd hidden there, and I pulled out that old newsletter.

I couldn't believe it. It was opened at a small article written by the editor to some of her friends and readers who had all, without exception, experienced the same thing as I had. Their husbands/partners had recently walked out.

And this small article went on to say that we should never, ever, tell ourselves that it was because we were fat that this had happened; because these relationships would probably have broken down even if we were slender like Elle McPherson or Jennifer Hawkins.   There were many issues at work and size is usually the one that is brought out and aimed at the plus size person.  Which is grossly unfair, when you look at it. 

If breakdown of relationships was always because we were fat, then why didn't the same thing occur with men? Women don't usually leave their husbands because they get fat, or get thin. The reason is usually much deeper than that.

You know, I needed to read that article. I needed to be told that I was me, and that I was important, if not to somebody else at the time, then definitely to me.

So I took the next step. I looked at my size and decided that I WOULD wear colours that I wanted to. I would search for clothes that make me feel good about myself. If I couldn't buy them anywhere, I'd sew them for myself

I decided I would turn the world around, so that MY size and colour WILL MATTER. What have I learned from all this? I've learned that I matter - to myself.

And as a footnote I'd like to say I've come to realise that I am just like thousands of other women. The fact that I'm bigger than "ideal" has nothing to do with me, as a person."

The "big wet" continues!

The flood waters in Victoria continue unabated.   Their journey across the dry river and creek beds and waterways is relentless.  And this is all before the floodwaters from Queensland arrive in our river systems.

Our hearts go out to all those in the areas that have been inundated with flood waters, as those who are anxiously waiting for the rivers to peak and then subside.   The major Banks have now opened their books to accepting donations for the Victorian Flood Appeal so we would urge you to spare a little, even a few dollars - they'll go a long way to helping these people as they grapple with incredible odds.   (The National Bank; Westpac; the Commonwealth Bank (Red Cross) and undoubtedly the Bendigo Bank - although we're not certain of the latter, as yet).  Giving donations through the Banks ensures that receipts are written and handed to the donor, thus giving some form of security that the money will go to the right department/agency.

The gaining of self-esteem!

“If one is truly to succeed in leading a person to a specific place, 

one must first and foremost take care

to find her where she is and begin there”. 

 

….© Soren Kierkgaard

Something we read this week

An interesting snippet of information was contained in a sentence or two in one of the major city newspapers here this week.

It's a simple theory. Ginger could help ease the nausea often caused by chemotherapy.

Researchers found cancer patients who took ginger capsules a few days before treatment experienced a 40 per cent reduction in symptoms.

It would be interesting to find out a little more on this issue.
 

Can anyone tell me why?

Most of our group are intelligent, thinking women. We may be a little on the weird side occasionally, but on the whole we consider we're well balanced. 

A couple of us have been around for a "while" and a couple of us have yet to taste the spoils of success (whatever one may define as success); each of us feels fulfilled and contented at this point in time. But we all smile - a lot, every day. At each other, at what we do, and at times we even laugh at ourselves.

We got to talking over morning coffee yesterday about the angry, hostile, arrogant, smouldering, pouty looks of today's young models. In the newspapers and the women's magazines. They stomp and stamp, they march (even frog-march), they treat the catwalk as their anger-management counsellor. If they could, they look as though they would throw themselves on the floor and give us two minute tantrums just like a 2 year old! And for what reason?

(Copyright: Lolyeish.com)

Does glowering at the audience make their garments more attractive? Does it make them more attractive? And if so, to whom?

What's wrong with a smile? Is there something inherently "bad" about showing the world, from the catwalk and the pages of magazines, that they love what they're doing, that they love what they're wearing, that they want YOU to love what they're wearing?

Because this anger and hostility and arrogance shows itself reflected in the faces of too many young (and older for that matter) women who walk down our streets, who shop in our malls, and who pass us as we walk by. It seems as though it is considered to be normal.

But in our dealings with women a number of them have actually said they won't even say hello or greet people who glare with such distaste - it's almost as though they are at war with the world, with other women and indeed themselves.  

And if you think that models have "always" looked sullen, then look at some of our models of yesteryear - OK perhaps inthe magazines they hadn't thrown their heads back and laughed out loud, but they certainly allowed their inner beauty to show.  Their professionalism extended to displaying a fascination in the beautiful garments they wore and seemed proud of their profession.   In candid photos, even on the catwalks, they were known to smile and occasionally flirt with the audience.   That in itself, drew the audience into the whole picture and fashion shows for the every-day woman allowed her to imagine how she would look in similar garments.   Because of the variety of paper pattern providers, many of those garments were then translated into affordable garments for every woman.

Any opinions?

 © 2011 Morgana de Courcy

Fashion Influences!

I find it frustrating when considering the variety of clothing for the generously endowed woman compared to the trends that appear at almost every showing of fashion for the woman of typical/acceptable size.   There's no comparison in many instances.   Designers of clothing for the slimmer woman allow their imagination to stretch and reach far beyond that which is seen as being the limit.   In fact they don't set any limit and are never constrained or restrained in their designs.

While clothing for the more curvaceous woman undergoes constant (if only slow) improvements, it does strive to present us with choices and varieties beyond that which we've been previously offered.  But that's not to say that there isn't room for a lot of improvement or improvisation.   I'm one of many who believe our fashion scene has a long way to go, and for those designers and providers who do go out on a limb and experiment and create new ways of effecting the use of fabric around the generously curved body, then we must support and patronise them in their endeavours.  Otherwise we'll be constantly left behind.

I visited the Burda Style blog earlier today and just couldn't resist in showing some of the beautiful designs presently attracting young women.  Admittedly for slimmer women, but why can't many of these designs be contoured to the fuller figure?

The two trends that come through (as below) are "folklore" and "Russian/Ukraine".   Don't you agree with me that both these trends allow for interpretation for the more generously endowed woman?  At whatever age?   It seems obvious to me, because neither "folk"/peasant clothing and ethnic clothing was ever designed or worn only by women of slim or petite builds.   It was made and worn by women of all sizes.

Can't our present day designers see that fashion should be available to ALL women, of all ages, sizes and shapes.   And that fashion should incorporate and include fabric choices, colour choices and style choices, rather than bright colourful flattering wear for the young and slim and more conservative - sometimes dull and boring - for the plus-size.   Can you honestly say that the racks of clothing in your favourite store or boutique for the sizes 0 through 14 are repeated in the racks for sizes 16 through 32 and beyond?   Same fabrics/colours/designs?   Stores in my city certainly don't.

I'm encouraged by the fact that many more women are asking the same questions.   Hopefully we'll get through to the designers as well as the retailers that we'd like more options and choices.   It's difficult to get through to the retailers however, as their Buyers are very restricted and they don't have much say in the matter anyway.  It comes down to the retailer's bottom line, which is "have something made as cheap as possible and sell it for as much as possible" as far as the plus-size market is concerned.  And this includes the colour range - don't offer pastels, florals, differing textures that will flatter, but stick with black, navy, brown and sometimes grey!   I'm not cynical, I just face hard facts.  Built on experience - a lot of it.

......© 2011 Rosemary

 (All the photos are copyright to the Burda Style blog.) 

The floods continue!

 (Copyright Herald-Sun, Melbourne, January 2011)

We're now into another week, and the floods continue.  

The massive "clean-up" has started in Queensland, particularly Brisbane city, however it has been suggested that it will not only take months to effectively get back to normal, but years.    Many people have returned to their homes - those whose homes are still standing that is, to find there is no power connected, no water connected, and their homes ruined completely.   Farmers are faced with incredible financial hardships and backbreaking work to clear their land of debris and to replant and restock, as a lot of livestock was lost in the floods.  But the will to overcome is strong.

The news today is that more  than one quarter of Victoria is now inundated or effected by flood waters.  Towns have been cut off; major roads have been washed away; townships flooded and many thousands of people have been evacuated and are wondering "what next?"  This is becoming known as "one in 200 years" flood, and land that has not seen a drop of water for more than 12 years in many places as seen from the air, now looks like a huge inland lake as far as the eye can see. 

Women everywhere are donning gum boots, hauling sandbags, collecting mud in shovels away from homes (their own, their neighbours and even strangers) and doing their bit in the fight to win the battle.   And when not out doing the hard yakka, women are encouraging each other with words of comfort and understanding.   You are women to be proud of - we salute you, one and all.

An appeal for compassion!

Those readers who already know RoseMary’s NoteBook© and our other self-esteem initiatives, will also realise that we care not only for women, for also men and children, more especially when their needs are outside of everyday ordinary happy and healthy living.

So it is that with the massive, devastating and crushingly cruel floods that have inflicted untold misery to hundreds of thousands of Australians; washed away homes (and all their contents and memories), ruined businesses, and ultimately taken lives, that we stand in utter amazement and ponder and think about all our brothers and sisters in Queensland, New South Wales, Tasmania, South Australia and now Victoria.  Entire towns and regional cities are silent as residents have been, or are, fighting to save their homes by sandbagging or else evacuating to relief centres.   Many towns have been flooded no less than 3 and even 5 times during the past 6 weeks or so.  Western Australia has been touched with fires at the very same time. 

Lives have been impacted to enormous degrees - as a woman (and a mother) who cannot be touched emotionally to the core by the news of a pregnant woman having her little toddler ripped from her arms by the massive surging floods?   Who cannot be touched by the news of a young woman who was hoisted up into the ceiling of her home by her brother, only to watch horrified as her mother and father were torn out of their kitchen into the swirling mud and debris filled flood waters?  Who cannot be touched by the realisation that many women have lost their partners/husbands/sons/brothers to the floodwaters?  Who cannot be touched at the news of entire families left with nothing - no clothes, no food, no water, no toys for their children, no photo albums, not even a toothbrush.

Who cannot be touched by the scenes of devastation as the massive “inland tsumani” tore down the streets of Toowomba throwing cars about as though they were small toys?  Who cannot be touched by the residents of the small town of Grantham which was disseminated - houses forever lost as they were torn from their foundations resulting in huge piles of debris.   So many lives effected and impacted in a matter of hours, days, weeks.  So many treasures, possessions and memories wiped out in swirling waters.

Who cannot be touched by the "human-ness" of so many menfolk who did (and do) their best to help their mates and who seeing their whole lives ripped apart by homes no longer fit to live in, are close to tears.   Who cannot be touched knowing that hundreds of beloved pets are lost.Who cannot be touched by the thousands upon thousands of small businesses ruined completely and many hundreds of thousands of people left bankrupt.  And for thousands of people there is no insurance - not even a cent.  Who cannot be touched by the sight of swirling, silt laden, muddy waters flowing out into Moreton Bay (Queensland); homes, shops and businesses completely submerged in New South Wales and Victoria throughout hundreds of small country towns and regional cities?

There are stories of heroism too;  a man swimming out to protect a woman caught up in the floodwaters; another man holding his friend for hours,  and stories of incredible surprises - pets found; small memories in a book that escaped the floods, a framed certificate of a daughter's accomplishments saved from the mud;  a wedding dress that looks ruined but which can be dry-cleaned even though every other garment that was left in the house had to be thrown into the waste rubbish skip. 

And throughout it all, women holding back their own tears, as they express resilience and a determination to keep going; to rebuild their lives for the sake of their husbands/partners and children.  Women who are scared of what the future will hold, but who are determined to focus on what can be done, rather than on what has happened.   Real women, real flesh-and-blood women, who need our thoughts and our prayers and ......

As proud Australians, we would urge and recommend readers to consider sending a donation to the Premier of Queensland’s Flood Appeal, no matter how small.  Please also consider the warning to check out the legitimacy of any charity that is appealing for funds and donations.

As Helen Keller said, and this is a quotation I often use:

“I am only one, but still I am one. 

I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; 

and because I cannot do everything, 

I will not refuse to do something that I can do.”

SCAMwatch is warning consumers to thoroughly check the legitimacy of charities when donating to help flood victims in central and south east Queensland.   http://www.qld.gov.au/floods/donate.html

.....© 2011, Rosemary

You'll never guess!

I was invited to attend a small business meeting today of a group of women. Living and working as a corporate woman my daily "uniform" for want of a better word has been, for a number of years - in fact more years than I care to admit, a smart business jacket and slacks (more commonly known as "pants" these days). For many business women it appears to be the "expected" standard style of dress.

But I woke up this morning, wanting to do something different. Sometimes I feel a little mischievous! So I wore a lovely slightly flared ankle length skirt with a smart edge to edge jacket over a cami.    A long modern necklace and handbag picking up the same colour as my skirt, finished the outfit.   For comfort I wore my favourite boots.

Let me tell you I felt great. The reflection in the mirror also confirmed that feeling. Compliments were expressed, even by my counterpart from a different department, and it takes a lot for her to find something good to commend.

That got me thinking. As a matter of course, we tend to sometimes allow ourselves to become, well - not really boring, but lacking in a bit of imagination.

Do you know because I looked good in the mirror (even side and back view!!), I "felt" good. And that feeling has lasted all day.

I intend to do this sort of thing more often. To step out of the "comfort zone" as far as corporate wear is concerned, and wear slightly more feminine clothing, especially when the occasion allows.

©.2011,  Leonie Stevens, Australia

Aging Outrageously! - Missing out on some of the good (fun) things!

Growing older to a lot of women means "doing without" even more things and more often that they've usually done.  Why?

I've been reading a lot of posts lately where women say they're becoming even more lonely than ever; they never have anything to look forward to;  they feel as though they're sitting in a corner and nobody cares!

If you're mobile, can get up into a bus without too much pain and discomfort;  even have a car and can still drive, then there are some things that you can do to improve your daily plans.  There's much to be said for "volunteering" and this isn't a bad idea at all.   Think about joining an auxiliary at your local hospital and "man" their kiosk or small cafe team;  join a group of ladies who go visiting shut-ins;  sit and talk with other women who are undergoing chemo or other treatments.  Add your presence to work at a charity shop.  If you like animals, offer to "pet-sit" occasionally.   Ask your council about having your home address being added to the "Safe Houses" for school children to come to if they feel anxious about other people in the street at school home-time (you'll need a Police Clearance as well).  All these things can be fun and you meet a lot of people - young and old.   If you're more outgoing, then why not put a notice up in the local coffee shop and invite other ladies to join you for say a Wednesday morning coffee-get-together at that same coffee shop.   

Why not do an on-line course in a subject you have a special interest in, or a course at your local Neighborhood House.   There are many "hobby" classes available - painting, crafts, scrapbrooking, cake making; cookery etc.  But then you're probably an expert in all of these things already, having done them during your earlier years.   But hey, there's no reason why you can't do "refresher" courses in these things - it can be fun and there's always someone you'll meet that will make the course and the morning (or afternoon) well worth while.   And most Neighborhood Houses have a "coffee morning" anyway - women are invited to attend at no cost and it's great to have a chat even with strangers in this non-intimidating environment.

Write a family journal - everybody seems to be interested in genealogy at the moment , but it's sometimes the little personal anecdotes that are more interesting and important to family members.   Put your memories down on paper.  Even if noone else "seems" interested, then at least you will have performed something for your own pleasure.   If you have a computer then you can quite easily draw up family "trees" and add photographs to your journal (and you don't necessarily need special computer software for this - basic word processing and adding photos is all you really need).

There are those women who have "always" been active - played bowls; attended elderly citizens meetings;  gone on bus trips with other groups;  been part of a garden group;  a book club;  groups attending theatre and cinema outings.   Many other women have been too busy with family and other commitments to follow these things through their younger years.   As far as career women are concerned, their whole lives have been filled with meeting dead-lines and agenda of employers, coupled with managing a home and bringing up a family.  Who had time for hobbies or other interests?

Yet there are some slightly "outrageous" things you can plan to do.   What about taking some lessons in ballroom or line-dancing (yep, there are classes sprinkled all around the city and suburbs and people who are wonky on their legs all go and have a wonderful time!).   Belly-dancing is something that is both pleasurable and beneficial, especially if you suffer arthritis.   I can speak from experience here.  As a timid and shy person, I found belly-dancing was so liberating and empowering - I surprised myself by having so much fun.   Save up and have a birthday fling on a Harley Davidson bike (most places have this sort of "tourist" thing available - you can pretend you're a tourist and this will open countless doors of opportunity for you.)  And imagine how jealous your friends will be when you tell them you rode a Harley Davidson with a great looking "bikie" - in leathers!  Get a photo if you possibly can, so you can boast about it.  I reckon boasting if more than half the fun.

And maybe you're not so mobile?   We'll talk about that a little later.        To be continued ......

The "uniform" of today

(I found this picture on the internet - copyright is Vintage Sewing.info)

I was waiting for Carol to arrive at the local coffee shop. With large floor to ceiling windows looking out into the mall, I watched as people went about shopping, stopping to chat and so on.   It suddenly occurred to me that women particularly have taken up a “uniform” in clothing which is becoming, if not already, dull and unimaginative, to the extent that femininity seems to be taking a back seat.

Apart from jeans and tee shirts, the majority of women are wearing hip length shirts usually in black - sometimes as a jacket over the ubiquitous tee shirt, with black pants. The more I looked, the more I saw the same.

I was recently talking with a group of women and they were recounting the years when their daughters were teenagers.  The daughters and their friends were complaining they no longer wanted to wear a school uniform when attending school/college. . “It wasn’t cool to look the same as everyone else”. It wasn’t fair that the school “made” them do so - they wanted to wear the clothes they chose. They got their own way.

Those daughters are now grown up and have teenagers of their own. But something strange has happened. No longer do they wear "choices". Those daughters are now wearing this “middle-aged” uniform of a black tee shirt and black pants. Not only around the house but when they go out, even to the cinema or theatre, having a BBQ or visiting neighbours. Always the same sort of outfit. Their entire wardrobe seems to be made up of black tee shirts and black pants. I mentioned this “uniform look” to the ladies in my group and they explained their daughters had more or less the same answer,   “Surely Mum, you can understand they’re more comfortable”. 


More comfortable than what? And just what does being comfortable have to do with wearing clothes that are flattering, affordable, more colourful and maybe even more practical than tee shirts and black pants?

If the choice of wearing colourful clothing was taken away from women and they were only left with black or white tee shirts and black pants,  they'd be screaming "we want choice".

Look, I’m not saying for one minute that black tee shirt and black pants aren't comfortable and practical, but let’s get a bigger perspective on “fashion”.   For what appears to have happened is that the choices gained made all those years ago have now been put to one side and a new "uniform" has taken over. You can see it in women of all ages - young (even tweens), adult and elderly women.


And when it comes to young and older business women of today, they all seem to be wearing black as well.  Now, don't get me wrong - I love black and I wear it often.  But I do play around with coloured accessories such as shoes, handbags, jewellery and contrast shirts - the black sets off the colours I wear.  But I wonder if a lot of women don't see the adventure in playing with colour and texture and design and style and fabric? Have a look around at the women in your shopping mall or coffee shop next time you go and see if you don’t agree with me.  At the same time have a look around your office and see what your colleagues are wearing.

.......© 2011 Leonie Stevens, Australia

Life-Style Changes

Life-style changes occur in regular cycles for many people.  Of course there are those who have "found their spot in paradise" whether it is on an island in the Pacific or off the coast of Tasmania; or a small weatherboaed cottage in a country town, or even a small flat which they call their own in a suburb of any mighty city, and they don't have need to take stock and think seriously and hard about moving saround.

But for others the "call of the wild" or "freedom" is a constant reminder that they feel out of place, and fulfilled where they are at that precise moment in time.  Because they don't have the opportunity to change things - or do they?

With the advent of the unstoppable and ever expanding communication technologies which are becoming available for most of us (and for many "can't-do-without-ables") women everywhere are becoming more aware of their need to be satisfied with where they are (geographically as well as emotionally) and where they want to go.  How they are going to get there is yet another question which demands answers.

For those women fortunate enough to have their own homes, and/or businesses, and not to be under the threat of "eviction" either from their home or their marriage (partnership) and who have financial savings which can see them even through the foreseeable future, then the world's their oyster, in every possible way.

On the other hand, those women who have suffered emotionally and in some cases physically through bad relationships - whether it be marriage or even by bad parents or friends, need  extra incentives to first of all establish what they want for themselves and then what they want from life.  How they strive to attain it depends on the support of family and friends and sometimes ohly from the support each of us can build up from within ourselves.

Those without financial savings to call upon are quite often faced with quandries that appear too difficult to contemplate let alone to overcome.

However .......

It is so important for each of us to learn to value our own worth.   Our personal integrity demands it.  If we really want something with all our heart and mind, then we should go out and do what we can to assure that goal being reached.  And if it isn't?  Well, you know full well that you have done the very best.  Some might say that you didn't try hard enough or that you didn't really want it in the first place - how do they know?   They haven't a clue - don't waste time listening to them - your self-esteem can't allow THEIR opinions to take over your own goals and ambitions.

You've got to be satisfied with what you do and how you go about improving life for yourself.  Don't be satisfied with less than the best you can achieve.  And don't be put off by the fact that maybe you don't succeed at first try. Nothing that you really want is so easy as to be minimal or attainable without much effort.  Otherwise no-one would bother about setting goals and dreaming dreams of betterment.

We all have limitations.  We all have different needs and wants.  We all have different levels of those needs.  And we all come from different socio-economic-environments.

But don't let any of these things deter you 

in your quest to conquer doubts and to realise your dreams

And why shouldn't we all have dreams?  They're the building blocks of confidence,

Set yourselves some simple little "wants" and go out and prove to yourself that you can achieve them.  It's up to you.

'

Yikes!

I don't know whether to sit in a corner and cry my heart out - or jump up and down screaming.   One thing or the other.  And the reason why?

In my email box this morning I received a number of emails from readers of this newsletter (and if you'd like to have your name added to the mailing list, please contact us by leaving a comment and you'll be made most welcome) as well as a bundle of "promotional" links,  all on the same subject!

Challenges for 2011! 

Now there's nothing wrong with that - in fact it sounds good.  But then I read on.   ALL these challenges had to do with following some sort of diet - not that they were all given that title, but it doesn't take much to realise that these are gimmicks from so-called reputable agencies (individuals) suggesting you follow their programme and you'll not only lose weight, but hey presto, you'll be fit and well too!  Weight? - Poof - gone for good.   Shape?  -  Poof - you'll be as "ideal" as Elle McPherson, Miranda Kerr, Megan Gale, Jennifer Hawkins - no worries.  Blood Pressure and other ailments?  Poof - cleared up, cleaned out, all better again!   Depression?  Gone for ever - no need to worry about that any more!  More sexy?  Of course!   Following the directions in many of these programmes, and you'd find yourself more beautiful than the most digitally enhanced Disney cartoon!   Sure ......

Of course there's nothing wrong with these goals - but let's be honest here, many women have not only one ailment but a combination of two or three or even more.  And some of these because of the length of time experienced, have now become "chronic".   And this doesn't only relate to women of size - women of all ages, shapes and sizes (even size zero) can be "unwell".

One of these "diets" recommended that the participant no longer take their prescribed medication and allowed their body and mind to heal "naturally" and completely all without any chemical help!  To eat only the foods established by these "nutritionists" as being what our body needs (everybody's bodies apparently).   Well, that's all right for them to say, but for a lot of women if they no longer took their medication for any number of ailments, then they'd probably collapse and go into a coma.  And because our focus is on building up of self-esteem of women of ALL ages, ALL sizes and ALL shapes, it would be wrong to publicise or promote these new fangled "diets" because of possible and probable consequences.  Being told what food to eat, and when to eat it, sounds more like a return to the bad old days when diet's ruled king!

Not every woman who is deemed as being "plus-size" is unhealthy.   In fact it might surprise everyone to know that the majority of plus-size women are not only healthy, but they're happy too.  They're "satisfied" with what they look like;  and they get on with life as individuals completely at ease with their lives and in fact are examples which most of us like to emulate.  

Look, you and I know that probably we would be better off with a bit less weight - however .......   That does not mean to starve our bodies (and minds) of what we need;  to eat and drink what is not necessarily good for us;  to go without medication which our intelligence tells us our bodies need to keep functioning properly.

Many of these "diets" require intensive exercise - for someone who has exercised, even lightly, over a period of time, then moving into a more rigorous regime is a little easier, than for someone who hasn't done push-ups since they were in High School!   And a woman of near enough to 20 stone should she try to exercise along the lines sprouted, could well have a heart attack rather than slim down overnight.

Then there are the vitamin supplements that you should take with the "new diet".   Piffle.   If we were able to purchase food as it should be, then we'd have no need for ADDED supplements.   If food wasn't played around with - this taken out, then that put in, with preservatives, food colourings, additives with numbers for goodness sake (which most of us don't know what is what) and so on, then we'd be much healthier anyway. 

We thought we'd gone through all this before - but it seems we're being confronted with this sort of bias and need to be manipulated by people who only want to make money, not to help us, again.  And each time it becomes even more hostile and demanding.

We feel sure there'll be a lot more to say on this subject a little later. 

A Woman in a Corporate World!

Why are there so few women in top corporate jobs? And those who are, are they seen to be representative of intelligent well-educated women fully able to manage and be decision makers, or do they quickly become a slightly softened version of the tough and over-riding personality of big-time male corporate heads? I am not being biased, I'm simply asking a question. Because from where I stand, those women who have taken up top jobs seem to lose a lot of their femininity - and I'm not talking about the way they dress - and become something else.

Occasionally it's good to look at this question from another angle. Read and enjoy and if you feel like laughing out loud, then do so, it will do you the world of good!

"Why Woman are not appointed to Company Boards"

1. There are no suitable women. We've looked and can't find any
2. This is a highly specialised field
3. Women are specialists. We need generalists
4. We already have one woman on the board
5. If gender becomes the prime selection criterion, we'll dilute the value of the other criteria and will get inferior directors
6. It's insulting to appoint a woman to the board because of her gender
7. We had a woman once but she was hopeless so we can't risk another one
8. It's bad for women to appoint inadequate women as directors
9. We don't believe in quotas
10. Women mostly get appointed through patronage or seduction
11. A woman would be disastrous on this board
12. Being from Queensland (or other constituency) is more important than being female
13. It's not fair to aspiring male directors to have women push in ahead of them
14. Who'll look after the interests of men if the board is dominated by women?
15. Women talk too much, go off on tangents, are emotional, moody etc
16. Women are distracted by family interests and you can't be sure of their priorities
17. You can't have more than one woman on a board because they fight
18. The other directors are not used to working with high-powered women. 75 per cent of them have stay-at-home wives and all the other women in their lives have been in subservient roles
19. Women executives in the company (Queen Bees) don't like having other women on the board
20. The other directors' wives are threatened by women board members working closely with their high-powered husbands (partners)
21. It is uncomfortable taking women on board retreats
22. Women don't play golf.

So now you've had a good laugh, OK? But I'd like you to stand back and re-read many of these points, because whether you believe it or not, the comments mentioned have been used for decades, and continue to be, in determining that women are not satisfactory material for sitting on corporate boards. In fact many of these comments have been used against employing women in middle to top management of companies, let alone becoming a member of a board.

And again I'm not being biased, but I've noticed something insidious within corporations. When a woman becomes the spokesperson for that company, be she the CEO or board member, it is she who has to bear the brunt of anger should that company be forced to admit losses in profits, or even worse, to under go liquidation with massive losses of employees jobs. It's almost as though the rest of the entire board become invisible and innocent.

Corporate decisions are not made by one person but it's sometimes easier to blame a woman, (if there is one on the board or in top management). Perhaps I AM biased? But I don't think so. I've seen too much of how corporations work. 

.....© Leonie Stevens, Australia

Quote for the day

 It makes no difference how many peaks you reach

if there was no pleasure in the climb.

....Oprah Winfrey

Now we've got another gene to blame!

Did you see the article in a recent newspaper that says if we have the ability to keep "cool, calm and collected" when others around us are having tantrums, temper blasts and "losing their heads", then we can thank our parents?

It seems studies in Germany at the University of Bonn asked more than 800 people on how they handled anger. Their DNA's were tested to determine which of three versions of a gene affecting depression levels they carried.

Those with one version were significantly "cooler" than those with the others. Angry types also had less grey matter in the brain's emotional centre. (Behavioural Brain Research)

While talking about "grey" matter - oh, how Agatha Christie loved this subject - it seems from studies here in Australia that teenagers who are binge drinking are opening themselves to all sorts of brain malfunctions, now and in the future, in that their levels of "white" matter are decreasing rapidly.

This brought about a question amongst our group this morning - just how many different coloured "matters" do we actually have in our brain?

Would that account for some people having black and white dreams while others always have technicolour?

Hmmmmm.

I'm not making any New Year's Resolutions!

I think a lot of you might be surprised at how many women (particularly) are saying this, even at this early stage of the New Year (it's the 2nd January here, so we're well started!)

Is this a different tack we're taking, or is it something we've come to realise is simply common sense and realistic in a world that is constantly telling us to do this, or do that, all for our own benefit, of course!  And that pressure begins to wear thin after a while.

For those of us who are deemed "plus-size" - in fact women per se, because all women seem to be under attack to diet, to undergo cosmetic surgery, to make themselves look far younger than their years (which quite frankly can be done to a great extent with the clever use of makeup tips and tricks). to "do" Botox, WLS, tummy tucks, liposuction, and so on, the "merry-go-round" is no longer funny, and we should all step off!  Right now!

Who has the right to say that I "should do something" about my grey hair;  my wrinkles;  my ample tummy and hips", when they suit me fine.   Now, there's a lot of debate about "if you lost weight then you'd be healthier"!  Ha.   Can this be proven - across the board?   Don't thin women suffer from arthritis, blood pressure, under/over-active thyroids, high cholesterol, and diseases such as cancer, diabetes and the like?  Of course they do.   But you'd think by the constant attacks via the media as well as other "professional" people that it's only the woman who is curvaceous who is the culprit and therefore she deserves all the flak she gets.

Let me ask you this.   Be honest with yourself on this one.  Have you ever started any New Year off with the resolution, "I'm going to diet, seriously this time, and lose weight, and then I'll be healthy, and happy!"  And did it work?  Seriously?    And when it didn't work did you feel guilty and deride and berate yourself mercilessly?  Why?   Have you realised as yet, that diets don't work? - but that good habits (and this doesn't only include food, mind you) are good for you. Surprisingly, and I bet a lot of you won't believe this (as yet anyway), when you've set those good habits into practice, you'll find to your complete surprise that your weight no longer is the problem it seems, because quite literally you'll shed some of it.  I know this sounds too good to be true, but it's happened to some of us here, and certainly to lots of our friends.  

As a group of intelligent, and beautiful women, we've decided not to make resolutions, but to focus on really important things during this coming year.   Relationships, studies, personal lives and life-styles, enjoyment of life, and mixing and mingling with other like-minded women.  Goals for personal development that may be short, medium and long term, but which with discipline and determination we know we can achieve - at least some of them anyway!

So while we're talking about NOT making New Year Resolutions, we'd encourage you to have a look at this absolutely brilliant blog from Kelly Bliss, one of our special friends in the USA.   Start the New Year off with some firm ideas of how you want to feel about yourself and to build upon your self-confidence in the process.  Look at the situation fairly and squarely and honestly and then encourage yourself to strive towards self-acceptance and self-appreciation.   Let's all join hands, even across the miles, and see what we can achieve, individually and corporately.

http://lifewithbliss.blogspot.com/2011/01/have-you-seen-new-years-revolution.html

And after all, New Year's Resolutions too often end up in New YEAR disillusions!  So dispense with them - the disillusions, that is!

.....©2011 Rosemary