WHAT IS SELF ESTEEM?

It’s many things. Here are some of them.

Self esteem is learning to like yourself (as you are!). Self esteem is learning to see yourself as a friend would see you, as a person worthy of respect. Self esteem is learning that it is not being selfish if you want things - perhaps you’d like to go to university; you’d like to have a top flight career; and you’d like to dress well.

Self esteem is learning that people from all sorts of walks of life should treat you with respect and courtesy. Self esteem is learning that your health and fitness should be seen as being of the same worth as a more petite and younger person. Self esteem is learning that your opinions should be respected. Self esteem is learning that your intelligence should never be questioned. Self esteem is learning that how you dress is your choice and that you shouldn’t be expected to accept derision or contempt. Self esteem is learning that you have a special place in this universe, and no one has the right to take this away from you.

Self esteem is learning that you have rights. Rights that may include being able to choose for yourself those things that will make you happy. Choosing for yourself those things that you don’t agree with. Choosing for yourself your own circle of friends. Choosing for yourself what you may eat and what you may choose not to eat.

Self esteem is learning that no one has the right to push you into doing things that you don’t want to do. Self esteem is learning that you can do what you want if you really want to. Self esteem is learning that you can wish for anything you want and then go out and make your wishes come true.

Self esteem is learning that you have a right to be loved. By others and by yourself. Self esteem is learning that no one has a right to belittle you, to put you down or to walk over you.

Self esteem is learning that you have the right to pursue a career, and that promotions are part and parcel of that career,

Self esteem is learning that you have the right to look for a partner and the right to be loved and respected by that person.

From the RIDICULOUS to the SUBLIME

Spring has arrived!   With that ecstatic announcement I'm wondering what the fashion trends will be, or are, for this special season (but then aren't all seasons special?)  I haven't seen much in the way of "different" clothing from winter time but it's probably out there somewhere.

The most recent post I had was of the "stressed out" or "distressed" jeans which have made a return!   I'm still curious about the fact that these things seem to be SO popular. But then - fashion?   What is fashion?

Yet as most of you already know this blog is dedicated to women of ALL ages, sizes and shapes - after all, isn't that my motto?

So it was with great delight that I discovered a couple of weeks back the return to our television screens of that most delectable creature Phryne Fisher; a clever detective I would have you know, as well as being a millionaire in her own right.  Set in the 1920s this show has everything you want - gangsters, murder, skullduggery, larrikans, people of good repute as well as bad repute.

But it's Phryne and her costar, as well as the other cast members who make this show so enjoyable.  Oh, I haven't mentioned the fashion have I.   Well, for those who don't study fashion with the same critical fascination as me, here's a couple of shots from the recent shows.   Now, I'm well aware that Phryne (or Essie Davis who is the star) has that lithe, svelte, slim figure that shows off these clothes so well, but let's face it, a few curves won't hurt anyone, and good fashion will look good ANY woman, regardless of age, size or shape.  Perhaps it's more a matter of STYLE than fashion that should be the focus in our lives.

SPEECHLESS!

I couldn't believe my eyes.  Honestly!   For out of the blue, and apparently by popular demand, some of our suppliers are including "distressed" jeans among their collections again.

Now I like fashion, in fact there are times when I really like the latest "trends", but when I see clothing that looks as though it's been pulled out of the rag-bag, then I start wondering what it's all about.

'Cos these garments aren't cheap - in fact they're up there with the expensive prices.   You won't get much change from $100 dollars, and just where can you wear such a garment and think you're looking good?   Or am I biased?   Or too old-fashioned?

(To those people who have experienced economic "recessions" over recent decades and had to make do with old clothes,  they'll be as stunned as I am, because even patches would make these garments look colourful - but then who am I to criticise?)

MAKING A STATEMENT!

Whatever anyone tells you, there is still a lot of discrimination towards women in the workplace.  Whether it's on the production line or the CEO's office.   That discrimination covers a whole variety of attitudes and situations, from equal pay through to basic respect.

When the woman is seen to be "plus-size" then another lot of barriers are placed before her.  "She never fits the criteria of being a top flight professional" is one explanation I've heard countless times.  Because?   Most often it's based on nothing more than she doesn't have a great choice of professional clothing because of her curves.  (The majority of designers don't realise that curves MAKE the woman!)

But Monif C has done it again.   She's not only brought out a new collection, but it's definitely not dull and ordinary.  It's bright, vivid, vibrant and sassy.  (Makes me wish I was back in the top office again - I'd show those who used to scoff at me a thing or two!)

Here's two examples.

CAN YOU HAVE FASHION WORKING FOR YOU?

There’s an art to wearing clothing.  Some people merely throw something on and expect to feel and look good. Others go all out to buy the latest trend or fad and then become disappointed that it doesn’t suit them. Ask any woman, and particularly a plus size woman, and she’ll tell you she has things in her wardrobe that she bought thinking they would look as good as they did in the store, only to find that they sit unworn and unloved from that time forward. All because - they’re the wrong colour; the wrong style/design; the wrong size.

Walking down the street, or even leafing through a magazine, you’ll come across fantastic fashion. In my humble opinion this garment is just STUNNING.  

What makes it work even moreso are the boots, and because most of us aren’t able to find boots that fit, we’d probably find that this garment on us wouldn’t look near as nice as it does on the model.

Yet even though this garment is in a neutral colour, and the model has the same coloured boots as well as colour co-ordinated jewellery, it doesn’t look boring. It’s just right. For her.

Too often we overlook the obvious. Just because we’re growing older, or find we’ve too many responsibilities and haven’t got time for ourselves; that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t spoil ourselves with flattering clothing.  Now, I’m going out on a limb here because many (and I mean many) of my friends find they can no longer afford to dress the way they used to.  It’s a combination of money becoming tight;  jobs being lost;  mortgages rising;  and kids needing a lot more financial assistance into their twenties, thirties and even forties!  Then there are life-changing circumstances.  This means that our “wardrobe budget” suffers!

A change of attitude needs to come into the picture. Accessories always top the list as pieces of clothing that can make a difference to any look.  Add an interesting scarf* or a large piece of custom jewellery to a shirt or even some of the better designed tee shirts, and you have “lifted” the look immediately. Op Shops have “grown up” in recent decades - no longer are they the “second-hand” (worn out) clothing stores, now they are patronised by women from Toorak and South Yarra as well as women like you and me.   Bargains galore if only you have the eyes to see them.   I visited one only this past week looking for a small milk jug.  What I found was even more startling.  A pink satin dressing gown which is reversible with a black satin side heavily embroidered in the most luxurious satin threads.  Parting with $5 was never quite so pleasant an experience!

But let’s get back to the younger plus size woman now.   

I had never heard of Beth Ditto until a friend Liz in the UK mentioned that Beth had joined with Evans (one of the leading plus-size fashion stores in Britain) and had brought out her collection of clothes for the younger woman.

From what I can gather Beth is also a singing star so how better to promote her garments than “on stage”.

These pics will give you an idea of how a young plus-size woman sees the world of fashion. She’s not afraid to show off her knees either!

• Talking about Accessorising with scarves I heartily recommend visiting myscarfworld, a blog written by my very special friend Jane in New Zealand.  Pop over and visit her at www.myscarfworld.wordpress.com   Follow her posts.

MODERN/TRENDY CLOTHING

I love some of the modern clothing that drapes around the body. While the majority of garments are designed and aimed at the younger woman, I believe that older women (and plus size women) can adapt these garments to their own style. This outfit of two colours - grey tones contrasted with mulberry/claret coloured long scarf and leggings would suit me. While I would combine the tunic tops with mulberry/claret coloured pants (rather than leggings) and grey flats instead of boots, with a long flowing scarf around the neck, I would feel as feminine/feisty as the next person!

It’s all in making fashion work FOR you; rather than trying to change or adapt yourself to wearing fashion that you may not feel completely comfortable with.

© 2013 Rosemary Parry-Brock, Victoria, Australia

BEFORE and AFTER!

I’ve always enjoyed getting my hands on books that show the transformation women go through in searching for, and then finding, their own “style”.

Style that with a little bit of help and sound advice is based on common sense and a bit of intuitive “know-how” by people who somehow have a grasp of what “is” as far as what to wear, how to “do” - makeup and hair; and how to make the most of what you have.  How do these people do it?

We had a few series on television.  Susannah and Trinny (Britain). Carson Kressley, (USA) and  Gok Wan (another British fashion consultant).   I even saw another one on SBS the other night doing “makeovers” but didn’t catch his name.

While Susannah and Trinny and Carson Kressley “touched” upon makeovers for women who didn’t quite fall into the small and petite mould, none of them really went into the subject head-long, or feet-first! 

Even some of my favourite books by Mary Spillane (Color Me Beautiful) don’t embrace the subject fully - I guess they have always wanted to be seen as being “politically correct” in not including real size plus-sizers.

But it takes someone like Monif C (USA) to show, not only in black and white, but vivid striking, dazzling, blinding colours, what cleverly designed fuller figure clothes can do for a woman.   (I make no apologies for promoting Monif C time and time again, for I believe she is one person who has her finger on the pulse of what a woman wants when it comes to plus-size fashion.  *  I also include Janelle of Love Your Peaches in this belief, and I will be saying more about LYP a little later.)

Some time back Monif C did a presentation of “before” and “after” photographs of a selection of women wearing her garments.  One thing that strikes me at first glance in the “before” photo is that ALL the women are wearing either jeans or leggings and either black or white tops.  Is this a reminder that many of us try to wear the ”uniform of the invisible woman”?   I’m guilty of it sometimes - are you?

The “invisible woman” - wanting to be part of the crowd, wanting to be seen as fashionable and fitting in with what the world seems to think we should dress like, and wanting to hide some of our luscious curves?  

How attitudes change when you feel and look good.

Comparing the second lot of photographs to the first you’ll see more than a transformation as it relates to the colours and designs of the garments:

(i) there’s also a remarkable but subtle change in attitude of the girls.  Look carefully, it’s almost as though they’re breaking out of their shell of self-protection and blossoming as proud women.  Saying to the world - hey, LOOK at me!   It’s VERY subtle, but it’s there.

(Mind you, I’m not suggesting for a minute that these women were not all proud and confident women BEFORE the “after” photos, but it’s there for everyone to see).   

Experiment yourself - ask a friend to take a photo of you in your everyday jeans and tee shirt and then dress up and ask them to photograph you.  You’ll see for yourself the change in how you look at the camera, and even how you stand in front of the camera between the “before” and the “after”.   

Being a woman and loving being a woman.

I love the cheekiness these women show in their photographs - so many women have forgotten how to be cheeky.    There’s an art to it (as well as being flirty without going overboard) and that’s one of the feminine attributes I often comment on, as having been lost in recent decades.   OK, I’m known to be a bit of a bore and a prude, and I’m comfortable being seen as that - sometimes!  Yet I believe femininity in all its many guises has undergone a toughness and roughness that hasn’t done us much good at all.  In trying to become “one of the men”, too many women have lost their softness and attraction.  It’s all very well wanting to be seen as “equal”, but when that route means you lose your innocence and gentleness, then you’ve lost many of your “differences”.  And let’s face it, we are different, and those differences are what attracts us to each other. 

But I digress.   

The other thing you’ll notice in these photos is the baring of arms.   We all experience the  time-changes that our bodies go through - gravity plays around with us willy-nilly, and our upper arms often remind us of pelican wings as they spread them to dry in the sun.  So we hide them (the arms, not necessarily the pelican wings!)  Even young women hide them.   The second photo shows women confident in baring their arms.

If I have a favourite amongst these women it has to be Roxanne.  She looks terrific even in the “before” photo.  And she has great legs!

Then let your eyes take in these two photos and see if you don’t agree with me.  She looks absolutely stunning.

© 2013 Rosemary Parry-Brock

Photographs © Monif C, USA

YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR THAT! OH, NO? JUST WATCH ME ....

My wardrobe is, I suspect, similar to many other plus-size women.  It contains a number of favourite garments as well as ordinary every-day wear.    And I’m not shy in confessing that some of those favourite garments are anything up to 15 years old.  Beautiful fabrics, beautiful classic and sophisticated designs/styling and beautiful to wear.  They’re worn for specific occasions, and they’ve never gone out-of-date.  For the simple reason that I discovered my “style”; and my “colours”, and I have built up a personal knowledge of what I like and what I consider likes me.   

Like most women I like receiving compliments when I know I look good - yes, I’ve become a vain and conceited “growing-older” lady, but I see no reason why if someone compliments me, that I should toss it back in their face, when after all, it makes me feel good and womanly to have received it in the first place.  And that would be absolute rudeness and bad manners, and wouldn’t in any way endear me either to the person who has made the compliment or even myself.  I would be doing myself a dis-service.

You shouldn’t wear that! has to be taken as a grain of salt most times, because it doesn’t apply.  Even if the person saying it is either Susannah, Trinny or that guy Gok.    I’ve taken many notes from the shows of Susannah and Trinny and I’ve read lots of articles by Gok and while I’ve sometimes gained some knowledge worth while,  at other times I’ve shelved what has been said into a filing cabinet in my mind.  For I don’t have to agree with them, every time, about everything.

Mind you I did find Carson Lee Kressley more realistic in his attitudes, his philosophy and his apparent genuine concern to inspire women to open their minds to new ideas.   Of course within his shows there were numerous times when he said you shouldn’t wear that!  And any intelligent viewer could, after he explained why, see his logic and reasoning for making many of those statements.  But we don’t all have the benefit of a personal Fashion Advisor like Carson Lee Kressley to give us advice.   

It’s not only the generously endowed woman who is told she’s wearing the wrong thing either.  Any woman of any age, shape or size can be told she’s wearing something she shouldn’t.

Like being told you shouldn’t have a special little cupcake with your coffee as a sweet indulgence once in a blue moon,  wearing clothes that other people find fault with, is mostly their problem and not yours.

I am constantly inspired by women of size in their understanding of what suits them and what doesn’t.   Not many of these women even ask themselves what they should be wearing - they've already worked it out!  

It comes down to personal taste and when that personal taste is based on pure common sense and practicability as well as affordability, no woman can go wrong.   

The importance is to feel good, and as we know from past experience, if you feel good, then you darn well look good.   It works every time!

'Til next time. 

©2013 R Parry-Brock, Australia 

THE BEAUTY OF BLACK

As everyone who knows me knows ..... I love the colour black.   While it's become almost the "uniform" of today's young corporate woman and mother, it's a basic colour that proves again and again how versatile it can be, for ANY woman of ANY age and ANY shape.    I accept that many people don't see, or won't agree, that black is a colour, but that doesn't faze me - I call it a colour and for me that's just what it is.

Tamsin Cooper of New Zealand is an extraordinary young woman who creates the most beautiful clothbing and accessories, and I'm highlighting a couple of things from her most recent selections.  For those of us who unfortunately can't "fit" into much of her clothing - (her sizing doesn't cater for us, but who knows ..... in the future?), her accessories are dazzling.

Woman of Substance!

Why is it that a young curvaceous woman is “categorised” as being FAT, with the inference she is out of control and if she will not bend to the manipulative control freaks in our media and fashion industries who want her to become what they say she HAS to become.  Skinny.

Now don’t get me wrong.  There are naturally skinny girls, and they are as natural as naturally curvy girls.  Someone along the line, especially within the media, has been hoodwinked into believing (and surely they’re intelligent enough to work out what is real and what is not real!) that unless you’re thin then you’re not deserving of being recognised as “equal” in needs and wants.   Being hoodwinked is one thing, trying to deceive all women into the same thinking is downright dangerous and discriminatory.  But the women’s magazines particularly go on their merry way, pointing the finger and abusing women of their femininity.

Let’s look at Pierce Brosnan’s wife, Keeley Shaye Smith.  Photos that appear in the press and on the internet show this couple is more interested in each other, than the photographer.  In fact one would get the impression that Pierce Brosnan can’t keep his hands off his wife!   

And Keeley Shaye Smith wears what she likes!   Fashion gurus would shout and scream that a woman with curves such as Keeley Shaye Smith should never wear small sprig florals and two piece swimsuits - she thumbs her nose at them and wears what she chooses.    She can be feminine and flirty, she can be conservative and professional.  

Then of course there’s one of our favourites.  Dawn French.   

Candid photos used to show her as a normal next-door girl you’d be proud to know, while professional photography (a good makeup artist and photographer who knows how to make any woman glamorous) can present her like this.

Following her divorce at more than 20 years the wife of Lenny Henry, Dawn went on a diet and lost 8 stone.   While claiming all it took was giving up chocolates and carbohydrates, the new Dawn certainly looks different and hopefully feels a lot happier - well she’s just recently married again and that’s a great way to start a new life.  

Does Dawn French do what the fashion world and the media tell her to do?  No, she has her own “style” and she makes a personal statement.  Just like Keeley Shaye Smith.

We heard the the furore that surrounded the massive loss of weight/gain of weight of Kirsty Alley.  

Women’s magazines, newspapers, television current affairs worldwide had a field day.   The sad thing about this is that women everywhere bought the magazines, watched the current affairs, and lapped it all up.   They nodded their heads and while munching a chocolate biscuit most likely said, fancy letting herself go!   Honestly, women can be so cruel to each other.  And they do it openly.  

Oprah Winfrey is another “star” who see-saws around the weighing scale.  One minute she berates herself for putting on weight, (the female audience all nod their heads in agreement) and the next she is parading on stage proudly announcing that she’s shed her weight again (the female audience again all nod their heads in agreement.)  

Don’t these “stars” see what they’re doing?  Not only to themselves but to the women who read about them, and watch their shows?  They’re poking fun at themselves and laughing at themselves.  Not kindly but harshly.  And whether they know it or not, or whether they’ll admit it or not, they’re laughing at us.   Because they know (that while they have the power and influence) that women everywhere will follow and do what they say.

Why can’t these women accept that their bodies are not meant to be extra thin.  If they’re on the voluptuous side of things, then why not be proud of what they have?  They, as well as many of us, can’t get passed the mentality that thin equals beauty equals healthy!  It’s a fallacy.   Big can equal beauty can equal healthy!

Inevitably we come back to the problem of knowing who we are and what we are, and having the right to choose how we live our lives.  That includes how we dress.

If you’ve never been told “you shouldn’t wear that!” then you are indeed a fortunate woman.  Most of us have been subjected to this sort of verbal abuse (and that’s what it is - abuse) based on other people’s ill-conceived and poorly conceived perspectives of what a woman should look like.

Why should I dress like my next door neighbour, who is 5 ft 10 and slim, or my grand-daughter who is 5 ft 2 and “in-between” or the masses who inhabit K Mart, Walmart, and Target stores (OK, I admit I buy clothing from these chain discount stores but I don’t necessarily wear the garment in the same way as a younger or older woman - I’ve learned to accessorise and do things with clothing!)   My age, my life-style and my life-experiences won’t allow me to look like either my next-door neighbour or my grand-daughter and I don’t want to.

I’m an individual - I’m me, for goodness sake.  I don’t want to look somebody else.  Why waste time in trying to be a copy-cat when I have the opportunity of being me!   I demand the right to know what I want and how I want to look.   Don’t get me mixed with all the “celebrities” - so many of them are beginning to look the same to me anyway (maybe that’s because I’m growing a little older?)

‘Til next time.

©2013 R Parry-Brock, Australia

FLATTERING OFFICE WEAR

For a long time there wasn't much that a plus-size woman could do, to look smart and competitive with other women in the corporate world.   She wore clothes that fitted, but didn't make much of a statement to the world that she was a force to be reckoned with.   That she not only had intelligence but she also had "class".

That is until recent years, when a number of our clothing suppliers realised that corporate wear was yet another expression of how a generously endowed woman could not only take her place in the corporate world but that she could make a difference to how the corporate world saw her as a potential policy maker and trend setter.

Igigi in the USA always comes up trumps when it comes to flattering, stylish and colourful fashion and some of these latest offerings fit the bill for any corporate woman, no matter what age, size or shape.

MAKING AN IMPRESSION - WHY DON'T WE?

Do you shy away from the camera?

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s high time we (the amply endowed women of the world) got out from behind our blinkers and our protective fortresses and tried some new things.

A lot of us haven’t yet come to terms with a camera.  With what a camera sees when it looks at us.  When we see a photograph that’s been taken, our eyes are immediately drawn to:  our double chins; our fat tummy; our drooping boobs;  our hair that could do with a trim;  our face that could probably do with some sort of improvement, and one of our favourite garments that has seen better days.  We look at the photo critically and with no sense of reality.    We’re intimidated with what  we “assume” the camera has seen within and about us.  And we’re uncomfortable!   And the more uncomfortable we get, the more often we’ll refuse to have our photo taken.  

You and I both know of women who have refused to have their photo taken for 20, 30, 40 and more years!   Are you one of them?

Missing out on incredible experiences and in turn memories because we’re scared off by cameras is a great pity.   It’s almost as though we want to be invisible.   There’s certainly a small amount of shame in the decision.  Why?

We’re unique individuals, and we should be proud of who we are, and dare I say it, but we should be proud of what we look like.   We’re all different, but we belong to the family of “women”.  We belong to our own personal family, with all its inherited genes and characteristics, and it’s not only our current families but even those who are to come who will ask about us, and how better to show them than by photographs.  Photographs that show us in our different age seasons.  Photographs that show us in life situations - celebrations, family/friend get-togethers, birthdays, weddings and the like.  Miss the opportunity and they miss out, as well as us.

WHEN IN DOUBT WEAR RED!

Isn't it true?    When you're feeling as though you need to brighten up your life, there's nothing like a dose of RED!

Even the Queen sparkles when she wears bright colours.    So here's a Happy Birthday Queen Elizabeth greeting from all of us here at the NoteBook.

LAYERING

Layering is great at any time of the year - summer, winter, spring or autumn.   Unfortunately many women don't understand how easy it is, or how it can extend the look of even a limited wardrobe.

In the cooler weather, which we are experiencing at the moment here in Australia, layering offers many possibilities, and especially being able to wear lighter fabric garments, but knowing that you are still warm because you can still wear your thermal underwear underneath and no one is the wiser.

Experiment, whether in the same colors, or contrast colors as far as pants and tops are concerned.  Have fun with fashion, whatever the season!

QUEEN FOR A DAY, OR A LONG WEEKEND, OR EVERY DAY?

There's no two ways about it - the opportunity to "dress up" every day of the week is becoming more available as more and more stores go on-line.   The majority of these stores that have taken up the challenge of selling their garments this way have built up very high reputations and it augers well for the purchaser.

By the same token, and I don't know how many other readers find this, but I quite often will see something on-line from local outlets, yet will go into their actual stories just to see what the garment is like and more importantly the quality of the fabric and the sewmanship before I buy from a salesperson - in other words I do like face to face purchasing.   I realise this is not possible when buying offshore.

But let's get down to tintacks.   It's just about the Queen's Birthday weekend here in Australia (and of course we know that it's not actually her real birthday, but we celebrate it anyway and there is a historical reason for this.)  

So I figured that it doesn't matter if you're in Australia in Winter or Europe in Summer, you can still be a Queen whether for a day, a weekend or every day of the year.

Here are some examples I found this morning - and that's not even counting the accessories or jewellery!!