A matter of time!

As you have probably worked out, I have a vested interest in issues of "self-esteem", especially as they relate to women and children. In society today, discrimination based on looks even though it is not legal to do so, is sadly allowed, and no-one says anything about it - that is, except you and me.   The worst offenders are the media, and to a lesser extent most other professions.

How many women's magazines, both nationally and internationally, show women of a "certain age" (and by this I mean from 35 to 80) in glowing terms; in advertisements including fashion supplements? For that matter how many of these magazines show women of size in a positive or highly acceptable way? A favourite saying of mine is that women's magazines are supposedly published for ALL women - not just young women, not just slim women, not just "celebrity" women. ALL women. Women of all ages, and all shapes and sizes. But will the editors, features editors and women's pages editors listen to common sense? Unfortunately they are the victims too of highly questionable attitudes and ethics of their employers - so many of these editors have been literally "sacked" for having the audacity to show healthy women of around size 16 on the covers of these magazines. When questioned the spokespersons of these magazines have claimed their readers would be upset at seeing "fat" women within the pages of the magazines. This is downright ridiculous and discrminatory to the extreme, and should not be accepted.  By anyone, INCLUDING the women's magazines staff.

You only have to walk around your own shopping mall; get on the bus or train; look at your own family members and the women you see are definitely not all a size 6.   You'll see women of all ages and sizes and shapes. Do you personally see them as being "unacceptable" when compared to you? And why would you compare? Because each of us is unique - we are incomparable. We are one-offs; and no one can copy us. They may try to, but they won't succeed.

There is enough negativeness in our society already without allowing for inappropriate and unkind attitudes to take form and become "normal" as far as being different to each other, as far as looks are concerned.

We're all different, but it is the difference each of us possesses, that makes us similar.

It's "inappropriate attitudes" that should not be accepted, not our age or size or shape!

What does it matter?

This photo is from dietjunkie.com

I do a lot of observing. I look around me and see a lot of things that don't make sense. Like - why are people of size treated differently to those who are young, slim and trim?

It only takes a moment or two however to see how other people treat the plus-size, to realise just how little respect is sometimes given them. In fact I've seen people stop talking in mid-sentence and turn around to stare at a large person, before breaking into peels of laughter. I've heard people say to strangers that they shouldn't be eating what they've chosen - even salads, for goodness sake!; I even heard one woman told she shouldn't expect to be invited to join club outings and other events because the other women might be embarrassed if she couldn't fit onto the small seats at the local cafes where they regularly meet.  She was humiliated in a rude and disrespectful way.  No wonder she sought other friendship groups where she fitted in well.   When women are treated this way, is it strange they get the impression they should never expect to be respected!  Why?   Because,  too many people who are biased and have no manners say plus-size people are out of control! Out of control?    Surely, it's the attitude of people like this that is "out of control".

So plus-size people need to be encouraged to see themselves for who they are and to build upon that foundation. They need those of us who have gone through the same experiences, to tell them sincerely, that they can buck the system, and discover their own true worth. And to show them in a variety of ways.  People who don't know us, as well as some within our own families, who display bad manners and intolerable attitudes, have a problem brought about by their bias and prejudice.  It's THEIR problem, not ours. (But we sometimes make the mistake of thinking it's all  our fault.)

Yesterday someone said to me, "well, what does it matter?" I thought about that. Because when it comes down to tin-tacks, I know that I matter.   So what really doesn't matter are unrealistic expectations and intolerable attitudes towards me.   If I can overlook their small mindedness and relegate them and their attitudes to the background of my thinking, then I can get on with life.   Their attitudes should not impact or influence how I feel about myself.   They're being discriminatory.   They put labels on those of us who may not look like them, or be as slim as them, or even as young as them.   They assume too much and their assumptions aren't always right.

So "what does it matter?" It doesn't. As long as we have respect for ourselves and to others, those out-of-touch attitudes and behaviours don't (and must not) erode our self-esteem.

Changing your attitude!

You're a chronic dieter but you never seem to lose those last 10 (20 or 30) persistent kilos?    You've felt inexplicably depressed for the past two weeks and can't seem to pull yourself out of it?   You've been trying for three months to find a job, but nothing seems right?

If you fit any of these descriptions, or if other lingering problems have got you down, you probably need to change your tactics to find some solutions.

No matter what your problem, you can tackle it with a step by step formula that incorporates attitude and behaviour changes.

Step 1.   Define your problem, being as objective as possible.  Try to identify the circumstances and causes.  Measure its importance in the context of your life.

Step 2.  Accept your problem.  Admit that it exists, and that you've got to deal with it - now.

Step 3.  Break down your problem into manageable segments.  Divide it into pieces, and attack the easiest ones first.  As you whittle away at the problem you'll develop a sense of confidence that will carry you through to the end.

Step 4.  Establish a goal that will resolve your first problem segment.  Be as specific as possible, including a timeframe and the results you want, but keep your goals within reach.

Step 5.  Explore all possible plans of action.  Imagine how others might proceed and see if these methods suit you.  Go through each plan mentally, "trying each on for size", to find one that seems more comfortable and potentially effective.  Outline a "contract" (written or mental) with yourself to follow it through.  Include rewards to give yourself when you reach specific goals.

Step 6.  Take action.  Once you've found a plan you can accept, try it.  Stick with it until achieve your foal of until you reach the end of the timeframe you've set.

Step 7.  Review progress.  When you complete your first plan of action, take another look at your original problem.  Has it changed?  Do you feel differently about its important or how to want to resolve it?  Once you've re-examined the problem and staked out a new piece to tackle, continue your plan from Step 4.  Keep rotating through these steps until you solve your problem

The most critical element in the process may be your willingness to actively deal with your problems.

It is a well known fact that people say by their behaviour whether they're ready to change.

 Some people after analysing their problems, find they don't really have any.  Others discover there are multiple problems beneath the surface.

How long it may take to soleZ your particular problem depends both on the problem and on your willingness to change.

A critical part of your strategic planning is to establish a realistic timetable for progress.

Set your goals within a timetable that gives you a sense of accomplishment.

To be realistic, your schedule must allow for a certain amount of backsliding.  Usually it's a "yo-yo" routine for the first few weeks as you go in and out of acceptance of the situations.

But once people do things differently on a consistent basis they can maintain the changes.

The sense of accomplishment you get from solving one major problem may prevent future problems.

Once you've got that mental attitude of being a victor, you can solve just about any problem.

... Alison H, of Elizabeth, South Australia (reprinted from RoseMary's NoteBook© Winter 2000).

What has happened since ....

Of course the 60s upset the whole apple cart of fashion as it were, and put everything into new and sometimes psychedelic puzzles, but it was not only the woman of size who was affected but all women.

So why is it in the year 2011 that we still hear some of our mega-flavour-of-the-month designers both here and elsewhere around the world, say that they would NEVER design a garment for a woman who is larger than size 14?   Size 14, heavens there aren't many of us who have ever been a size 14!

OK, they may be recognised around the world as the "top" designers.  And they obviously have repeat clientele of small women who upgrade their wardrobes each and every season, as well as in between!  But what about the other 68% of Australian women who are size 14 and above?  ** (Refer to the link below on an article that appeared in the "West Australian" back in September 2010 where you'll see that some Australian designers ARE recognising the need and are meeting the challenge).

If designers of the calibre of Christian Dior (not the present day executives) and Coco Chanel (not the present day executives) were able to design clothes which translated into larger sizes WITHOUT losing their style or design, then why can't Australian designers design clothes for Australian women that will easily translate from small to large.  And for that matter just where are the rest of the Australian designers hiding?   Commentators and fashion pundits rave about our designers who present "original", "unique" and/or "oriental/ethnic" garments but if you really look at most of the other designs, you'll see that they are a carbon copy or a clone of what is appearing at the New York or Milan Fashion Shows as well as other shows around the world.  In fact shove a bit of fabric somewhere on the body of a skeletal model, muss up her hair and send her out on the catwalk and everyone goes into raptures!

Let's not kid ourselves.  The fashion industry in Australia at any rate is losing, if not has already lost, it's opportunity to take centre-stage and reap the tremendous benefits of AUSTRALIAN PLUS-SIZE FASHION.  Let's use our own natural fibres;  colours which truly represent this land of the Southern Cross;  our own natural dyes;  our own natural flora and fauna to be used as themes;  create garments that are designed and made FOR the Australian climates (of which there are many), and FOR the Australian woman.   Just where are the Ken Done fabrics, colours and designs for the larger size Australian woman?   Where in fact are the wonderful Jenny Kee designs (for knitwear) hiding these days?   (Other than in the original knitting books that you may have stacked away in your bookcase). 

You can't tell me that the original and truly unique designs of these two Australians are locked in a time-warp and were only available or relevant to the years in which they first came on the scene.   Their designs based on the Australian landscape, fauna and flora translated into ANY season and any decade.

As you've probably guessed, I am NOT an expert on fashion.  Far from it.  I'm not even a dressmaker even though there are times when I wish I were.  But I do wear clothes, and I do know what I would like and I do know what I want when it comes to fashion.  And in speaking with other Australian women right around the country, as well as expatriates overseas, they tend to agree with me.

........ Lenore Dembski

So my point is this.  If we can't convince our so-called "leading designers" to create fashion for us, then let us look at our indigenous dress designers.  While I haven't as yet seen any creations by these wonderful designers in the marketplaces of Melbourne, Sydney or Brisbane, I hope it won't be too long before we get a glimpse of what is available.  Back in the 1980s there was a flurry of interest as major Australian fashion designers put indigenous textiles on display.  Just look on the internet and you'll find articles on exceptional indigenous women designers, like aboriginal Lenore Dembski of Paperbark Woman, http://www.powerhousemuseum.com/hsc/paperbark/lenore.htm

We have Australian women (indigenous) of great talent; we do have Australian textiles; but where do we buy garments created by these women in the fabrics and designs and themes of their culture?

We remain optimistic!

Here also is the link from the West Australian newspaper which relates to Leona Edmiston and Collette Dinnigan vefnturing into the plus size market.    Perhaps there's more to come.

http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/full-coverage/7975887/industry-awakes-to-real-women-sizes/

Clothes for the Plus-Size Woman - back then ....

"But now as she stood before the stunning creations hanging in the wardrobe she found herself face to face with a new kind of beauty - an artificial one created by the hand of man the artist, but aimed directly and cunningly at the heart of woman.  In that very instant she fell victim to the artist:  at that moment there was born within her the craving to possess such a garment - a Dior dress."    .... Paul Gallico, "Floeers for Mrs Harris" 1958.

I recall seeing the film, "Mrs Harrison Goes to Paris", starring Angela Lansbury.  This film was based on Paul Gallico's book Flowers for Mrs Harris.   In the above excerpt is really the basis of the story, and a wonderfully happy little film this is.

Each time however I read the above paragraph it reminds me of something quite incredible.  Fashion in the early 50s through to the 60s was undergoing radical change.  The Fashion Houses of Dior, Chanel, Schiaparelli, Monyneaux, Hartnell were designing creations that were fluid art, soft, feminine and flattering.  And everywhere, including the rag-trade of good old Melbourne town, took these designs to their heart, and recreated them (with appropriate subtle changes, of course!) into affordable fashion for the everyday woman.  Yes, they were a little more expensive than one bought from Forges of Footscray or Dimmeys of Richmond, but for a special occasion, the extra cost was well worth the effort.   Why, one could even wear such a garment time and time and time again, and no-one ever made comment about the fact that perhaps you had only one such gown in your wardrobe suitable for those special occasions.  The reason of course was that everyone else was in the same situation.

But what is even more incredible is that the majority of this affordable fashion was available in a comprehensive size range.  OK, so there was XSSW (the very petite and tiny woman) through to SSW, SW, W (which was the benchmark for the size of the average or typical woman - as far as the purchaser was concerned, anyway!).  Then came XW, XXW, and XXXW.  Sizes then progressed to XXXXW and the five X's.   I am unaware of whether where were in fact sizes for the larger woman than the 5X's.  But I do know this.  If there was a garment in XXSW that took my eye, I could without too much bother purchase a similar garment, in the same fabric and a similar colour range, in W - equivalent today to between size 16 and 18.

The other option available to women of size during those years was the huge market for "paper-patterns".  While there is quite a selection available today, the choice back in the 1950s was quite plentiful taking into account the fact that Australia (as with Britain) was trying to get back on its "feet" following the Second World War.  And readers who do recall the 1950s (either personally or from things their mothers or grandmothers have spoken about) will also remember the FREE paper patterns which were included in every issue of a leading Australian women's magazine, The Australian Home Journal.

Another favourite paper pattern supplier was "Madam Weigal" - marvellously simple to use, and always resulting in a garment that received ooh's and aah's from friends.

In fact a number of women's magazines offered patterns, whether as enclosures, or actual patterns that one could trace out onto brown paper and which would become the basis of a pattern to be used over and over, with cunning little changes that belied the fact that you may only have had one pattern to your name!

So women of size WERE treated with, dare I say it, more respect back in the 1950s than today, from a fashion perspective.   Discount the fact that the "sketches" on the fronts of these magazines and patterns showed tiny, tiny waists, the patterns themselves easily met the needs of a woman who had a figure - a "real" figure.    It must be remembered too that back then there were no shopping malls, there were only a few department stores and most shopping precincts consisted of what is termed today as a "shopping strip" - shops along both sides of a certain part of a street which were the hub of a suburb.

To be continued - What has happened since ....

O, my gosh - it goes on and on .....

The subject currently on every body's lips (and hips) is "obesity". What an absolutely horrid word - degrading, disdainful, demeaning. I'm old enough to remember when people used such words as "homely", "natural", "chubby", "generously endowed", "well proportioned" and so on. I can even recall a Doctor back then trying to tell me, without offending me, that I was a "little overweight". And in among hundreds of other doctors and specialists that I've visited during the years in between, I've been called a lot of names, and "obese" is among those words. I do not like the word, in fact I loathe it. And I will not admit to being "obese" - I am a "fully-rounded" woman!

Blame is being piled on parents of beautifully formed and healthy children; they're being told their children are "obese" and they've got to do something about it - immediately! Just look at the media and the government pushing the idea of "food police" to check on children's lunch boxes; just look at parents being threatened with "abuse" if they don't feed their children food that the so-called experts (and the government departments involved) demand they eat; putting children onto crash diets and extreme exercise regimes (all costing a lot of money to parents of course), and on it goes. 

Not to mention the emotional trauma all this leads to.

Blame, blame, blame, and parents are taking upon themselves all sorts of guilt trips.

Yet I come back to the same argument I've been promoting for the past twenty years or more. Maybe it's NOT the food or the quantity of food that we're eating - maybe it's what's IN the food that we're eating.

On two separate occasions on recent telivison here, one a replay of the "Cook and the Chef" on the ABC which is a very entertaining, and informative and enjoyable show showing cooking tips and hints, with easy-medium-hard recipes, and the second "The Food Investigators" on SBS, this very subject was raised. And it justified what I've been saying (and what others of my kind have been saying) for decades.

For instance. Bread. Bread that is baked today no longer resembles the bread of "yesterday" - and I'm talking about 20-30-40 years ago. The ingredients are different - the quantities of salt and sugar are different - the additives are different; the food colourings and chemicals are different. You're beginning to see where I'm coming from?

Now we come to the nitty-gritty. Most of the grains that make up breads are genetically modified. OK, we're being told over and over again that there's nothing wrong with genetically modified foods (and in fact they're "good" for us - haaa). No one knows for sure. And no one will know for sure until at least another two generations. Because if we have food such as bread which is made to "look" fresh without being so, then something is happening and we're being drawn into the trap of believing something that is not true nor good for us.

What I mean by this is simple. We used to buy bread that if it became stale, we'd be aware of it. If it became mouldy, we'd be aware of it. If it started to "smell, we'd be aware of it. It usually went out to the chooks in the back yard, long before it even got to the mouldy stage. But today? Because of being genetically modified, it no longer goes stale, it no longer smells, it no longer goes mouldy. And anyone in the health and nutrition profession will tell you that eating bread that is mouldy is putting toxins into the body, which are not only harmful but deadly. Yet because we can't "see" or "smell" that the bread of going "off", we eat it merrily thinking that it is good for us! We're being "conned".

Oh yes another thing. We're told now that we shouldn't "freeze" bread. We should store it in a wooden (for preference) or plastic bread bin. Sounds like my Grandma talking!

The other items which were referred to in the Cook and the Chef were dairy products. Again, it is was pointed out that many of the natural ingredients of milk (and subsequently in cream, cheese and yoghurt) were removed from the milk, only to be replaced by additives, chemicals and colourings. So if the cows are eating grass in fields of genetically modified grasses, then who knows what's actually going into or happening to the milk. Oh, yes, another thing. Years ago, dairy farmers always washed their milking machines in an iodine wash - it acted as an antiseptic and cleanser, and would you believe it, because it then fitted over the cow's teats at milking time, that iodine found itself in the milk. And that was good for us! So what now? The farmers wash the milking machines with flouride, which means no more iodine. Now the government says, the farmer has to add iodine to the milk he's producing from his cows. Take something out, add something else, and then reconstitute food stuffs to suit the current "thought" of the day.

And a simple question. How do insects, birds and wildlife know they're in a genetically modified field, before travelling int into another which the farmer (or his neighbour) has done everything to maintain as genetically free. Do insects and birds and wildlife read little notices telling them - "Beware - this is a genetically modified field (or paddock) - tread carefully! And who translates for them?

This is a serious problem. And I believe it has a bearing on the so-called "obesity" epidemic. Every morsel of food that we eat has been tampered with. Even, if we plant seeds ourselves, we don't know what contaminants have been fed into the soil in our backyard, and we don't know whether the seeds have come from genetically modified parents or not.

A lot of serious and intelligent discussion is required, by ordinary everyday people.

I've been somewhat tardy .....

It's been a few days since I posted - been busy of course, but as with so many things these days I can't quite remember what I've been doing - all I know is that I was too busy to get to the computer and write a post!   Not much of an excuse but I'll stick to that one

As most of my friends know I "collect" heaps of clippings, magazine articles and quotations.   They all come in handy (that is if I have the time to read them, file them and remember them!).  But here's ten things that ONLY and EVERY woman will understand:
 
10.  Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes
9.    The difference between cream, ivory and off-whitw
8.     Crying can be fun
7.     "Fat" clothes
6.     A salad, diet drink and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch
5.     Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience
4.     The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
3.     A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible
2.     Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes


and the Number 1 thingthat only women understand?

1.   OTHER WOMEN!

(I realise this quotation has probably been making the rounds for years now, but sometimes it's worth while being reminded of some of the fun things that are important and pertinent - to us!)

What I need to know about life

What I need to know about life, I've learned from the story of Noah and his Ark.

One:     Don't miss the boat.
Two:     Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three:   Plan ahead.  It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four:     Stay fit.  When you're 600 years old,
                someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five:     Don't listen to critics;  just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six:       Build your future on high ground.
Seven:   For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight:    Speed isn't always an advantage.  The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine:     When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten:       Remember the Ark was built by amateurs;  the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven:  No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting ...

May your troubles be less, may your blessing be more, and nothing nothing but happiness come through your door!

How do we see ourselves?

Look at yourself!

We do. Many times a day when passing a mirror or the reflections in shop windows. So often though we shy away from actually "looking" at ourselves because we fear being reminded that we are not exactly perfect or meet society's perception of what is ideal.

But if we are serious about changing attitudes, and perceptions, we have to make ourselves vulnerable to our own inspections. We have to expose our real personality and character from behind all those layers of protection we wear. Many of these layers are quite invisible and forgotten but have to be shed just as though they were fabric.

Next time you shower or bathe, take time out and actually look at yourself in the mirror. The whole you. Don't just look at the double chin, the drooping boobs, the fat sloppy tummy, the thick thighs, the bulging knees, and the thick ankles. Ankles? you ask - do I have any? Yes, they're there just as you have a waistline, and just as you have a decollete.

Take note of what you see. Thrust away any ideas of comparisons. In other words when you do look at yourself, don't see a fat and ungainly edition of Angelina Jolie or Nicole Kidman. See and appreciate the special limited edition of you! There is no other. You cannot be copied, or cloned. You are you, and you are unique. Even if you are a large, economy size!

And don't make excuses and don't feel guilty. Your body has a certain shape and size for very good reasons. Only one of those reasons MAY be because of the wrong diet or lack of moderation. We have to throw out these archaic ideas that just because we are taller, heavier, wider and broader than the so-called "ideal" women (who are after all in the main genetic freaks - not my words but womens clothing manufacturers. commentators and even some fashion writers), then it is because we over-eat. That's what we've been told for far too long, and unfortunately that's what we come to believe.

Stuff and nonsense! Let's get things into perspective. There are very good reasons why we sometimes eat food that is supposed to be bad for us. There are very good reasons why sometimes we eat too large meal or snack. But those reasons are not because we are undisciplined, it is because our body and yes our mind, tell us that this is the way we can handle situations, or people, and it gives us comfort combined with the incentive to move on from those particular situations and people. Psychologists give us all sorts of technical and chemical reasons, but we know what happens when we feel down, stressed, out of sorts, when we feel sad, and/or feel unloved or unappreciated. "Professional" people treat the chemical person, we live as a physical and spiritual person.

There's a lot of discussion recently about whether a fat person does in fact eat too much! This subject crops up every decade or so, and nothing ever changes in the attitudes of society or people who could make a difference in the public's perception and acceptance of the plus size (such as journalists, editors of women's magazines, as well as the fashion industry itself). And why don't things change? Because it's too darned easy to blame someone else for their inappropriate attitude - they'd have to change policies within their industries and that wouldn't do. It wouldn't do at all! Because as a consequence they'd have to admit they were wrong.

Learn to like what you see. Let the female form be seen for what it is - it was created for procreation, and it was created for pleasure. Not lustful pleasure but personal pride. Something which is uniquely yours, and which you can enhance in so many wondrous ways - particularly if your imagination allows you the freedom to do so.

Food, food, glorious food

When I visited a favourite little cafe in Guildford recently, I chose some venison skewers served on 'cos lettuce and with pita bread, a small vegetable sausage cut in two, a small bowl of low fat yoghurt and some spicy no-sugar chutney. I reckon I did well. This was my main meal for the day, and apart from a small breakfast serving, I ate fruit throughout the day, with plenty of water.

With all the publicity about "obesity" and being told we're eating the wrong food and eating too much of the wrong food, it comes as a little bit of a surprise to hear that in a recent survey here in Australia, it's been found that one in five households are eating what everyone tells us we SHOULD be eating. That doesn't sound too different to people's choices of a decade or so ago, when you think about it.

Going further into the survey, meat and three vegetables is still the favourite meal. Well, we're told we should be eating more vegies but doesn't this contradict the theory that none of us are eating the preferred requirements?

Salads or vegetables are served as an accompaniment to meat, fish and chicken dishes. Salads go with lasagna and pasta meals. Stir frys are a regular weekly event and spaghetti bolognaise join stir frys as favourites. Many families eat fish at least three times a week. Chicken at least two.

Am I reading this all wrong or what? Because to me this sounds like what we should be eating.

Across the board however, the survey, carried out by Westinghouse (Australia?), found the following:

Top 10 home-cooked meals
1. Steak or chops with vegetables or salad
2. Roast/baked dinner
3. Spaghetti Bolognaise
4. Stir Fry
5. Seafood with vegetables or salad
6. Chicken pieces pan fried with sauce
7. Casserole
8. Barbeque
9. Schnitzel
10. Ready-made meals.

What the survey doesn't say, is that number 10 - ready-made meals are very often meals prepared by the person doing the cooking in the home (usually Mum) at the weekend in preparation of the week, and frozen in readiness to re-heat.   Quite often too, the ready-made meals are actually the remainders of the other meals, when too much has been cooked, and then frozen.

The re-emergencw of home-cooking is taking everyone by storm. And it doesn't take much to see that people, even when pressed for time, and pressed for money (with the economic downturn) will return to their mothers and grand-mothers cooking books and hints and tips.

Another thing that I'm hearing all the time is this. Most people have taken note of the "obesity" obsession with the media and the government and done something positive about their own sizings of meals. The number of women I've spoken to who have willingly reduced the plate size from a "mains" to a side plate, have to be taken seriously. Yet, as they, and I've found, this has no effect on body weight (by this I mean losing weight). In other words people are NOT over-eating, and they're eating what they consider to be good food, and what the experts tell us we should be eating.

I can't remember when I last heard anyone saying they had "sweets" or "desserts" following their main meal of the day. People have cut these out. The sales of fruit confirm this, as almost everyone now has bowls of fruit readily available for both the kids and adults.

Dressing to suit your Figure!

Wrap dresses are terrific for women with cleavage and  round tummies. The draping is attractive and the wrap dress allows you to define your waistline - even if you thought you didn't have one!

While colours give a lot of variation, black or solid colours will always be stand-outs.

Has anyone seen any Wrap dresses for the plus-size here in Australia - I've been looking around for a while now and I can't find any - so far.

While talking about flattering styles, I thoroughly recommend the Marilyn Convertible dress from Monif C (USA). This garment allows you to change the styling in countless ways, and Monif even has a number of videos on YouTube showing various ways of wearing this particular dress.   It's quite incredible how many variations can be worn.

Visit Monif C on www.monifc.com

Packing Up and Making Tracks!

Because this blog is about all sorts of Plus Size Issues, and because plus size issues relate to every aspect of our life, I thought you'd like to read about a couple of plus-size girl friends who have re-invented themselves during recent months. Through necessity and through choice.

Starting afresh in a small caravan following a stressful divorce, Rhiann packed everything into a few cartons, had them sent to her cousin's address in another State, and walked out of her home -town with head held high. Losing her home and most of her possessions through unscrupulous dealings and behaviour from her former husband, Julie was determined to find the answer to all her needs under her own "steam". She travelled to Queensland and set up her van near to, but far enough away to be independent, her cousins' home in North Queensland. It didn't take long before Julie made friends and has established herself as a mobile hairdresser and nail technician . She is well on the way to becoming financially independent. Julie has a few more dreams to follow.

Pamela had a slightly different story. She was retrenched from her job in a major city; was going downhill financially; and decided to give a small country town a try. She did some sight-seeing around a town which she had visited many years earlier and had liked; met up with some business people she knew, and made the decision to move, lock, stock and barrel. A job that was offered to her on the spot meant that Pamela fitted into the community easily and quickly.

Jillie who lived in Melbourne, is an "growing-older" woman in her late 50s, and due to a series of "family disputes" found she was on the outer fringes. Her small circle of "friends" took sides with the family and Jillie became isolated. Accepting an invitation to attend a school reunion where she caught up with an old schoolmate, she was then invited to attend her "new-found old friend's" 60th birthday party in South Australia. While in Adelaide Jillie made a momentous decision to move away from everything she thought was safe and secure and has made her home in a small beachside town many miles from the nearest major city. She has happily started up her own small business and has built up a happy circle of friends, including a highly regarded and reputable business man. That's another story!

What these three women have done is to "minimalise" their lives. Each of them stepped out of her"current" situation" and has taken a step in a new direction. With little or no "trappings" from her previous life, each woman has been rewarded in many other ways.

The one thing in common all these woman have is size. They are all plus-sizers and proud of the fact.

I've heard it said, and I've been told many times over the years, that it's difficult for "plus-size" women to make new lives for themselves. It's too hard; they'll never fit in with new surroundings and new people. That's not true. Like the women I've quoted, it's important to have a realisation of your own self-worth. Even when disadvantaged, by, as with Rhiann a bad marriage, with Pamela a loss of a job and with Jillie a fallout with family members and friends. They've looked beyond the problem and pursued new goals. And their determination has meant a successful transition into new life-styles and new friends, and even new relationships. These women believe in themselves, and the fact they are plus-sizers simply has nothing to do with how they feel about themselves. Their self-esteem is steady and healthy.

Want to stay "young at heart"?

I've got a file full of newspaper cuttings and bits 'n pieces, collected over - well, let's say a few decades. I don't have the heart to take them out of the filing cabinet and throw them away. I'm one of those people who keep things "just in case". I tell myself that they'll come in handy, but who am I really kidding?

But girls, I found this list of suggestions, and decided I had to share it with you. I hope you're not becoming bored with "motivational" suggestions on how to enjoy your life, but I take the attitude that there is nothing boring in or with life. If a person is bored, it is because they are boring!! And it does us good to be reminded about some of the more simple but meaningful things about life.

1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why we "pay" them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches only pull you down. And if you're nice and round and tubby like me, you'll have difficulty in getting back up if you're pull down to the ground, so why bother with them?

3. Keep leearning. Learn more about the computer (I admit I have heaps to learn in this department); crafts (keeps the little grey cells working); gardening, whatever. Never let the brain be idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop". And the devil's name is Alzheimers!

4. Enjoy the simple things. Even a nice glass of water.

5. Laugh often, long and loud until you gasp for breath.

6. Tears happen. Endure, grieve and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourself. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. Whatever, treat it and your body with respect.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even interstate, another country, but NOT where guilt is.

10. Tell people that you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

 

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY THE NUMBER OF BREATHS WE TAKE,
BUT BY THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY.

A few simple things!

Let's start off right.

1. Remember compliments and forget insults

2. Enjoy your body

3. Dance (even allowing for arthritis, you can sway to the music!)

4. Don't read beauty magazines - they'll only make you feel frustrated. Recognise and realise they've all been digitally enhanced anyway! Whereas you're beautiful as you are, right now!

5. The older you get, keep your old friends

6. But keep a watch out for new friends - they can arrive, unexpectedly

7. Don't mess too much with your hair.

That's all for today, girls.

Feeling at a loss for words!

Self-confidence is a very important and essential part of one's life. I hear it said every day, and in fact I promote the whole idea within my interests including women's health.

But even I become lost for words, when I am questioned by someone who cannot, and it seems, does not want to understand the words I say, especially when I am questioned about my personal life and beliefs. I've learned over many years to be as precise and accurate as I possibly can be in what I say and the words I use, but there are still people who "assume" they know what I am going to answer, before they even form the question. This puts me at a disadvantage because they will not "hear" or even wait for my answer; in their opinion, and arrogance, they already "know".

In running seminars and short-courses I've been very aware and conscious that I must never be judgemental or assume that I know how everybody else "ticks". We are all different. Yet sometimes the English language does not allow us to be as precise as we would like to be, only due to the fact that each person's translation of what another person says, is totally different.

I'm one of those people who attempt to be literal and honest in my discussions and conversations. It is when I am queried time and time again, by people using different words in their questioning but all pivoting around and returning back to the same base question, that I find it becomes almost impossible to impress upon them that it is their translation which I find hard to fathom.

Having to justify one's own belief in oneself causes a great deal of stress. And it just shouldn't be. For if we lose sight of each person's personal dignity in believing in themselves and their principles, then we've lost all ability to show understanding, compassion and respect.

This places un-earned and un-deserving power in the hands of people who don't know us, but based on their own egos they experience some satisfaction in dismantling our self-confidence. This power can become a great weapon, and I believe, in my innocence, that they should be questioned as to what right they think they have to treat us in this fashion. This applies especially to people who either directly or indirectly have an impact upon our personal lives.

Self-confidence may take a long time in acquiring - it can just as easily within 30 seconds be completely destroyed by people who think they know everything and who don't take the time to study human nature and behaviour and the basic ethics and principles of being honest and true.

Valentine's Day

In years gone by, Valentine's Day was celebrated in a gentle, naive way.   If a boy really liked a girl, he would send her a Valentine's Day card.  He may write a special greeting, but he wouldn't sign his name.  It was all very romantic because if you were fortunate enough to receive a card, you spent the whole day (if not week) wondering just who it was that had sent you the card.   Very romantic, and without commitments that one might find too serious to continue.  If he wanted to seriously consider you as "his girl" and you were agreeable, then he would make the next move, by confessing that it was he who had sent the card.  

If a young man decided to pop the question on Valentine's Day, and the girl accepted well and good.  If a girl asked a young man on Valentine's Day to marry her and he refused, then he would have to buy her a pair of kid gloves (the more expensive the better!).  Some girls I knew had a drawer full of kid loves, I kid you not!  I never quite got up enough courage to ask the boy of my dreams - sadly he sailed back to the UK and my love was unrequited.  By the same token we have remained the best of friends and that has been a very interesting and unique experience in itself.  

So how quickly February 14th comes around.  And for so many women it's a date that passes by without them being remembered by a special loved one, even from afar.  This is especially true if the woman has experienced a broken relationship or loss.  It becomes just another day as far as she's concerned.  But it's also an opportunity to treat the day as something special just for yourself.  It's all a matter of seeing yourself as a unique person and celebrating that fact, by doing something out of the ordinary.

If no one sends you a Valentine's Day card of gift:

1.  buy (or pick) yourself a small bunch of flowers and put it in a prominent place so that when you look at it, it is a reminder you are special

2.   indulge in a special luncheon or High Tea somewhere you don't normally go.  This be can most enjoyable even if you are alone.  However if you know of someone who lives nearby who doesn't have family near, invite them to spend time with you at this luncheon or High Tea.

3.  invest in a bottle of your favourite perfume, a luscious chocolate cake or a bottle of wine

4.  pack a small suitcase and book into a nice little Bed & Breakfast in the hills;  down near the coast or an overnight stay in one of the leading city hotels.  Spoil yourself

5.  pack a small picnic lunch and go to a favourite park (or even a new park you've found) or picnic spot, in the hills or down by the beach.  Once again invite someone you know who may be lonely too

There are many ways that you can remind yourself that you are worthy of love.

Mind you, if you are fortunate enough to be laden with a beautiful card and gifts (jewellery or even a new car (?), then you are indeed a lucky woman.   But even indulging in a lovely box of chocolates you've bought yourself is a celebration.

© Rosemary, 2011

Photo from the chocolatebox.com.au

A personal "Can Do" List

1. I will let go of "negative" labels, such as lazy or bad or clumsy, that I have used to describe myself these long years, recognising that labels are inaccurate and destructive and that they stifle growth.

2. I will nurture myself by giving approving, reassuring messages to myself about me. I will be a friend to myself and offer myself the same understand I would offer to another in my place

3. I will release others from the responsibility of making me happy. I take the initiative to get what I need rather than waiting and hoping that somehow what I need will be brought to me by someone else.

4. I will share the vulnerable parts of myself with those I love.

5. I choose to be happy NOW - to celebrate all the small pleasures of life as they occur - instead of putting happiness off until I lose weight, get married (or divorced), make my first million, move house and so on.

6. I will expect that I will incur the disapproval of others. I recognise there is no way I can please all the people all the time.

7. I realise that some of my greatest learning has come from the mistakes I have made.

8. I embrace the position that I am an intrinsically valuable human being. I am a worthy person simply because I am.

......© 1991-2011 RoseMarys NoteBook - Australia. (By permission of the author.)

Craving for Food - or listening to what our bodies tell us

A recent U.S. government study found that the number of obese American adults now outweighs the number of those who are merely overweight. While many factors contribute to excessive weight gain — from diet and cultural changes to decreased physical activity — there's still a prevalent attitude that obesity is the fat person's fault.

The researchers Andrew Calder, Luca Passamonti and James Rowe were trying to determine why some people are more likely to overeat. What they found was, “people who appear to be more sensitive to food signals have different wiring in their brains,” said obesity expert Marc-Andre Cornier, M.D., a University of Colorado endocrinologist who was not associated with the trial.

Wow! This is interesting! Some people have different wiring in their brains!

In the study a large group of people were brought together. Those with a high food sensitivity rating didn't report being any hungrier than those with a normal rating. However after being shown images of food from unappetising through to highly calorific, the higher the food sensitivity rating, the hungrier the test subjects became. So, researchers concluded that the images triggered feelings of hunger in susceptible people.

Such differences in wiring help explain why some people eat even if they aren’t hungry. An external cue, like the sight of tempting food, triggers a desire for a reward. “We don't think it’s overstating matters to say that chronic overeating could … be considered an ‘addiction’ for food,” said Calder.
 
Editors Note: There are many more factors in the increase of “obesity” than just merely over-eating. Everyone and this includes even the more knowledgable and intelligent (?) experts in the fields of food, nutrition and body metabolism, still seem to be of the opinion that being fat is the person’s fault and they should cut down on food.

This is archaic in today’s world. With so much research being undertaken, and so many papers being discussed and published in highly reputable medical journals and on the internet, each and every finding comes back to the point that if people overeat then they’ll get fat. This is far too simple.

I may be naive but I have seen with my own eyes what happens when some plump and cuddly people are hospitalised and put onto intensive drips to counter (remove) fluid retention over a very short period of time. I have seen them shrink from those pleasing curves and become smaller and wrinkled versions of themselves within weeks. The fact that a number of those people were also suffering from other diseases such as cancer, heart conditions and diabetes didn’t seem to worry the doctors who were more concerned at getting them “thin” than caring for their bodies. No sooner had these people returned home and even with a strictly "regimented diet" which was monitored severely, they began to pile weight back on. Why? Because they were drinking too much water! Most of these people were told to cue down their water and fluid intake. What happened? You’ve guessed it, they became much sicker. And throughout all this, they believed their doctors. They believed their doctors knew what was best.

And I speak from personal family experience here. In my case it was my mother who went through this "treatment" to rid herself of weight! But the fact of the matter is that she (and many many plus-sizers) do NOT eat a lot of food; they DON'T eat fatty or sugar loaded food. Their meal sizes are smaller than the norm. So many of them eat sparingly and do not snack in between meals.

BUT, in my family my mother was seen to be "overweight" or "obese"; her mother was a big and tall woman. Her grandmother had been a big woman. Her daughter is a big woman. Her granddaughter is a big woman. And her great granddaughters are tall, solid, beautifully shaped and feminine.

Genes aren’t the problem, the experts scream at us. It’s your willpower, or as I often say, it may be our “won’t-power” at times. But the body does crave things occasionally. And I mean occasionally. When that “occasional craving” starts to have the effect of wanting to be satisfied daily and constantly, then there is a problem. But with intelligent perseverance this can be overcome. We don’t have to be subjected to “behaviour manipulation”, we can do it on our own (sometimes with a little help from our friends), but don’t treat us like imbeciles. We’re not stupid. Our bodies know what they need and if we refuse them, then they will turn against us.

And this is what happens when we diet, and diet, and diet. The body says, “you’re doing crazy things to me, now let’s see what I can do to you”. And it reacts. Badly. It tells us we’ve done badly by it, and it increases in size and heaviness each and every time after a diet, which of course hasn’t worked. Our bodies have been made to go without, and they are in battle with our minds.

Diets don’t work. Don’t be misled into thinking otherwise. Diet’s won’t work, because our bodies, and our minds, are not made for going without to such an extent. They’re made to work on the right fuel, at the right time, in the right quantities.

Red!

Do you have trouble in convincing yourself that you could, and would enjoy wearing colours? I mean bright colours, vivid colours, flambouyant colours. If you're anything like me, being a plus-size woman, I always "believed" the so-called experts who said that if you're overweight then you must wear black (or brown or dark grey, or navy blue). But never, ever ....... bold colours such as yellow, orange, purple (yow!) or RED!

I think we waste an awful lot of time in listening to what other people say is good for us, when at heart we know instinctively what's best for us. It's just that we've been over-ridden so many times in the past, that it becomes natural for us to give in to what they say, without questioning their opinions. And who misses out in the long run? We do, of course.

Of course these "fashion gurus" will then point their finger at us, if we happen to make a bad decision regarding colours and wear something that really doesn't suit us. The only reason, as far as I'm concerned, that we actually make wrong decisions is that our confidence is so low because of their interfering and demanding attitudes that we do as they say rather than rely on our own feelings. And in so doing we haven't got the know-how - which can be quickly learned and built upon - of how to use colours and wear colours that make a real statement. A statement that says to the world, hey world, this is me!

I love red, and I'm still looking out for a striking red dress - what I'm after is a lovely slim-line wrap around (I think wrap-around does a lot for a curvaceous woman's curves and decollete) - I haven't found one yet, but I'm determined that I will one day and when I do I'll probably buy two.

"Red is not a fashion colour that comes and goes.
It is THE fashion colour. A joyous, classic colour"

.... George Goss

"Red is glamorous, captivating, striking, and cheeky.
It's the colour most likely to get you into mischief"

.... Alex Perry

It's OK to like yourself

One of the biggest myths around
is that having a good opinion of yourself
means you're stuck up or big-headed

In reality, the opposite is true.

When you like yourself, you project a warm glow to the world
that says, "I think I'm OK".

Most people will respond positively to this.

Those who don't are most likely feeling insecure about themselves.

These little words of wisdom come from The Mini Motivator,© 1997, Paul Hanna

Maintaining your style (fashion, that is!)

Lately we've been hearing that older Hollywood celebrities are refusing to be type-cast as far as clothing is concerned. Goldie Hawn, Jane Fonda, Sally Ann Fields and Jerry Hall to name a few, want to continue being able to buy (or be offered) fashionable and youg-at-heart clothing which has been designed and made for the woman OVER 50, without being seen as frumpy or "mutton done up as lamb!"

Well, this is good news for many of us. We've been asking for this equality for a long time.

However ...... the opposite side of the coin presents a rather dull picture for those women who prefer to wear "granny" clothes (this term is used consistently when describing clothing for the "older" woman). It seems that comfortable dresses and cardigans will slowly disappear from our stores (unless of course the young adults in their 20-30s decide that "granny" cardigans are all the go!)

And why are we to suppose they'll disappear from our stores? The manufacturers will say that "age" no longer allows women to have choice and the retailers will say that "older" women don't really want them. Amazing really, this is exactly the same argument that has been put forward for decades when relating to women of size and supposedly justifies their reasons for not giving the plus-size fashionable stylish clothes. We, the "growing older" women refuse to let this happen to us as well.

Yes, let's have a continuation of classic, stylish clothing as well as "trendy" clothing for the 50 year old plus, but also let's cater for the more conservative woman too, who DOES like her comfortable cardigans!

There's plenty of room for all of us, isn't there?

© 2011 A Parry, Victoria, Australia

Dappled Sunshine!

The past six weeks have been anxious, frustrating and emotionally draining for all those people effected by the incredible floods, cyclones, more floods, and fires, across this nation.  No State has been spared.   Men, women and children have had their lives changed in a blink of an eye.   The “clean-up” from the massive floods in many places cannot even begin until the floodwaters recede and this could be anything up to two months.  (Which of course then brings us into autumn/winter and the rains that are part of those seasons).  All this following more than 12 years of drought.  This is a harsh and unforgiving land, and it’s people are hard and firm, resilient and determined.   They have to be.

And there’s a saying about women, which I have taken as the title of a small booklet, “We hold up half the sky”.  Because women do.   It’s part of our nature and nurturing.  Women have to be strong and willing to step outside their own comfort zones in order to  comfort and encourage and support their menfolk and especially their children to see the positive things in life especially in times of stress and distress.

My lovely friend Jan in WA reminded me of the joy of small things the other day - in her blog.   Jan writes from the heart and her blog touches upon things that effect and impact on many women and their lives.    I would encourage you to have a look at her blog http://jan-outsidethelines.blogspot.com/

I woke up this morning to the sound of birds singing, quite distinct from the sounds of children laughing and talking as they were unloaded from their Mum’s cars in readiness to walk along the local schoolground.  The birdsongs were a declaration that they were filled with joy.  At the same time, the early morning sunshine’s rays gently eased their way into the room, and I could see the dappled sunshine and shadows through the leafy green trees.

Dappled sunshine has a way of reminding us that each and every day we have a bit of sunshine and shadow.   It creates a balance in our environment as well as how we feel about ourselves and our lives during that day.   I think it also reminds us that there can be beauty in the smallest of things and that beauty reinforces our positive feelings.   We need to look at the small things of life that bring us joy - not loud or expensive things, but just the tiniest measure of loveliness that takes our breath away.

For we are a part of this great land.   And when it treats us well and gives us from its fruits and benefits we can become a little blase.  When it responds to weather patterns that have inflicted themselves over the past couple of months bringing destruction and heartache, we can quite easily turn out backs and become angry and treat it with scorn.   But isn’t this in turn showing scorn towards ourselves.  If we are proud Australians, and we profess to be, then learning or trying to understand this land and accepting its good and bad points equally, surely that shows and proves to us that we can deal with the good and bad things within our own personalities and lives and come through accepting the new positive things that await us.

We need to see life through the joy of small things, as Jan reminded me.  And in doing so, when the big things of life present positive joys, we’ll be ready and able to grasp the blessings with open hands and hearts.

Colours

Many young career women these days seem to think that if they wear the "conservative" suit or outfit (mainly black) that they look the part - that their professionalism is displayed through the colour they wear. Unfortunately many look dull and drab and won't budge from the colour black.

Many of us have fallen into a similar trap, and find that the majority of our clothes portray the person we want to be seen as, rather than the person we are.

I was talking to a group of hospital workers the other day - the kitchen, cafeteria and cleaning staff. Their uniform is black with a patch of white over each shoulder. Looks smart. But everyone can quite easily look the same.

So the girls who do the "housekeeping" - the cleaning - in the hospital wards decided to do something about making the uniform more "user-friendly". Just a simple touch of colour, but where to effectively place the colour without infringing the rules of the hospital about not adding anything to the uniform itself?

They bought a quantity of shoe laces (most of the staff wear black lace-up shoes for comfort as well as being part of the uniform), and a supply of white cotton ankle sox. They then purchased some bright, vivid, vibrant, outlandish colours and dyed the shoe laces and sox.

Now, each of them wear their coloured pieces in a different way - one wore a bright orchid pink sock and a deep purple sock, and tied her shoes with bright orange laces. Another wore a deep emerald green sock with a bright red sock and grey shoe laces.

Each had fun every day of the week by wearing the colour that matched their mood or feelings.

It just goes to show that even wearing a drab uninteresting uniform that colour can be added in the most amazing way.

We can do the same. It's time to "break out" and blossom into the person we are, rather than hide behind what we think is a perfect uniform, but which can blend us so much into the background that we become invisible. And let's face it, no one wants to be invisible.

Friendship!

Many women from all around Australia and overseas are part of the RoseMary's NoteBook© mailing list.   They're all very special women, and over the years we have come to know each other, and in many cases to share each other's problems and lives.   It's amazing how having a friend, even the other side of the world, can brighten and lift us up should we be feeling down at heart or worried about life issues and matters.  One thing that I have always guaranteed and plays a big part in my Code of Ethics which I set back in 1991 is confidentiality.   I am proud of the fact that I have never digressed from those aims and objectives.   Women trust me, and I hold that trust very high.

With the arrival of the storms that hit Australia in the early hours and days of January, which have continued unabated and increasingly fierce with the arrival of Cyclone Yasi, many of my friends have been effected by these incredible occurrences.   Not only in Queensland but in most of the other States as well, as the torrential rains and floodwaters continue to cover vast expanses of this, the "driest continent".   The tail of Cyclone Yasi is expected to bring even heavier torrential rains into Victoria, where an "inland sea" continues to cover many parts of the North West.  Those rains are also expected to concentrate on the North East as well.

The personal and financial bills of these floods and now the cyclone are almost beyond comprehension.   Thousands upon thousands of families have been effected and in a sad majority of cases, relationships are already being torn apart.  Children are traumatised.   Homes and farms that haven't been washed away are still under water and could be for another two months - how does one deal with that?

At times like this we are at a loss to know what to do.  Those who can, volunteer to help out through agencies and by individual assistance.   Those who can, give financially.   Those who are limited in their ability to do much at all, do what women have always done, sat and prayed about their friends.

And this morning a darling friend of mine from Louisina, USA, wrote to ask how I am faring.   Now that's a sign of friendship.   Writing a loving message from the other side of the world to say that she's thinking of me.  

And that is the sort of thing that friends do.   Not only care about each other, but tell each other that they're important.   And my dear friend has done just that.  She's reminded me that a few words can make a difference to how we feel - about circumstances, about ourselves and about our lives.  

We've been holding our breath, too

Cyclone Yasi arrived with incredible rainfalls, 300 km an hour winds, the noises of storms sounding like a hundred steam trains and the peoples of all the coastal towns and cities from Cairns to Townsville held their breath.   We did too.

It is even now progressing into the Northern Territory and even Alice Springs has been issued with flood warnings.

The Weather Bureau forecasts that rainfalls of 100 mms will fall in many areas of South Australia, and down to North East Victoria.   (North West Victoria is still coping with the "inland sea" from floods that is covering huge areas and which according to the authorities may not recede for anything up to two months).  

Banana and sugar plantations have been wiped out in North Queensland.   And all this following the devastating floods that wiped our many small towns, shut down Brisbane, and has caused billions of dollars worth of damage.

Our thoughts and prayers are with all our brothers and sisters throughout Australia, who are feeling the impact of all these disasters.  

Learning to like yourself!

Is it difficult? Is it difficult for you?

Some people find it quite easy to like themselves. It might be that they've been brought up in an environment where they've always "felt" wanted and loved by family. That same feeling may then have continued during the years of growing up and going to school and then into their work-life. Their adulthood is filled with "knowing who they are" and they are quite content and if you ask them they'll say they "like themselves".

A lot of people though, for one reason or another, and it may not even have to do with the environment in which they were brought up, start having doubts about themselves. They doubt their skills, their ability to do even simple tasks. They question their purpose in life, and for many when they look in the mirror, they "see" failure. Not that they've failed at schooling or even within their work ethics, but too easily they can equate their "looks" with being a failure.

No amount of being told they're worthwhile; that they are as good as the next person, and that they've got everything going for them, will convince them that they're OK just as they are, and that they deserve the right to "like" themselves.

Some degree of belittling; putting down, being trodden on and walked over, has taken its toll in the feelings of worth as far as "self" is concerned. It may have been something someone said or did at one time or another, or maybe even repeated episodes of being treated in this way. For, if we are told we are useless and hopeless and even stupid enough times by enough people (and even by one person), we will begin to believe it. We will lose sight of our goals and ambitions and dreams and we will become putty in their hands, never believing we have the power and strength to think and do for ourselves.

Most of us are vulnerable at some time or another. Most of us feel let down and worthless if we are treated in such a way as mentioned above. And it takes a long time to discover that those negative opinions of others are wrong. The intolerance and unacceptable behaviour by others should never be taken on as our fault or blame. They are responsible for their actions and behaviour and should be made aware of the fact. Too many people never discover their birth-right of being accepted as a human being with all its trappings or enhancements, and they go through life feeling dejected and unwanted. And this shouldn't be.

The first step of learning to like yourself is simple but means a huge step forward. It takes courage and it takes determination and it takes a lot of guts and stubbornness at times. Even if some family and friends show acceptance towards and about us, yet we have the slightest doubts that have been set in place because of incidents in the past, then it takes a lot of effort on our part to believe in ourselves.

For one thing is certain. We must believe in ourselves. We have to believe in ourselves. 

We have to "see" ourselves as we see our loved ones. Unique individuals, unlike anyone else. After all, we are our own best asset! And we have to nurture that knowledge.

One small thing most of us in this group have learned is this. Learning to like ourselves for who and what we are, right now, is the way to opening new doors of opportunity and new ways of expressing and sharing ourselves with others. Our own lives become more fascinating and challenging.

Life is a journey, not a single destination

We are all searching for happiness.

It's OK to feel "lost" sometimes,
as it is in these lost times
that we go inside ourselves and find more of our hidden potential.

The next time you feel life is going nowhere,
take some quiet time to listen to the awesome power inside you.

It's there, just wanting to come out.

© Paul Hanna, The mini Motivator

Losing confidence!

Most teenagers/young women of today appear to have an over abundance of confidence. They will take up all sorts of pursuits and set what seem to a lot of us, impossible goals. In fact sometimes it seems as though younger women race towards their goals without much thought as to what they will do should they fall flat on their faces. It's not unusual to hear young women say that they never give failure a thought. Their attitude at times seems to be over-confident. The majority of us however encourage them.

That's not to say that women at all times have not set themselves goals that are achievable as well as those which required their persistence and dedication in achieving, even when it meant sacrificing a lot of things. For instance, many women have forsaken marriage and/or starting a family for years, in order to attain a "career". That career may bring with it great rewards - financial and psychological.

Women have made incredible strides in becoming more independent over the past thirty years. Of course there have always been women who have been pioneers and liberated and have overcome great obstacles to be educated and acknowledged as top of their profession - i.e. doctors, bankers, scientists, lawyers, corporate managers, politicians. But too often reaching these heights has "cost" them in more ways than one.

In the pursuit of "equality" in the workplace, women have had to prove themselves not only as good as but but better than in too many ways. Unfortunately when this has occurred the weight of public opinion has been against them for wanting to prove their superiority! Too often from other women.

And in the journey, women themselves have overlooked the sacrifices that women in earlier decades have made. When talking with young women in their 20s and 30s, it comes as a great surprise to them to learn that thirty years ago:

(a) women who were employed by the Public Service had their employment terminated when they married (the official policy of the day). Even in private enterprise, asking for a "raise" in their wages was unheard of. There was no such thing as Work-Choices, or collective bargaining.

(b) women who had babies did not have social welfare payments - there was no such thing. Other than "child endowment" which amounted to a few shillings (or dollars) bringing up a baby (or babies) was seen to be the sole duty of a mother. If the women was not married or if the father refused to marry her, most times she had to rely on her mother or other relations to help in bringing up the child/children.

(c) there were no creches or daycare centres available to the majority of women. There were no kindergartens as such. Occasionally a woman in the same suburb would open her home to looking after three or four children, for a fee. One had to trust their baby sometimes to a complete stranger, hoping that that baby was being looked after. Supervision was left entirely in the hands of the person looking after the children, and there were no audits by government bodies or legislation to cover the safety and health aspect.

(d) women were NOT allowed to join superannuation funds. It was unheard of, and if a woman had the audacity to request her inclusion, she would have been laughed at.

(d) women were NOT permitted to take out bank loans. In fact as far as banking and financial aspects of a woman's life, she had to have a "male" sponsor or guarantor willing to stand for her. If she had no husband, then it was very difficult to find anyone who would stand guarantor.

(e) women did not own their own homes therefore - based on (d) above. Women did not own their own motor vehicles. Very seldom indeed did women own property.

(f) women were considered to be chattels of their husband. They had very few rights - in the home, or the workplace.

(g) most employment opportunities were in factories - processing, manufacturing, the car industry, backyard sewing rooms etc; shop assistants - mostly shops such as grocers, greengrocers, fish and chip shops, very seldom "higher" grade retail positions such as a salesgirl in Myer or David Jones; theatre girls selling programmes; hair dressers, etc.

(h) it was very seldom that a woman initiated a divorce. To do so was to place herself in an extremely vulnerable position and public scrutiny. She was usually seen as being the guilty one regardless of the reason for the divorc. She would have to prove her need to rely on social welfare - which was a pittance, and she underwent repeated investigations into her private life as it related to her private income. That private income was usually zero. She could very easily fall through the gaps of social interest and concern, and become destitute.

When young women and older women have the opportunity to share this sort of information, it is very surprising to observe the way younger women view what they hear. Too often it is utter disbelief. Sometimes it is seen as an exaggeration. Seldom is it seen as being the truth, and therefore not often is a special understanding arrived at, of what women in general, but particularly their mothers and grandmothers, have gone without and fought for.

So it's not surprising in having to realise that women as they grow older lose a lot of confidence. They've always had to struggle against the tide, but they seek and need support and empathy from younger women, not only for personal and physical encouragement, but moreso for moral support.

In many cultures this moral support is part of the cultural makeup of women within that society. In the western world this need is sometimes neglected to such an extent that it doesn't exist.

The 21st Century woman encompasses a diverse and incredibly valuable circle of intelligence, information and experience. The more we share that with each other, the more confidence we each shall possess.