Happy New Year!

The build up to New Year's Eve (and the associated parties and get-togethers for families and friends) is really evident now!  Here in Australia it's literally New Year's Eve Day, and many small parties are already beginning!  Families are meeting up with each other for a quick snack at local cafes and restaurants while others are preparing the BBQ in the back garden for later in the day.

We were "promised' temperatures up around the 40 degrees, although while it's humid outdoors, there could also be the possibility of thunder storms later. 

So not let's waste time.   Here's our wish to everyone - Happy New Year!   May all your dreams come true, may your goals be achieved, and may you have a happy, safe, contented and happy New Year to follow.   These wishes are expressed to all, but especially to those many thousands of people in Queensland who have been evacuated from their homes as a consequence of devastating floodwaters which have swallowed whole towns in their wake.  We're thinking of you, most of us are doing our little bit to send you assistance, through finance, food and necessary daily needs;  we know it's not enough, but you are our brothers and sisters and we care about you.  Hang in there;  keep hope alive, and don't give in.   The New Year is around the corner, and this could bring you all new opportunities of positiveness and optimism.

I'm a hoarder!

It's crazy.   The more I think I'm organised, the less organised I become!   It's true.

I never make New Years resolutions for the simple reason I never seem to be able to achieve them.  However, I (and the whole group here) set goals - it's part of our philosophy of "encouraging" each other, and encouraging ourselves.  Resolutions and goals, in our way of thinking at any rate, are completely different.

Now I've got to be honest.  I do "collect" things.   My best friends say I'm a hoarder, and I have to agree.  You see, there are so many things that I collect which are memory-reminders.   Especially of nice people, of happy occasions, and a little bit of nostalgia along the way.    I live a simple life, and don't travel, so I surround myself with items that to me express happiness and love.

When I move house (which as a renter seems to be more often than I would like) it seems my "collections" take precedence over every-day necessities.   They get packed first and carefully, while other things are either packed hurriedly or else turfed out or put aside for a deserving charity shop.   It happens all the time.   The irony of this is that quite often I have to replace many of these items further down the track.  But truly, it doesn't worry me.

Because you see, for me, my "memory-reminders" are important to me, and to who I am.  For other women, they take no importance in their lives and are effectively just rubbish.  But I'm not a 'minimalist', I'm a person who loves happy and pretty things around me.   So I've come to the conclusion that, yes, I'm a hoarder!   That's OK with me, because that's what I am.

Changing that ingrained habit, is NOT among my New Year goals, I assure you. 

© Autumn Parry, Australia 

Favourite Food Things - It's a fact!

Everywhere (here in Australia that is) we are being blasted with television shows all based around food.

Not only imported shows, but local shows as well. The first "Master Chef" series spawned at least two series, that of the winner Poh Ling Yeow (known more popularly as just "Poh") and runner-up Julie Goodwin (under the Coles sponsorship). No doubt before long we'll be seeing shows based on the winner and runner up of the second show.  Following the success of the Master Chef series, we were subjected to the Master Chef Kids programmes.  They probably were excellent, but for many of us, a little too often becomes too much (meaning the shows, not the foods).

We have Curtis Stone (under the Coles sponsorship), Nigella Lawson, Jamie Oliver, Rick Stein, Heston's Feasts (and his series based on the Little Chef restaurants throughout England); and a New Zealand lady who cooks ups feasts in her lovely farm kitchen.  We have a Vietnamese food show celebrating street/or river foods.   Last year we had two series based on natural/organic growing farms in the UK, which took us (and the contestants who stayed on the farms) through the actual planting, growing, gathering of seeds, the buying of chickens, sheep, beef and everything in between, and even included the slaughtering, cutting and storing. There wasn't much left to the imagination.  A similar show here told the story of a leading Australian food commentator selling up and moving to Tasmania where he too, took on the natural/organic farm concept.  Some people were enamoured by Gordon Ramsay but he soon distanced himself from many by his intolerable behaviour.

Two people who had a very popular series that lasted quite a few years were Simon Bryant and Maggie Beer (much loved here in Australia); their series "The Cook and the Chef" remained as popular at the last as it was when it first began. Good, no nonsense, happy, comfort, filling, delicious and delectable food.

But this segment within RoseMary's NoteBook© isn't going to be about chefs and cooks and all that. It's about food, everyday food, that we enjoy. It's not about recipes, unless of course you'd like to send in some of your favourites with pictures. It will be a blog about food as the group here enjoy it!

Leonie Stevens ..... on Daydreaming .....

I'm at long last finding time to spend to myself and I'm being surprised every day with the knowledge there are times when I like solitude.

Let me hasten to say though, that in no way do I enjoy being "lonely" and sometimes it happens - but I mean choosing to be "alone" is quite nice when you want it to be.

For those of you who know me a little through my columns in various women's newsletters, you'll already know my career curve has taken another one - curve I mean! I'm loving the freedom that this choice is giving me in doing the things that I want to do, when I want to do them, and with whom I want to do them. And I'm saying nothing further in that regard - well, not at the moment anyway.

This morning has been one of those "supposedly" summer days with the promise of warm sunshine but a chilly little breeze reminding me that a cardigan would have been prudent!  While sitting down with a good book and a cup of coffee - with cream! - I found I was suddenly transported away on imaginings and my thoughts were falling all over each other in their scramble to form a sensible pattern. I realise I was daydreaming, and when I thought more seriously about it, I realised I hadn't had time to daydream for years, being heavily committed to business activities and travelling and then having to run the home as well before my CDC - "career direction change".

I remembered as a child - especially in the classroom, when I would dabble in daydreaming - of course neither the teacher nor my parents found it a bit amusing, and told me I was wasting valuable time and expense in doing so.

But you know, I found in my early and mid-adulthood, that being able to daydream occasionally rounded off some of the harsh edges that life created for me. And I guess it's the same for many people. Being able to put day-dreams into action plays a big part in our abilities to take on new challenges, to set new goals and to undertake new adventures.

I don't know about you, but I find daydreams very valuable stuff - without them I think life would be sadly lacking in some of the romance and fantasy areas that we all need at some time during our lives.

That's not to say we should spend the whole day daydreaming, but occasionally it can do us good. As a matter of fact just like chocolates - I've read so many times over the past decade or so just how VERY good chocolates can be for us, if eaten sensibly and moderately.

That's great because I've decided to take advantage of daydreaming when I want to, and enjoying chocolates when I want to. Perhaps I can combine the two together!

Because I reckon I'll be all the happier - knowing that there's no suggestion of "having to go without" all because people say that neither are good for me. To me, "going without",  WOULD be a waste of time!

© 2010 Leonie Stevens, Australia

A little bit of wisdom?

How can we justify claiming that we're fighting for acceptance,
and yet show lack of empathy towards others?

Disillusionment will not only erode self confidence of another person,
but can destroy any creativeness.

© 2006/10 Rose Davida, UK

Lies will only hurt people.
When the lies stop, the healing begins.

If you look at the essence of life,
it's about being grateful for that unique life and living every day and every moment.

Life isn't about where we're at,
but more about our behaviour
how we deal with circumstances
and how we treat people (including ourselves).

© 2007/10, Autumn Parry, Australia

Then there's .....

More in the series of "What is it that makes a man attractive?" ....

How could we have missed Rutger Hauer? (Remember him from LadyHawke?)

Christmas

How does Santa take his photos?    Answer:  His North POLE-aroid

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?   Answer:   A Christmas Quacker

What did the guest sing at the eskimos' Christmas party?   Answer:  Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Who delivers cats' Christmas presents?  Answer:  Santa Paws

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal alphabet?  Answer:  No-L

Merry Christmas to you all!

It's actually Christmas Eve here (Australia), and the team here would like to take this opportunity of wishing all our readers a very Merry Christmas.    And may each of you be surrounded with lots of love and laughter.

Take time out from the hustle and bustle of the busy-ness associated with rushing around doing what people do in the hours before Christmas Day, and enjoy the real meaning of Christmas.   Relax and ponder upon the simple pleasures of life including the giving and sharing not only of gifts, but also of yourself to each other.   Taking time to catch up on what's been happening during this past year, and sharing family "gossip";  sharing in dreams and hopes and plans for the New Year.

To all our friends, may this be a blessed time for you all.   Have a safe, contented, joy filled Christmas season. 

Chronicles of a 21st century Woman

Introduction

As a motivational speaker and "encourager", I'm always on the look-out for like-minded women, who see the need to surround other women who have low (or no) self-esteem, with lots of positiveness and optimism. That's not to say everyone should go around with a big happy smile on their face, even when their lives are breaking apart, pretending that everything's OK. We have to be sensible and realise that it's a part of life having to go through experiences that will uplift us, and others that will drag us down to depths of despair. But it's what we "do" with the highs and lows that is important. Not only to us but to those around us.

In today's society there is a lot of controversy, hypocrisy and discrimination as it relates to looks, age, size and shape. That discrimination then translates into non-acceptance of a person's race, their education, and their beliefs.

This is when basic common sense and good manners get lost in the overflow of antagonism and hostility, from one person to another. In other words things get out of control. The person on the receiving end finds there's no let-up in the stings and barbs, and the perpetrator becomes immune to any understanding of how the other person feels.

Things become more and more confused and complicated. And there's no real reason why life should be this way.

It's usually women, and quite often family members and friends, who belittle other women because they "look" different, by way of looks, shapes and sizes. Why is it so? Why can't we all get on with one another; sharing accomplishments and hurdles with smiles, added offers of encouragement and just "being there" for each other?

Why do we feel threatened by other women? Either by personal achievement; more beautiful looks and figures; or just an inability to "see" another woman as being a friend rather than a foe?

And what is the answer?   There are a few ways of dealing with this.   If we do feel "threatened" by the success or otherwise of other women, we should ask ourselves why we feel this way.   Then think about our own attributes or successes and learn to see ourselves as accomplishers in our own right. 

If you feel that other women discriminate against you personally, then there are two options available to you.  One is to go along and accept this sort of treatment (which won't do you much good in the long run) or two to take the situation in hand, explain that you'd rather be in harmony with others rather than at war, then leave it to them to take the course of action they prefer.  If they walk away and you lose out on their "friendship",  then you must ask yourself, "were they actually my friend in the first place?"   

We can all do with analysing our behaviour and tolerance and acceptance of others - it's called "growing up", and we can learn a lot from tackling challenges of this sort. 

..... © Zuzu

Waiting until ........

You've probably heard someone say they'll wait until ....... before they'll do this, that or the other.  In fact if we're honest most of us have said the same thing.  I know I did, especially as it relates to losing weight.   And over the years I've heard thousands of women say the same thing.

"I'll wait until I lose wait .... before I travel overseas",   "..... before I do that course at University",  "..... before I'll buy that gorgeous red taffeta dress"; "....... before I'll start going out";  "...... before I'll find a man who is attracted to me"........ before I'll buy a swimsuit";  "...... before I'll join some friends for coffee"; "before I'll have a baby".     And so it goes.

Look at it this way.   Why do we wait?   Why should we wait?   Because if we look at the situation fairly and squarely, we'll see that we're setting ourselves up for a "what if we don't lose the weight" scenerio, and what happens then?  We become embittered and despair of ever being happy.

We go without the things that we would dearly love to achieve in the meantime, and who's to say that the opportunity to do what we wish for will still be there should we happen to lose that weight?   We may be successful in losing the weight and then find to our dismay that we don't or can't do what we dearly wanted.

On the other hand, I say (and OK this has been learned over many decades and through many episodes of self-doubt) go ahead and do these things NOW.   Putting things off never achieved anything really substantial in the long run.   Travel overseas - do that course - buy that dress and swimsuit - go out and meet up with friends - and if you and your partner are determined try for a baby.  And there's no reason why you shouldn't find a man who finds you attractive - it happens all the time - you just don't hear about all the success stories!  

Don't put things off.   Too many stories are told of people who missed out on so much just because they put things off "until they lost weight ......".

Losing weight is not the answer to any of our self-doubts;  confidence has to be fought and won by our own determination and strength (with a little help from our friends of course).   Confidence in our self,  our abilities and our potential is not dependent upon our weight (or our losing weight). 

We're intelligent, articulate women.  yet sometimes we fall into the trap of telling ourselves (over and over again) that it is the weight that holds us back from fulfilling our dreams.  Not so.   It is allowing the negative thoughts to take control and to manipulate our thoughts and emotions that are the trouble - dispense with the negative thoughts and replace them with "I can".   Try it out.  And have fun doing it, without waiting "........... until!"

(And if you can't find a red taffeta dress or swimsuit that suits you, then find yourself a dressmaker who will take on the job of making you look stunning.  It will be well worth it.  As far as a flattering swimsuit is concerned, have a look at Monif C's website in the US - her suits are absolutely incredible!)

© R P-B, 2010

What is it that makes a man attractive?

Whew! It looks like I've started something here. The way things are going I'll land up with a whole gallery of "attractive" men. But then, what's so wrong with that, I ask?
 
So here we are, a couple more of our favourite television actors. William Petersen (he who left the series CSI and broke thousands of women's hearts!) and David Caruso (who has secured his place among the attractive men of today! . And it's not often we see "Horatio" without those dark glasses! Anyone got a better photo of David - say a close-up?

I saw this advertisement in a women's magazine

Inside I'm a free spirited gypsy

- an explorer who discovers new things everyday

a chocolate MONSTER

a QUEEN and a drama queen

inside I'm steel and marshmallow

a GODDESS, a Belly Dancer,
a BALLERINA and a sexy tango.

wanna dance?

Sorry, but I can't recall the name of the advertiser. Can anyone help?

Morgana de Courcy, 2010

Dating!

We met Bev again the other day.    You've probably heard us talk about Bev in various posts as well as through the Newsletter.  She's one of those girls who you just want to have as your friend;  her spontanaity and infectious smile and laughter can keep you going on those occasions when you might feel a little down-at-heart.  She's intelligent and she's a wizz at her job.

Bev's a big girl - she's had a lot of flak over the years about her size from people who don't really know her, and sadly from some of her own family members.  Yet honestly she's no bigger than a size 20.  It's other people's perspectives that are at odds with fact, as many of us are well aware.

The one thing that Bev doesn't have any problem with however, is having a boy friend.   She was going out with one young man for quite a while until he moved overseas and found he couldn't carry on a long-distance relationship.  (His loss!)

Anyway during our discussions over recent months, Bev occasionally let slip the name of Allan.  Most of us thought Allan was a work colleague or something like that.  However, when we caught up with her this week for coffee, she mentioned that Allan's parents had invited her to join them for their family Christmas get-together - not just Christmas Day but the entire week.  Both at their home and then on their boat cruising around the Gippsland Lakes.   Now it turns out that Allan's family is a well known one within the catering business and when they usually socialise or get together it's with other well-known dignatories and people most of us have heard of either through television or newspapers but most probably will never meet - they walk in different circles entirely!

After explaining that she'd already met Allan's parents on a number of occasions and they'd all gotten on extremely nicely, it seems his family have more-or-less decided that Bev is the girl for Allan.    Of course Allan is of the same opinion apparently!

But it goes to show that "big" girls can still find that they're more than "acceptable" in this day and age.  They don't have to be a size zero to attract a man;  they don't have to diet and starve and undergo cosmetic surgery to meet the unrealistic expectations of today's society, to fit in with that society, or as Bev laughingly said, "to meet (his) Mother's approval!"   Allan's mother is a lovely, mature aged lady with a fuller figure and who is known to "age gracefully" and there's never ever been a hint of Botox in her history!

What's the moral of this story?  Be happy with yourself, whatever your age, your figure, your shape or your size is concerned.  You are you, and you have all the traits and characteristics that make up a unique person.  Make the most of it - because you are, after all,  your own best asset!

Emotional Abuse!

A lot of people, and this goes for most people in western societies at least, form the opinion that because a person is plus-size (or naturally skinny) then they deserve to be treated as less than acceptable. They may not actually put it into words always, but they certainly show by their behaviour that this is what they think.

This inappropriate behaviour can range from disdain and indifference, through intolerance, and then into ridicule. All these behaviours represent one thing and one thing only - discrimination based on size, and as a consequence those behaviours shout "emotional abuse".

Yet you ask anyone who shows you contempt or treats you unfairly or makes you feel embarrassed because of your size, whether they are abusing you, and they’ll quickly say "of course not!" Just who are they trying to kid?

But emotional abuse and quite often verbal abuse or whatever they like to call it such as this, is discrimination in its lowest and coarsest form. Of course there’s also physical abuse and this is a subject that has horrendous ramifications and while it doesn’t only apply to plus-sizers or really thin people, it is nevertheless a scandal that society needs to confront and resolve. Not so easy? I agree.

But let’s get back to emotional abuse based on size. It’s very insidious and there are times when you may not even be aware that it is happening. Until you think about it afterwards. Then it becomes crystal clear. The subtle or not so subtle looks, smirks, the eyes of the other person taking in your size and then either looking away or even in the worst scenario actually saying something derogatory about you. The jokes, those jokes that make you cringe, but you laugh at yourself anyway, because you’re so embarrassed by their lack of sensitivity and of course you want to be seen to have an open mind and able to laugh at yourself. Laugh at yourself? Of course there are times when this is OK, but there are countless times when it is not. We have the right to choose when we laugh at ourselves, just as everyone else has. We do not, and should not, have to accept other people's bad manners and distasteful jokes, without having the right to stand up for ourselves. Yet, consistently, if a plus-sizer (and I speak as one) responds in any way, suddenly the situation is turned against them and they're told "you can't take a joke!". Oh yes we can. But it's the sort of joke and whether that joke is aimed specifically at us, that we should not have to "take" or accept.

And I encourage plus-sizers (and naturally thin women) to never believe anyone who says, when they see you react by blushing or obvious embarrassment or stammering or withdrawing into yourself, that they didn’t mean it.

Look, let’s be brutally honest with ourselves here, they meant it and they meant every word of it. It was in their thoughts and therefore they verbalised those thoughts.

So what do you do? One of either two things. Accept their behaviour - and they’ll keep doing it, be sure of that - or stand up for yourself. How do you stand up for yourself? By being honest with them (and to yourself). Tell them “what you’ve said has offended and hurt me. I’d like an apology.” 

Now I've found that sometimes they won't apologise and have no intention of ever apologising. This once again leaves you with two options. One, let them get away with it, or walk away from them. The course is open to you. OK so if you decide on walking away, it may well mean that you are lonelier that you deserve to be, but at least you'll have your pride intact. And why look at it as though you have to lose out - if you remove yourself from the situation whereby you are faced with such abuse and ultimate embarrassment, then you'll have the time and opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and to seek out new interests and new friends. And there are new friends out there waiting for you. Believe it. Friends who will accept you for who and what you are right now!

It can be done, and it may be difficult, but you’ll be the winner in the long run. 

© RoseMarys NoteBook

What makes a man attractive?

I couldn't help but include another actor following my earlier post. Robson Green. Have you any favourites?


Come on - this is as good as highlighting your favourite recipes or favourite books!  Join in with us.

What is it that makes a man attractive?

 


It's not only the women of today - films, theatre and the like - who have to be seen as "beautiful" (what is beauty anyway?), but it's the men too! Honestly, they're all so "cutesy" and pretty. What's happened to rustic, craggy, raspy voiced, unhandsomeness men(boy that's a new word for you, I bet.) Not always young, sometimes grey haired with wrinkles no less. A broken nose perhaps. Even a cross-eye in there somewhere.

Look at some of the movie stars particularly of years gone by. You couldn't mix them up with their peers, because they had distinctive looks and everyone recognised them. Today for some people it's a matter of getting a magnifying glass out to see who everyone is talking about - Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp and of course the prettiest of them all Tom Cruise. Isn't this guy interested in aging and doing so gracefully?


Take for instance. Charles Bronson. Then what about Chips Rafferty, Michael Pate (both Australian actors from the 40s and 50s)?

What about - Edward G Robinson?

Then there was Humphrey Bogart, Paul Henreid? Claude Rains, Telly Savalas? 

But wait a minute. I'm getting ahead of myself here. We do have "attractive" actors today. We don't necessarily call them "heart-throbs", but they certainly do have "it". (Whatever "it" is - then they've certainly got lots!). Who am I talking about?

For instance. Ken Stott. (The actor who plays Rebus in that great BBC series for those who don't know this character or show. Even Ian Rankin has suggested that Rebus has come to life with the help of Stott.  Ken Stott can melt your heart with a softening of his deep brown eyes and little boy smile, or just as quickly make you dislike him intensely by his change in moods. But this is the part of Rebus, so what is Ken Stott like - in reality? Who knows? But then, who really knows what all these actors as like - for that matter, who really knows us?

The right shoes for looking slim!

Round-toed shoes can make legs look stumpy by breaking the "line" of your leg.

Wear shoes with pointed toes - heels or flats, it doesn't matter - to create the impression of a longer line (and thus, a longer, slimmer leg).

That's what the women's magazine said! I probably agree to some extent.

But looking at today's shoes, I'm not sure whether our girls will have healthy feet, (look at the tiny point of impact in the centre of the person's heel - all their weight - wonder if they'll get spurs later on in life?) or healthy spines (have you seen how they stand and lean forward when walking?). I guess they're willing to take the risks just to have "fashionable footwear" and must-haves. Take a look at a couple.

OK, yes, we wore stilettos in the "old days", but not quite so high. Oh no. And women even wear this type of shoe driving a car! The mind boggles. Don't they ever think that the heel is going to stick between the accelerator and the floor mat?

Today's quote:

"Smile! It improves your face value!"

Photo from Top News.in (Internet) 

Dieting and Feelings and Attitude!

How many of us have "dieted" ? Because we felt we had to; because we were told we had to; because our family and so-called friends and the media told us that unless we did we'd never fit in and be accepted? We'd never find a man who loved us for who we are; we'd never get a top-notch job; we'd never ........... You can guess the rest. In fact you've probably lived this experience.

So it may come as no surprise to learn that I had dieted for more than 30 years, until ......... I visited a young Asian doctor. I was miserable, quite ill, and depressed. He asked how he could help me. I said I was an obese, nearly middle-aged lady and I wanted to get better. He said he couldn't change the age, but he could help me with my perceptions of obesity as well as helping me to feel better. He took my rather large hands in his tiny ones, and said I'll ask you three questions. Was your mother a big lady? Yes. Was your grandmother a big lady? Yes. Is your daughter a big lady? Yes. He then told me "with wrists and hands as heavily boned as you have (as well as other parts of your body), coupled with your height and the distribution of your weight, you'll never be slim. Even if you diet forever. And insisting on dieting to lose weight in an effort to become slim will only make you more unhealthy. What we can do is to work on what we've got. Your determination to become healthier." And he did work on what I've got!

You know, I walked out of that Doctor's surgery feeling young, attractive and slim! I use the word "feeling" because that's a very important word in our vocabulary. If we "feel" less fat then we have more confidence than if we feel "fat" ALL the time! And "feelings" are all tied up with attitude, aren't they?

Have I lost weight in the years since? Not really. He never ever pressured me to lose weight. He gave me the reassurance I needed, when I needed it most.

I felt I needed to share that with you. I sense that there are quite a few of you who think the guilt of being overweight is all yours and that you're completely to blame for not meeting the unrealistic expectations that society (including family and so-called friends) put upon us. It's not always that simple. Look at things from a different perspective and you may be surprised to find yourself seeing your own individuality as a unique creation first, who just happens to be fat.

And what does that mean? It means that you're probably fatter than a lot of people and you're probably thinner than a lot of people. That means we plus-sizers are actually the majority, rather than the minority. Gives us a bit more clout don't you think?

And all that dieting over the years resulted in nothing more than costing me a lot of money and costing me a lot in self-esteem. It also cost me a lot in health. So all the effort and all the going without and all the guilt wasn't worth it - not one iota!

© Leonie Stevens, Australia

You can say what you like!

I'm on a mission. Well to be totally frank with you I'm always on a mission. Whether I achieve what I set out to do is irrelevant, because it's the fight and the chase that I enjoy. Especially when I believe I'm in the "right".

Well, this is a tiny little mission this time. It's to get people to recognise the important place that "snail mail" should hold in our lives. You know, ordinary letters and cards that go by postage and travel by train, bus, freight-truck, plane, ship, and even in some places bicycle!

With the advent of electronic technology and I'm not questioning the value or otherwise, because I use some of it everyday, so I'd be a hypocrite if I did complain about it, but .......

People have forgotten (or is it intentional?) to telephone. Now, this doesn't sound so serious does it, but you ask around and you'll be surprised at the number of people who no longer have anyone ring them, to talk to them, to listen to them. Everyone's too busy (and I suspect they're too busy because they're spending too much time on the computer or one or more of the other contraptions now in use).  Mobile phones have taken over, and they're an essential part of life these days.  But I'm talking about land-line telephones - you know, the ones where you can sit in a comfy chair and chatter and natter away to your heart's content.  I guess it's the "comfort" feeling of holding a solid phone in your hand!

People have forgotten (or is it intentional?) to write. Oh yes, everyone writes emails these days. Whether it's a 20 page tirade or a two word (usually abbreviated anyway) communication. So impersonal. So direct and instant, yes. But so cold and calculating in many instances. Of course I don't include the fun things, or the urgent messages, or the little newsletters (which of course I write mountains of). We'd be lost without emails - well many of us anyway.

But what I mean are:

(a) the little hand-written "thank you" notes - thanking people not only for a gift, or a special item, but thanking them for their friendship or their love, or being there when needed.

(b) the little hand-written invitations to a baby's christening, or engagement party

(c) the little hand-written messages of comfort when someone is in urgent need

(d) the little hand-written note that says, "please be happy and well"

(e) the little hand-written birthday card (or other celebration) - it's too easy to send an email with a couple of lines.

I could go on and on. But you know what I mean.

'Cos there's nothing quite like going to the postbox and lifting out a little envelope with hand-writing that you recognise, and opening it, and reading words that have been written from the heart, and by hand. Someone who has taken the time to pick up the pen and card, or paper, and sit down and write the words personally.

You see in this modern world, everything is a race against time. And that's foolish, because time just cannot be stretched no matter how much a magician you may be. But it's what we do with our time that's important.

And I believe that a simple little thing like hand-writing notes, and cards, and sending them through the post, bring so much joy to people. Small children, teenagers, adults, older people. Everyone benefits.
People - believe it or not - still collect cards and hand-written notes. Show me how many people print out a message on the computer and "collect" it in a scrapbook or favourite little box? Or am I so old-fashioned that I'm starting to show my age, by what I believe in?

There, that's my "say" for today!

© Morgana de Courcy

Fallacies, Fibs and Falsehoods

Fibs 
When it comes to dealing with fallacies, fibs and lies that lie in wait for the unsuspecting plus-size woman, this is a minefield of huge proportions.

The plus-size woman is fed a massive serving of fibs on a constant basis and usually from childhood. Fibs about food, about fashion, about her size, about fitness, about her ability to be successful in the workplace, and her ability to “snare a man”. As if that is all there is to life!

But let’s be honest here. These things are important to our self esteem, no matter what size we are. The larger person has the same dreams as the smaller person. Those dreams encompass every wish and hope imaginable. Once again it’s up to us, as individuals, to persuade people about us that we may be bigger than others, but conversely we are smaller than many. Which means in a nutshell, that we are the same as everyone else - flesh and blood, skin and bones, hair, teeth, nails, eyes, nose and mouth, arms and legs, not to mention our other statistics! Everyone is three dimensional. We also share the same senses as everyone else, including good healthy doses of humour .........

Fallacies and Falsehoods 
For too many years bigger people have been told, and unfortunately they have believed, that being bigger than somebody else makes them unacceptable "because they’re an offense to the eye!" They’re told that because they’re “fat”, they can’t possibly expect to be healthy, to be happy, to enjoy companionship and yes, sex!, or to have happy and healthy children. They’ve come to expect that they can’t (and shouldn’t) expect to be successful in their careers, and they most certainly should not expect respect from other people. The inference is that they’ve “let the team down.” They’re an embarrassment to everyone else so surely they must be an embarrassment to themselves!

Over decades of this sort of “abuse” bigger people have fallen into the trap of “agreeing” with these inappropriate and outdated attitudes. As a result of trying to “fit in” with what has been expected of them, they believe they’re failures, so in order to balance the scales, they’ve put up with substandard and second-rate treatment and dealings dished out to them by insensitive and arrogant people. 

© 2010, RoseMary's NoteBook©

Value for money and common sense!

A lot of plus size women tell me they don't like paying a good price for a good garment. I wonder why women aren't prepared to pay for value? What is it about plus-sizers particularly who can't always see merit in having something made (or buying something that is made) for their size? I know before you all tell me that a large proportion of plus-sizers are on small budgets, pensions, welfare or have other financial disadvantages. I'm in the same category.

Yet we all need clothes - so why go to K Mart to buy something you don't like but probably fits and have to replace it within a short time, because of wearing, pilling, or stretching out of shape, when you can buy something from someone you trust that will wear well, will not fray or tear at the seams, pill or stretch, for a reasonable cost?

I repeat - most of us have budgetry constraints. But I also know a lot of my clothes which are still in very good condition and that I wear with aplomb are anything up to ten to fifteen years old. I chose good styles and designs and fabrics. Many of these were home-made by dressmaker friends.

I am reminded of a friend of mine in New Zealand who makes the most exquisite long nightgowns styled on a Victorian pattern - with pintucks, ribbons, laces on the bodice. Plenty of broderie anglaise and a beautiful garment. She is meticulous in her sewing, and presents the nightgown in a lovely nightgown cover (just as Victorian nightgowns were stored). My nightgown which I wear around the house (it's too beautiful to only wear in bed!) is now more than 3 years old, and looks as though I just bought it. Yes, it cost heaps I'll admit that - but I had saved for a long time to buy myself a really beautiful garment. When I wear it I feel a million dollars - luxury in any one's language. But my friend is frustrated that no one will buy the nightgown - most women say "it's too expensive".

I know you're not all able to even save up for such a garment but getting back to basics, even an apron (a coverall garment that is becoming increasingly popular now that women are suddenly re-discovering the wonders and adventures that are possible in a kitchen!) is an over-garment, and can be worn even as a tunic over tights and sleeveless tee shirt, especially if it has Victorian/Edwardian frills around the shoulders. I've seen aprons worn as cover-ups in the home and kitchen, and I've seen them worn as leisure garments and everyday down the mall shopping garments. I've even seen an gossamer apron worn as a chemise. It's all in the imagination.

Growing older, and then some ......

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up

This was part of one of those "fun" emails that friends send you to keep you amused.   Mind you, sometimes they annoy you to the extreme.   But our friend Judy is one lady who knows what is going to make us laugh and for that matter what will make us cry, and instead of sending her emails to the junk box, they usually end up on our desk,


So I had to smile when I read those words within this morning's email.    Because in all the wishing and hoping and dreaming that we did during our younger years, did we really ever think about the wrinkles?    Sure, we saw them on other people and then dismissed them from our thinking (the wrinkles not necessarily the other people).  


We lathered Ponds Cold Cream onto our faces and believed the advertisements that told us that if we used their products we would always have the skin that men loved to touch.   Mind you, the cold cream was nice to our skin and we proudly joined the thousands of women who pronounced that it was the product that made them look beautiful, rather than having the beauty already.


But hey, I like my wrinkles.  They're a special and precious part of me.  They tell lots of stories, and they show the world that I'm a wise old lady!  Well, I've assumed that wisdom comes with the wrinkles and I defy anyone to argue to me.

Aging Outrageously! Is there an option?

Just go into a store that sells affordable clothing for the older woman, and that includes the variety and department/chain stores, and you’ll be faced with rows of look-alike garments that may be your size, but which if you had a choice you’d probably walk past.

Basic colours, styles your Grandma probably would have refused to wear; even fabrics that don’t like you or your skin or your time of life. But do you have a choice?

If you are a “size” that is included in the shops that sell “younger” wear, then don’t kid yourself you would only look like mutton done up as lamb! This is just not true. We’re not suggesting that you go from wearing ankle length skirts or slacks/pants to wearing mini skirts. But let’s look at things sensibly.

Clothing for the younger market is more available; usually it’s quite cheaper too! Yes, maybe it’s made for a “disposable” society, but hey, let’s face it, do you really want to be wearing the same garment for 30 years? You’ve proved throughout your life that you can adapt to change - circumstances, relationships you name it. So why do you think you can’t change your clothing habits?

Choice is out there. It’s just that we’ve become so self conscious of our age and even our size and shape, which no one can suggest hasn’t changed over the years as well, that we’re afraid to be adventurous any more. And this is silly. We’re independent women, right? We know what is best for us, right? We know or have a fair idea of how good we could look if we found the right clothes, right? We’ve also been treated with a little disdain by saleswomen, right? We’ve been told the store has nothing in our size, right? And we’ve become too scared to keep trying, right?

We can’t disguise all our body faults, that’s for sure. And we shouldn’t try to hide our bodies completely either. Why should we be made feel embarrassed about our body and the way it looks?

For a plus-size woman who is aging, she has two battles on her hands. One is she is treated as “ga-ga” because she is “old”, and the other inference is that she has let herself go to the extent of being obese. And that means she has a cheek expecting to be able to buy clothes that make her feel and look good, from her point of view.

It’s wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

Experiment. Go into trendy boutiques and stores that sell for the younger market. Get an idea of what is available, and whether you could open your mind to wearing a certain garment. Add to that garment in your mind first, and then look for something to go with the first item. Accessorise. Look around for nice shoes, belts (if you have a waist), and jewellery. If you want to be a twinset and pearl lady, then be one. If you’d like to show a bit of cleavage (at 60-70 or more) then do so. If you want to wear red, be brave and do it.

It’s your life, after all, and you need only answer to yourself when it comes to how you dress. That is, of course, assuming that you see yourself for who and what you are, not someone to make fun of yourself so that others do likewise, but someone with a smart mind ready to follow through on what is best for you.

Shake and Soup Diet Plans

Here we go again. Warnings about dangerous diet programmes. Are we listening? Because unless we do, and unless we get off the merry-go-round (and it certainly isn't merry) of dieting to lose weight, then we'll be getting similar warnings in decades to come.

During this past week, the findings of Consumer Group - "Choice", has damned popular pharmacy shake and soup diet plans. They claim that these diet plans can be potential health risks and are plagued with poor advice.

"Choice" says that dieters in their desperation to lose weight are paying hundreds of dollars, and being advised by consultants who have "grossly inadequate" training about weight loss.

Health experts raised concerns about the calorific, carbohydrate and fibre levels of some plans, and warned some people risked wasting muscle instead of fat.

A well known pharmacy with stores in all States even sold their diet programmes to children. Choice said it was a disgrace. The pharmacy spokesperson justified their selling to children by saying their programme gave extensive psychological support to children. Was he being fair dinkum?

It doesn't say much for the integrity of these pharmacies or their staff, that the advice and support consumers are receiving about quick-fix diet programmes is manifestly inadequate.

My observation is this. (And I suspect many thousands of people have the same opinion). Diets don't work. Diets aren't a natural way of fueling the body. Diets make people ill. Diets cause people to have all sorts of side-issues to contend with (i.e. "I diet and I still don't lose weight, I'm a no-hoper!").

And if diets do work, then why aren't we all slim and trim? Tell me that. Because if it were true, then there'd be no diet programmes and there'd be no companies making lots of money out of people who desire to get thin. In fact there'd be no "diet industry". Think about it. Seriously.

The Cost of Being Plus-Size - 3

In my previous blogs, I've been talking about the foolish claims made by people who "create" diets so that those of us who fall into the trap of believing their claims, will follow. And even though people everywhere will follow those diets religiously and stringently over time, their expectations are never quite realised. Why? Because yes, they may lose a little weight but as soon as they revert to eating what the body by that time is craving, then they will pile on the weight again. And always it is more weight than they first started off with. That sets in motion a roller-coaster ride, because most plus-sizers will try and try and try again; sometimes the same "diet", most times any other diet that makes outlandish claims and seems to have the answers to everyone's dreams. As one of these people over decades, I can speak with authority and experience - diets don't work.

So let's get on with what other way the media, and even our family and friends can offer "help". It's very insidious and it's very damaging and it's very discriminatory and it's very abusive.

I'm talking about being told that the only way to fix the problem is to have weight loss surgery. In fact here in Australia there's a move by the government to insist that "morbidly obese" people have one form or another of WLS and that these operations will be subsidised. What has the reaction been by those people who are not overweight or obese? Utter condemnation that people of size deserve any subsidisation! The anger continues.  For those who'll do anything (many without even considering any of the risks involved) this is another incidence that what the government tells us to do, we'll do!

But WLS is NOT the answer for everyone at all. It's all very well for the media (and I blame the women's magazines as much as I do the advertisers of companies who are out to make millions from this form of torture. And I do call it torture, because I've seen a number of women who have had the operation and who have been scarred both physically and emotionally to such an extent that they are only reflections of their former self. Their "confidence" is equated with how they look when they are dressed; NOT when they are eating a meal, or when they are living their lives. In fact these women have been so traumatised by the surgery that they verbalise the words "I wish I hadn't done it".

Now, I know I'll get many people saying all this is just imagination. That they're had WLS and their lives have changed dramatically for the good, and they will tell everyone to have the surgery carried out. Well, I say to these people, congratulations. I'm glad it's worked for you. And I'd like you to tell me in 5 years, 10 years time that you still feel the same way.

But there is another high cost. These operations cost a lot, financially, and people go into great debt for them. So that's one aspect. The other aspect is that if the surgery does not work, and it doesn't always, how does the person feel? Shattered.

Many overweight people (who are now told they're "obese" or morbidly obese) have other health problems as well as being overweight. Those problems may even be hidden until the surgery and then come out fighting. Even if those health problems have been diagnosed and are being treated, they can get worse.

Most people who have WLS have to undergo ongoing surgery for the removal of loose skin. Now that doesn't sound so bad does it? But if you were shown photos of some of the loose skin that has to be removed after WLS surgery, during your consultations with the WLS surgeons BEFORE surgery, and have that aspect of the operation explained to you, then perhaps you'd try and go another route to becoming the slimmer person you want to be.

You've got to talk about these things with your doctor. You've got to have confidence in your doctor to be able to be assured that he is telling you everything you need to know. You need to ask questions and more questions, and to even write down the answers. Over and over again.

You see it's your body, and your emotional being, that is being treated in a WLS situation. You have to have as many facts as possible (even the negative ones) in order to make a valuable decision.

And don't believe all the hype you see on television and read in magazines that are "advertisements" and not necessarily recommendations from real people. There's a lot of make believe out there, and we get caught up in that make believe without even knowing.

So it absolutely astounded me when I heard on radio this morning that many hospitals here in Australia have been overwhelmed with the numbers of babies being registered for weight control advice. These babies haven't necessarily been "big" or heavy babies at birth , but within 12 months they're seen to be "obese". Tell me what is going on here.

Are these babies being breastfed? If so, why are they becoming overweight? If they are not being breastfed, I ask the same question. Because you can't tell me that a baby between birth and 12 months is eating nasty "fast-foods" filled with saturated fats and over zealous amounts of sugar and salt, that are making them fat, all day and every day.

It's becoming more and more obvious to adults and now children who are labelled as being plus-size, that it is NOT the food they are eating, nor the quantity of food they are eating. Too many only eat normal and small sized meals with no snacks in between and no high-fat foods within their normal eating patterns. But I've been saying this for decades now. And I'll repeat it again and again until someone takes notice.

It is NOT so much the food we are eating,
but it is what is IN the food we are eating.

All natural ingredients are being processed, with additives and chemicals, that no-one has any idea what will be the result of ingestion over periods of time. Just take a quick look at the labels on food. I bet, like me, you can't understand what you're reading. So when are the authorities going to get manufacturers and suppliers to really tell the truth? And why are many foods grown or manufactured in one country, imported to ours, and then packed here, and labelled "made from imported and local ingredients". What does this tell us? Absolutely nothing.

Let the experts (dietitians/nutritionists/scientists) do some research. Let them do some serious analysing of the food that we all eat every day, and this includes the staple foods; bread, eggs, flour, meat, vegetables, fruit, lentils, rice. Then let's do some serious talking about what is going on with food in our bodies. This is a conspiracy.

 © 2010                                     (© Painting - Henri Toulouse Lautrec - Woman ..... 1889)

Priorities!

Rian met us at the coffee shop this morning.   She'd just done her shopping at the local supermarket, and had a trolley full of purchases.   However, in the "baby" carrier of the trolley, sat one huge bunch of luscious pale pink roses.

How did you manage to "afford" roses?, Ginny asked.   "Well, it's like this, I decided to set some priorities today." replied Rian, Gareth (her husband) has been ignoring her lately, and when he left for work this morning he demanded she get two large frozen pizzas for his tea.   Rian decided one pizza would do when she saw the roses.   So Gareth will have one large frozen pizza for his tea - heated up in the oven and then cleverly cut so that he won't know the difference between the quantity of one and two pizzas.   Rian will have a quick little salad of her favourite fruit and vegetables, and she'll also have her bunch of roses to please her senses for a few days.


You know, sometimes we need to spoil ourselves or indulge in nice things that please us - too often we go without.   So if you see something that you would really love to have, and can afford it (even if it means one less pizza for tea!), then why not go ahead?

Want to get in Shape?

Find yourself a new lover 
says an Italian research team.

The "heady" feeling (all to due to chemicals in our brain and our body) of romance has been found to have the same effects as chocolate and other sugary treats on the body!

I guess it all depends on what you really need. As you satisfied with the lover you have? Then all you need to do is to enjoy chocolate.

If you're not satisfied with your lover, then finding a new one (and keeping him!) might do the trick.

Don't get "needs" mixed up with "wants" though!

Eating out!

A group of us decided to go out for lunch on Saturday.   The weather looked as though it was going to be kind to us, so off we trekked to Westfield Shopping Town at Doncaster.

While most of us had never even heard of TGI Friday - it seems that it's a well-known eating place for those in the "know".   And we've been converted!

The young staff are attentive, and eager to please.   Nothing seems to be too much trouble or inconvenience to them and most of the other diners around us were saying much the same thing.

So here are a few of the items chosen at our table.   A vegetarian burger;  baked salmon on a caesar salad;  something "Mexican" (we still can't even work out how to say the word!), and a few others for you to consider.

 And to finish off the meal, what better than one of their mini sweets - delicious little mousse like sweets that melted in the mouth.  

 The meals are thoroughly recommended.   (A bit pricey, but for a special treat, very acceptable!).

The size of font on this blog

A number of ladies have recently written to say that they're having difficulty in reading this blog because of the size of the font.

I'm wondering how many others are finding this, because going from the default sizes offered by Blogger, we've been using the "normal" size font.  

Let's know if you're having difficulty too!

Getting ready for the December newsletter

I've been getting together all the articles and bits of trivia for the December issue of RoseMary's NoteBook (if you'd like to have your name added to the mailing list, then please visit the website and write to us here at the office).


During the past week, we sent out a Fashion Supplement highlighting one of our favourite plus-size clothing suppliers in the US, with a special offer to readers of RoseMary's NoteBook©.   We're now getting some initial feedback from other suppliers here in Australia - things look good for upcoming offers and specials for readers.   It's been a long time coming, but I believe the value of promoting clothing (among other things) through the newsletter will soon prove it's worth to those who are interested in supporting us through this way.


When I say other things I mean anything that celebrates and enhances a woman's looks (no diets, no cosmetic surgery or WLS ads or anything like that though); such as makeup; hair care and hints; skin care; nail beauty; footwear (shoes, sandals and boots);  jewellery (this can cover a wide range of accessories);  handbags;  scarves;  and very importantly self-esteem initiatives.  And these self-esteem initiatives need not necessarily come via "professional" people;  they can just as easily be stories or articles from ordinary every-day women who have found answers to many of their own concerns and problems by way of experience and trial and error.

If you have a shop, boutique, or even a small mall kiosk, selling any of these items, then why not avail yourself of promoting your goods through the NoteBook each month?


Experience gained is one thing, but experience shared is quite another.   And we can all benefit from personal stories of women who have travelled many different roads to get to the gaining of self-appreciation and all that's entailed in that.