Aging Outrageously! - Missing out on some of the good (fun) things!

Growing older to a lot of women means "doing without" even more things and more often that they've usually done.  Why?

I've been reading a lot of posts lately where women say they're becoming even more lonely than ever; they never have anything to look forward to;  they feel as though they're sitting in a corner and nobody cares!

If you're mobile, can get up into a bus without too much pain and discomfort;  even have a car and can still drive, then there are some things that you can do to improve your daily plans.  There's much to be said for "volunteering" and this isn't a bad idea at all.   Think about joining an auxiliary at your local hospital and "man" their kiosk or small cafe team;  join a group of ladies who go visiting shut-ins;  sit and talk with other women who are undergoing chemo or other treatments.  Add your presence to work at a charity shop.  If you like animals, offer to "pet-sit" occasionally.   Ask your council about having your home address being added to the "Safe Houses" for school children to come to if they feel anxious about other people in the street at school home-time (you'll need a Police Clearance as well).  All these things can be fun and you meet a lot of people - young and old.   If you're more outgoing, then why not put a notice up in the local coffee shop and invite other ladies to join you for say a Wednesday morning coffee-get-together at that same coffee shop.   

Why not do an on-line course in a subject you have a special interest in, or a course at your local Neighborhood House.   There are many "hobby" classes available - painting, crafts, scrapbrooking, cake making; cookery etc.  But then you're probably an expert in all of these things already, having done them during your earlier years.   But hey, there's no reason why you can't do "refresher" courses in these things - it can be fun and there's always someone you'll meet that will make the course and the morning (or afternoon) well worth while.   And most Neighborhood Houses have a "coffee morning" anyway - women are invited to attend at no cost and it's great to have a chat even with strangers in this non-intimidating environment.

Write a family journal - everybody seems to be interested in genealogy at the moment , but it's sometimes the little personal anecdotes that are more interesting and important to family members.   Put your memories down on paper.  Even if noone else "seems" interested, then at least you will have performed something for your own pleasure.   If you have a computer then you can quite easily draw up family "trees" and add photographs to your journal (and you don't necessarily need special computer software for this - basic word processing and adding photos is all you really need).

There are those women who have "always" been active - played bowls; attended elderly citizens meetings;  gone on bus trips with other groups;  been part of a garden group;  a book club;  groups attending theatre and cinema outings.   Many other women have been too busy with family and other commitments to follow these things through their younger years.   As far as career women are concerned, their whole lives have been filled with meeting dead-lines and agenda of employers, coupled with managing a home and bringing up a family.  Who had time for hobbies or other interests?

Yet there are some slightly "outrageous" things you can plan to do.   What about taking some lessons in ballroom or line-dancing (yep, there are classes sprinkled all around the city and suburbs and people who are wonky on their legs all go and have a wonderful time!).   Belly-dancing is something that is both pleasurable and beneficial, especially if you suffer arthritis.   I can speak from experience here.  As a timid and shy person, I found belly-dancing was so liberating and empowering - I surprised myself by having so much fun.   Save up and have a birthday fling on a Harley Davidson bike (most places have this sort of "tourist" thing available - you can pretend you're a tourist and this will open countless doors of opportunity for you.)  And imagine how jealous your friends will be when you tell them you rode a Harley Davidson with a great looking "bikie" - in leathers!  Get a photo if you possibly can, so you can boast about it.  I reckon boasting if more than half the fun.

And maybe you're not so mobile?   We'll talk about that a little later.        To be continued ......

The "uniform" of today

(I found this picture on the internet - copyright is Vintage Sewing.info)

I was waiting for Carol to arrive at the local coffee shop. With large floor to ceiling windows looking out into the mall, I watched as people went about shopping, stopping to chat and so on.   It suddenly occurred to me that women particularly have taken up a “uniform” in clothing which is becoming, if not already, dull and unimaginative, to the extent that femininity seems to be taking a back seat.

Apart from jeans and tee shirts, the majority of women are wearing hip length shirts usually in black - sometimes as a jacket over the ubiquitous tee shirt, with black pants. The more I looked, the more I saw the same.

I was recently talking with a group of women and they were recounting the years when their daughters were teenagers.  The daughters and their friends were complaining they no longer wanted to wear a school uniform when attending school/college. . “It wasn’t cool to look the same as everyone else”. It wasn’t fair that the school “made” them do so - they wanted to wear the clothes they chose. They got their own way.

Those daughters are now grown up and have teenagers of their own. But something strange has happened. No longer do they wear "choices". Those daughters are now wearing this “middle-aged” uniform of a black tee shirt and black pants. Not only around the house but when they go out, even to the cinema or theatre, having a BBQ or visiting neighbours. Always the same sort of outfit. Their entire wardrobe seems to be made up of black tee shirts and black pants. I mentioned this “uniform look” to the ladies in my group and they explained their daughters had more or less the same answer,   “Surely Mum, you can understand they’re more comfortable”. 


More comfortable than what? And just what does being comfortable have to do with wearing clothes that are flattering, affordable, more colourful and maybe even more practical than tee shirts and black pants?

If the choice of wearing colourful clothing was taken away from women and they were only left with black or white tee shirts and black pants,  they'd be screaming "we want choice".

Look, I’m not saying for one minute that black tee shirt and black pants aren't comfortable and practical, but let’s get a bigger perspective on “fashion”.   For what appears to have happened is that the choices gained made all those years ago have now been put to one side and a new "uniform" has taken over. You can see it in women of all ages - young (even tweens), adult and elderly women.


And when it comes to young and older business women of today, they all seem to be wearing black as well.  Now, don't get me wrong - I love black and I wear it often.  But I do play around with coloured accessories such as shoes, handbags, jewellery and contrast shirts - the black sets off the colours I wear.  But I wonder if a lot of women don't see the adventure in playing with colour and texture and design and style and fabric? Have a look around at the women in your shopping mall or coffee shop next time you go and see if you don’t agree with me.  At the same time have a look around your office and see what your colleagues are wearing.

.......© 2011 Leonie Stevens, Australia

Life-Style Changes

Life-style changes occur in regular cycles for many people.  Of course there are those who have "found their spot in paradise" whether it is on an island in the Pacific or off the coast of Tasmania; or a small weatherboaed cottage in a country town, or even a small flat which they call their own in a suburb of any mighty city, and they don't have need to take stock and think seriously and hard about moving saround.

But for others the "call of the wild" or "freedom" is a constant reminder that they feel out of place, and fulfilled where they are at that precise moment in time.  Because they don't have the opportunity to change things - or do they?

With the advent of the unstoppable and ever expanding communication technologies which are becoming available for most of us (and for many "can't-do-without-ables") women everywhere are becoming more aware of their need to be satisfied with where they are (geographically as well as emotionally) and where they want to go.  How they are going to get there is yet another question which demands answers.

For those women fortunate enough to have their own homes, and/or businesses, and not to be under the threat of "eviction" either from their home or their marriage (partnership) and who have financial savings which can see them even through the foreseeable future, then the world's their oyster, in every possible way.

On the other hand, those women who have suffered emotionally and in some cases physically through bad relationships - whether it be marriage or even by bad parents or friends, need  extra incentives to first of all establish what they want for themselves and then what they want from life.  How they strive to attain it depends on the support of family and friends and sometimes ohly from the support each of us can build up from within ourselves.

Those without financial savings to call upon are quite often faced with quandries that appear too difficult to contemplate let alone to overcome.

However .......

It is so important for each of us to learn to value our own worth.   Our personal integrity demands it.  If we really want something with all our heart and mind, then we should go out and do what we can to assure that goal being reached.  And if it isn't?  Well, you know full well that you have done the very best.  Some might say that you didn't try hard enough or that you didn't really want it in the first place - how do they know?   They haven't a clue - don't waste time listening to them - your self-esteem can't allow THEIR opinions to take over your own goals and ambitions.

You've got to be satisfied with what you do and how you go about improving life for yourself.  Don't be satisfied with less than the best you can achieve.  And don't be put off by the fact that maybe you don't succeed at first try. Nothing that you really want is so easy as to be minimal or attainable without much effort.  Otherwise no-one would bother about setting goals and dreaming dreams of betterment.

We all have limitations.  We all have different needs and wants.  We all have different levels of those needs.  And we all come from different socio-economic-environments.

But don't let any of these things deter you 

in your quest to conquer doubts and to realise your dreams

And why shouldn't we all have dreams?  They're the building blocks of confidence,

Set yourselves some simple little "wants" and go out and prove to yourself that you can achieve them.  It's up to you.

'

Yikes!

I don't know whether to sit in a corner and cry my heart out - or jump up and down screaming.   One thing or the other.  And the reason why?

In my email box this morning I received a number of emails from readers of this newsletter (and if you'd like to have your name added to the mailing list, please contact us by leaving a comment and you'll be made most welcome) as well as a bundle of "promotional" links,  all on the same subject!

Challenges for 2011! 

Now there's nothing wrong with that - in fact it sounds good.  But then I read on.   ALL these challenges had to do with following some sort of diet - not that they were all given that title, but it doesn't take much to realise that these are gimmicks from so-called reputable agencies (individuals) suggesting you follow their programme and you'll not only lose weight, but hey presto, you'll be fit and well too!  Weight? - Poof - gone for good.   Shape?  -  Poof - you'll be as "ideal" as Elle McPherson, Miranda Kerr, Megan Gale, Jennifer Hawkins - no worries.  Blood Pressure and other ailments?  Poof - cleared up, cleaned out, all better again!   Depression?  Gone for ever - no need to worry about that any more!  More sexy?  Of course!   Following the directions in many of these programmes, and you'd find yourself more beautiful than the most digitally enhanced Disney cartoon!   Sure ......

Of course there's nothing wrong with these goals - but let's be honest here, many women have not only one ailment but a combination of two or three or even more.  And some of these because of the length of time experienced, have now become "chronic".   And this doesn't only relate to women of size - women of all ages, shapes and sizes (even size zero) can be "unwell".

One of these "diets" recommended that the participant no longer take their prescribed medication and allowed their body and mind to heal "naturally" and completely all without any chemical help!  To eat only the foods established by these "nutritionists" as being what our body needs (everybody's bodies apparently).   Well, that's all right for them to say, but for a lot of women if they no longer took their medication for any number of ailments, then they'd probably collapse and go into a coma.  And because our focus is on building up of self-esteem of women of ALL ages, ALL sizes and ALL shapes, it would be wrong to publicise or promote these new fangled "diets" because of possible and probable consequences.  Being told what food to eat, and when to eat it, sounds more like a return to the bad old days when diet's ruled king!

Not every woman who is deemed as being "plus-size" is unhealthy.   In fact it might surprise everyone to know that the majority of plus-size women are not only healthy, but they're happy too.  They're "satisfied" with what they look like;  and they get on with life as individuals completely at ease with their lives and in fact are examples which most of us like to emulate.  

Look, you and I know that probably we would be better off with a bit less weight - however .......   That does not mean to starve our bodies (and minds) of what we need;  to eat and drink what is not necessarily good for us;  to go without medication which our intelligence tells us our bodies need to keep functioning properly.

Many of these "diets" require intensive exercise - for someone who has exercised, even lightly, over a period of time, then moving into a more rigorous regime is a little easier, than for someone who hasn't done push-ups since they were in High School!   And a woman of near enough to 20 stone should she try to exercise along the lines sprouted, could well have a heart attack rather than slim down overnight.

Then there are the vitamin supplements that you should take with the "new diet".   Piffle.   If we were able to purchase food as it should be, then we'd have no need for ADDED supplements.   If food wasn't played around with - this taken out, then that put in, with preservatives, food colourings, additives with numbers for goodness sake (which most of us don't know what is what) and so on, then we'd be much healthier anyway. 

We thought we'd gone through all this before - but it seems we're being confronted with this sort of bias and need to be manipulated by people who only want to make money, not to help us, again.  And each time it becomes even more hostile and demanding.

We feel sure there'll be a lot more to say on this subject a little later. 

A Woman in a Corporate World!

Why are there so few women in top corporate jobs? And those who are, are they seen to be representative of intelligent well-educated women fully able to manage and be decision makers, or do they quickly become a slightly softened version of the tough and over-riding personality of big-time male corporate heads? I am not being biased, I'm simply asking a question. Because from where I stand, those women who have taken up top jobs seem to lose a lot of their femininity - and I'm not talking about the way they dress - and become something else.

Occasionally it's good to look at this question from another angle. Read and enjoy and if you feel like laughing out loud, then do so, it will do you the world of good!

"Why Woman are not appointed to Company Boards"

1. There are no suitable women. We've looked and can't find any
2. This is a highly specialised field
3. Women are specialists. We need generalists
4. We already have one woman on the board
5. If gender becomes the prime selection criterion, we'll dilute the value of the other criteria and will get inferior directors
6. It's insulting to appoint a woman to the board because of her gender
7. We had a woman once but she was hopeless so we can't risk another one
8. It's bad for women to appoint inadequate women as directors
9. We don't believe in quotas
10. Women mostly get appointed through patronage or seduction
11. A woman would be disastrous on this board
12. Being from Queensland (or other constituency) is more important than being female
13. It's not fair to aspiring male directors to have women push in ahead of them
14. Who'll look after the interests of men if the board is dominated by women?
15. Women talk too much, go off on tangents, are emotional, moody etc
16. Women are distracted by family interests and you can't be sure of their priorities
17. You can't have more than one woman on a board because they fight
18. The other directors are not used to working with high-powered women. 75 per cent of them have stay-at-home wives and all the other women in their lives have been in subservient roles
19. Women executives in the company (Queen Bees) don't like having other women on the board
20. The other directors' wives are threatened by women board members working closely with their high-powered husbands (partners)
21. It is uncomfortable taking women on board retreats
22. Women don't play golf.

So now you've had a good laugh, OK? But I'd like you to stand back and re-read many of these points, because whether you believe it or not, the comments mentioned have been used for decades, and continue to be, in determining that women are not satisfactory material for sitting on corporate boards. In fact many of these comments have been used against employing women in middle to top management of companies, let alone becoming a member of a board.

And again I'm not being biased, but I've noticed something insidious within corporations. When a woman becomes the spokesperson for that company, be she the CEO or board member, it is she who has to bear the brunt of anger should that company be forced to admit losses in profits, or even worse, to under go liquidation with massive losses of employees jobs. It's almost as though the rest of the entire board become invisible and innocent.

Corporate decisions are not made by one person but it's sometimes easier to blame a woman, (if there is one on the board or in top management). Perhaps I AM biased? But I don't think so. I've seen too much of how corporations work. 

.....© Leonie Stevens, Australia

Quote for the day

 It makes no difference how many peaks you reach

if there was no pleasure in the climb.

....Oprah Winfrey

Now we've got another gene to blame!

Did you see the article in a recent newspaper that says if we have the ability to keep "cool, calm and collected" when others around us are having tantrums, temper blasts and "losing their heads", then we can thank our parents?

It seems studies in Germany at the University of Bonn asked more than 800 people on how they handled anger. Their DNA's were tested to determine which of three versions of a gene affecting depression levels they carried.

Those with one version were significantly "cooler" than those with the others. Angry types also had less grey matter in the brain's emotional centre. (Behavioural Brain Research)

While talking about "grey" matter - oh, how Agatha Christie loved this subject - it seems from studies here in Australia that teenagers who are binge drinking are opening themselves to all sorts of brain malfunctions, now and in the future, in that their levels of "white" matter are decreasing rapidly.

This brought about a question amongst our group this morning - just how many different coloured "matters" do we actually have in our brain?

Would that account for some people having black and white dreams while others always have technicolour?

Hmmmmm.

I'm not making any New Year's Resolutions!

I think a lot of you might be surprised at how many women (particularly) are saying this, even at this early stage of the New Year (it's the 2nd January here, so we're well started!)

Is this a different tack we're taking, or is it something we've come to realise is simply common sense and realistic in a world that is constantly telling us to do this, or do that, all for our own benefit, of course!  And that pressure begins to wear thin after a while.

For those of us who are deemed "plus-size" - in fact women per se, because all women seem to be under attack to diet, to undergo cosmetic surgery, to make themselves look far younger than their years (which quite frankly can be done to a great extent with the clever use of makeup tips and tricks). to "do" Botox, WLS, tummy tucks, liposuction, and so on, the "merry-go-round" is no longer funny, and we should all step off!  Right now!

Who has the right to say that I "should do something" about my grey hair;  my wrinkles;  my ample tummy and hips", when they suit me fine.   Now, there's a lot of debate about "if you lost weight then you'd be healthier"!  Ha.   Can this be proven - across the board?   Don't thin women suffer from arthritis, blood pressure, under/over-active thyroids, high cholesterol, and diseases such as cancer, diabetes and the like?  Of course they do.   But you'd think by the constant attacks via the media as well as other "professional" people that it's only the woman who is curvaceous who is the culprit and therefore she deserves all the flak she gets.

Let me ask you this.   Be honest with yourself on this one.  Have you ever started any New Year off with the resolution, "I'm going to diet, seriously this time, and lose weight, and then I'll be healthy, and happy!"  And did it work?  Seriously?    And when it didn't work did you feel guilty and deride and berate yourself mercilessly?  Why?   Have you realised as yet, that diets don't work? - but that good habits (and this doesn't only include food, mind you) are good for you. Surprisingly, and I bet a lot of you won't believe this (as yet anyway), when you've set those good habits into practice, you'll find to your complete surprise that your weight no longer is the problem it seems, because quite literally you'll shed some of it.  I know this sounds too good to be true, but it's happened to some of us here, and certainly to lots of our friends.  

As a group of intelligent, and beautiful women, we've decided not to make resolutions, but to focus on really important things during this coming year.   Relationships, studies, personal lives and life-styles, enjoyment of life, and mixing and mingling with other like-minded women.  Goals for personal development that may be short, medium and long term, but which with discipline and determination we know we can achieve - at least some of them anyway!

So while we're talking about NOT making New Year Resolutions, we'd encourage you to have a look at this absolutely brilliant blog from Kelly Bliss, one of our special friends in the USA.   Start the New Year off with some firm ideas of how you want to feel about yourself and to build upon your self-confidence in the process.  Look at the situation fairly and squarely and honestly and then encourage yourself to strive towards self-acceptance and self-appreciation.   Let's all join hands, even across the miles, and see what we can achieve, individually and corporately.

http://lifewithbliss.blogspot.com/2011/01/have-you-seen-new-years-revolution.html

And after all, New Year's Resolutions too often end up in New YEAR disillusions!  So dispense with them - the disillusions, that is!

.....©2011 Rosemary

Happy New Year!

The build up to New Year's Eve (and the associated parties and get-togethers for families and friends) is really evident now!  Here in Australia it's literally New Year's Eve Day, and many small parties are already beginning!  Families are meeting up with each other for a quick snack at local cafes and restaurants while others are preparing the BBQ in the back garden for later in the day.

We were "promised' temperatures up around the 40 degrees, although while it's humid outdoors, there could also be the possibility of thunder storms later. 

So not let's waste time.   Here's our wish to everyone - Happy New Year!   May all your dreams come true, may your goals be achieved, and may you have a happy, safe, contented and happy New Year to follow.   These wishes are expressed to all, but especially to those many thousands of people in Queensland who have been evacuated from their homes as a consequence of devastating floodwaters which have swallowed whole towns in their wake.  We're thinking of you, most of us are doing our little bit to send you assistance, through finance, food and necessary daily needs;  we know it's not enough, but you are our brothers and sisters and we care about you.  Hang in there;  keep hope alive, and don't give in.   The New Year is around the corner, and this could bring you all new opportunities of positiveness and optimism.

I'm a hoarder!

It's crazy.   The more I think I'm organised, the less organised I become!   It's true.

I never make New Years resolutions for the simple reason I never seem to be able to achieve them.  However, I (and the whole group here) set goals - it's part of our philosophy of "encouraging" each other, and encouraging ourselves.  Resolutions and goals, in our way of thinking at any rate, are completely different.

Now I've got to be honest.  I do "collect" things.   My best friends say I'm a hoarder, and I have to agree.  You see, there are so many things that I collect which are memory-reminders.   Especially of nice people, of happy occasions, and a little bit of nostalgia along the way.    I live a simple life, and don't travel, so I surround myself with items that to me express happiness and love.

When I move house (which as a renter seems to be more often than I would like) it seems my "collections" take precedence over every-day necessities.   They get packed first and carefully, while other things are either packed hurriedly or else turfed out or put aside for a deserving charity shop.   It happens all the time.   The irony of this is that quite often I have to replace many of these items further down the track.  But truly, it doesn't worry me.

Because you see, for me, my "memory-reminders" are important to me, and to who I am.  For other women, they take no importance in their lives and are effectively just rubbish.  But I'm not a 'minimalist', I'm a person who loves happy and pretty things around me.   So I've come to the conclusion that, yes, I'm a hoarder!   That's OK with me, because that's what I am.

Changing that ingrained habit, is NOT among my New Year goals, I assure you. 

© Autumn Parry, Australia 

Favourite Food Things - It's a fact!

Everywhere (here in Australia that is) we are being blasted with television shows all based around food.

Not only imported shows, but local shows as well. The first "Master Chef" series spawned at least two series, that of the winner Poh Ling Yeow (known more popularly as just "Poh") and runner-up Julie Goodwin (under the Coles sponsorship). No doubt before long we'll be seeing shows based on the winner and runner up of the second show.  Following the success of the Master Chef series, we were subjected to the Master Chef Kids programmes.  They probably were excellent, but for many of us, a little too often becomes too much (meaning the shows, not the foods).

We have Curtis Stone (under the Coles sponsorship), Nigella Lawson, Jamie Oliver, Rick Stein, Heston's Feasts (and his series based on the Little Chef restaurants throughout England); and a New Zealand lady who cooks ups feasts in her lovely farm kitchen.  We have a Vietnamese food show celebrating street/or river foods.   Last year we had two series based on natural/organic growing farms in the UK, which took us (and the contestants who stayed on the farms) through the actual planting, growing, gathering of seeds, the buying of chickens, sheep, beef and everything in between, and even included the slaughtering, cutting and storing. There wasn't much left to the imagination.  A similar show here told the story of a leading Australian food commentator selling up and moving to Tasmania where he too, took on the natural/organic farm concept.  Some people were enamoured by Gordon Ramsay but he soon distanced himself from many by his intolerable behaviour.

Two people who had a very popular series that lasted quite a few years were Simon Bryant and Maggie Beer (much loved here in Australia); their series "The Cook and the Chef" remained as popular at the last as it was when it first began. Good, no nonsense, happy, comfort, filling, delicious and delectable food.

But this segment within RoseMary's NoteBook© isn't going to be about chefs and cooks and all that. It's about food, everyday food, that we enjoy. It's not about recipes, unless of course you'd like to send in some of your favourites with pictures. It will be a blog about food as the group here enjoy it!

Leonie Stevens ..... on Daydreaming .....

I'm at long last finding time to spend to myself and I'm being surprised every day with the knowledge there are times when I like solitude.

Let me hasten to say though, that in no way do I enjoy being "lonely" and sometimes it happens - but I mean choosing to be "alone" is quite nice when you want it to be.

For those of you who know me a little through my columns in various women's newsletters, you'll already know my career curve has taken another one - curve I mean! I'm loving the freedom that this choice is giving me in doing the things that I want to do, when I want to do them, and with whom I want to do them. And I'm saying nothing further in that regard - well, not at the moment anyway.

This morning has been one of those "supposedly" summer days with the promise of warm sunshine but a chilly little breeze reminding me that a cardigan would have been prudent!  While sitting down with a good book and a cup of coffee - with cream! - I found I was suddenly transported away on imaginings and my thoughts were falling all over each other in their scramble to form a sensible pattern. I realise I was daydreaming, and when I thought more seriously about it, I realised I hadn't had time to daydream for years, being heavily committed to business activities and travelling and then having to run the home as well before my CDC - "career direction change".

I remembered as a child - especially in the classroom, when I would dabble in daydreaming - of course neither the teacher nor my parents found it a bit amusing, and told me I was wasting valuable time and expense in doing so.

But you know, I found in my early and mid-adulthood, that being able to daydream occasionally rounded off some of the harsh edges that life created for me. And I guess it's the same for many people. Being able to put day-dreams into action plays a big part in our abilities to take on new challenges, to set new goals and to undertake new adventures.

I don't know about you, but I find daydreams very valuable stuff - without them I think life would be sadly lacking in some of the romance and fantasy areas that we all need at some time during our lives.

That's not to say we should spend the whole day daydreaming, but occasionally it can do us good. As a matter of fact just like chocolates - I've read so many times over the past decade or so just how VERY good chocolates can be for us, if eaten sensibly and moderately.

That's great because I've decided to take advantage of daydreaming when I want to, and enjoying chocolates when I want to. Perhaps I can combine the two together!

Because I reckon I'll be all the happier - knowing that there's no suggestion of "having to go without" all because people say that neither are good for me. To me, "going without",  WOULD be a waste of time!

© 2010 Leonie Stevens, Australia

A little bit of wisdom?

How can we justify claiming that we're fighting for acceptance,
and yet show lack of empathy towards others?

Disillusionment will not only erode self confidence of another person,
but can destroy any creativeness.

© 2006/10 Rose Davida, UK

Lies will only hurt people.
When the lies stop, the healing begins.

If you look at the essence of life,
it's about being grateful for that unique life and living every day and every moment.

Life isn't about where we're at,
but more about our behaviour
how we deal with circumstances
and how we treat people (including ourselves).

© 2007/10, Autumn Parry, Australia

Then there's .....

More in the series of "What is it that makes a man attractive?" ....

How could we have missed Rutger Hauer? (Remember him from LadyHawke?)

Christmas

How does Santa take his photos?    Answer:  His North POLE-aroid

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?   Answer:   A Christmas Quacker

What did the guest sing at the eskimos' Christmas party?   Answer:  Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Who delivers cats' Christmas presents?  Answer:  Santa Paws

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal alphabet?  Answer:  No-L

Merry Christmas to you all!

It's actually Christmas Eve here (Australia), and the team here would like to take this opportunity of wishing all our readers a very Merry Christmas.    And may each of you be surrounded with lots of love and laughter.

Take time out from the hustle and bustle of the busy-ness associated with rushing around doing what people do in the hours before Christmas Day, and enjoy the real meaning of Christmas.   Relax and ponder upon the simple pleasures of life including the giving and sharing not only of gifts, but also of yourself to each other.   Taking time to catch up on what's been happening during this past year, and sharing family "gossip";  sharing in dreams and hopes and plans for the New Year.

To all our friends, may this be a blessed time for you all.   Have a safe, contented, joy filled Christmas season. 

Chronicles of a 21st century Woman

Introduction

As a motivational speaker and "encourager", I'm always on the look-out for like-minded women, who see the need to surround other women who have low (or no) self-esteem, with lots of positiveness and optimism. That's not to say everyone should go around with a big happy smile on their face, even when their lives are breaking apart, pretending that everything's OK. We have to be sensible and realise that it's a part of life having to go through experiences that will uplift us, and others that will drag us down to depths of despair. But it's what we "do" with the highs and lows that is important. Not only to us but to those around us.

In today's society there is a lot of controversy, hypocrisy and discrimination as it relates to looks, age, size and shape. That discrimination then translates into non-acceptance of a person's race, their education, and their beliefs.

This is when basic common sense and good manners get lost in the overflow of antagonism and hostility, from one person to another. In other words things get out of control. The person on the receiving end finds there's no let-up in the stings and barbs, and the perpetrator becomes immune to any understanding of how the other person feels.

Things become more and more confused and complicated. And there's no real reason why life should be this way.

It's usually women, and quite often family members and friends, who belittle other women because they "look" different, by way of looks, shapes and sizes. Why is it so? Why can't we all get on with one another; sharing accomplishments and hurdles with smiles, added offers of encouragement and just "being there" for each other?

Why do we feel threatened by other women? Either by personal achievement; more beautiful looks and figures; or just an inability to "see" another woman as being a friend rather than a foe?

And what is the answer?   There are a few ways of dealing with this.   If we do feel "threatened" by the success or otherwise of other women, we should ask ourselves why we feel this way.   Then think about our own attributes or successes and learn to see ourselves as accomplishers in our own right. 

If you feel that other women discriminate against you personally, then there are two options available to you.  One is to go along and accept this sort of treatment (which won't do you much good in the long run) or two to take the situation in hand, explain that you'd rather be in harmony with others rather than at war, then leave it to them to take the course of action they prefer.  If they walk away and you lose out on their "friendship",  then you must ask yourself, "were they actually my friend in the first place?"   

We can all do with analysing our behaviour and tolerance and acceptance of others - it's called "growing up", and we can learn a lot from tackling challenges of this sort. 

..... © Zuzu

Waiting until ........

You've probably heard someone say they'll wait until ....... before they'll do this, that or the other.  In fact if we're honest most of us have said the same thing.  I know I did, especially as it relates to losing weight.   And over the years I've heard thousands of women say the same thing.

"I'll wait until I lose wait .... before I travel overseas",   "..... before I do that course at University",  "..... before I'll buy that gorgeous red taffeta dress"; "....... before I'll start going out";  "...... before I'll find a man who is attracted to me"........ before I'll buy a swimsuit";  "...... before I'll join some friends for coffee"; "before I'll have a baby".     And so it goes.

Look at it this way.   Why do we wait?   Why should we wait?   Because if we look at the situation fairly and squarely, we'll see that we're setting ourselves up for a "what if we don't lose the weight" scenerio, and what happens then?  We become embittered and despair of ever being happy.

We go without the things that we would dearly love to achieve in the meantime, and who's to say that the opportunity to do what we wish for will still be there should we happen to lose that weight?   We may be successful in losing the weight and then find to our dismay that we don't or can't do what we dearly wanted.

On the other hand, I say (and OK this has been learned over many decades and through many episodes of self-doubt) go ahead and do these things NOW.   Putting things off never achieved anything really substantial in the long run.   Travel overseas - do that course - buy that dress and swimsuit - go out and meet up with friends - and if you and your partner are determined try for a baby.  And there's no reason why you shouldn't find a man who finds you attractive - it happens all the time - you just don't hear about all the success stories!  

Don't put things off.   Too many stories are told of people who missed out on so much just because they put things off "until they lost weight ......".

Losing weight is not the answer to any of our self-doubts;  confidence has to be fought and won by our own determination and strength (with a little help from our friends of course).   Confidence in our self,  our abilities and our potential is not dependent upon our weight (or our losing weight). 

We're intelligent, articulate women.  yet sometimes we fall into the trap of telling ourselves (over and over again) that it is the weight that holds us back from fulfilling our dreams.  Not so.   It is allowing the negative thoughts to take control and to manipulate our thoughts and emotions that are the trouble - dispense with the negative thoughts and replace them with "I can".   Try it out.  And have fun doing it, without waiting "........... until!"

(And if you can't find a red taffeta dress or swimsuit that suits you, then find yourself a dressmaker who will take on the job of making you look stunning.  It will be well worth it.  As far as a flattering swimsuit is concerned, have a look at Monif C's website in the US - her suits are absolutely incredible!)

© R P-B, 2010

What is it that makes a man attractive?

Whew! It looks like I've started something here. The way things are going I'll land up with a whole gallery of "attractive" men. But then, what's so wrong with that, I ask?
 
So here we are, a couple more of our favourite television actors. William Petersen (he who left the series CSI and broke thousands of women's hearts!) and David Caruso (who has secured his place among the attractive men of today! . And it's not often we see "Horatio" without those dark glasses! Anyone got a better photo of David - say a close-up?

I saw this advertisement in a women's magazine

Inside I'm a free spirited gypsy

- an explorer who discovers new things everyday

a chocolate MONSTER

a QUEEN and a drama queen

inside I'm steel and marshmallow

a GODDESS, a Belly Dancer,
a BALLERINA and a sexy tango.

wanna dance?

Sorry, but I can't recall the name of the advertiser. Can anyone help?

Morgana de Courcy, 2010

Dating!

We met Bev again the other day.    You've probably heard us talk about Bev in various posts as well as through the Newsletter.  She's one of those girls who you just want to have as your friend;  her spontanaity and infectious smile and laughter can keep you going on those occasions when you might feel a little down-at-heart.  She's intelligent and she's a wizz at her job.

Bev's a big girl - she's had a lot of flak over the years about her size from people who don't really know her, and sadly from some of her own family members.  Yet honestly she's no bigger than a size 20.  It's other people's perspectives that are at odds with fact, as many of us are well aware.

The one thing that Bev doesn't have any problem with however, is having a boy friend.   She was going out with one young man for quite a while until he moved overseas and found he couldn't carry on a long-distance relationship.  (His loss!)

Anyway during our discussions over recent months, Bev occasionally let slip the name of Allan.  Most of us thought Allan was a work colleague or something like that.  However, when we caught up with her this week for coffee, she mentioned that Allan's parents had invited her to join them for their family Christmas get-together - not just Christmas Day but the entire week.  Both at their home and then on their boat cruising around the Gippsland Lakes.   Now it turns out that Allan's family is a well known one within the catering business and when they usually socialise or get together it's with other well-known dignatories and people most of us have heard of either through television or newspapers but most probably will never meet - they walk in different circles entirely!

After explaining that she'd already met Allan's parents on a number of occasions and they'd all gotten on extremely nicely, it seems his family have more-or-less decided that Bev is the girl for Allan.    Of course Allan is of the same opinion apparently!

But it goes to show that "big" girls can still find that they're more than "acceptable" in this day and age.  They don't have to be a size zero to attract a man;  they don't have to diet and starve and undergo cosmetic surgery to meet the unrealistic expectations of today's society, to fit in with that society, or as Bev laughingly said, "to meet (his) Mother's approval!"   Allan's mother is a lovely, mature aged lady with a fuller figure and who is known to "age gracefully" and there's never ever been a hint of Botox in her history!

What's the moral of this story?  Be happy with yourself, whatever your age, your figure, your shape or your size is concerned.  You are you, and you have all the traits and characteristics that make up a unique person.  Make the most of it - because you are, after all,  your own best asset!

Emotional Abuse!

A lot of people, and this goes for most people in western societies at least, form the opinion that because a person is plus-size (or naturally skinny) then they deserve to be treated as less than acceptable. They may not actually put it into words always, but they certainly show by their behaviour that this is what they think.

This inappropriate behaviour can range from disdain and indifference, through intolerance, and then into ridicule. All these behaviours represent one thing and one thing only - discrimination based on size, and as a consequence those behaviours shout "emotional abuse".

Yet you ask anyone who shows you contempt or treats you unfairly or makes you feel embarrassed because of your size, whether they are abusing you, and they’ll quickly say "of course not!" Just who are they trying to kid?

But emotional abuse and quite often verbal abuse or whatever they like to call it such as this, is discrimination in its lowest and coarsest form. Of course there’s also physical abuse and this is a subject that has horrendous ramifications and while it doesn’t only apply to plus-sizers or really thin people, it is nevertheless a scandal that society needs to confront and resolve. Not so easy? I agree.

But let’s get back to emotional abuse based on size. It’s very insidious and there are times when you may not even be aware that it is happening. Until you think about it afterwards. Then it becomes crystal clear. The subtle or not so subtle looks, smirks, the eyes of the other person taking in your size and then either looking away or even in the worst scenario actually saying something derogatory about you. The jokes, those jokes that make you cringe, but you laugh at yourself anyway, because you’re so embarrassed by their lack of sensitivity and of course you want to be seen to have an open mind and able to laugh at yourself. Laugh at yourself? Of course there are times when this is OK, but there are countless times when it is not. We have the right to choose when we laugh at ourselves, just as everyone else has. We do not, and should not, have to accept other people's bad manners and distasteful jokes, without having the right to stand up for ourselves. Yet, consistently, if a plus-sizer (and I speak as one) responds in any way, suddenly the situation is turned against them and they're told "you can't take a joke!". Oh yes we can. But it's the sort of joke and whether that joke is aimed specifically at us, that we should not have to "take" or accept.

And I encourage plus-sizers (and naturally thin women) to never believe anyone who says, when they see you react by blushing or obvious embarrassment or stammering or withdrawing into yourself, that they didn’t mean it.

Look, let’s be brutally honest with ourselves here, they meant it and they meant every word of it. It was in their thoughts and therefore they verbalised those thoughts.

So what do you do? One of either two things. Accept their behaviour - and they’ll keep doing it, be sure of that - or stand up for yourself. How do you stand up for yourself? By being honest with them (and to yourself). Tell them “what you’ve said has offended and hurt me. I’d like an apology.” 

Now I've found that sometimes they won't apologise and have no intention of ever apologising. This once again leaves you with two options. One, let them get away with it, or walk away from them. The course is open to you. OK so if you decide on walking away, it may well mean that you are lonelier that you deserve to be, but at least you'll have your pride intact. And why look at it as though you have to lose out - if you remove yourself from the situation whereby you are faced with such abuse and ultimate embarrassment, then you'll have the time and opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and to seek out new interests and new friends. And there are new friends out there waiting for you. Believe it. Friends who will accept you for who and what you are right now!

It can be done, and it may be difficult, but you’ll be the winner in the long run. 

© RoseMarys NoteBook

What makes a man attractive?

I couldn't help but include another actor following my earlier post. Robson Green. Have you any favourites?


Come on - this is as good as highlighting your favourite recipes or favourite books!  Join in with us.

What is it that makes a man attractive?

 


It's not only the women of today - films, theatre and the like - who have to be seen as "beautiful" (what is beauty anyway?), but it's the men too! Honestly, they're all so "cutesy" and pretty. What's happened to rustic, craggy, raspy voiced, unhandsomeness men(boy that's a new word for you, I bet.) Not always young, sometimes grey haired with wrinkles no less. A broken nose perhaps. Even a cross-eye in there somewhere.

Look at some of the movie stars particularly of years gone by. You couldn't mix them up with their peers, because they had distinctive looks and everyone recognised them. Today for some people it's a matter of getting a magnifying glass out to see who everyone is talking about - Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp and of course the prettiest of them all Tom Cruise. Isn't this guy interested in aging and doing so gracefully?


Take for instance. Charles Bronson. Then what about Chips Rafferty, Michael Pate (both Australian actors from the 40s and 50s)?

What about - Edward G Robinson?

Then there was Humphrey Bogart, Paul Henreid? Claude Rains, Telly Savalas? 

But wait a minute. I'm getting ahead of myself here. We do have "attractive" actors today. We don't necessarily call them "heart-throbs", but they certainly do have "it". (Whatever "it" is - then they've certainly got lots!). Who am I talking about?

For instance. Ken Stott. (The actor who plays Rebus in that great BBC series for those who don't know this character or show. Even Ian Rankin has suggested that Rebus has come to life with the help of Stott.  Ken Stott can melt your heart with a softening of his deep brown eyes and little boy smile, or just as quickly make you dislike him intensely by his change in moods. But this is the part of Rebus, so what is Ken Stott like - in reality? Who knows? But then, who really knows what all these actors as like - for that matter, who really knows us?

The right shoes for looking slim!

Round-toed shoes can make legs look stumpy by breaking the "line" of your leg.

Wear shoes with pointed toes - heels or flats, it doesn't matter - to create the impression of a longer line (and thus, a longer, slimmer leg).

That's what the women's magazine said! I probably agree to some extent.

But looking at today's shoes, I'm not sure whether our girls will have healthy feet, (look at the tiny point of impact in the centre of the person's heel - all their weight - wonder if they'll get spurs later on in life?) or healthy spines (have you seen how they stand and lean forward when walking?). I guess they're willing to take the risks just to have "fashionable footwear" and must-haves. Take a look at a couple.

OK, yes, we wore stilettos in the "old days", but not quite so high. Oh no. And women even wear this type of shoe driving a car! The mind boggles. Don't they ever think that the heel is going to stick between the accelerator and the floor mat?

Today's quote:

"Smile! It improves your face value!"

Photo from Top News.in (Internet) 

Dieting and Feelings and Attitude!

How many of us have "dieted" ? Because we felt we had to; because we were told we had to; because our family and so-called friends and the media told us that unless we did we'd never fit in and be accepted? We'd never find a man who loved us for who we are; we'd never get a top-notch job; we'd never ........... You can guess the rest. In fact you've probably lived this experience.

So it may come as no surprise to learn that I had dieted for more than 30 years, until ......... I visited a young Asian doctor. I was miserable, quite ill, and depressed. He asked how he could help me. I said I was an obese, nearly middle-aged lady and I wanted to get better. He said he couldn't change the age, but he could help me with my perceptions of obesity as well as helping me to feel better. He took my rather large hands in his tiny ones, and said I'll ask you three questions. Was your mother a big lady? Yes. Was your grandmother a big lady? Yes. Is your daughter a big lady? Yes. He then told me "with wrists and hands as heavily boned as you have (as well as other parts of your body), coupled with your height and the distribution of your weight, you'll never be slim. Even if you diet forever. And insisting on dieting to lose weight in an effort to become slim will only make you more unhealthy. What we can do is to work on what we've got. Your determination to become healthier." And he did work on what I've got!

You know, I walked out of that Doctor's surgery feeling young, attractive and slim! I use the word "feeling" because that's a very important word in our vocabulary. If we "feel" less fat then we have more confidence than if we feel "fat" ALL the time! And "feelings" are all tied up with attitude, aren't they?

Have I lost weight in the years since? Not really. He never ever pressured me to lose weight. He gave me the reassurance I needed, when I needed it most.

I felt I needed to share that with you. I sense that there are quite a few of you who think the guilt of being overweight is all yours and that you're completely to blame for not meeting the unrealistic expectations that society (including family and so-called friends) put upon us. It's not always that simple. Look at things from a different perspective and you may be surprised to find yourself seeing your own individuality as a unique creation first, who just happens to be fat.

And what does that mean? It means that you're probably fatter than a lot of people and you're probably thinner than a lot of people. That means we plus-sizers are actually the majority, rather than the minority. Gives us a bit more clout don't you think?

And all that dieting over the years resulted in nothing more than costing me a lot of money and costing me a lot in self-esteem. It also cost me a lot in health. So all the effort and all the going without and all the guilt wasn't worth it - not one iota!

© Leonie Stevens, Australia

You can say what you like!

I'm on a mission. Well to be totally frank with you I'm always on a mission. Whether I achieve what I set out to do is irrelevant, because it's the fight and the chase that I enjoy. Especially when I believe I'm in the "right".

Well, this is a tiny little mission this time. It's to get people to recognise the important place that "snail mail" should hold in our lives. You know, ordinary letters and cards that go by postage and travel by train, bus, freight-truck, plane, ship, and even in some places bicycle!

With the advent of electronic technology and I'm not questioning the value or otherwise, because I use some of it everyday, so I'd be a hypocrite if I did complain about it, but .......

People have forgotten (or is it intentional?) to telephone. Now, this doesn't sound so serious does it, but you ask around and you'll be surprised at the number of people who no longer have anyone ring them, to talk to them, to listen to them. Everyone's too busy (and I suspect they're too busy because they're spending too much time on the computer or one or more of the other contraptions now in use).  Mobile phones have taken over, and they're an essential part of life these days.  But I'm talking about land-line telephones - you know, the ones where you can sit in a comfy chair and chatter and natter away to your heart's content.  I guess it's the "comfort" feeling of holding a solid phone in your hand!

People have forgotten (or is it intentional?) to write. Oh yes, everyone writes emails these days. Whether it's a 20 page tirade or a two word (usually abbreviated anyway) communication. So impersonal. So direct and instant, yes. But so cold and calculating in many instances. Of course I don't include the fun things, or the urgent messages, or the little newsletters (which of course I write mountains of). We'd be lost without emails - well many of us anyway.

But what I mean are:

(a) the little hand-written "thank you" notes - thanking people not only for a gift, or a special item, but thanking them for their friendship or their love, or being there when needed.

(b) the little hand-written invitations to a baby's christening, or engagement party

(c) the little hand-written messages of comfort when someone is in urgent need

(d) the little hand-written note that says, "please be happy and well"

(e) the little hand-written birthday card (or other celebration) - it's too easy to send an email with a couple of lines.

I could go on and on. But you know what I mean.

'Cos there's nothing quite like going to the postbox and lifting out a little envelope with hand-writing that you recognise, and opening it, and reading words that have been written from the heart, and by hand. Someone who has taken the time to pick up the pen and card, or paper, and sit down and write the words personally.

You see in this modern world, everything is a race against time. And that's foolish, because time just cannot be stretched no matter how much a magician you may be. But it's what we do with our time that's important.

And I believe that a simple little thing like hand-writing notes, and cards, and sending them through the post, bring so much joy to people. Small children, teenagers, adults, older people. Everyone benefits.
People - believe it or not - still collect cards and hand-written notes. Show me how many people print out a message on the computer and "collect" it in a scrapbook or favourite little box? Or am I so old-fashioned that I'm starting to show my age, by what I believe in?

There, that's my "say" for today!

© Morgana de Courcy

Fallacies, Fibs and Falsehoods

Fibs 
When it comes to dealing with fallacies, fibs and lies that lie in wait for the unsuspecting plus-size woman, this is a minefield of huge proportions.

The plus-size woman is fed a massive serving of fibs on a constant basis and usually from childhood. Fibs about food, about fashion, about her size, about fitness, about her ability to be successful in the workplace, and her ability to “snare a man”. As if that is all there is to life!

But let’s be honest here. These things are important to our self esteem, no matter what size we are. The larger person has the same dreams as the smaller person. Those dreams encompass every wish and hope imaginable. Once again it’s up to us, as individuals, to persuade people about us that we may be bigger than others, but conversely we are smaller than many. Which means in a nutshell, that we are the same as everyone else - flesh and blood, skin and bones, hair, teeth, nails, eyes, nose and mouth, arms and legs, not to mention our other statistics! Everyone is three dimensional. We also share the same senses as everyone else, including good healthy doses of humour .........

Fallacies and Falsehoods 
For too many years bigger people have been told, and unfortunately they have believed, that being bigger than somebody else makes them unacceptable "because they’re an offense to the eye!" They’re told that because they’re “fat”, they can’t possibly expect to be healthy, to be happy, to enjoy companionship and yes, sex!, or to have happy and healthy children. They’ve come to expect that they can’t (and shouldn’t) expect to be successful in their careers, and they most certainly should not expect respect from other people. The inference is that they’ve “let the team down.” They’re an embarrassment to everyone else so surely they must be an embarrassment to themselves!

Over decades of this sort of “abuse” bigger people have fallen into the trap of “agreeing” with these inappropriate and outdated attitudes. As a result of trying to “fit in” with what has been expected of them, they believe they’re failures, so in order to balance the scales, they’ve put up with substandard and second-rate treatment and dealings dished out to them by insensitive and arrogant people. 

© 2010, RoseMary's NoteBook©

Value for money and common sense!

A lot of plus size women tell me they don't like paying a good price for a good garment. I wonder why women aren't prepared to pay for value? What is it about plus-sizers particularly who can't always see merit in having something made (or buying something that is made) for their size? I know before you all tell me that a large proportion of plus-sizers are on small budgets, pensions, welfare or have other financial disadvantages. I'm in the same category.

Yet we all need clothes - so why go to K Mart to buy something you don't like but probably fits and have to replace it within a short time, because of wearing, pilling, or stretching out of shape, when you can buy something from someone you trust that will wear well, will not fray or tear at the seams, pill or stretch, for a reasonable cost?

I repeat - most of us have budgetry constraints. But I also know a lot of my clothes which are still in very good condition and that I wear with aplomb are anything up to ten to fifteen years old. I chose good styles and designs and fabrics. Many of these were home-made by dressmaker friends.

I am reminded of a friend of mine in New Zealand who makes the most exquisite long nightgowns styled on a Victorian pattern - with pintucks, ribbons, laces on the bodice. Plenty of broderie anglaise and a beautiful garment. She is meticulous in her sewing, and presents the nightgown in a lovely nightgown cover (just as Victorian nightgowns were stored). My nightgown which I wear around the house (it's too beautiful to only wear in bed!) is now more than 3 years old, and looks as though I just bought it. Yes, it cost heaps I'll admit that - but I had saved for a long time to buy myself a really beautiful garment. When I wear it I feel a million dollars - luxury in any one's language. But my friend is frustrated that no one will buy the nightgown - most women say "it's too expensive".

I know you're not all able to even save up for such a garment but getting back to basics, even an apron (a coverall garment that is becoming increasingly popular now that women are suddenly re-discovering the wonders and adventures that are possible in a kitchen!) is an over-garment, and can be worn even as a tunic over tights and sleeveless tee shirt, especially if it has Victorian/Edwardian frills around the shoulders. I've seen aprons worn as cover-ups in the home and kitchen, and I've seen them worn as leisure garments and everyday down the mall shopping garments. I've even seen an gossamer apron worn as a chemise. It's all in the imagination.