YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR THAT! OH, NO? JUST WATCH ME ....

My wardrobe is, I suspect, similar to many other plus-size women.  It contains a number of favourite garments as well as ordinary every-day wear.    And I’m not shy in confessing that some of those favourite garments are anything up to 15 years old.  Beautiful fabrics, beautiful classic and sophisticated designs/styling and beautiful to wear.  They’re worn for specific occasions, and they’ve never gone out-of-date.  For the simple reason that I discovered my “style”; and my “colours”, and I have built up a personal knowledge of what I like and what I consider likes me.   

Like most women I like receiving compliments when I know I look good - yes, I’ve become a vain and conceited “growing-older” lady, but I see no reason why if someone compliments me, that I should toss it back in their face, when after all, it makes me feel good and womanly to have received it in the first place.  And that would be absolute rudeness and bad manners, and wouldn’t in any way endear me either to the person who has made the compliment or even myself.  I would be doing myself a dis-service.

You shouldn’t wear that! has to be taken as a grain of salt most times, because it doesn’t apply.  Even if the person saying it is either Susannah, Trinny or that guy Gok.    I’ve taken many notes from the shows of Susannah and Trinny and I’ve read lots of articles by Gok and while I’ve sometimes gained some knowledge worth while,  at other times I’ve shelved what has been said into a filing cabinet in my mind.  For I don’t have to agree with them, every time, about everything.

Mind you I did find Carson Lee Kressley more realistic in his attitudes, his philosophy and his apparent genuine concern to inspire women to open their minds to new ideas.   Of course within his shows there were numerous times when he said you shouldn’t wear that!  And any intelligent viewer could, after he explained why, see his logic and reasoning for making many of those statements.  But we don’t all have the benefit of a personal Fashion Advisor like Carson Lee Kressley to give us advice.   

It’s not only the generously endowed woman who is told she’s wearing the wrong thing either.  Any woman of any age, shape or size can be told she’s wearing something she shouldn’t.

Like being told you shouldn’t have a special little cupcake with your coffee as a sweet indulgence once in a blue moon,  wearing clothes that other people find fault with, is mostly their problem and not yours.

I am constantly inspired by women of size in their understanding of what suits them and what doesn’t.   Not many of these women even ask themselves what they should be wearing - they've already worked it out!  

It comes down to personal taste and when that personal taste is based on pure common sense and practicability as well as affordability, no woman can go wrong.   

The importance is to feel good, and as we know from past experience, if you feel good, then you darn well look good.   It works every time!

'Til next time. 

©2013 R Parry-Brock, Australia 

THE BEAUTY OF BLACK

As everyone who knows me knows ..... I love the colour black.   While it's become almost the "uniform" of today's young corporate woman and mother, it's a basic colour that proves again and again how versatile it can be, for ANY woman of ANY age and ANY shape.    I accept that many people don't see, or won't agree, that black is a colour, but that doesn't faze me - I call it a colour and for me that's just what it is.

Tamsin Cooper of New Zealand is an extraordinary young woman who creates the most beautiful clothbing and accessories, and I'm highlighting a couple of things from her most recent selections.  For those of us who unfortunately can't "fit" into much of her clothing - (her sizing doesn't cater for us, but who knows ..... in the future?), her accessories are dazzling.

Woman of Substance!

Why is it that a young curvaceous woman is “categorised” as being FAT, with the inference she is out of control and if she will not bend to the manipulative control freaks in our media and fashion industries who want her to become what they say she HAS to become.  Skinny.

Now don’t get me wrong.  There are naturally skinny girls, and they are as natural as naturally curvy girls.  Someone along the line, especially within the media, has been hoodwinked into believing (and surely they’re intelligent enough to work out what is real and what is not real!) that unless you’re thin then you’re not deserving of being recognised as “equal” in needs and wants.   Being hoodwinked is one thing, trying to deceive all women into the same thinking is downright dangerous and discriminatory.  But the women’s magazines particularly go on their merry way, pointing the finger and abusing women of their femininity.

Let’s look at Pierce Brosnan’s wife, Keeley Shaye Smith.  Photos that appear in the press and on the internet show this couple is more interested in each other, than the photographer.  In fact one would get the impression that Pierce Brosnan can’t keep his hands off his wife!   

And Keeley Shaye Smith wears what she likes!   Fashion gurus would shout and scream that a woman with curves such as Keeley Shaye Smith should never wear small sprig florals and two piece swimsuits - she thumbs her nose at them and wears what she chooses.    She can be feminine and flirty, she can be conservative and professional.  

Then of course there’s one of our favourites.  Dawn French.   

Candid photos used to show her as a normal next-door girl you’d be proud to know, while professional photography (a good makeup artist and photographer who knows how to make any woman glamorous) can present her like this.

Following her divorce at more than 20 years the wife of Lenny Henry, Dawn went on a diet and lost 8 stone.   While claiming all it took was giving up chocolates and carbohydrates, the new Dawn certainly looks different and hopefully feels a lot happier - well she’s just recently married again and that’s a great way to start a new life.  

Does Dawn French do what the fashion world and the media tell her to do?  No, she has her own “style” and she makes a personal statement.  Just like Keeley Shaye Smith.

We heard the the furore that surrounded the massive loss of weight/gain of weight of Kirsty Alley.  

Women’s magazines, newspapers, television current affairs worldwide had a field day.   The sad thing about this is that women everywhere bought the magazines, watched the current affairs, and lapped it all up.   They nodded their heads and while munching a chocolate biscuit most likely said, fancy letting herself go!   Honestly, women can be so cruel to each other.  And they do it openly.  

Oprah Winfrey is another “star” who see-saws around the weighing scale.  One minute she berates herself for putting on weight, (the female audience all nod their heads in agreement) and the next she is parading on stage proudly announcing that she’s shed her weight again (the female audience again all nod their heads in agreement.)  

Don’t these “stars” see what they’re doing?  Not only to themselves but to the women who read about them, and watch their shows?  They’re poking fun at themselves and laughing at themselves.  Not kindly but harshly.  And whether they know it or not, or whether they’ll admit it or not, they’re laughing at us.   Because they know (that while they have the power and influence) that women everywhere will follow and do what they say.

Why can’t these women accept that their bodies are not meant to be extra thin.  If they’re on the voluptuous side of things, then why not be proud of what they have?  They, as well as many of us, can’t get passed the mentality that thin equals beauty equals healthy!  It’s a fallacy.   Big can equal beauty can equal healthy!

Inevitably we come back to the problem of knowing who we are and what we are, and having the right to choose how we live our lives.  That includes how we dress.

If you’ve never been told “you shouldn’t wear that!” then you are indeed a fortunate woman.  Most of us have been subjected to this sort of verbal abuse (and that’s what it is - abuse) based on other people’s ill-conceived and poorly conceived perspectives of what a woman should look like.

Why should I dress like my next door neighbour, who is 5 ft 10 and slim, or my grand-daughter who is 5 ft 2 and “in-between” or the masses who inhabit K Mart, Walmart, and Target stores (OK, I admit I buy clothing from these chain discount stores but I don’t necessarily wear the garment in the same way as a younger or older woman - I’ve learned to accessorise and do things with clothing!)   My age, my life-style and my life-experiences won’t allow me to look like either my next-door neighbour or my grand-daughter and I don’t want to.

I’m an individual - I’m me, for goodness sake.  I don’t want to look somebody else.  Why waste time in trying to be a copy-cat when I have the opportunity of being me!   I demand the right to know what I want and how I want to look.   Don’t get me mixed with all the “celebrities” - so many of them are beginning to look the same to me anyway (maybe that’s because I’m growing a little older?)

‘Til next time.

©2013 R Parry-Brock, Australia

FLATTERING OFFICE WEAR

For a long time there wasn't much that a plus-size woman could do, to look smart and competitive with other women in the corporate world.   She wore clothes that fitted, but didn't make much of a statement to the world that she was a force to be reckoned with.   That she not only had intelligence but she also had "class".

That is until recent years, when a number of our clothing suppliers realised that corporate wear was yet another expression of how a generously endowed woman could not only take her place in the corporate world but that she could make a difference to how the corporate world saw her as a potential policy maker and trend setter.

Igigi in the USA always comes up trumps when it comes to flattering, stylish and colourful fashion and some of these latest offerings fit the bill for any corporate woman, no matter what age, size or shape.

MAKING AN IMPRESSION - WHY DON'T WE?

Do you shy away from the camera?

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s high time we (the amply endowed women of the world) got out from behind our blinkers and our protective fortresses and tried some new things.

A lot of us haven’t yet come to terms with a camera.  With what a camera sees when it looks at us.  When we see a photograph that’s been taken, our eyes are immediately drawn to:  our double chins; our fat tummy; our drooping boobs;  our hair that could do with a trim;  our face that could probably do with some sort of improvement, and one of our favourite garments that has seen better days.  We look at the photo critically and with no sense of reality.    We’re intimidated with what  we “assume” the camera has seen within and about us.  And we’re uncomfortable!   And the more uncomfortable we get, the more often we’ll refuse to have our photo taken.  

You and I both know of women who have refused to have their photo taken for 20, 30, 40 and more years!   Are you one of them?

Missing out on incredible experiences and in turn memories because we’re scared off by cameras is a great pity.   It’s almost as though we want to be invisible.   There’s certainly a small amount of shame in the decision.  Why?

We’re unique individuals, and we should be proud of who we are, and dare I say it, but we should be proud of what we look like.   We’re all different, but we belong to the family of “women”.  We belong to our own personal family, with all its inherited genes and characteristics, and it’s not only our current families but even those who are to come who will ask about us, and how better to show them than by photographs.  Photographs that show us in our different age seasons.  Photographs that show us in life situations - celebrations, family/friend get-togethers, birthdays, weddings and the like.  Miss the opportunity and they miss out, as well as us.

WHEN IN DOUBT WEAR RED!

Isn't it true?    When you're feeling as though you need to brighten up your life, there's nothing like a dose of RED!

Even the Queen sparkles when she wears bright colours.    So here's a Happy Birthday Queen Elizabeth greeting from all of us here at the NoteBook.

LAYERING

Layering is great at any time of the year - summer, winter, spring or autumn.   Unfortunately many women don't understand how easy it is, or how it can extend the look of even a limited wardrobe.

In the cooler weather, which we are experiencing at the moment here in Australia, layering offers many possibilities, and especially being able to wear lighter fabric garments, but knowing that you are still warm because you can still wear your thermal underwear underneath and no one is the wiser.

Experiment, whether in the same colors, or contrast colors as far as pants and tops are concerned.  Have fun with fashion, whatever the season!

QUEEN FOR A DAY, OR A LONG WEEKEND, OR EVERY DAY?

There's no two ways about it - the opportunity to "dress up" every day of the week is becoming more available as more and more stores go on-line.   The majority of these stores that have taken up the challenge of selling their garments this way have built up very high reputations and it augers well for the purchaser.

By the same token, and I don't know how many other readers find this, but I quite often will see something on-line from local outlets, yet will go into their actual stories just to see what the garment is like and more importantly the quality of the fabric and the sewmanship before I buy from a salesperson - in other words I do like face to face purchasing.   I realise this is not possible when buying offshore.

But let's get down to tintacks.   It's just about the Queen's Birthday weekend here in Australia (and of course we know that it's not actually her real birthday, but we celebrate it anyway and there is a historical reason for this.)  

So I figured that it doesn't matter if you're in Australia in Winter or Europe in Summer, you can still be a Queen whether for a day, a weekend or every day of the year.

Here are some examples I found this morning - and that's not even counting the accessories or jewellery!!

 

ACCESSORIES!

I've long been an exponent on the exciting possibilities of accessories.   Scarves have been one of my favourite items, even becoming a collection admired by many, and today I am pleased to see stores and even little kiosks within major shopping centres, offering a vast array of different styles of scarves.

One problem over the years has been how how to make scarves tell a story of their own.  We're used to tossing one around our neck but very seldom use a scarf as a head covering.

My friend Janey has started her own blog - My Scarf World,  and I would encourage you to visit her, and to receive your own updates from her each time she posts.   She's certainly given me a lot to think about.

Read the background of Janey's blog too - it will give you insights and possibilities of how other women can benefit from Janey's suggestions.

"STAGGERING LEVELS"

Headlines blazed across the television screen this morning, NUMBER OF "OBESE" AUSTRALIANS REACHES 'STAGGERING LEVELS'

For a woman who wears size 20 clothes (and sometimes I have to buy sizes 24 and 26 even though I don't change shape or weight in order to get something to fit), I have come to the stage where I am no longer willing to be categorized as a burden to Australian society because of my size.

In reading a lot of material about plus-size (much of it from the archives of plus-related books and articles as well as contemporary writings), I've come to realise that in the past as well as the present, we have been given the most humiliating descriptions possible and we've been expected to accept that discrimination without a murmur.

Personally I've been told that:

• if I want to be accepted as an equal in the work-scene I have to lose weight;  
• if I want my views and balanced opinions to be listened to seriously about all manner of issues, then I should lose weight; 
• if I want to be accepted as an intelligent woman ( a lot of plus size women are considered to be dull and not having much sense), then I would have to lose weight;
• if I want to be accepted as a patient in many small as well as major hospitals then I would have to lose weight;
• if I want to be treated respectfully at many restaurants around the country and to be seated comfortably at one of their tables, then there was an inference that I should lose some weight - ("we can't provide chairs for people who aren't standard size" I've been told more than once).  Just exactly what do they mean by "standard size"? - should everyone be identical in height, width, shape, size and looks, so that we are "standard'?)
• if I want a reasonable range of clothing to choose from then it would be preferable to be a few sizes less

and the list goes on.

It's when the health industry publicly gets vocal in their non-acceptance of us that things start to turn nasty. For the media is always eager to sensationalise reality and they grab hold of what the health industry state, and we become the agents for not only discrimination but ridicule.   The health industry has the ability and the opportunity to improve our lives by seeing us as we are, and then working with us to assist us to become more healthy.  Working with us means NOT to insist that we lose weight by outrageous diets or disfiguring and dangerous surgery.  Too many studies have been carried out that now claim it is not necessary to be thin to be healthy.  We get blamed for being who we are when if the health and fitness industry looked deeper into the question, they have it within their means to enhance our lives as they are right now.

So the health industry reminds us that we are fat and overweight and then the media takes up the message and emblazons the television screens, the national magazines and even the newspapers with reports and photographs that do nothing to assist in our self-esteem.

Because that's where the whole subject loses its way.  If society and this includes the media and the health industry, were to readily accept the plus-size woman and encourage her to make the very best of what she has, then she would become healthier and happier.  And with that her self-esteem would rise.

It's self-esteem that we have to aim for, first and foremost.   

©  Rose Davida

SUMMER/AUTUMN

Heading into Summer over in the Northern Hemisphere means exciting new ideas as far as plus-size fashion.   For that matter any season brings with it amazing new creations utilitising colour combinations and style concepts that not only inspire us but make us realise that the fashion industry, particularly overseas, is really "getting" what we are all about.    It also allows us here in the Southern Hemisphere, as we experience Autumn and proceeding into the winter months, to be forward-thinking and to add to our wardrobes now from the ranges available overseas, rather than to bemoan the fact that we can't find anything "different" over here at the moment.

I know I promote Igigi as well as a number of other USA companies on a regular basis.  The reason is quite simply because these companies do their homework and they work with models who have curvy and beautifully proportioned plus size figures.   The other noticable point is that Igigi has shown imagination and courage in professionally lifting their model poses to depict young, beautiful, plus-size women as cheeky, vibrant, feminine, flirty women.  Which is, after all, what we are!

I'd recommend you visiting their site and leafing through their latest e-catalogue.  It's stunning - like a picture book of fashion that is bold, daring, innovative and full of style.     The title itself encourages you to turn the pages - Introducing Into the Blue, Summer 2013.  

Here are two dresses from their latest range.

 

A PALETTE OF COLOUR

I came across a new plus-size website - Rue 107.  Talk about colour and imaginative designs.   

Have a look at their Fifi dress (doesn't it remind you of a Stained Glass Window?) which has already become a signature piece for many of their loyal customers.   The fabric is NylonSpandex.  Hand wash and hang to dry.  Made in NYC.

Then there is their Essy - a great combination of contrasts.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass

It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Wikimedia Commons

A MESSAGE TO MOTHERS

Here in Australia we are approaching the celebration of Mother's Day (tomorrow Sunday 12th May).

Our thoughts and wishes go to all Mothers, Grand-mothers, Step-mothers, Mothers-in-Law, favourite Aunts, Adopted Mums, Cousins, Sisters and Expectant Mothers, and hope that each and every one of you have a day filled with much love and happiness and lots of fun.

We also think of those wonderful women who have been, or might have been, mothers.   We reach out to you too, to reassure you that our loving thoughts are with you on this day.

LATEST STYLE STATEMENT!

Give credit where it's due - is an old saying, that is as true today as back when.    And all credit to Monif C of the USA.

Monif C comes up with some great designs and the Fiona Dress is a dress that says to the world - look at me.  

Monif C's writeup for this dress states it has just arrived for spring!  Well, we're in Autumn over here, but this dress would do fine for any occasion in our season and would be as much a hit here as in the USA.

What I love about this dress is its "return to the 50's" look in the front zip, but Monif C has combined another look from that era, by adding a peplum.  So feminine, so flirty.

The fabric in this dress is luxe ottoman which Monif C claims "glides over your curves".  Wow!

Look chic, tailored and sexy in this new design.

CONTRASTS!

A large percentage of plus-sizers prefer to wear black;  it is of course now accepted as a "colour", which certainly makes sense to me. The explanation that scientifically, black is not a colour as it absorbs all the colours of the visible spectrum and reflects none of them, doesn't quite gell with lots of people. The black clothes in my wardrobe act as a magnet and enhancer of colours when mixed and matched, and I'd hate to think that when I wear black everything else is absorbed! Think about it. So therefore in my eyes black is a colour.

But let's get down to tintacks. While I love black and white (and I've frequently written about wearing white), it's nice to see this season that designers have taken up the idea of combining black with red. Even Bill Blass, Fashion Designer has gone down in history as saying:  "When in doubt, wear red."

The combination of black and red, used wisely, flatters and slims.   See if you agree with me.

THE LUXURY of LACE

For special occasions, and let's face it, any occasion can be special if it's a reason for celebration, lace has always been the "wish-I-had", or "I must have".

Igigi has a beautiful range of Cocktail as well as Wedding Wear, that includes the LBD as well as colourful statements that tell your friends and the the world I can have style, too!

Here's the "RACHELLE" Plus size Lace Dress in Onyx with a another from Igigi.  Rachelle is on the right of the photo.  Notice that both necklines are very flattering to the plus size - the v-neck and the sweetheart neckline.

The "Rachelle" features a lace overlay design.  Keep it simple with ankle strap heels (if you can wear high heels) and a classic clutch!

A LOCAL SUPPLIER

I love being surprised.  Promoting plus size clothing from here in Australia has been my aim since I first began the NoteBook.   With the advent of online shopping, the marketplace has blown out of all proportion, and I'm still learning of new local stores.

The website Kivalin (based in Queensland) says they have been selling online since 2001, although I've just discovered it.   It pays to keep your eyes and ears open!   Their sizes go from 16 through to 24-26 (3XL)

Visit their website and see what you think.  The clothes are "designed in Australia" and go up to 24-26 (Size 3XL).

(Editor's note:   While this website claims to be Australian, the feel and look of the site itself seems to be an American one.   I only say this because I've found so many on-line stores claiming to be Australian but not so.  If any readers find this to be so with sites they visit, then please let's know so we can share this information.)

FLORAL CORDUROY JACKET

Florals are all the go this season.   Whether it's summer in Europe or Autumn in Australia.   How better to add a layer to the cooling temperatures here in Australia and New Zealand than to add a colourful jacket?

Long Island (New Zealand) has an interesting range at all times, and they've now added this lovely jacket.   Style Number 813702.   The corduroy is a soft-stretch (cotton/spandex) with long sleeves, a yoke and soft gathers at the centre back for shaping.  It has front button closing and two handy pockets (always an added bonus)!

What is particularly pleasing about this jacket is its length - at the lower hips.

The price of this jacket is Australian $127.49.

THE KAFTAN "GROWS UP"!

In fashion, what goes around usually comes around!

That can be said for caftans, or as Anna Scholz calls her latest creation, "Kaftans", but whatever the name, the garment itself is one that we can all identify with.   Those of us who are a little older have fond memories of our caftans of years gone by.

Anna has lengthened her Kaftan so that it is now a Maxi dress.   It's a "wear anywhere" dress and this Kaftan's appeal is in its patchwork look of Summery colours.   It has slits at the sides, a slit neckline and belted sleeves.   95% silk, 5% elastane.  Anna's sizes go up to UK 28. 

CHOICE OF COLOURFUL TOPS FOR 2013

There are some really nice tops available for this season.   Visit Generous Fashions to see what I mean. Lots to choose from, and they also have separates, which you can team together stylishly.

In the meantime, watch this video to get a first glimpse of feminine, fun and even funky tops.

THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS - IN COLOUR!

The lovely "Marilyn" Convertible Dress from Monif C is the answer to any woman who voices her discontent with a lot of "fashion" that's available in the stores.

Monif C has excelled with her Marilyn design.   It's so versatile and once you have one in your wardrobe you should never be able to say, I don't have anything to wear!  In fact you'll be tempted to buy another one, in a different colour and style. The variety of styles you can create from the one garment will blow your mind!

Visit Monif C's website and look at which else she has to offer for the curvaceous woman.

AGING OUTRAGEOUSLY! - Keeping Focus, Part II

In our travels and dealings with women we have come to the conclusion that most older women (of course there are exceptions to the rule) have, during most of the seasons of their lives, given to others excessively even to the point of sacrifice and neglect to themselves and their personal needs (of time, money, opportunities and lots of other things.)

Now this is not an un-natural occurrence. As a child we defer to our parents and honor them for being who and what they are. Whether we like them (as well as love them) is sometimes debatable, but ....... As a growing teenager, we suddenly discover we can do lots of things outside of our parents rule-book (whether they know about it or not is another matter!), but we grow and learn and discover lots of new things, and sensations. As an adult we can quite often find ourselves responsible for other people, including parents, children, other family members, indeed even friends. We take on all these responsibilities with sensitivity and regard them as being privileges.

Then one morning we wake up, and life has changed - drastically and dramatically for us.

Our children (those of us who have them, bless their little hearts) have moved out, married and started their own families; our parents may have an even greater need of our attention and our love and care (and even though we get tired at the end of the day, we really wouldn't have it any other way, because the alternative is too horrid to think about !); our partners need not only more emotional care and support but also physical; and friends have a far greater need and call upon us to offer the shoulder more often plus a few tissues to help them through all of what's going on with, and in, their lives.

Some of us even find that what we thought was "firm" and long-standing, no longer is. Financial circumstances can set off all sorts of alarm bells in our feelings of independence and security. Health problems rear their nasty little heads and cause us lots of sleepless nights. Marriages or relationships break down and so often we find we are beset with all sorts of problems never before imagined. We may find ourselves adrift without any support or encouragement from those people who are supposed to care - even family and friends. We may face the prospect of having to fight battles without the energy or resilience of youth. We set out to do what we must do because we've fought these same battles time and time again throughout our younger years. A case of deju vu. But now we're older, and we're much more tired.

To be continued .......

CORPORATE WEAR

A woman in the corporate world needs to feel confident in how she looks.   For there's nothing surer, if she looks good, she feels good.   Regardless of her age, size or shape.

TS14+ is an Australian company that supplies lots of practical every-day clothing, and their casual wear is sometimes funky and trendy.   Today however they also have a lovely selection of corporate wear that will enable any working woman to look smart and stylish when mingling with her many work colleagues.

With their Suiting range of sensible pants, leggings, long skirt and jacket, it's a matter of switching the contrast colours of a shirt or top, with a scarf, handbag and shoes or boots to match, plus some jewellery and we have a veritable wardrobe of options to choose from each day.

Visit the TS14+ website.   Their sizings go from 14 through to 24.

AGING OUTRAGEOUSLY! - Keeping Focus!

Let's start off with the obvious. A woman goes through many phases as she grows from childhood through to a teenager, an adult and then an older woman. These changes influence & impact upon her life at all those particular points in time and travel with her into the future, sometimes bringing with them emotional reminders, both good and bad. These she either confronts & deals with or carries as baggage.

But for the majority of us all the "seasons" of womanhood are exciting, filled with promise and challenges plus a few pitfalls which we manage to struggle through and rise above when it's difficult but which we mainly sail happily through.

Then one day the face in the mirror that looks back at us, is unrecognisable. Experience, joys, hardship, worry, anxiety, the ups and downs of surviving in a world that may present hurdles and difficulties, show in our face and in our body. Gravity wears away at our looks and figures, and for some reason our mind undergoes a similar change. Not always for the better I might add. Yet it forms the opinion that the person in the mirror no longer deserves to be pampered or bothered about. Even as far as saying that the person no longer deserves respect.

With that decision, many subtle and not so subtle changes become habit. We take less care of our complexions, our hair, our hands and feet. We take less trouble in choosing clothing. Anything that fits (whether it suits us or not) will do! Many women even give up on their favourite past-times or leisure pursuits, including hobbies, and "retire". When I think about it, and I decided not to think about it too often a long time ago, "retire" is such a negative word! It's really not worth my attention, because by definition it means, to sit in a corner and rusticate! Isn't it better to "rest" (rather than "rust") when we need to, and to bustle around doing things when we choose to? As so often happens when a woman "retires" she loses her sense of being important, if not to others, then quite often to herself. Silly, isn't it?

And what happens is that women too often no longer see themselves as intelligent, articulate women deserving of having their opinions heard and respected. We also forget, far TOO often, that we are still sensual beings.

Is it wrong for us to "want" to wear makeup, to dress nicely, do things we want to do, go where we want to go, travel, undertake courses at TAFE or university, even?

Why not buy a new car, leave a failed and/or broken relationship, especially if that relationship has become violent and uncaring? Even, dare I say it, to take a lover?

Don't get me wrong - I have strong principles and ethics that direct my personal standards, but life is short, and it needs to be treated with the utmost respect, humility and affection.

Affection for life? Of course. It's a wonderful and unique thing - life. You can't make it, you can't copy it, you can't replace it. It's a gift to you and I believe, passionately, that because it is a gift, it should be treated with gentleness and total and unconditional love and respect.

To be continued .....