FRIENDSHIP

 We go through life 

thinking we are the only one 

who feels a certain way about things, 

and then suddenly someone comes along 

who feels exactly the same way.   

It's the start of a beautiful friendship.

....© David Baird  "a Thousand Paths to friendship"

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My friends:   You may wonder at the length of time between posts, and this is quite simple. I've been working on a few other projects, and time simply passed me by.   And of course I've become "older" just as RoseMary's NoteBook© has done  - well, she IS 33 years old this year! And "she" (RoseMary's NoteBook© that is) has decided to reinvent herself once again. 

There's no doubt that the world is undergoing a lot of change:  from past experience, as individals, we are expected to change as well.   

Is there a place for RoseMary's Notebook© in 2024?  I'm an optimist and I believe that women - whatever age, size or shape© - often need the encouragement of other women who understand the issues of discrimination (yes, even today), bullying (our young women can verify this problem); domestic abuse (which still reigns supreme in many homes around the world) and loneliness (especially in older years). 

Motivation and encouragement are essential for a healthy attitude.   It's not that we are expected to be "jolly" all the time; smiling and laghing all the time;  optimistic all the time.  

So this little blog will continue to highlight encouraging and supportive ideas combined with fun/serious issues; adding to the enjoyment of a woman's life.   Based, I might say, on simple, effective, no-nonsense opinions/suggestions some of which may be considered old-fashioned but have been successful in the past.  

So I'll put my 'thinking cap' on, and will ponder just exactly what the next "post" will be about.  Keep safe and well.

'til then ...

HONESTLY!

Having to do a spot of shopping, a couple of us stopped and enjoyed a cup of tea (Earl Grey of course!) at a nice little coffee/tea shop in one of the arcades that are sprinkled around our small town.

We do this regularly - it not only keeps us up to date with all our gossip, but it also enables us to share a gripe or two, while at the same time indulging in a chosen special cake to accompany our tea. We're all big girls, so there's never any problem of one or two of them attacking any of the others for spoiling ourselves with a cream cake occasionally.

Why was this particular morning any different? I stood at the counter casually deciding which cake to choose, when a very small, smartly dressed woman came and stood beside me. I turned and smiled. She glowered at me and said, "you shouldn't even be thinking of eating anything like that - you're so fat. You should be using your willpower" 

So I did what any well-mannered, well-balanced plus-size lady would do. I looked down at my ample bust, leaned over and looked at my tummy, and turned back to her and said "Yes, you're right, I believe I AM fat. But I'm not rude to people I don't know. And might I say I certainly don't need any will power. Perhaps occasionally a little bit of "won't-power" could come in handy but not today. Which cake do you think I should choose? Ah yes, that beautiful fresh cream French slice. Don't you agree". She glared at me as though I had just flown in from Mars, mumbled and trotted off to a far table.

The rest of my group were seated by this time, waiting for their morning tea to arrive. The girls behind the counter were trying to hide their laughs and were in quite a twitter. After the snobby lady had left, the proprietor came across to me and said, "you know, that woman upsets so many of our customers with her rudeness and we've never been game to say anything. Thanks for saying what we've often thought and felt. You've made our day."
And yes, we all enjoyed our morning tea - VERY MUCH INDEED!!!

What's your Opinion?

I heard on the television morning news a few days ago, that there's a suggestion from Professor David Penington for teachers to add the weight of a child to their report cards in an effort to combat obesity.  Parents, psychologists, and a whole spate of other interested parties are jumping up and down in anger at possible consequences.

Read the link hereunder and see what you think.   Is "naming and shaming" a child going to successfully combat obesity?   Will it even, in the worse scenerio, pit parent against child, each blaming the other because of the child's size?  Will it set in place a dislike even hatred against teachers and education per se?   Will it put teachers at a disadvantage whereby as many have already said "we're there to teach the children, not to put them down because of their weight"?  Will it set in place more opportunities for bullying?  There are countless ramifications when you think about it.

In fact, let us know here at RoseMary's NoteBook© what you think, because this whole subject of categorising children into "fat" or "thin" is bound to reflect on any child's self-esteem and feelings of worth.   Believe me, I'm one of those people who as a child was subjected to this kind of pressure and I know the personal effect on me.  I'm fortunate in that I've been able to work my way through those feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness based on what I was told regarding my size.  Many people can't handle the humiliation and never get over it.   And speaking with hundreds of women over the years, I can speak knowingly of tragic circumstances resulting from inappropriate behaviours, attitudes, comments and actions by those who supposedly were out there to "help the child lose weight" which then became "we'll help you lose weight" (as an adult),  but who did nothing more than erode that person's perception of self.

As many parents have said, bring back sports and physical education into the curriculum;  encourage children of all sizes to be treated with respect and tolerance by each other and to each other; and encourage kids to get outside and play games - preferably with the parents participation.   We all know that parents have time constraints, but having and bringing up kids is an all-round responsibility - we've been there and done that and at times it was difficult, but the effort was worthwhile.  What we've got to do is the right thing by our kids (and grandkids) while at the same time expecting "society" (the media, the health industry, educators etc) to do likewise.

I look forward to your feed-back.

http://theconversation.edu.au/adding-kids-weight-to-report-cards-will-do-more-harm-than-good-for-preventing-obesity-11211

Surprised? Yes. Disappointed? Yes. Hopeful that things will change? Yes.

It takes something really out of the ordinary to make me sit up and want to yell from the rooftops that "this isn't fair".

Mind you, I've been up there (on the rooftop) many times over the years, in an endeavour to get women to recognise inappropriate attitudes (as far as body size and looks are concerned) and to put in place practical and workable solutions that will benefit their own lives, and those of other women in society.  Then something comes along when I listen in astonishment and say how can this be so?

On this morning's news on ABC 24, there was an interview of two  young women - Louise Adams a Body Image Consultant and Kristan Dooley of the Women's Forum Australia.   They spoke about body image in the present day, and more importantly the impact that negative body image is having on our children.

Firstly Kristan Dooley, the MD of Women's Forum Australia, was interviewed about the Lottie doll that is making inroads into the doll market for little girls.  The Lottie doll is a doll that represents a small child, and she even "stands on her own two feet".  She is totally unlike Barbie in her shape and figure and sales of this doll are surprising both retailers and the supplier.  A very positive interview from Kristan and there's no doubt that many parents will be looking for Lottie dolls to give as Christmas presents this year.


"There's a new kid on the block and she's all kinds of cute. Meet Lottie, the wholesome girl-next-door doll, here to destroy the joint with a healthy dose of body image realism.

She doesn't wear make-up, has a waist that won't fit through the eye of a needle, and sports sensible shoes built for jumping in puddles. She even manages to stand on her own two feet.

Barring an exceptionally large head - presumably to house her enormous brain - and Manga-sized eyes, her dimensions are modelled on the average nine-year-old girl's body shape.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/national/a-whole-lottie-to-love-about-this-girlnextdoor-doll-20121201-2ao4o.html#ixzz2E3VmbeNt"

Louise Adams then spoke about body image today being a fundamental dislike of body size and shape which is resulting in many eating disorders with countless women and young girls not liking themselves. She then mentioned that although many magazines are no longer photo-shopping the photos of models and women shown within their pages, there is still a lot to be done via the media, magazines and television to promote a healthy and happy philosophy of acceptable. She also mentioned that many women see themselves as objects and they then tend to look at other women as objects - never seeing their own worth nor the worth of other women, regardless of their ages, shape or size.

But this is where it gets scary, and down right frightening.   Children at pre-school at the ages of 3 and 4 are "dieting", or refusing to eat certain foods because they'll get or BE fat.   Where does this body dislike start?  Obviously in the home and through film, television and magazines.

What is happening in a society where little 3 and 4 year olds see that unless they diet, they'll become unacceptable?  

Have we turned away from the need to reinforce feelings of worth into our children and grand-children?  Can we blame current society or is some of the blame our own?   Where have we gone wrong?   What can we do about changing this situation?   Can we do anything?

We've got to talk about this subject.  With each other and to each other.

We love beautiful clothes .... and we love ......

This blog usually highlights beautiful clothes for the plus size woman - it's our small way of "inspiring women of size to look beyond their shape and size and to realise their full potential©".

You and I, and other women, also have other needs in order to feel acceptable and lovely, and self-esteem in a high need.

Over in the States at the moment there is a campaign by the name of Strong 4Life which promotes a healthy life style for kids.   However .......

One of the ads that I've been sent shows a little girl who is, yes, plump.   But she is not obese.

The photo shows a little girl who isn't overly happy.  And I suspect it's not her size that makes her unhappy, it's the inappropriate attitude shown towards her by people all around her.  I speak from experience; and I have photos taken during my childhood where I had the same facial expression.  I was not only unhappy but I was desperately so.  This sort of recent campaign does absolutely nothing to a vulnerable little girl who looks at the picture and then tells herself she has to diet in order to become acceptable.  Most of us who are plus size have all been subjected to teasing and bullying not only during our childhood but adulthood too and we travelled the heart-wrenching diet journey that did nothing for our self-esteem or our weight.  Telling a person they're fat as though it's the most horrible thing in the world will never affect a healthy feeling of self-worth or a healthy body and mind.  

Attitudes and behaviour like this by others constitutes:

(a) abuse (visual, verbal and emotional),
(b) bullying and discrimination
(c) a lack of kindness and
(d) a lack of respect.

We all deserve respect, and children definitely need it.  How can a little girl have a healthy self-esteem if it is inferred in advertisements such as this, that she is "unacceptable".   Our kids need our encouragement and simple guidelines to follow in their lifestyle and to gain a healthy personal self-respect.

I've written about Marilyn Wann many times in my newsletters, and I've discovered that she is collecting photographs of girls (and boys) and women (and men) who all promote the "I Stand for ....." ideal.   And I'd like to include one of her posters here (copyright to Marilyn Wann, of course).    I love this photo - it shows someone who is cheeky, who is confident and someone who knows she is worthwhile and she intends the world to know it too!

The title of this blog is "we love beautiful clothes ......, and we love........."

What we are saying is:

"we love beautiful clothes ...... 

and we love beautiful people ....... 

no matter what age, size or shape"©

(Some of my followers may think this is a step away from my NoteBook© guidelines, but I feel strongly that this particular campaign, which I have no doubt will spread to other countries including Australia,  should be confronted full-on.  We also need professional to stand up on our behalf - those people who deal with us and treat us and who appreciate us for who we are.  People who accept clients of all ages and all sizes and shapes.  Those nutritionists, psychologists and those in the medical and health industries who deal with us and treat us and who accept that we're not all meant to be a size zero.  Those professionals who in fact promote the theory that plus size people can be healthy.)

Did you realise?

According to the Australia Koala Foundation, www.empowher.com, 1 in 3 teenage girls have starved themselves or refused to eat in an effort to shed kilos.

It's bad enough the discrimination shown towards adults, but it's wrong, wrong, wrong, that our teens feel they HAVE to be slim, if not downright skinny, to meet the media's expectations.

In today's world when it is (supposedly) illegal to discriminate against gender, culture, faith, and disability, why is it still permitted to discriminate against the plus-size and the aging. No-one seems to be bothered about confronting this, except of course for the plus-size and the aging. And when we do say something, we're told we're whinging and whining and complaining.

I say, let's complain loudly and often. Perhaps someone with clout will stand up for us, and with us, and be counted!

* And I question this ridiculous measurement of "plus-size" or overweight or "obese" (a hateful word and should never be used against another person - it's soul destroying). None of us are identical in height, weight, width, and shape, and yet we're all supposed to fit into an "ideal". Who was it that worked out what "ideal" is? Obviously someone who thought they were the perfection upon which we should all aspire to. What nonsense" 

Pressure on tiny tots!

Most plus size people have at one time or another, at the very least, been subjected to bullying or ridicule all because of their size.   It's not that their size is an embarrassment to themselves on many occasions - it's more that other people take the attitude that curves are not acceptable.

I read in the newspaper this morning that there is a worrying concern about pre-schoolers (aged around 4-5 years) who are becoming increasingly aware of their need to diet!   Honestly - what is happening is that while we of the older generation are slowly coming to terms with our sizes and shapes, our little grandchildren are finding they're being bullied and discriminated against, by their little peers.   Children are saying to one another -


"you'll get fat if you eat that;  I don't want to play with you because you're fat;  your mother doesn't feed you right!"

I'm wondering what is at the back of all this angst.   Surely the weight loss industry isn't promoting that children should start dieting as young as that?  In fact I get worried when I see or hear of pre teens dieting.  

On the other hand, shopping this morning I noticed two little tiny tots shopping with their Mum, happily chomping away at raw carrots and enjoying every mouthful.   The thought occurred to me - hey, that's "fast food" in anybody's language.

Yikes!

I don't know whether to sit in a corner and cry my heart out - or jump up and down screaming.   One thing or the other.  And the reason why?

In my email box this morning I received a number of emails from readers of this newsletter (and if you'd like to have your name added to the mailing list, please contact us by leaving a comment and you'll be made most welcome) as well as a bundle of "promotional" links,  all on the same subject!

Challenges for 2011! 

Now there's nothing wrong with that - in fact it sounds good.  But then I read on.   ALL these challenges had to do with following some sort of diet - not that they were all given that title, but it doesn't take much to realise that these are gimmicks from so-called reputable agencies (individuals) suggesting you follow their programme and you'll not only lose weight, but hey presto, you'll be fit and well too!  Weight? - Poof - gone for good.   Shape?  -  Poof - you'll be as "ideal" as Elle McPherson, Miranda Kerr, Megan Gale, Jennifer Hawkins - no worries.  Blood Pressure and other ailments?  Poof - cleared up, cleaned out, all better again!   Depression?  Gone for ever - no need to worry about that any more!  More sexy?  Of course!   Following the directions in many of these programmes, and you'd find yourself more beautiful than the most digitally enhanced Disney cartoon!   Sure ......

Of course there's nothing wrong with these goals - but let's be honest here, many women have not only one ailment but a combination of two or three or even more.  And some of these because of the length of time experienced, have now become "chronic".   And this doesn't only relate to women of size - women of all ages, shapes and sizes (even size zero) can be "unwell".

One of these "diets" recommended that the participant no longer take their prescribed medication and allowed their body and mind to heal "naturally" and completely all without any chemical help!  To eat only the foods established by these "nutritionists" as being what our body needs (everybody's bodies apparently).   Well, that's all right for them to say, but for a lot of women if they no longer took their medication for any number of ailments, then they'd probably collapse and go into a coma.  And because our focus is on building up of self-esteem of women of ALL ages, ALL sizes and ALL shapes, it would be wrong to publicise or promote these new fangled "diets" because of possible and probable consequences.  Being told what food to eat, and when to eat it, sounds more like a return to the bad old days when diet's ruled king!

Not every woman who is deemed as being "plus-size" is unhealthy.   In fact it might surprise everyone to know that the majority of plus-size women are not only healthy, but they're happy too.  They're "satisfied" with what they look like;  and they get on with life as individuals completely at ease with their lives and in fact are examples which most of us like to emulate.  

Look, you and I know that probably we would be better off with a bit less weight - however .......   That does not mean to starve our bodies (and minds) of what we need;  to eat and drink what is not necessarily good for us;  to go without medication which our intelligence tells us our bodies need to keep functioning properly.

Many of these "diets" require intensive exercise - for someone who has exercised, even lightly, over a period of time, then moving into a more rigorous regime is a little easier, than for someone who hasn't done push-ups since they were in High School!   And a woman of near enough to 20 stone should she try to exercise along the lines sprouted, could well have a heart attack rather than slim down overnight.

Then there are the vitamin supplements that you should take with the "new diet".   Piffle.   If we were able to purchase food as it should be, then we'd have no need for ADDED supplements.   If food wasn't played around with - this taken out, then that put in, with preservatives, food colourings, additives with numbers for goodness sake (which most of us don't know what is what) and so on, then we'd be much healthier anyway. 

We thought we'd gone through all this before - but it seems we're being confronted with this sort of bias and need to be manipulated by people who only want to make money, not to help us, again.  And each time it becomes even more hostile and demanding.

We feel sure there'll be a lot more to say on this subject a little later. 

Emotional Abuse!

A lot of people, and this goes for most people in western societies at least, form the opinion that because a person is plus-size (or naturally skinny) then they deserve to be treated as less than acceptable. They may not actually put it into words always, but they certainly show by their behaviour that this is what they think.

This inappropriate behaviour can range from disdain and indifference, through intolerance, and then into ridicule. All these behaviours represent one thing and one thing only - discrimination based on size, and as a consequence those behaviours shout "emotional abuse".

Yet you ask anyone who shows you contempt or treats you unfairly or makes you feel embarrassed because of your size, whether they are abusing you, and they’ll quickly say "of course not!" Just who are they trying to kid?

But emotional abuse and quite often verbal abuse or whatever they like to call it such as this, is discrimination in its lowest and coarsest form. Of course there’s also physical abuse and this is a subject that has horrendous ramifications and while it doesn’t only apply to plus-sizers or really thin people, it is nevertheless a scandal that society needs to confront and resolve. Not so easy? I agree.

But let’s get back to emotional abuse based on size. It’s very insidious and there are times when you may not even be aware that it is happening. Until you think about it afterwards. Then it becomes crystal clear. The subtle or not so subtle looks, smirks, the eyes of the other person taking in your size and then either looking away or even in the worst scenario actually saying something derogatory about you. The jokes, those jokes that make you cringe, but you laugh at yourself anyway, because you’re so embarrassed by their lack of sensitivity and of course you want to be seen to have an open mind and able to laugh at yourself. Laugh at yourself? Of course there are times when this is OK, but there are countless times when it is not. We have the right to choose when we laugh at ourselves, just as everyone else has. We do not, and should not, have to accept other people's bad manners and distasteful jokes, without having the right to stand up for ourselves. Yet, consistently, if a plus-sizer (and I speak as one) responds in any way, suddenly the situation is turned against them and they're told "you can't take a joke!". Oh yes we can. But it's the sort of joke and whether that joke is aimed specifically at us, that we should not have to "take" or accept.

And I encourage plus-sizers (and naturally thin women) to never believe anyone who says, when they see you react by blushing or obvious embarrassment or stammering or withdrawing into yourself, that they didn’t mean it.

Look, let’s be brutally honest with ourselves here, they meant it and they meant every word of it. It was in their thoughts and therefore they verbalised those thoughts.

So what do you do? One of either two things. Accept their behaviour - and they’ll keep doing it, be sure of that - or stand up for yourself. How do you stand up for yourself? By being honest with them (and to yourself). Tell them “what you’ve said has offended and hurt me. I’d like an apology.” 

Now I've found that sometimes they won't apologise and have no intention of ever apologising. This once again leaves you with two options. One, let them get away with it, or walk away from them. The course is open to you. OK so if you decide on walking away, it may well mean that you are lonelier that you deserve to be, but at least you'll have your pride intact. And why look at it as though you have to lose out - if you remove yourself from the situation whereby you are faced with such abuse and ultimate embarrassment, then you'll have the time and opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and to seek out new interests and new friends. And there are new friends out there waiting for you. Believe it. Friends who will accept you for who and what you are right now!

It can be done, and it may be difficult, but you’ll be the winner in the long run. 

© RoseMarys NoteBook